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So like, you guys? You know those shows where the pilot seems pretty good and promising, and then the second episode completely, totally blows? And how disappointed and betrayed that makes you feel? Well, the writers of Veronica Mars must have been through that, because the second episode absolutely kicks ass. The pacing is fantastic, for one. The heaviness of the first episode is dialed back, but several of the characters who seemed a little cartoonish are fleshed out. (Even Officer Fuckface...a little.) There are new characters too, including Sydney Tamilia Poitier. Well, if she left Jason Ritter on Joan of Arcadia, I'm glad it was for something worthwhile. So what happened? Well, Weevil's grandmother, who cleans house for the odious Logan's family, gets arrested, accused of credit card theft. Weevil takes the blame, but Veronica almost immediately figures out that he couldn't have done it. It turns out that it was his cousin, who was using the cards to woo Paris Hilton on the sly, even though she's Logan's girlfriend. That sounds terrible, but really, Hilton's barely in the episode, and all the action around her is awesome. Veronica and Weevil easily and naturally get closer as a result of this episode, and mrow. Other points of note: Veronica's ditched the Chloe hair, Colantoni is much better this week, and by the end, everyone sees Hilton for the total skank she is. This show rocks, people. Tell your friends. Seriously. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Before I get started, props to KarmicVictory for telling me that ceramics classes are always filled with guys making bongs. And to think I was stuck taking drafting and graphic arts in high school. Damned practical, non-mind-altering classes.
Previously: The pilot. It was good.
School. Veronica opens her locker. Sadly, it appears as though she's gotten rid of the photo of VP Travers. Wallace asks her what she has going on that night, since it's Friday. She says she might take Backup for a run or rent a movie. Wallace: "Congratulations. You're officially Neptune High's most boring person." Take heart, Wallace. You don't have far to go to get the title back. Veronica asks what he wants to do, and he gives her a small flyer that, other than the words "Blowout" and "K9," looks like a printout of a tarot card. Veronica -- apparently getting more from the flyer than, it seems, is there -- asks if he wants to crash the "oh-niner party," and explains that an oh-niner is "someone who lives in the prestigious zip code." She goes on that the invitation is in code, and that the party is at "Dog Beach" that night. Veronica says that the code is to keep the undesirable kids away. Considering how people treated her in the pilot, I'm surprised there's not a big "X" over a picture of a girl with flippy hair on the flyer. Or better yet, a picture of the solar system with an "X" over the fourth planet. I should make those flyers! (Hey, I'll do anything to put off recapping The Mountain.) But really, why don't they just have the party on someone's boat? With the amount of money these kids are supposed to have, and the fact that it's a seaside town, I'd think they'd be able to put together a whole drunken regatta. And given my impressions of them so far, I kind of wish they would. Wallace unnecessarily asks how Veronica knows that, and she unnecessarily responds that she used to be one of them. I wouldn't have guessed, but the forty-seven flashbacks in the last episode sort of got me thinking that might be the case, and the previouslies made me just about certain. But thanks.
Beach. Cups. Beer. Dancing. Korn's version of "Word Up" plays. Really. Duncan and Iceman fromX2's twin brother sit in a car. In keeping with how old the song is, they talk about "burn[ing] this mother down" and "rais[ing] the roof and "get[ting] jiggy wit' it." I give them the benefit of the doubt that they're being ironic, but still, way to party, with the not drinking and not ogling chicks and not doing any of the things that rich teenaged straight guys do. (I think I just accidentally gave birth to a HoYay! thread. Hate it when that happens.) Anyway, the point of this scene is to establish that Duncan isn't completely on board with being a total asshole rich boy. And I think I speak for everybody when I say this with all sincerity: Boo fricking hoo, rich boy. I will, however, concede that he had a better reason for staying in the car than I thought, as we get our first look at Paris "Special Guest Star, Hee Hee, Good One" Hilton. I would have come out of the car quicker for Cujo. Oh, and I buy Paris Hilton being in high school about as much as I would buy Bea Arthur still being in her child-bearing years. Paris is apparently with Logan, and if putting her with him is an effort to make him look less odious by comparison...well, it's not working, but points for the effort. Logan calls Duncan and Icetwin over, and asks, "Who's your date?" See what I mean? Paris babbles, "Troy Vandergraff. His father's the architect who built the County Museum." Whatever, Hilton. Somewhat clunky exposition follows to establish that Icetwin and Paris know each other from the marina, and was I right about the drunken regatta? Also, Icetwin was supposed to be going "back East" for school, like this is The Great Brain or something, but his parents decided to stay in "SoCal," so he's enrolling at Neptune High on Monday.
