Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Denise -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 13 | Aired on 11.26.2006
Colonel Kurtz rips off a sheet of paper with the note "PLAN?" and Kim snarkily asks if Kellerman's got one of those. It turns out an old pal of Kellerman's is in the Illinois Department of Corrections, and that one guy on the inside is all Kellerman will need to be in the right place at the right time. "Those brothers get in the van, it'll be the last thing they ever do," he cockily predicts. Kim stares at the phone, torn between his own self-preservation instincts and his total unwillingness to let his workplace nemesis score one for the team.
When we get back from what would have been the commercial break, T-Bag is freshening up. On the floor, Denise is sacked out after what must have been a truly memorable five minutes. (Remember: T-Bag had been in prison a while.) And because she is so frumpy and plain and unconfident, she is, of course, wearing drab underwear. When she finally gets up off the floor, she purrs, "I have never done that before." T-Bag wipes the murdering-psycho expression off his face and replaces it with his Dixie Diamond-in-the-Rough Romantic, all, "I guess we were making up for lost time." And because Denise is a loser, we find out that she's accustomed to her trysts being with married men, adding, "Just because I'm plain doesn't mean I'm stupid... [men] only want me as something on the side." T-Bag slides over to her on a river of pure cheese: "Denise, the only side I'm interested in is your inside." Which, I suspect, he'll be seeing before this episode is out, given his proclivities. Anyway, Denise buttons up her USPS uniform and explains she has to get back to work. T-Bag promises to pick her up so they can sup together.
And now, we've got a big ol' convoy, rocking through the... day. Michael is passing his time by giving Mahone the Blue Steel. Sadly, its efficacy is reduced when it passes through two layers of glass. Mahone's phone rings and Kim brightly informs him that he's off the hook, as Kellerman and his team will be moving in right outside Albuquerque. Mindful of the debt he owes the One World Conspiracy, Mahone asks, "Where does that leave us?" It leaves him on the hook to shoot Kellerman in the melee that will invariably accompany whatever it is Kellerman has planned. Ah, Agent Kim, figuring out how to have your corpses and keep living too. Mahone is not too keen on this. Kim verbally bats him around for a little bit before cajoling, "Let Kellerman take care of this. Let him be our Oswald." "Then that makes me Jack Ruby," Mahone objects. "Ruby was acting alone. You've got the support of the United States government behind you, Alex," Kim replies. Mahone opens his mouth to begin explaining how the U.S. government fits in with all those conspiracy theories surrounding Kennedy's death, but Kim quickly changes the subject and gets him off the line. I guess when you work for the One World Conspiracy, you get tired of discussing the runners-up. Kim turns back to Colonel Kurtz there and nervously promises him that soon, "It'll be back to business as usual." The colonel gives him a look like Good. This has distracted me from the usual work of dispensing polonium to the right people, leaking memos that smack-talk foreign heads of state, and tying up the supply of TMX Elmos.