Episode Report Card Dan Kwa: B+ | 317 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Sucked In
By Dan Kwa | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2004.09.22
The Iron Giant starts whacking at the plane in roughly the same manner that Jack was whacking at the cockpit door earlier. The nose of the plane falls to the ground, Jack grabs the transceiver, and they all start running like hell through the rain and the mud, the Iron Giant hot on their heels. Charlie catches one of his big hobbit feet in a root and falls; Jack goes back to free him. Kate winds up in a clearing and, in extreme close-up, panic flashing across her face, counts to five. This scene is so good that it makes me forgive the writers for Jack's earlier speech about fear, since I realize now it was necessary to set up this moment. Let it be known, however, that my attractive lawyer wife believes Evangeline Lilly to have an unnaturally wide mouth.
Commercial. Whew, that was intense.
Kate Beckinsale, star of Serendipity, is still in the jungle, wishing that this were an episode of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here so that she could get her out of there. As she hears a noise and turns, terrified, we see that this show is called Lost and we're watching it on ABC. (Oh, and F everyone's I, Extreme Makeover -- not the Home Edition, the other one, where they remodel the shit out of people's faces -- is having its season premiere very soon.) Charlie stumbles out of the woods, scaring Kate, who responds to being frightened by lying down on top of Charlie. Is this an actual trait of the real Kate Beckinsale? 'Cause if so, I'm gonna sneak up on her and scare her until a judge tells me I can't anymore. Charlie says that Jack saved him, but that they got separated; Kate asks if he saw the Iron Giant, and Charlie says he didn't. (This is a season premiere, says the little red box in the corner of the screen, in case you forgot.) Kate wants to go back for Jack. Charlie wants to come with her. (ABC wants to flash The Bachelor's smug mug in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen one last time. That makes ten separate informational popups in a one-hour show. Good, God, ABC, this isn't football. How long before networks start running a promo crawl at the bottom of the screen 24/7?) "I heard you shout 'Jack,'" Charlie simpers. "I'm Charlie, by the way." Lay off, man. She isn't a furry.