All this fascinating stuff is interrupted by some girl squealing. It's because Felix is playfully grinding with her. Weevil appears, and he and Logan face each other like generals in a parley ground. Logan: "Private party, man." Not exactly Grant and Lee, is it? Weevil makes the most swaggering, bullying rebuttal about how it's their turf. Considering the thrust of his words is, "How would you like it if we did it to you?" it's no mean feat that he injects them with menace. Logan, in turn, makes a big show of smirking for the crowd, trying to portray "Can you believe this guy" but instead exuding "I am scared shitless." (Oh, all y'all on the forums who are wondering if thinking Logan's hot means you need help? It does. Kisses!) He recovers, though, to loudly tell everyone there that Weevil's grandmother is his family's housekeeper. I bet you think he can't get any worse, huh? Well, he says she keeps things "spic and span," and in the course of this little speech, he sets Hilton up for some more lines. Remember what I said last time about infinity? Yeah. Before Weevil can treat Logan's nose with the same respect he did in the last episode, some other shaved-head member of Vin and the Diesels butts in that "Grandma says you go through a box of tissue [sic] a day." Well, he doesn't seem like the crying type, but...oh. Ew. I'd say that this is like West Side Story meets 8 Mile, but it's also kind of retarded, so...8 Mile Flowers For Algernon? Anyway, before any ugliness that's not Paris Hilton happens, a siren blares, and it turns out Officer Fuckface has pulled up with a henchman. The kids disperse, and the henchFace asks if they're going to go after them. Officer Fuckface says they'll just grab the kegs. "Tell the guys cookout at my place tomorrow night." Um, hee. I hate him, but still.
Video football. Weevil's playing with the henchDiesel from the beach, whom we'll soon find out is his cousin. There's a knock on the door, and a heavyset middle-aged Latina woman gets up to get it, until she hears a male voice identifying himself as being from the sheriff's department. She rushes over to Weevil and cousin and is like, "What did you boys do?" Hee. Weevil opens the door, and the henchFace enters and cuffs the grandmother as Officer Fuckface displays a warrant for her arrest on credit-card fraud. I can't say I'm an expert on law enforcement, but I would think that a sheriff would still have to read anyone he's arresting his or her Miranda rights. On the other hand, if this is a subtle commentary on where we can expect to be in a year or two if a certain simian-faced boob hangs around for another term, then this show is even better than I thought. The cousin protests that the grandmother doesn't even have any plastic, but Fuckface says that someone stole credit cards out of the Echols family's trash and used them. Fuckface clearly thinks Weevil did it, although Capra's acting suggests that he didn't. Fuckface: "It would take a major-league loser to let a sweet old lady like that do his time for him." He has got a point there. Such a guy might even be loser enough to date Paris Hilton. (SPOILER!) Weevil looks back at the two young kids in the doorway and tells the cousin to get them inside.
Hey, the sleazy lawyer is back! He's representing Weevil's grandmother, "Mrs. Navarro." I'd make a Dave Navarro joke, but he's sort of done the work for me, you know? We're in Keith's private office for the first time, and Sleazy Lawyer tells him that the credit-card charges -- videogames, Magic Mountain tickets, motorcycle gear -- aren't exactly consistent with the grandmother's tastes, nor does the idea of her committing theft after ten years of service to the Echols family quite add up. Keith and Sleazy Lawyer both think Weevil is the clear culprit, and it's not clear why the cousin wouldn't be a suspect as well, but maybe he doesn't live with the grandmother, so it didn't occur to them. Veronica suggests that Weevil might have been set up, although she admits he helped Veronica "out of a jam" recently. Sleazy Lawyer, half-rolling his eyes: "I'm sure he's a real mensch." Hee! I like Sleazy Lawyer. I need a better name for him. Keith makes a suggestion by calling him "Cliff." Well, that's shorter, anyway. Cliff leaves, and Keith asks Veronica to "take point" on this, as she goes to school with Weevil and he's working on something else anyway. His acting, judging from his performance this week. Veronica agrees. Tough decision there.
Veronica pulls up to Weevil's house. We get our first VMVO of the episode: "The trouble with befriending the leader of a motorcycle gang is that at the end of the day, he's still the leader of a motorcycle gang." Well, I could have waited longer. She's checking out his motorcycle when Weevil's voice rings out, "I've hospitalized people for less than what you're doing right now." Veronica evenly says she's just following up on his grandmother's case, and points out that with his reputation, Weevil can't blame people for thinking he did it. I suppose she's got a point, given that his own grandmother would have pointed the finger at him if she hadn't been handcuffed. However, Weevil snarks, "My reputation? Oh, well, then, I guess what everyone says about you is true too, huh? That you like it a little freaky, dontcha? That you spy on Duncan Kane? That you send him pictures of yourself?" Oof. Weevil goes on to say that Veronica thinks she's a big outsider, but really she's still one of them. She...sells Amway? He tells her to leave, and then does so himself. Whew! Long teaser.
Credits. Sydney Tamiia Poitier is on the show, apparently. The credits aren't bad, but I have an issue with using the Dandy Warhols' song "We Used To Be Friends" for the theme song. Couldn't they have picked a tune that the forum posters like?
