Episode Report Card 2 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Nothing Was Fast as Lightning
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 4 | Aired on 11.18.2001
Glenn enters Ally's office. She's got on a funky gray bell-sleeve boatneck top, that is super-trendy, but not bad at all. The hair, on the other hand...bad. Very bad. Glenn is all, hey, about the fling we're never, ever going to have until perhaps the next round of sweeps...why wouldn't it work? Ally says it would only be a fling because he's a boy. Which might be fun and good for Ally, but risking hurting Jenny would have to be for a "greater emotional good," and Ally has "a very strict policy against fun." So, later, Glenn.
Jenny gets to cross-examine the plaintiff lady. Is Ray the first man ever to compliment her on her looks? No, but Ray is the first to ask her to "tune his skin flute." Oh, man. If there's any mention of Ray's "one-eyed trouser snake," I'm going to have to go out for more booze and a can of chocolate frosting. Anyway, Jenny asks if sometimes, cases turn on more than the merits, and doesn't the plaintiff ever try to flirt with or charm jurors? Of course, but there's a line. And the plaintiff claims to know where that line is? No, but when one lawyer tells another that he "polished the pink helmet with her in mind...." Hold on, I'll be right back.
Jenny is beating herself up for asking a question she didn't know the answer to, or something. And could Ray explain how he came to kiss the plaintiff? Sure he can. He's a pig, see, and...oh, we need more than that. He gently takes Jenny by the shoulders, like people do when they're trying to "make a point, you know, to connect." Jenny says that she doesn't usually grab people. Anyway. Their faces were close, and Ray says he can read that look that women get when they want something, like to be kissed. All men can read it. And all men are potential rapists too, by that logic, and all women potential prostitutes. And hey, when are we women all going to start wearing veils, because then men wouldn't want to assault us anymore, right? Just a glimps of ankle is enough to drive men wild. And we stick it right in their faces, too! Anyway, Ray has Jenny by the shoulders, and his face right up in hers, and the music is gentle and soft, and Jenny, disgustingly enough, is setting the women's movement back faster than a grayhound on uppers by looking soft, open to Ray, and TEMPTED. But, because this show is an evil, evil mindfuck, Ray does not kiss her, even though it's what Jenny may want. He breaks her out of her reverie to see if she got him. Yeah, she did.
Vonda's singing faux-Motown at the bar. Drink! Ray asks Glenn if "they let anyone sing up there." Hee! Ray tells Glenn that he almost kissed Jenny, and maybe wants to date her, a little. Does Ray think Glenn would let him do one of his hit-and-run numbers on Jenny?! Well, maybe, if that means he could fuck Ally. And is she too old for him? Well, yes and no. She's a "real woman," while they are not "real men." Guys like Glenn and Ray are "for fooling around with until [women] grow up and meet the men they're going to marry. Ally is already grown up." BA HA HA!! No, he really said that. Wow, these characters are new. The two dorks suck on their beers like babies on bottles and we're out.
Glenn knocks, then enters as Jenny prepares to go to court for Ray's testimony. Oh, and should Jenny date Ray? So he can get on Ally, already? Jenny says that since the one thing she and Glenn still have is "honesty," she's compelled to point out that she doesn't have time to play around. "Guilt" is keeping Glenn from pursuing Ally, so if she does Ray, that guilt would be assuaged, but it's disgusting to fob her off on his best friend, so outta the way, pally. Glenn says it was Ray who thought up the idea. Jenny opens like a flower. Really? A pig with an eye for anything with boobs wanted to do me? Aww! I feel so special! So there goes her theory. But she's right. But Glenn can't deal. So much for their honesty jazz.