Episode Report Card Monty Ashley: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Like Charmed, But Older
By Monty Ashley | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.23.2009
TV Tropes!) and goes in. He isn't playing along at first, but when she insists that he look her in the eye, she tells him to give her the promotion. And he does, in exactly the words she used. She looks unsure, but accepts it and walks out. Then she uses her hypno-powers to get someone to hand over the last powdered donut and establishes that the power doesn't work on Penny. Okay, let's move on!In a fancy restaurant, Kat insists to Roxie that nothing weird is going on. Then Joanna enters in a skin-tight slinky dress, saying she feels different and powerful. Kat recaps the incident with Bun, and Darryl interrupts them, boasting of the restaurant he owns and offering to buy them dinner if he can eat with them. He's immediately distracted by Kat, because he hasn't actually met her yet. He praises her hands, which we are led to believe have healing properties. They're "nurturing and destructive". I see.
Darryl praises the three of them and has his possibly-mute butler enter with some water from the Lennox mansion's well. It has some dubious properties for well water. It can cure arthritis and also get people drunk. Kat insists that she doesn't believe in magic and hates all the rumors and myths in this town. Darryl leans into Roxie's personal space and offers sixty thousand for her to get her hands on his enormous lump of clay. Oh, and he wants to pose nude. She considers him a pig.
The women pile out of the restaurant, giggling and laughing. They rush over to the fountain, and start dancing in the water. That's all there is to do in this town. It's either the book club or reenact the Friends opening credits. But just then! Kat's asshole husband Raymond demands to know what she's doing. I can't tell if he's angry about having been left alone with the kids or he just hates people messing with the town fountain. He drags her away, angry that she's drunk in public (although she points out that he's drunk all the time). He tells her not to talk to "these people" ever again and points her to her children, who are posed in an artful tableau by the side of the road, waiting for her.
Mia and hey boyfriend (Gus) are by a lake. He pressures her for sex, and she tries to push him away. It starts raining as he pushes her against a wooden, um, thing. Rape is imminent, and then Roxie wakes up in Darryl's limo. She follows her instincts and insists that Darryl take her to the lake. The possibly-mute butler's name turns out to be "Fidel", and he takes them there.
They find Gus molesting Mia under a wooden bridge, and Darryl flings Gus away. "Touch her again, I'll kill ya." Roxie comforts Mia.
Kat's place. Raymond is furious, shouting at her with totally undeserved righteousness. She insists on being treated with respect, and he threatens to smack her. As he stomps out into the rain, she shouts at him and complains that all he does is drink beer. "You've got no fire! No spark! No electricity!" So naturally, a bolt of lightning hits him square in the chest.
Roxie thanks Darryl for his help. He offers to spend the night, and she turns him down in an amused kind of way. But as he turns to leave, she grabs him for a big kiss. Then she smacks him across the face. Then she kisses him. Then she smacks him again. I think she's sending mixed messages, but she manages to get him out the door without him following her up to bed.
Raymond's in a hospital bed. Kat starts to pour out her heart, but he feels that she did this to him. Good eye, Raymond! Kat wants a divorce, and Raymond is on board with that. But he wants the kids, so it's going to be war. Yes, war between the drunk ex-wick-manufacturer and the fulltime nurse. And I don't think "She hit me with lightning, your honor!" is going to go as far as he might hope.
Joanna's in Clyde's office. She makes him admit that it's not a tight squeeze, and that he only brushes against her because he likes boobs. Then she makes him give her a raise and all the money in his wallet. I think she's crossing a line here. And if she isn't, then when Will comes in and she makes him have a crush on her and kiss her, that just seems inappropriate. She breaks away, but it's kind of late.
Roxie's place. Chad has fixed her cabinet and made a roast chicken. He's trying to convince her that he's helpful for more than just bedroom duty. She kisses him, but we don't learn whether he'll be staying for dinner.
Darryl stops by the hospital to look fondly at Bun. Well, it's sort of fondly. Kat sees him and he offers up his lawyer for the divorce proceedings. He wants to take care of her.
Roxie is being threatened by a guy with a knife! No, it's a dream. Joanna assures her over the phone that surely this dream isn't a psychic vision. Then that same guy walks through the door! And Joanna is stopped by Penny, who has information about Darryl. Apparently he isn't who he says he is! Did anyone think he was?