Diner. Veronica and Keith sit in a booth. Keith protests Veronica's wearing a hat at the table. She's a little incredulous, but this is my first moment of genuinely liking her dad. It's always reassuring to be reminded that, deep down, all dads are about a hundred and fifty years old. Their pleasant, hat-free meal is interrupted by the arrival of Officer Fuckface, who plops down to Veronica. In keeping with Keith's penchant for manners, the lawmen pass the snark. Keith notes that it's not the greatest time to be sheriff, since there's a killer on the loose, whose picture we see in a close-up of what looks like the Neptune Registry. The man in question had been arrested for manslaughter and denied bail, but he broke out of the back window of a police cruiser and escaped on foot. And they can't even blame it on the fact that the officer in the front seat was distracted by the blowjob he was getting at the time. They go back and forth until Fuckface brings up the fact that October 3rd is the anniversary of Lilly (yes, apparently it's Lilly Kane, and for that matter, Lianne Mars) Kane's death, and that Keith should celebrate by dressing up as a sheriff and arresting a poor raving father. Keith shoots back that the way Fuckface "solved" the case was through an anonymous tipster who didn't show up to claim the $100,000 reward. Well, I'm on your side here, Keith, but in a town with this much money, that's hardly damning evidence. Fuckface bites out that an eyewitness and phone records put Jake Kane nowhere near the house at the time of Lilly's murder; in fact, all the Kanes were accounted for. Keith smiles an I Know Something You Don't smile, but says nothing. Satisfied that he's won the argument, Fuckface leaves. Veronica tells him, "Smell ya later," which, while more recent than the Wizard Of Oz references, is barely more appropriate. Keith makes fun of her, and that's his second point. Veronica exposits that she has to meet with a guidance counselor at school, and leaves. Presumably to ask said counselor why she gave up boinking Jason Ritter.
Guidance office. Veronica enters, and Icetwin totally checks her out. He affects a British accent and says something about giving him a smile. Word of advice, Icetwin: the chicks aren't as impressed by the British accent if it sounds like you've got marbles in your mouth. Veronica does, however, smile, and she's really dialed back the hard edge this week. There are a lot of subtle changes in tone in this episode, and I wonder how much time they had to rework certain aspects of the show between the pilot and this. Anyway, Icetwin's name is called, so he goes away as Wallace enters. He tells Veronica that some class he signed up for got canceled, so he's working in the guidance office now. Veronica looks at him with the equivalent of cartoon dollar signs in her eyes as she realizes how useful he could be to her. Which means that he's already graduated from the Pete role. She gets him to agree to copy Weevil's attendance records for the past month while establishing for us that Wallace isn't James Bond. Thanks for that. Veronica leaves, and Wallace smiles after her. Aw. He likes her! Too bad about the not being James Bond thing, because he doesn't have a chance in hell.
Veronica's stop is "Miss Dent," played by the in-the-credits- but-heretofore-unseen Sydney Tamiia Poitier. As I said before, I was wondering why she gave up shtupping Jason Ritter, but I'm pleased to say that coming to this show is a good enough reason. Barely, though. Veronica -- with a bright but not sarcastic or bitter smile -- says that the guidance counselor tells her she's "disconnected and passionless." Well, anyone who thinks that about Veronica would have to be disconnected and passionless herself. In fact, to be that far off, she'd have to be a high-school guidance counselor...hey, look what they did there! Paris Hilton interrupts, calling Miss Dent's name, and Miss Dent holds her response of "Caitlin?" long enough to convey distaste. Promising start, Sydney. Then again, she probably didn't have to dig too deep for that particular reaction. Caitlin says she's going to the gym to interview some people for some story, and Miss Dent admonishes her not just to interview her friends. Well, that won't be a problem soon enough. And it couldn't happen to a...okay which word is more ludicrous: "nicer" or "girl"? Anyway, Caitlin skanks off, and Miss Dent welcomes Veronica to "newspaper class," which, okay, if they're going to make Sydney Tamiia Poitier a journalism major again, then they've got to get Jason Ritter on for an episode as her love interest. It's only fair! To me! Veronica asks if she could just take pictures, and Miss Dent agrees to start her doing that.
Cut to Miss Dent taking a small old camera out of a locker. She starts to give Veronica some tips, but before she can get very far, Veronica produces her own camera from her bag, and let's just say that it's enough to cause in Miss Dent the photographic equivalent of locker-room envy. Veronica babbles about ground-level macro shooting and optical zooms and jpeg files. Miss Dent: "And when it's dark outside, you should use a flash." Hee. They both laugh, and Miss Dent gives Veronica her first assignment, which is to photograph, the day, some surfer from Neptune High that they're doing a feature on. Miss Dent introduces Veronica to the guy who's writing the story: Duncan Kane. You know, Wing Chun has a great response in situations like this. You look at the floor, cut your voice to an almost inaudible level, and whisper, "Awkward." Try it the time your co-worker gets busted for sleeping with the boss's wife. Not that that's ever happened at TWoP...er, that I know of. Awkward. ["I thought you said you could keep a secret!" -- Wing Chun] Miss Dent says they can get a ride with the surfer kid's parents, but Duncan and Veronica each pipe up that they can drive. Heh. Miss Dent -- a little nonplussed and, I think, picking up on the vibe a little bit -- covers a hasty exit with a weak joke about the oil crisis. Veronica looks over at the doorway, and Wallace is waving what must be Weevil's attendance records at her. Dude, a little stealth, there. There's a wide range between being "not James Bond" and being a character on Scooby-Doo. Although I have a feeling that soon the Gang will be all here.
