Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Importance of Being Earnest Borgnine
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.06.2003
What did we tell us about the song? Put the damn earplugs away and dump that goblet of vodka down the drain. What part about "resistance is futile" didn't we understand? Don't make us come back there and assimilate us again because we'll pull the sphere right over! And knock that tone of thought off -- do we think we can't hear us?
The soon-to-become-one-with-the-collective scientists make plans to get the "humanoid species" out of their ice trays. In a lab, they goggle over the Borg's bio-mechanics and multi-specied background. They plan to transmit their info to Starfleet in hopes of finding a match. And also so no one can argue that the reason why no one knows about the Borg in two hundred years is because Starfleet was completely unaware of them. Another scientist -- we'll call her 1 of 4 -- determines that the ship's debris has been there for about one hundred years. And they're just finding it now because they can colonize the moon, but getting up to the Arctic Circle on a regular basis is difficult? A rogue Borg arm starts whirring its doohickey and then stops. The 4 of 4 scientists note in their livejournals that they are spooked. I'd like hands like that -- I could put a whisk attachment on one and a 12-inch blade on the other. I'd be a terror in the kitchen!
Under microscopic investigation, the Borg's nanotechnology is discovered. "They're not just regenerating the damaged tissue, they're repairing the mechanical components as well!" 3 of 4 bores me and everyone else who has seen any of the other eight hundred Borg appearances in Trek. "The Denobulans have experimented with nanotechnology, but nothing like this," 4 of 4 explains. I believe that particular Denobulan research project is titled "Project Convenience." 3 of 4 suggests a safer course of action in dealing with the examination of the Borg, as in under "controlled circumstances," but the other 2 of 4 disagree. Somebody's getting dead tonight!
Outside. 1 of 4 offhandedly mentions that the crashed ship was once a "perfect sphere," just to quell everyone's "but-but-but what about First Contact?" fears. For me, there will be no quelling. Nor will there be any quashing, squelching, or any sort of vanquishing. The very fact that Borg are in this episode is a realization of all my fears for this series. 1 of 4 and 2 of 4 read a warp signature and go to investigate.
Inside. 4 of 4 brings 3 of 4 some coffee and says he has to go fix a radiator. He asks 3 of 4 if he'll be okay on his own. "Go ahead, I'll be fine," 3 of 4 says, waving a gun. It's got all the trappings of a bad horror movie. We know what's going to happen; we know he's not going to be "fine," and all they need is for the virgin among them to survive. 4 of 4 leaves. 3 of 4 spills his coffee, painstakingly cleans it up, and notices some readings on the computer screen. "Feeling better?" he asks the Borg sarcastically. Dude, don't taunt the Borg!