Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Nice Between Women
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.18.2012
IT'S FOR THAT AUSTRALIAN PROCESS SERVER GUY
Dude: "Diane, please tell the court what happened the day you saw me put the hammer down on that somewhat cute guy in the lobby of your building. Leave out the spontaneous orgasm that threatened to knock you senseless."
Diane: "[Does the former; nearly does not do the latter.]"
Subpeonaed Guy: "You guys know each other!"
Diane: "Just barely."
Dude, verbatim: "Thank you, Ms. Lockhart. Your presence here in small-claims court is a breath of fresh air."
Opposing Counsel: "Objection!"
Judge: "Overruled. She is a delight."
DUVERNEY V SNOW PLAIN
Presiding: This crazy judge lady whose deal is misplacing her glasses and wearing a fucked up wig that nobody ever notices. The case is, this guy steered his snowmobile into a tree, killing his lady. It's very sad -- and even sadder because the wife was taping the whole thing with her camera phone. He's suing the company, Snow Plain, even though he doesn't believe in our litigious society usually.
Judge: "Both of you get up here. We saw in the video that he was trying to snowmobile for the purposes of fun, not for steering the thing into a tree. We're cutting straight to bench-supervised negotiation in chambers, because clearly the defense is going for a delay until the poor guy gives up. Which is gross. So you will marshal your settlement arguments and meet me in an hour."
DIANE
Dude: "You want to go to an art show or something?"
Diane: "You don't really like art that much?"
Dude: "No, remember how I was only there to subpeona you?"
DUVERNEY V SNOW PLAIN
Duverney: "Are you going to buy your old house if you get that raise?"
Alicia: "On the one hand, it would solve some probs. On the other hand, it's weird to go backwards."
Duverney: "I'd do anything to go backwards. You know, like on a snowmobile. Away from a tree."
God, I love the actor playing the opposing counsel. I almost watched Breaking Bad for him is how much I love David Costabile. I wish he was on every show every day.
Opposing: "Lockhart & Assoc. has a class action in the wings and this suit is just setting that up."
L/G: "Nope. Just this five mil."
Opposing: "Anyway, here's the first twist. Grant Duverney was a pro hockey player before his wife died, and we have evidence that his brain has been scrambled by that. So we're going for modified comparative negligence. If he contributed more than half of the factors in the accident, he can't sue us."
L/G & Judge: "That is the grossest thing I've ever heard."
Opposing: "We are lawyers."