Veronica pores over the records at a table outside. She notes that half of the credit-card purchases were made online, and out of those, the ones made on school days were during fourth period. Wallace interrupts to remind Veronica that Weevil duct-taped him "butt nekkid" to a flagpole the week before. So there's the answer to the question of whether Weevil left Wallace's underwear on. A question I now wish I hadn't asked, much like when I asked Sars this past summer if there were any fall shows she needed recapped. I'm sorry, I'll shut up about that. But really have you seen The Mountain? Oh, right. Hee hee. I crack myself up sometimes. Wallace also tells her that she's welcome for the records, to which she grins, "Wallace, King Kong ain't got nothin' on you!" Wallace's snippy mood completely dissipates with the pop-culture reference. It's possible I can relate. Veronica gets back to the point, which is that Weevil was in auto shop class when seven of the purchases were made, so it doesn't make any sense that he did it. Wallace looks like he's following her logic. I'm not too sure about his acting yet, so I don't want to make any promises.
Veronica bustles into her dad's office and starts telling her dad and Cliff what she found. Her balloon gets burst, however, when Cliff tells her that Weevil (whose real name is Eli, by the way) confessed to the crime. Veronica stares at her dad, but he just makes a "that's the way it goes" hand gesture. Eh. Give me something to work with here, Colantoni.
Computer lab, apparently the day, since Veronica's going with a whole new hairdo -- sort of teased and loose around the shoulders. Coincidence, since she's going to be on assignment with her ex-boyfriend? I think not. Logan and Caitlin are talking loudly and obnoxiously about his family's housekeeping situation. Veronica just as loudly pipes up that 90% of identity fraud is committed by family members of the victim. I always knew my sister looked a little shady. Caitlin -- going for snarky and failing spectacularly -- tells Veronica that no one cares what she thinks: "Not since you stabbed all your friends in the back." Well, that's quite a take on it. You know, it's interesting that Paris is supposed to have been friends with this group for a while. You'd think she could have gotten Jake Kane to help her with the quality of her videos. She seems to like the color pink, by the way. Anyway, Veronica and Logan snark at each other in the way it should be done, and then Veronica takes advantage of Paris's stupidity to get her to confirm that she and Logan have computer lab fourth period. Hee. Matching those two up intellectually is like putting The Rock in a steel cage with the Little Man From Another Place.
Outside, Wallace finds Veronica at their table. Veronica says she printed out the entire browser history from Logan's computer during his classes. Well, okay. Apparently the only thing he's guilty of is wanting to see Alyssa Milano naked. Between Paris and Alyssa here, I guess Logan is living proof of the old saying: "Once you go skank, you never go back." Veronica notices, however, that Logan visited the "Neptune Grand"'s website, and that there's a charge on the card for the honeymoon suite. Wallace has given up the ghost of trying to look like he's following along. I didn't really buy it anyway.
Veronica goes to her car -- which, by the way, is a LeBaron convertible. Not exactly millionaire, but not exactly wrong side of the tracks, either. She's chagrined to discover that she's got a flat, and then looks up to see Logan right by her. He's like, "Bummer," and walks away. Dude, we know she's got a switchblade. I think you're begging for trouble. Icetwin appears and is like, "Flat?" Veronica: "Just as God made me." Hee. That line's too perfect, but I appreciate the crispness of the dialogue and the delivery. She frustratedly tells Icetwin that she's supposed to be taking photos in Gold Coast in half an hour, and that this is her second "mysterious" flat since school started. Icetwin offers to help, and introduces himself. Veronica follows suit, and he's obviously familiar with her name. He laughs that he should never listen to "those guys," indicating Logan and his crew, and then he mumbles something that Veronica finds amusing, but I don' t have closed captioning, and I don't really care what another generic-looking rich boy has to say. Caitlin pulls up to Logan on a big, bulky pink scooter. Blech. I guess pink is the new skank. She exposits that it's new, and then notices that Icetwin is talking to Veronica, and wonders if anyone's "told him." Honey, maybe you should worry what people are saying about you. I'd like to know how much bandwidth has been devoted to calling you a whore. Or, you know, to you proving it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Duncan arrives on the scene, and asks Veronica if she needs a ride. She's sort of speechless for the first time that we've seen, but Icetwin says he'll finish with her tire and drop the tools back in her trunk and close it. Duncan thanks him, and Veronica hesitantly but hopefully follows him to his car...
