Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wedding Bell Blues
By Al Lowe | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.07.2005
Rory finally asks him dance, just so she can boldly (she thinks) ask if he likes her and also ask if he's ever going to ask her out. He gets quiet and she regrets it immediately, trying to pull away so she can go begin "burrowing myself into the ground. I should be in China by midnight." Poor, stupid girl. But wait, it gets stupider.
"Rory, Rory," Logan says, acting for all the world like some kind of grown-up and not a guy who just three years ago got his first driver's license. He says he's thought several times about asking her out, but that he doesn't think it's such a good idea. I hope y'all are sitting down, because the next thing he says is, oh, say it with me, "because you're special." Then the patented "you're so special, you're girlfriend material and I'm not boyfriend material. I can't do commitment! If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be 'something' right away. I'm not that guy." She, naturally, throws dignity to the wind and says that she's not looking for commitment; she just wants to get to know him and spend some time with him.
OH MY GOD. RORY! Please run AWAY. Run away from Logan! Logan's Run! Do it now! Because, child, here is the problem: He's an asshole, but guess what? HE is NOT LYING. YOU ARE.
This scene made me cringe like I have never cringed BEFORE. Oh, LORD, how many times have young women of a certain age said those lines? Countless. And how many times have we meant them? ZERO. I am in pain just sitting here remembering one particular midwestern gentleman to whom I uttered those very words. My very own Logan. May he burn in eternity for Jedi mind-tricking me into believing myself.
And as much as it's her responsibility to keep it real, which she isn't, he still plays the asshole card by doing the whole "you may say this now, but later..." like he is God's valentine to all womanhood, and has to school the little girl on the true power of his mighty magnetism. Seeeeeriously, I wish I could reach into the TV and throttle everybody in this scene, which goes on forever. To prove that, no, really, I'm a total bad girl and proud of it, she drags him off into a side room where they drink champagne out of a bottle -- something that's physically very difficult to do, in reality. He asks her, assholishly, if she's sure she wants to "do this," and, taking a page from her mama's book, she says, "I just want to know what it would be like," and plants a super-awkward kiss on him. Because she's wearing a suit, he cracks, "I feel like I'm kissing a guy." She kisses him again, prompting him to say, "And, apparently, I had no idea what I was missing."