Episode Report Card Erin: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sydney The Destructor
By Erin | Season 1 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.09.2002
Then we're in some CIA conference room, and Devlin's welcoming the DSR people with open arms. Or, he's delivering a speech laden with thinly-veiled cynicism and derision. Lindsay picks up on his tone and gets all defensive. Devlin and Lindsay bitch back and forth at each other about protocol and cooperation and I honestly could give a shit. As Devlin describes how awesome an agent Syd is, we get shots of her undergoing the numerous medical tests she's agreed to. Devlin thinks the whole Rambaldi thing is a crock of shit and that Sydney's going above and beyond the call of duty by agreeing to these tests.
Ew. They're sticking a needle in her SPINE. Gack. Gah. Oh, good, The Weasel's talking now. As if I weren't already disgusted and grossed out. The Weasel's all, I've been worried about Sydney for some time now, especially with the fact that her handler's all lovey-dovey with her. He then tells Lindsay to check Syd's file for numerous discrepancies. Like, how Sydney met with a Rambaldi disciple on the exact date that his death was prophesized. "After reading what Rambaldi's written about Bristow," says The Weasel, "excuse me, but, I am terrified." You should be terrified, Weasel, but not of Sydney. You should be terrified of Devlin, because he is so gonna kick your ass when this meeting's over.
Devlin tries to tell The Weasel to shut the hell up, but The Weasel is on a roll now. He's talking about how the tests Syd's taking will prove or disprove that she's connected with Rambaldi because of some sort of physical anomalies she may have that Rambaldi wrote about. And perhaps they'll even find an implant at the base of her skull that proves or disproves that she was abducted by aliens and is now carrying the immaculately conceived Vaughn-Bristow alien-baby messiah in her womb. Shut up, already.
Then Syd's meeting up with Spy Daddy. He wants to know if she's okay. She gibbers on about the prophecy, and wants to know if Spy Daddy knows what it actually says. He doesn't. Syd wants to know if the DSR has the correct key with which to decipher the code. I guess she's thinking that, if they have the wrong key, maybe the message they've decoded is all wrong and she'll be off the hook. Spy Daddy says something about the code key being something that the DSR reverse-engineered. No, I don't know what he's talking about either.
Syd's worried that if the DSR is misreading the Rambaldi text, they're going to take her into custody and blow her cover with SD-6, as well as Spy Daddy's. She wants Rambaldi's original code key, if it even exists. Spy Daddy says that the original code key exists, all right. Unfortunately, it exists somewhere in the Vatican. Dude. This is so not a problem. Just attend one of those Pope prayer services, walk up, introduce yourself, tell the Pope that he looks wonderful for his age, then tell him you're the Virgin Mary and you want to take a look around. The man's so fucking senile by now that he'll probably give you a tour himself and even offer you a piece of the cross or something. Go for it.