...and they're driving. In silence. Okay, get ready...set...awkward. See? It's fun. VMVO says she should have walked rather than bear the awkward silence, and that in five seconds, she's going to do a Charlie's Angels roll right out of the car. Heh. And this is a good use of the VMVO -- up until now, Veronica's been extremely self-assured, so it's nice to be let in on the fact that she's sort of quaking in her boots. Anyway, before she pulls a Jaclyn Smith, Duncan says he loves the song playing on the radio. Veronica agrees, and we're suddenly pulled into a flashback, where Long-Haired Veronica is in the passenger seat, but it's Lilly who's driving. A little talk about the pep squad is followed by exposition that Lilly's got boys falling at her feet. Well, she's not nearly as pretty as Veronica, but her dad is Jake Kane. I'm sure a bunch of them would switch teams for him even if he weren't played by Kyle Secor, whom many of the forum dwellers seem to...appreciate. Veronica tells Lilly that all Lilly's mom ever says to her is to ask her if she shouldn't be getting home. We learn that Veronica and Duncan are still going out at this point, but Lilly advises caution: "Watch her. She'll break the two of you up if she can." Hmm. Very interesting. Veronica looks all, "Don't I have to be married before I get a mother-in-law?" No, dear, you don't. Trust me. Back in the present, Veronica notices a bunch of orange jumpsuits picking up trash on the side of the road. One of them, of course, is Weevil. Come on, music people. You couldn't have gotten "Back On The Chain Gang"?
Beach. Duncan's interviewing the surfer dude as Veronica takes pictures. They finish up, and exchange a few words we don't hear, during which Veronica smiles sort of hopefully. It's endearing, and shows a whole other side to her character from what we saw in the pilot.
Cut to Duncan and Veronica in the car...at night? I thought they were supposed to be there for the interview at 3. Anyway, the awkward silence seems to have returned with a vengeance, but it's broken by a police siren. Duncan pulls over, and a member of the sheriff's department we haven't seen before walks up and asks Duncan for his license and registration. Upon receiving them, he asks Duncan and Veronica to step out of the car. Apparently, there's an impound notice on the vehicle -- a bunch of parking tickets and a moving violation. And did I forget to mention that the last took place on October 3rd? Yeah. In two separate earlier scenes where the focus was on something else entirely, the writers managed seamlessly to toss in the date of Lilly's murder and the fact that this was her car, so we can immediately appreciate the significance of the look that Duncan and Veronica exchange. Props, writers. King Kong ain't got nothin' on you.
Cut to Duncan, telling someone on the phone what happened. His lack of affect about the whole thing is a little strange, but I don't know yet whether to attribute it to the character or the actor. Veronica's also on the phone, presumably with her dad. They both hang up and look warily at each other.
Sometime later, Jake Kane arrives on the scene and asks the attending officer whether he's called the situation in to the sheriff. Upon hearing a negative, he suggests that he do so. Jake's the E.F. Hutton of the naughts. He walks over to Duncan, but stops short when he sees Veronica. They greet each other civilly. I know you want to say it, but wait just a minute. Wait for it...wait for it...Keith arrives at the scene. Now let it out: Awkward. Keith gives Veronica a hug, and everyone regards each other awkwardly. VMVO: "The last time my dad and Jake Kane were in the same place at the same time was in a sheriff's department interrogation room." And we are there, too, in blue streaky light, as VMVO goes on to say that when Jake finished his story, Keith told him that he was sure he was involved in his daughter's death.
Cut to outside the sheriff's building, where Jake is standing with his arm around Duncan in front of reporters. VMVO tells us that Jake gave a sob story to the press about how much he missed Lilly and how he was wrongfully accused. Meanwhile, Duncan's standing there like Jake's got a knife held against his back. "No sudden moves, son. Smile for the cameras." VMVO tells us that the town ran her dad out of office, as we see Keith carrying a just-cleaned-out-the-desk box of stuff. He hugs Inga as Officer Fuckface looks on uncaringly. VMVO goes on to say that her friends gave her the choice to stand by her father or to stand by Duncan and his family. Big of them. You know, I really want to know when Duncan broke up with Veronica; whether they were going out or not at the time of the murder changes the dynamic of the situation a lot, and it's getting a little distracting not to know. Hey, look at me, caring about a UPN show! This is a special kind of shame. I'd join a support group, but calling Keckler and me a "group" is a bit of an exaggeration. Anyway, VMVO concludes by saying that she chose her dad, and that she lives with that decision every day.
Back in the present, VMVO tells us, "And you want to know the kicker? I don't even know what's true anymore." She wonders if she gave up her life over an error in her dad's judgment. Veronica and Keith walk to their car as the attending officer smilingly apologizes to "Mr. Kane," saying he had no idea. He had no idea who Jake Kane is and what he looks like? Was he one of the O.J. jurors? (Actually, if Keith was right about Lilly Kane, there might be some more work for that jury soon.)
