Episode Report Card Cate: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Seven Is Enough
By Cate | Season 1 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.02.1997
Everyone piles into the foyer of the CamPound, where Annie claps her hands to turn on the lights. Yes, folks, she is "rewiring the house to work on a Clapper system." No, I have not been drinking. I swear she said that. What a freak. And not only is she doing something that stupid, but she can't even do it right. Instead of the lights turning on, music starts blaring. Like far too many mini-story arcs on the show, this one obviously has no purpose. Mrs. Colonel starts handing out bags of "the candy." The CamKids all do a credible job of being polite about it, which rather surprises me. Dopey notices that he has received the largest bag. He halfheartedly comments, "You're still divvying it up according to our sizes." Ruth says, "That's right, and you got the most. If I'd seen all that hair, I would have brought more." Dopey giggles girlishly along with me. Annie offers to show Mr. and Mrs. Colonel to their room so they can unpack and relax. You can tell the Colonels are dying to have a break from the CamKids. They start to hurry out of there, but then Ruth turns around and tells Annie how sorry they are about the death of Annie's mother. That's a nice sentiment and all, but the death happened, like, eleven episodes ago. Nobody said anything earlier, or sent flowers? Nothing? That's cold. You'd think at least they would have mentioned something to Annie on the phone when they were discussing this trip to Glenoak. No matter. The Colonel makes everything right when he says, "Ruth, let's remember to send Annie's father some steaks." How thoughtful! I'm sure that will compensate him for the loss of his wife. ["Sadly, that actually works in my family. Mmm. Steeeeeaaaks." -- Sars] RevCam also has some doubts about the ability of the beef to make Annie's father feel better, but SuperMom doesn't really notice, as she's too busy giggling sort of vacuously.
Upstairs, the Colonel asks, "That little girl -- what's her name?" Ruth answers, "Lucy." No, Ruth, it's Ruthie, okay? Your namesake? Jeez. Actually, I guess he did mean Lucy, because he complains about how much she talks, adding, "I can't believe she went on and on about her knucklehead boyfriend all the way from the airport." I must admit that it's pretty gratifying to hear Jimmy Plywood described thusly, but I'm still confused about how Lucy, rather than Ruthie, would be called "that little girl." Unless the Colonels want to pretend that Ruthie doesn't exist. I've certainly used that as a coping mechanism myself. The Colonel can't quite give up the subject of Lucy and how annoying she is. He says, "If I get cornered like that again, I am going to swallow a rock-eye anti-armour bomb and throw myself out a window." Please, don't give me any ideas. Grandma Ruth drawls, "They sure push the envelope on 'perky.'" All right, y'all, just quit it! You're going to make me start liking and respecting this show, and where's that going to leave me for the next season, which will assuredly suck? I'm happy to say that someone's listening to me, and the quality of the dialogue declines, with the Colonels raving about how great Annie and Mary are. The Colonel says, "You know, our Mary has got enough salt to make jerky." Huh? That's just weird. Mrs. Colonel suggests that they should visit more than once a year. Maybe she's got a masochistic streak nobody knows about. Or maybe her sense of humour is too dry even for me.