Episode Report Card Niki: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wake Up, Little Susie
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.23.2000
Is this the only show that doesn't have a short lead-in before the opening sequence? It still catches me off-guard. So the new credits abruptly roll, and I'm happy to report that Miles and Crusty appear to be permanent fixtures, as the actors who play them are listed. Love them or hate them, they're recapping gold, baby. We get a montage of some of the show's most touching or memorable moments, ending with last season's final shot -- Lily and the girls opening the door for Rick and his kids as they're about to have their first dinner together.
We come back from commercial to find Lily in the kitchen making sandwiches. She glances up with a distracted look in her eye as we hear Zoe say, "Mom?" Zoe and Jessie, arms around one another, skip into the kitchen, and Jessie asks if they can have a lemonade stand after school. They want to save up for a CD player for their room. Everybody's beaming. Rick strolls in and musses up the girls' hair, telling them, "Let's go you little monsters." They squeal while the adults exchange a come-hither look over their heads, and Lily arches her back a little. Yeah, this is surreal. It's like Brady Bunch got dropkicked into the new millennium: everyone is smiling way too much, and they're way too happy, but there's no sign of Alice or bell-bottoms. Rick asks what's for lunch, and the girls giggle that it's not for him. Eli strolls in, calling over his shoulder for Grace to hurry up or he's leaving without her. "Sure you will," she says, coming around the corner and beaming that same slightly creepy, invasion-of-the-body-snatchers smile everyone else is sporting. She throws her arms around Eli's neck, and the two start kissing with tongue. Technically not incest, but ew. Okay, stop. We cut to Lily's radiant smile, which fades as she registers that the two are getting along way better than any two stepsiblings have a right to. Cut to Rick, looking away, with the girls making icky faces through their smiles. Back to Eli and Grace. Really, stop it. Back to Lily, looking as though she's about to drop to the floor and start shaking. We hear a low rumble in the background, and Lily gives her head a little shake, and suddenly we're back to reality. So to speak.
So that, folks, was the big shocking surprise ABC promised. After pulling my socks back on, I dash off a quick note to ABC's Marketing and Programming Departments:
Dear Clueless,Having just sat through your less than wowza "shocker," I cannot believe that you lured me again with false promises and inflated teasers. When you relied on this trick at least ten times last season, I let it go. It's a new show, I told myself; they feel they have to draw in viewers with hints of racy Springer-esque stories. Now, however, I'm convinced that someone in your department simply needs to grow up. The joke isn't funny anymore, and I think more than a few of us are starting to resent the old bait and switch. The show is good, okay? People will come if you just let it be. Quit insulting the show and its viewers, and while you're at it, pick a night to air it, and leave it on that night. I'm sure, with the Regis-a-riffic schedule you've concocted, there must be a little flexibility in there to shuffle the four other shows you air. Pick a night for this fine show, and fill in the cracks with Millionaire. Or are you trying to lose viewers?