In the car, Keith asks Veronica if she and Duncan are "hanging out" again. Is that what the deposed sheriffs are calling it these days? VMVO snippily says that she'll tell him that if he'll tell her why he went after Jake Kane when the whole town adored him. Don't voice-over to your father that way, missy! Keith repeats the question, but Veronica explains that it was just for a school assignment. She asks him if they can stop by the Neptune Grand for Weevil's case. Keith: "Isn't that already solved? I thought they had the confessed criminal in jail." Veronica shoots him a look like, "Would you care to say that again while actually listening to yourself?" Grasping the meaning shooting out of her eyes like beams of death, he sighs and asks what she needs him to do. Veronica smiles.
Holding Veronica's hand, Keith marches up to the hotel reception desk and demands to speak to someone in security. "RIGHT NOW!" The woman behind the desk jumps. Veronica tells him to calm down, and that she'll handle it. I actually like Colantoni in this scene -- he's doing bad acting well, if you know what I mean, and the result is kind of amusing. Veronica tells the woman behind the desk that she came in there a month ago with a guy. "Long story short, I'm pregnant." The woman's like, "Okaaaay?" I think what you meant to say was "awkward." Veronica says that she doesn't remember the guy's name or what he looks like: "Tequila? Never again!" And I'd say something, but frankly, making a joke about either of those things...well, let's just say that there's not a cloud in the sky today, and I'd still expect to get struck down by a deluxe bolt of lightning. Twice. Veronica says that her dad's wondering if there's a surveillance video they could look at, and forks over the credit-card bill: "He had me pay for the room." So she's trying to pass herself off as a Navarro? I'd complain, but I imagine the only thing going through the desk woman's mind is "Get me the HELL out of here," so I'd imagine she's not going to be paying much attention to detail. Sure enough, the clerk says she's going to go talk to her manager. When she's gone, Keith and Veronica banter about good cops and bad cops, and it's kind of cute. Cut to the woman back at the desk. She tells them that they only keep video surveillance for two weeks. Veronica hilariously fake-cries at that news, but the woman goes on that she got her detailed bill summary. Veronica sunnily thanks her, and if I'm the woman, here's about where I know I've been had. As they leave, Veronica informs Keith that Caitlin signed for room service in the hotel. Uch. I hope the chambermaid got a nice tip, there. Cleaning up Hilton skank sounds like a lot of elbow grease and ammonia, you know?
School. When Logan comes out of a classroom, Veronica tells him she knows he did it. He asks what she means, and she tells him about the Neptune Grand and Caitlin signing for the room service. He's all, "Prove it," and walks away, but as he does, he looks a bit stricken, presumably getting a rough idea of the truth. It took you this long to figure out that Paris Hilton is a whore? Just a guess: you're not in the Gifted and Talented program? Miss Dent appears, and the clock behind her says 7:25. Considering that Logan just got out of a class, I'm thinking no. Miss Dent shows her the latest edition of the school newspaper, which has a cover photo of the surfer. At the bottom it gives a writing credit to Duncan and a photo credit to Veronica. She looks touched. Aw.
Sheriff's department. Keith leads the escaped prisoner from the paper in in handcuffs. He rubs it in Officer Fuck's Face, and says hi to Inga, who looks like Oktoberfest has come early. Anyway, Keith gives Officer Fuckface a bunch of shit, and then they both leave. Fairly pointless scene, but good times nonetheless.
Veronica's Table. Icetwin joins Veronica and Wallace. He invites them to a party he's throwing that weekend. Wallace accepts immediately, because he's never been invited to a party that didn't involve streamers and cake. Veronica snarks that she's not allowed in the "first-class cabin." Plus, I'd like to see what she'd do to the first guy to offer her a drink. I think we'd be seeing the stun gun again. Icetwin calls her "sexy" and "sassy" and uses the word "shindig" unnecessarily. I liked you better when you were mumbling, dude. (And just between you and me, your brother's a better actor than you.) Icetwin says they all should get along, meaning that Veronica should try to meet the rich kids halfway, and she grudgingly says she'll consider it. They really are trying to make him look like a nice guy here, but I suspect he just wants to get into her pants. Occam's Razor and all. VMVO wonders if it's that easy to say maybe she was wrong and get her old life back. Hey, no rush to admit your mistakes, Veronica. That's not how we do things in this country. Logan walks by and gets a little up in Veronica's grill. She stands up to go, and Wallace asks where she's off to. Veronica: "I'm gonna nail that sucker." Figuratively, Veronica. Because being sloppy seconds behind Paris Hilton is as low as you can go. Hell would wave down at you.
Logan talks to Duncan as nearby, Icetwin and Caitlin chat. Logan -- clearly suspecting Icetwin as the hotel bandit -- quizzes Duncan about him. Duncan obliviously answers Logan's questions, and then goes to get some food, handing over Caitlin's purse, which he apparently was holding for her. Not to get all grade-school, but...COOTIES! Ew!
