Episode Report Card Gwen: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Queen Bee...otch
By Gwen | Season 4 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.06.2001
"Where's the law to protect me in my workplace?" asks Lisa. Nelle says that maybe Rev. Newman's dating Buttons will one day be illegal, but does Lisa really want that kind of protection from the law? It implies that she is weak.
The lawyer for the plaintiff says that the law is designed to protect the weak, and that Sydney preys on fragile men. John argues that not all sexually charged workplaces are illegal, especially those in which the employees comply with the sexual charging. Opposing counsel points out that if Sydney were a male "cultivating a little harem," her workplace would be declared illegal. John asks whether Sydney Gale, per se, is illegal for trading on her sexual attractiveness. "Do we live in a free country, or not?" he asks.
"...and what I'm trying to tell you...you're not free," Nelle tells Rev. Newman in her office. He is indignant. "When it comes to man-woman conduct in the workplace, the government has taken over. They make the rules." She goes on to say, "The government is telling you to be careful." That's right, people. Be careful. Be careful or the big, bad government will be bullied by all the weak, jealous, loud, fat women into taking away your American rights. Want to date someone in the workplace? Too bad. The jealous bitches won't let the government let you do what you want. As it stands, you're already losing your precious right to teach uppity bitch coworkers a lesson. If you're a male highway patrolman, Army officer, or Supreme Court judge, then you know what I mean. Gone are the days when you could jokingly tell a female co-worker to perform fellatio on you or to remove a pubic hair from your soda can without the hindrance of a time-consuming slap on the wrist from your superiors. These weak women are pushing things to extremes. We should thank the writers of Ally McBeal for showing us their horrifying vision of the very near future, so that we may be warned and change our erroneous ways before our glorious country is run into the ground by the likes of Mrs. Parks, who is fat and can't even pronounce Latin properly. "Quagmire," says Buttons. Someone give that lady a cracker.
"Oh, you just get better and better, John. I'd sure like to be in the room when you crest," says Sydney as she enters the one of the courthouse side rooms with John. He asks whether she ever gets tired of the sexy shtick. No, she never gets tired of the power it gives her, she says. She slobbers all over him and says she's obsessed. He tells her not to underestimate him because of his stature, because he's actually "a little engine" when he gets going. Sounds impressive. Is that like a golf cart? Then John says his power comes from resisting lust. I know people like that. They're powerful, but boring. "Love is alive, love is alive, yeah!" the scary woman chants. Yeah -- we know, okay? Sydney and John stare at each other in what is supposed to be a challenging way. Richard bursts in on this tête-a-jerk and Sydney says, "Just in time." It wasn't soon enough for me, though. She reaches near John's crotch, causing him to exhale loudly. I wish this series would hurry and get cancelled.