Episode Report Card Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Two Mrs. Scottsons
By Joe R | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 09.30.2007
Conrad's fancy new weed emporium. Heylia's managing the front desk. Nancy stops by and gets the warm reception you might expect. She tells Heylia that she got them all out from under Marvin's thumb, and that while she may have some trouble moving her shit on the streets (she doesn't specifically mention Guillermo's threat from last week, but Heylia's a smart lady, so I'll assume she knows why), but she's still got Nancy, and Nancy's got the brand spankin' new territory of Majestic opening up soon. Okay, maybe I'm weird, but Nancy telling Heylia "you've still got me" was totally heartwarming! So nice to see these two on the same playground again. Nancy wants to make a buy, but Heylia is delighted to inform her that they're a wholesale operation now, selling to the big customers like the pot clubs. So unless Nancy comes back with five figures, Heylia just can't help her. See, they love each other!
Nancy comes home to find Doug filling in for Andy with the house-husband duties (he's cooking...hot dogs) while Andy's on-set with the pornographers. He says the envelope of cash on the counter is from "the tall one...'Leif Garrity'? Little goonish?" (Nancy: "Silas?") who then left with "the blonde, tiny tits, big cross." And then "the other one -- big vocab, creepy eyes" is out back with "what's her name...Celia's dyke." HA! To all of it. God love ya, Doug. Speaking of Shane and Isabelle, they return from the yard and tell Nancy about how they've "bonded over sin" and their in-school suspension ("reflection") for not loving Jesus. Nancy asks how they'll be reflecting, and Shane says with a Wii tournament. Sounds perfectly appropriate to me. Also: yay! Shane and Isabelle haven't allowed Christian temptresses to impede their world-beating alliance!
Nancy opens her first paycheck and is depressed to find that Silas selling weed is making more money than she is. She's what...surprised by this? She sarcastically asks Doug if he's got a spare ten grand he can lend her, but Doug seriously asks how quickly she could turn it over if he did. She says a month, and then Doug talks through whatever "dummy corporation" logistics it would take to set it up, so Nancy tells him to do it. And to make it 50 grand. Nancy then asks Shane for his karate class contact sheet, upon which is listed not only Peter Scottson's name, but also one "Valerie Scottson." Something tells me it's stalkin' time!
Porno set. Andy's being a looky-loo and lavishly complimenting the director on his contributions to pornography as an art form. Andy talking about porn is like a cinephile talking about Malick. It's annoying but dorkily admirable. Andy starts to say that he's always dreamt about being in porn, but the director's all, "Yeah, yeah, all caterers do." He says you have to have something special to be in porn, like a wang the size of a Buick or something. What does Andy have that's so special. Cut to a cute girl with a clap-board announcing "Foot Fuckers, scene one!" Seems Andy's mauled foot has been left in the perfect shape for use as a nontraditional phallus. We get a truly hilarious montage of different "Foot Fucker" scenarios, including Andy as UPS delivery guy with sore feet, a room service waiter with sore feet, and a Mexican gardener with sore feet. By the end, his toe is cramping, but he living his dream, the little pervert.