Veronica calls the first of a list of numbers in front of her, which I suppose must be calls paid for with the purloined credit card. She gets "Movieline" on the first one.
Logan surreptitiously sneaks Caitlin's phone out of her purse, and checks the outgoing call logs.
Veronica's down to the last number on the list.
Logan sees the same number on Caitlin's phone, and wonders whom she was calling at 1 in the morning. Come on, Logan. Those edible panties aren't going to order themselves. Logan and Veronica call the number, but Veronica gets a busy signal.
Meanwhile, Weevil's cousin answers with a "Hey, baby. Calling me during a school day? That's...that's daring." Logan looks around. Too bad they don't show him try to pull off a Caitlin imitation to keep the cousin on the phone. I'd love to see his face as they talked about riding the cousin's big old hog.
Veronica asks her dad to run a cell-phone number.
Logan stays on the phone, but silently, looking around the courtyard. Weevil's cousin, no rocket scientist, thinks that Caitlin is playing "the silent game." If she ever did that, I think quality of life on this earth would dramatically improve. Logan spies Weevil's cousin, and once he's sure it's him, he hangs up. He sarcastically smiles the look of rich kids who can't believe that life has dealt them a shitty hand. I'll be sure to offer him some sympathy, in about ten years when I stop laughing.
Weevil's cousin walks down the hallway as, unbeknownst to him, Logan and a bunch of the rich kids approach him quickly from behind. The cousin turns a corner, and Veronica comes out of nowhere and hurries him into the girls' bathroom. Heh. Props to the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters who caught the Planned Parenthood sign on the wall, and props to the props guys for putting it there. Veronica lays out what happened for the cousin, who's called "Chardo": he went to pick up his grandmother Chez Logan, and the grandmother asked him to take out a bag of trash for her. In it, he found pre-approved credit cards, which he used to take out Caitlin "in the manner to which she's accustomed." I'd say something about the manner to which she's accustomed, but it'd be bluer than lapis lazuli, so I'll spare you. Chardo says he didn't want Weevil to take the fall for him, but that he and Caitlin are going to run away, and then he'll write a confession and send it to the police, and Weevil will go free. Veronica says that Caitlin is a "thrill-seeker," which is I Am Too Nice To Call Her A Whore for "whore." She goes on to say that Caitlin won't run away with Chardo, and that, in any case, he can't go back out there, because Logan is after him. Chardo doesn't seem too scared of Logan, a sentiment I can get behind. Veronica says he should turn himself in, but Chardo gets in her face, proving the old expression that a crappy bit character introduced in the first act goes off in the third. He leaves.
Chez Navarro. Apparently Chardo gave the grandmother a pendant he bought with the credit card, so Veronica is grilling her about why she's letting Weevil take the fall for him. The grandmother explains that Weevil is still a juvie, but that Chardo's not, plus he has a record, so she'd rather see Weevil do four months of juvie than see Chardo go to jail. Well, it sounds like someone else should have a say in that decision. Perhaps someone who rides a motorcycle and whose name rhymes with "Jeevil." No, not Evel Knievel. Sigh. Veronica plays her trump card, saying that Chardo spent all those thousands of dollars taking out a "spoiled, rich white girl." Considering how high the grandmother's eyebrows go at that news, I'd imagine she'd make a great Vulcan. Veronica identifies the white girl as Caitlin, and the grandma's like, "Oh, no, not her. She doesn't like her ice cubes made with tap water." Yeah, and you'd think she wasn't the pickiest about germs, if you take my meaning. (And if not, I'll keep giving it.) Veronica asks if it was worth losing her job and Weevil's being in jail for Chardo to take Caitlin out in style. Vulcan Grandma: "Let me see those receipts." Hee. Don't worry, Chardo, I'm sure she'll wait for you. (Hee! As if! She'll have gotten laid before he does. Oz-style, if you take...oh, forget it.
Weevil gets out of a squad car. His grandma hugs him, and then he sees Veronica. They approach each other, and he tells her he hears she's to thank for his release. He growls, "Gimme some love," and they hug. Oh, my. It's too bad the kids on Joan of Arcadia have moved on to physics, because these two could have taught them a little something about chemistry. Veronica warns Weevil that a warrant was issued for Chardo's arrest, and what's more, Logan and the oh-niners are looking for him too, so Weevil might want to track him down first. Weevil assures her, "We'll find him." And buy him a pony, I'd imagine.
