Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Fallout
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.24.2003
Air Force One. I want this plane! Not only does it have all these nice big rooms inside, it also has a huge video screen so Palmer can have a virtual meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff by videophone. General Windbag, who is actually on the plane with the President's staff, informs him that they can start making surgical strikes that very day, even though it will take weeks to send in ground troops. Palmer wants to start shooting before he addresses the nation the next day. Uh, what? They continue to talk about more boring war stuff some more until Rolaide enters to tell Palmer that the Deputy Prime Minister of Fauxraqistan in on the phone again. Palmer takes the call reluctantly. Okay, you know that scene in the miniseries based on Jackie Collins's Hollywood Wives where Mary Crosby, that actress who shot JR and then disappeared off the face of the earth, is sleeping with her best friend Candice Bergen's husband and Candice totally finds out about it and Mary Crosby calls her up, not knowing that she knows, and she's all, "Hi, what's up?" and Candice is all, "Gotta go"? Okay, that's what this is like, except it's Palmer and some Arab-ish-looking actor, and there's no sex or adultery involved, just warfare. Basically, the Fauxraqi Deputy Prime Minister congratulates Palmer on detonating the B-O-M-B in time, and insists that his country will cooperate in any way they can since they were not involved with the Second Wave at all. Palmer is all, whatever. He promises not to "rush to judgment" and hangs up. After he does, PMHC is totally there in the room smirking at him for some reason.
The time is 11:22:43 PM. Back at CTU, a bloody Syed Ali is being escorted out of the building by a team of agents, just as Kiefer is entering it. As they pass in the halls, Syed -- who still thinks that Kiefer killed his son -- shouts something menacing at him. It sounds like he's saying, "Shabu shabu danoo shana ya gub!" You know, I was at the NYC TWoPCon this weekend and I was sitting next to this really sweet woman who is a professor at CUNY. She was basically there to bid on a postcard signed by Deborah because she's a big fan of Deborah's The West Wing recaps. We're talking, and she asks me what I do for TWoP, and I was saying that I write the recaps for 24. So she's all, "Wow, I just admire how hard you all work. Deborah obviously does so much research on the inner workings of the United States government in order to write her recaps, and I'm sure you have to know a lot about the CIA and the Middle East in order to write yours." The vodka and tonic that Amisha bought me almost fell into my lap. I was like, "You haven't read any of my recaps, have you?" She hadn't. Soul Patch, who is overseeing the transport of Syed Ali, welcomes Kiefer back to CTU. Kiefer asks after Spawn, and Soul Patch gives him the number of an agent who is waiting for her at Aunt Carol's. Jeez, even Soul Patch is calling her "Aunt Carol." Does this woman have anything going on in her life other than the good fortune of having siblings who procreate? Kiefer congratulates Soul Patch on being put in charge. They both promise to "catch up" later.
Back on the floor on CTU, Bitchelle hovers around Kiefer as he tries unsuccessfully to get in touch with the agent who is waiting for Spawn at Aunt Carol's. Hey, Kiefer? Why don't you call Aunt Carol directly? Seriously, what kind of bitch is this woman if a national emergency can't persuade her own brother (or brother-in-law) to call her up and ask her if she's seen his daughter lately? As Bitchelle waits for an opportunity to talk to Kiefer, Lesbo-Carrie watches Bitchelle through the pierced aluminum wall divider. Finally Kiefer gets off the phone. Bitchelle wets her lips and tells Kiefer of her suspicions about the legitimacy of the tape...a tape that would set off a retaliatory military action. She begs Kiefer to interrogate Syed Ali one more time before he goes off to Guantanamo. Kiefer promises to see what he can do. Then he has Bitchelle act as his own personal secretary in the meantime and track down Spawn at Aunt Carol's. A rack focus shows Lesbo-Carrie still watching Bitchelle from behind the aluminum wall divider. Nice legs, Lesbo-Carrie!