Episode Report Card Al Lowe: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fashion! Turn To The Left!
By Al Lowe | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.06.2008
On the runway, however, Holly seems to do well. One of the dresses they've put her in is this beautiful fuchsia that really stands out. She has this interesting, tentative walk that is sort of charming, and I think she looks great. Meanwhile, Stephanie is doing this thing that she probably thinks is "intense" but is mostly her just sticking her neck out in front of her shoulders -- Perry does the same thing, and it makes them both look like Lurch. Jacki doesn't seem to be enjoying the experience, and says in a voiceover that she was nervous and felt like she could have done better. At one point, this is obvious when she comes down the runway in like, a black cape and a muffler and hits the end without posing, simply strolling right back where she came from. Katy, too, is nervous, and says she mostly does not want to mess up in front of Tyson. Not that Tyson would have recognized her if she fell right on her face, since the designers have wrapped her head in what appears to be a burkha. After the show, the designer says that he would definitely hire Holly, that she would be perfect for any runway. Stephanie is good, too, he says, but she was hard to work with and needs to loosen up. His bottom two choices, he says, would be Shannon (who is too tall) and Katy (who is too warm and beach-y for high fashion). Okay, now being tall is bad? So, what exactly is it that qualifies someone to be a model? Why don't they just build robots to their specifications-du-jour and roll them out there with the clothes on them?
Back at the house after a long day (but which day? who knows?), the kids arrive to find food and booze. They make sure to show many shots of Katy eating various foods -- what looks like a burrito and then some peanut butter? Following this, she goes upstairs to bed while everyone else stays up drinking and playing a game called "Most Likely To." This game involves taking prepared Bravo labels printed with negative statements and sticking them to each other, in order to manufacture some drama and hurt feelings. It sucks.
Perry appears to be up first. He sticks a label on Jacki that reads "most likely to date a D-list celebrity." Funny, and Jacki seems to take it in good spirit at first, laughing along, until Perry says that, you know, Jacki will probably end up being a D-list celebrity herself, so she'll be a natural. Ronnie is charged with naming who is "most likely to be two-faced." Siiiigh. Weirdly, he chooses Perry. Not that that's not accurate -- I'm just surprised he'd risk calling Perry out and risk making him an enemy. Ronnie sort of says some stuff about how Perry is a thinker and a competitor and how, in this game, that means being two-faced, and Perry seems to accept this as a compliment. (While Ronnie talks, we see that his own chest is adorned with "most likely to have an ugly child." Nice. I can just see the production team cackling as they type these up in their dirty editing bays, wondering how their lives have reached this point.) Next up, Jacki, who must name the "least likely to improve." Pausing from swigging his beer, Ben oh-so-funnily cracks "she's sleeping" -- meaning Katy, of course. The other boys in the room find this totally hilarious, and Ben congratulates himself on a slam well made. The girls look offended and disgusted, and for that I am pleased. Jacki further goes up about 1,000 points in my estimation when she puts the label on Perry. She gets convoluted, saying that he's less likely to improve because, basically, he can dish it out, but can't take it, and frankie goes on the dudefensive. "That's the most bullshit answer I've ever heard in my life," says frankie, laughing his crazy old-lady laugh. "I didn't care," Perry shrugs in an interview. "I've been doing really well in this whole thing, and I just think she felt like putting a sticker on me, or something." Good attitude, but it doesn't match up with what we see next, which is Perry putting a sticker that reads "least likely to win Make Me A Supermodel" on Jacki. "I ain't goin' nowhere," Jacki says, clearly no longer amused, and Perry says, in front of everyone, that he feels like the competition "will come down to an overall personality contest and...I hope it doesn't affect [Jacki]." Jacki shoots him with laser eyes, and in an interview says that she'll prove him wrong. Suddenly, I love Jacki.
The next morning, Ronnie wakes up in a contemplative mood. "I was really annoyed with some of the models," he says, "because they're not exactly what they're portraying themselves to be." Huh? Ronnie shares his deep thoughts with Ben, who lounges so naturally in the next bed, shirtless with the covers pulled back just-so to highlight his flat stomach. "Perry thinks he's the man right now," says Ronnie. Perry, he goes on, seems to believe he does not need to improve at all. "Perry really is the ringmaster," he adds, surprising me with his insight. He says that he doesn't think anyone in the house really realizes how Perry manipulates a lot of situations, because he's funny and sarcastic about it. "He's Mr. Personality," says Ronnie, "and they all just go along with it, or they forgive him, like, the next day." Ben agrees, and Ronnie continues: "You and I just need to be focused on us." Oh, Ronnie.