Chardo calls Caitlin, apparently from in front of her house. He tells her that it's time to go, and that it's what they talked about. She looks out the window and sees him, and he asks if everything's okay. From off-screen, several of the oh-niners appear. Geez, a simple "no" would have sufficed. Chardo backs up toward his bike, but Logan and several more rich boys arrive in a Jeep. Logan says that it's the "bad apple" who thought he could steal his girl. Chardo snarks back that he already did, and Logan decks him for his trouble. With Chardo on his back, head on the sidewalk, Logan steps on his chest, and this is getting a little too American History X for comfort. Although a couple people on the forums think Jason Dohring looks like Edward Norton, so maybe that's what they were going for. Anyway, Vin and the Diesels appear on the scene and even the odds. Logan tells a henchtrustfund to hold Chardo. There's a shot of Hilton looking out the window at the scene. I know I used this on the show page, but it really is Skank Side Story. Logan's expecting a rumble, but Weevil just wants to talk. They have a brief conference that we don't get to hear, although it sounds like it ends with Logan saying, "All right, you'd better," which makes sense given what's to come. Anyway, Logan orders his henchtrustfund to let Chardo go. Everyone breaks up as Chardo looks up at Caitlin balefully. I can't believe no one even thought to propose a three-way. I'm not sure any of the parties wouldn't at least have considered it.
Beach. Chardo's thanking the bikers. He tries to do the same to Weevil, but Weevil's all, "You're out." Chardo, I'd get away from the water. You don't want to be near a rowboat right now. Weevil goes on to say that Chardo's out of the club and out of his life. "And you know what that means." Rowboat. Weevil walks off as the gang encircles Chardo. They start pummeling him as Weevil instructs Felix to call them off "before they go too far." Felix agrees, and then goes to join in. As pointed out on the forums, it looks like the show hasn't filled its stunt coordinator position, since some of the guys' punches aren't even landing in the same zip code as Chardo. Hee. Also, they are out in the open here. Considering that Officer Fuckface showed up here to bust up the party, I'd think they wouldn't want to do this in daylight. Anyway, Weevil rides off into the sunset.
Veronica asks her dad for more information about why he went after Jake Kane. Her dad soberly tells her that he doesn't want to preoccupy her with thoughts of Lilly's death, and what's more, if he'd known what would happen -- Lianne's leaving, Veronica's social ostracization -- he wouldn't have done what he did. I wish he wouldn't do what he's doing now, which is leaning in a little close. None of these scenes have been in the DaddyStopTouchingMe vein, and yet they're a little too close for comfort. It's distracting. Good scene otherwise, though. Colantoni was much better this week, I think. It's encouraging.
Veronica walks outside, presumably the day, as VMVO tells us that a couple of weeks before Lilly was murdered, Veronica and Lilly sneaked into the back room of the sheriff's department and made themselves fake IDs. Sweet. Veronica had them sent to her house, but they arrived after Lilly was dead. She should have tossed Lilly's into the casket, so she could go clubbing in the afterlife. Hey, eternity's a long time -- you don't want to be bored. But no, Veronica stuck them in a drawer and forgot about them until the officer mentioned the October 3rd moving violation. VMVO goes on to say that most people who work on Sunday in the sheriff's department are new, so they don't remember her. I feel like we're supposed to know why they're new, but I don't. It's been a long recap, and I haven't even started on The Mountain yet. Be nice to me. Veronica tells the perky, young, non-German woman -- who looks like a slightly older Mageina Tovah -- behind the desk that her insurance company called and told her she has an outstanding ticket, and hands over the license number and an ID that's presumably Lilly's. This is a little contrived, here. Veronica might have been able to pass for Lilly when she had long hair, but now? No way. Officer Fuckface appears to hassle Veronica a bit, but she says she's just paying off a ticket, and then asks if he's had any luck finding Chardo: "You should talk to my dad. He's really good at that sort of thing." Hee. Officer Fuckface goes into his office as the woman comes back and smilingly hands Veronica a printout and tells her that, unfortunately, the ticket has to be paid. Veronica rushes out as she says she'll mail in the payment, but the woman behind the desk calls her "Miss Kane," which Officer Fuckface hears.
VMVO tells us that an automated camera caught Lilly speeding almost two hours after she was supposedly killed. She goes on to explain that this invalidates all the Kane family members' alibis. I'll take Veronica's word for it, but obviously, that's not automatic -- it depends on what their alibis were. Icetwin appears and sits down with Veronica, noting that she didn't make it to his party. She replies that she doesn't feel a bit wrong or sorry about the way she acted to her friends, so there was no point. Icetwin mumbles something. Wallace appears and starts babbling something about Golden Tee -- a video golf game, I think. Did he go to the party? I kind of doubt it. Veronica cuts him off, since the rich kids are roundly spurning Caitlin. Veronica looks upset. Don't be, honey. They spurned you because you're too good for them. They spurned her because she's a skanky ratings ploy. Anyway, Veronica brightly says she's never played Golden Tee, "but I'm pretty sure I can kick both your asses." Amused, they all head off. Keep it up, show. And advertise! Get those ratings up!
time: lots of stuff, although I'm not sure it's all in this one episode. There's a kiss between Veronica and someone who looks like Icetwin. Lilly talks to Veronica. The voice-over tells us that Duncan wants Veronica back. Also, she's got several new hairstyles. Can't wait to see them all!