Episode Report Card Wing Chun: B- | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 09.10.2006
In the kitchen, Nancy mumbles that she "can't do this." Celia defends that they're just letting people know about the debate. Nancy calls Celia on her use of a pseudonym, and Celia spins that she can't just say it's her: "That would be too--" "Honest?" guesses Nancy. "Leading," says Celia. She claims that they're trying to let the voters decide for themselves. Nancy crabs that this explanation is "only marginally delusional." Celia bitches that there's no gun to Nancy's head: "If you can't make time for the pressing problems of greater Agrestic--" Nancy jumps into this opening, saying that she can't make time; she has problems at home. As Nancy takes another couple of steps out the door, Celia, her tone getting softer, asks what kinds of problems, and whether Nancy wants to talk about them. Nancy says that she really doesn't; she just wants to get home. Celia says that she tells Nancy all about her husband's unemployment, and her daughter becoming "the face of America's trans fat," and pleads with Nancy to open up to her. "Celia," sighs Nancy. "Aren't we friends?" presses Celia. Nancy says she just wants to go. "You can't even say it," grits Celia. "You don't want to be my friend." Nancy, losing her patience, tells Celia that not everything is about her. She turns, takes a couple more steps, but doesn't get far, as Celia reaches out and wraps her fist in a big fat chunk of Nancy's hair. Nancy turns, shocked that this actually just happened to her, and Celia orders, "Be my friend!" Nancy shrieks at Celia to get off her, but Celia won't be denied, and the two women spin in circles, Nancy begging Celia to release her, and Celia begging right back for Nancy to be her friend. It's...um, hilarious. Celia is fucking crazy, but if anyone was so fixated on my being her friend that she went to these lengths to make her point, I would at least be flattered. Finally, Celia releases Nancy, who spins into the foyer. "Selfish!" spits Celia. "Selfish! Selfish!" Nancy stares back at her in horror (and pain, probably, because that shit smarts), and staggers out. Pam emerges from the dining room and fondly tells Celia, "You two are just like sisters!" Ha! So true.
Grow house. Dean is holding a pair of rabbit ears over his head, trying to get a signal on the crappy old TV. Doug wanders in, and Dean asks how Doug pulled the night shift when he has a debate with Celia the next day. Doug is like, "Oh right, that. What's on the boob?" Dean very seriously tells him that Celia's been practising all week. Doug says she's wasting her time, since no one goes -- besides which, Doug is great at debates. He challenges Dean to test him. Dean asks a question about zoning laws. Doug: "[juicy fart] Next question?" Ha! Maybe more people would go to debates if that's how they went down. Dean asks if Doug isn't worried, and Doug replies that he isn't, since no one likes Celia -- including Dean himself. At the debate, he could "take a shit on one of those Make-a-Wish cancer kids" and people would still vote for him, because they hate Celia so much. Dean says that Doug almost makes him feel bad for Celia. Doug suggests that Dean tell Celia that: "Maybe she'll fuck you. See? I'm on your side, buddy! Vote for me!" Doug tries a few tai chi poses and manages to get an old cartoon dubbed into Spanish -- for about a second, until all the power goes out. In the dark, we hear Dean ask, "Do you think it's the circuit breaker?" Doug: "[juicy fart] Next question." Hee hee hee.
In her kitchen, Heylia's impatiently telling Conrad to zip her up, but he protests that she needs to inhale more. She crabs that she isn't that fat: "Put some backbone into it!" Conrad successfully gets her into her dress, and then there's a knock at the door. Heylia, all aflutter, says, "That's him!" and orders Conrad to get her the vanilla extract: "He likes baked goods!" She dabs a little behind her ears and on her knees and then poses like she's just casually hanging out. Vaneeta comes around the corner, followed by Nancy. Heylia relaxes, disappointed. Nancy sits and asks for some coffee, and Heylia sends Conrad to get her some. "Make it black," adds Nancy. "She likes it black, Conrad," says Heylia pointedly. "Late night?" asks Vaneeta. "Helping my friend Lacy out," says Nancy, making sure not to look at Conrad. "Some kids in her neighbourhood took a hand axe to her electrical cables. Had to drive over there and figure out how to hook up a generator." Conrad sharply watches the back of her head, getting her coffee. Vaneeta disgustedly asks where Lacy lives. "Gardendale," says Nancy. Conrad mutters that she needs to move, and Nancy quietly says that Lacy's coming around to that view herself. Heylia scolds Conrad for talking to Nancy, and Conrad clowns like a servile butler. Nancy changes the subject by asking about the picnic basket open on the table. Heylia says she's the one having a picnic, and Nancy muses that it's been ages since she's been on one. She sips her coffee: "Oh, God, that's good." Her phone rings as Heylia and Vaneeta prepare Nancy's order; evidently Nancy's call is urgent, because she makes to leave in a big hurry. Nancy demands her order now, but Vaneeta says it's going to be a while, so Nancy says she'll come back for it later. I hope it Vaneeta hasn't doused it in sneezers by then.