Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Final Destination
By Sars | Season 4 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.18.2000
Cut to ceiling-cam shot of Alex and Rothbale, crapping. Rothbale reads a magazine; Alex fidgets. Alex hears a John Denver song on the PA system. "Died in a plane crash," he mutters. The boarding call breaks in for the flight to Paris. Back at the gate, Sassy Teacher wonders if anyone's seen Hitchcock. Alex is having a moment as the gate agent tears his ticket; Rothbale shoves him forward. Down the jetway they go -- Alex is having a wiggins, Rothbale is leering at the betties' asses as they proceed down the jetway ahead of him, and Brendan is just clomping along with his mouth hanging open. Alex looks out the little window. Lightning. Rain droplets. Ominous strings, joined by ominous brass. Rothbale shoves him again, like, simmer down, Rothbale, it's a seven-hour flight. Alex reads my mind and shoves the scrawn right back. Brendan mouth-breathes at them. Alex notices that the door of the plane is banged up. Alex looks down at the runway through the space between the jetway and the door. A baby starts screaming from the first-class section; it's obviously Rex the Wonder Preemie, as we'll soon see. Brendan calls the howling baby "a good sign," adding that "you'd have to be a fucked-up God to take down this plane." Entering coach, they see an ALS sufferer in the first row, prompting Brendan to mutter, "A really fucked-up God." How do I know the guy has ALS? Because, according to Wing Chun, the IMDb credits him as "Lou Gehrig's Man." Oy. Everyone moves to their seats. Alex is freaking for real now, even though he could use his lips as a flotation device in the event of a water landing. Blather between Rothbale and the betties and whether they can trade seats with him to sit next to each other; he lies that he can't trade because he has a UTI. They ask Alex instead; Rothbale gestures at him to say no so that they can each sit with a betty (I guess -- whatever, who cares), but he says yes. Alex moves into his seat next to Rothbale, wondering if Rothbale really thought he could "titty-fuck" one of the betties "over Greenland." Thanks for that, Lippy the Pinhead. The tray table falls open, and when Alex tries to put it back up, the little widget that holds it in place comes off in his hand, so he rings the stewardess bell. Rothbale bitches. Hitchcock gets on the plane late. Alex stares all intensely at the emergency procedures card. The flight attendants prepare for departure. Rain streaks Alex's window. He stares at the wing. Then a creature jumps up next to his window, and he starts screaming and babbling and a little kid takes his picture with her -- oh, wrong movie. Alex just hyperventilates. The plane taxis. Rain streaks. French teacher blah blah blah poisson-cakes. The students cheer. Hitchcock eats pretzel knobs. The plane lifts, with much ominous rattling and clanking, and everyone looks tense and pale, and then the plane settles and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.