Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Skank Side Story
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.27.2004
All this fascinating stuff is interrupted by some girl squealing. It's because Felix is playfully grinding with her. Weevil appears, and he and Logan face each other like generals in a parley ground. Logan: "Private party, man." Not exactly Grant and Lee, is it? Weevil makes the most swaggering, bullying rebuttal about how it's their turf. Considering the thrust of his words is, "How would you like it if we did it to you?" it's no mean feat that he injects them with menace. Logan, in turn, makes a big show of smirking for the crowd, trying to portray "Can you believe this guy" but instead exuding "I am scared shitless." (Oh, all y'all on the forums who are wondering if thinking Logan's hot means you need help? It does. Kisses!) He recovers, though, to loudly tell everyone there that Weevil's grandmother is his family's housekeeper. I bet you think he can't get any worse, huh? Well, he says she keeps things "spic and span," and in the course of this little speech, he sets Hilton up for some more lines. Remember what I said last time about infinity? Yeah. Before Weevil can treat Logan's nose with the same respect he did in the last episode, some other shaved-head member of Vin and the Diesels butts in that "Grandma says you go through a box of tissue [sic] a day." Well, he doesn't seem like the crying type, but...oh. Ew. I'd say that this is like West Side Story meets 8 Mile, but it's also kind of retarded, so...8 Mile Flowers For Algernon? Anyway, before any ugliness that's not Paris Hilton happens, a siren blares, and it turns out Officer Fuckface has pulled up with a henchman. The kids disperse, and the henchFace asks if they're going to go after them. Officer Fuckface says they'll just grab the kegs. "Tell the guys cookout at my place tomorrow night." Um, hee. I hate him, but still.
Video football. Weevil's playing with the henchDiesel from the beach, whom we'll soon find out is his cousin. There's a knock on the door, and a heavyset middle-aged Latina woman gets up to get it, until she hears a male voice identifying himself as being from the sheriff's department. She rushes over to Weevil and cousin and is like, "What did you boys do?" Hee. Weevil opens the door, and the henchFace enters and cuffs the grandmother as Officer Fuckface displays a warrant for her arrest on credit-card fraud. I can't say I'm an expert on law enforcement, but I would think that a sheriff would still have to read anyone he's arresting his or her Miranda rights. On the other hand, if this is a subtle commentary on where we can expect to be in a year or two if a certain simian-faced boob hangs around for another term, then this show is even better than I thought. The cousin protests that the grandmother doesn't even have any plastic, but Fuckface says that someone stole credit cards out of the Echols family's trash and used them. Fuckface clearly thinks Weevil did it, although Capra's acting suggests that he didn't. Fuckface: "It would take a major-league loser to let a sweet old lady like that do his time for him." He has got a point there. Such a guy might even be loser enough to date Paris Hilton. (SPOILER!) Weevil looks back at the two young kids in the doorway and tells the cousin to get them inside.