Episode Report Card Daniel: B+ | 5 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT I was blown up by a pirate ship
By Daniel | Season 1 | Episode 24 | Aired on May 24, 2005
So this two-hour whale of an episode is just so jam-packed that we're actually cutting off bits of scenes when we come back from commercial, and Charlie is scrabbling around a hotel room saying something about having to catch a plane in a couple of hours. In the bathroom, he finds a little bag of heroin, and the drugged-out chick in the bedroom asks if he wants to do another "bump." He pockets the baggie and says it's all gone. He's got some champagne, though! She starts searching for drugs, saying there must be some left. She is, awesomely, wearing a sleeveless Poison t-shirt. I can't explain how much that rules. Charlie is attempting to skedaddle with the drugs, so he offers to send her an autographed copy of his CD, which she can listen to whenever she wants. She then slags off his "piece of crap CD" by his "piece of crap band," which, again, awesome, and maybe our mutual dislike of Drivecrap and Charlie can overcome our differences in views on being addicted to heroin. After all, it must be reiterated that she's wearing a Poison t-shirt. And that the chords to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" can be learned by anyone at Day One of guitar lessons, and in fact can be played by a finite number of monkeys with a finite number of guitars, like immediately. Charlie's all hurt that the junkie skag he scored isn't quite the fan she made herself out to be last night, like how naïve is it possible for a so-called rock god to be? "Fine, I'm a huge fan," she says sarcastically. "Drive-Thru's the best band evah." Ha! I can't believe they waited so long to introduce this character. I wish she'd been on the plane. And then for some reason moron Charlie takes out the baggie to play with the drugs, and she sees it, and she starts kicking the shit out of him, like, they should call this episode "Junkie In a Sleeveless Poison Shirt Beats Up Charlie" and just show this for two hours. He finally throws her off -- momentarily, anyway. She gets up and beats on him some more, calling him pathetic, before stomping out the door. But he's still got the heroin, so who's pathetic now, huh? Oh right, still Charlie.