Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Phoenix Is the New New York
By Miss Alli | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 08.20.2003
Anyway, once Phil has delivered the good news about the big toy check they'll be getting shortly, Chip is seen saying, "The hardest part about this race was to open up to the other people on it." With this, the Amazing Editors bring you one last Hey, We Didn't Say Anything, We're Just Cuttin' Tape Here moment by cutting directly to Millie. Heeeeee hee hee. Chip goes into his speech about how he and Reichen are Americans (?), and they're just like everyone else, and they happen to be gay...and really, it's very weird, because the only people on the race who have really seemed preoccupied with this issue are the people currently talking about it. ["AND WHO ARE NOT EVEN GAY HELLO." -- Wing Chun] I mean, yes, there was Failure-To-Applaud-Gate, and there was some teasing between Chip and Jon, but did anyone not know that gay guys could compete on this show? Do you remember a little ass-kicking team named Guido, made up of guys who were gay and were fifty? I don't know. I mean, I get what Chip is saying, but it really doesn't fit for this particular show, which has been bringing the high-achieving gay men all along.
Kelly and Jon ride up on their bikes to the lonely tootle of the "violin" setting on someone's Casio keyboard. They go up on the mat, and I would point out that the very first thing Kelly does -- without even needing to make eye contact -- is give Chip a sad but hearty low-five. Phil tells them they've come in second. Kelly and Jon look at each other, and she starts crying. Not the good crying, like she's just overwhelmed, but the sad crying, because she really, really wanted to win and she came really, really close. Jon hugs her. "It's all right, baby," he says with a smile. Jon talks again, some more, about how much Kelly ruled for being the last girl standing, and how cool it was that she did so much great stuff. In an interview, Kelly calls the race "a test of love" and "a test of faith," and she goes on to say that she's happy for all the little tests they had, because she thinks they learned how much they loved each other: "When the chips are down, all you can do is lean on each other." She leans her head on Jon's shoulder.
And in what we can only call The Guido Edit, we now slam-cut to the fiery nightmare that is Hawaii Volcanoes National Park at 5:30 in the morning, where Team Who is just emerging from their car in the pouring rain. "Are we first?" David asks. "Are we the first team?" Hee hee. He laughs. They pull their clue, and it says, "Chip and Reichen have crossed the finish line; the race is over. Jon and Kelly came in second." They smile gritted-teeth-edly. "Plain and simple," Jeff voices over, "it sucks coming in third." He explains that this was not what they had planned at all, but that it gave him an opportunity to appreciate how easy his life is, compared to most of the world's population, and so now he will never take anything for granted. Mm-hmm. David adds that "it was a blast." They high-five, and then they actually exchange a teeny hug. Well, that'll make the fans of that particular imaginary storyline happy.