Episode Report Card Chuck: B- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Song, Song...Ewww
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.09.2002
And here comes randy Claire, on the prowl, substitute penis -- er, "nightstick" in hand. Keller, despondent over Katherine's defection, isn't in the mood to do the hokey pokey, and says so in no uncertain terms. Claire's not trying to hear that, see, because she brings Keller goodies and now she wants some of her own. And as the more masculine one here, she'll call the shots, thank you very much. She pokes him with her nightstick, but Keller does not like to be poked. After she moves in for more pokeage, Chris Keller, Serial Killer arrives, calls her face a "cunt," slams her against the wall, and begins choking her. Claire, looking unattractive and surprised, fends him off with the offending nightstick. After radioing in some specious call for help, she begins delivering a severe, nightstick-driven beating to her unwilling fuck-toy. This muddies the waters a bit. So the tease will continue.
Over in Unit B, Adam's having better luck. After dismissing Franklin's sarcastic greeting with a "Fuck you, faggot," Adam runs into Schillinger, who gives him a face slap for speaking and then watches as two beefy Aryans drag Adam into a closet (ha ha) for what he so richly deserves. As Schillinger prepares to enter the chamber, Franklin asks if he can watch. "Well, if you don't," says Schillinger, "how are you ever gonna learn?" That Vern -- always looking out for the welfare of others. As Adam's screams rise and one door closes, I'm just sad we don't get to see another one open.
Beecher leaves his cart outside of protective custody, takes a few deep breaths, runs his fingers through his hair (it's futile -- get thee to a salon) and charges in to see his true love. Instead, he finds Claire; when Beecher asks where Keller is, she tells him that Keller gone to -- guess where -- Benchley Memorial. Guess someone's getting an expanded plotline on someone's other show. Claire tells Beecher, "He acted up, I shut him down." She's so witty and fun.
And Beecher gets to do a second musical number, a more somber one this time, about days like these, that calls for him to don a robin's-egg t-shirt. It sounds kind of like Bryan Adams Unplugged -- and like the same song that Pete sang at the beginning. The sophisticated shirt-color parallels at work here suggest that I'm correct. After emoting and pacing around a pod for a few seconds, Beecher's suddenly in the gym, wearing a different outfit, where he finds Adam, naked, streaked, bloody, and looking none too pleased with his world. Beecher looks pained, but I really don't give a shit. What goes around comes around, jarhead.