Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT …And Now Miguel
By Sobell | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.23.2007
We cut to Lechero's face. He's quick on the uptake, so he realizes Michael somehow did this. Michael walks up from the pump room, sweaty and exhausted. Lechero looks from Mahone to the wrung-out Michael. We get a cut of the rest of the prisoners positively wallowing in the mud and water, all thought of overthrowing Lechero gone.
Mahone asks, "Now what? What do we do?" T-Bag hovers behind Lechero nervously. Michael focuses the Blue Steel on Lechero to make sure he understands who brought the water back. Lechero smirks at Mahone and tells him, "You've been outbid." Mahone does not take this well. Lechero comes over, smiles at Michael, and says, "Yes, very useful." And here is a tiny but fundamental flaw in casting: when Robert Wisdom smiles, he has such charisma that you can't help but root for whatever it is he wants. Yet…he appears to be set up in opposition to Michael. See my problem? We see the distracted inmates breaking into an impromptu Esther Williams number. Lechero repeats, "Very useful." Michael asks if Whistler's in the clear from the death threats, and Lechero tells him, "Free as a blue sky, bruddah." He smiles some more. I believe I have just found my replacement for Kellerman in the "villain you love to hate and hate to love" category. So long, Paul!
Lechero walks off, grinning (awww!) (yes, it's wrong. DON'T JUDGE). Mahone collapses in a fit of despair. Whistler trembles on the ground, whether from nerves, adrenaline, or the shock of breathing air that isn't practically a soup of solid nitrogen and fecal coliforms.
Meanwhile, on the outside, Sucre calls a very flat-stomached Maricruz. And finally -- FINALLY -- Sucre enters the reality-based community and tells Maricruz that so long as he's a hunted man, it's not practical for the two of them to be together. I suppose it's all very sad and moving except that honestly…she's a dullard and she lowers his IQ by 50 points, so perhaps if she's out of his hair (or the shiny place on his scalp where his hair used to be), Sucre will maybe not be so transcendently addled. Anyway, he promises her that "One day, when I get my life together, however long that takes, I'll find you. I'll find you and I'll make you and our baby proud." Would that be your imaginary baby? What? I'm just saying, Maricruz looks the opposite of pregnant, is all. Oh, then there is weeping and they love each other so much, but really, this is over until such time as the producers decide it's on again.
Linc rolls back into his hotel room, and Susan B.'s waiting for him all, "You know, they told me your brother got all the brains, but I didn't realize you were this stupid." She's peeved over his little scene with Sofia, and tells him to back off. Linc asks why, and Susan pulls a gun and says, "Because I said so." Lady, if you're threatening him with a gun now, you're just going to have to top yourself when you really need to make a point. Linc thinks so too. Susan wants whatever Linc took off Sofia; Linc claims he has nothing. Susan tells him, "I've got a gallon of bleach, a hacksaw and a tarp in the trunk of my car. One hour, you're off the face of the earth." Well, parts of him, yes. The liquid part of him might linger for a while. Linc makes a big and elaborate show of reluctantly handing over the bird guide. Susan heads out. Linc rolls his eyes in contempt as she goes. After she flounces out, we see him pull the real guide out of another pocket in his cargoes, thinking, "STUPID SUSAN! LINCOLN AM NOT THE DUMB."