Episode Report Card Jessica: F | 1 USERS: F YOU GRADE IT Lovelines
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.15.2003
Inside the auditorium, Jen is pacing around, looking too thin and complaining about how nervous she is to be hosting this very, very important event. "What if no one asks any questions?" she asks. Hey, I have a question: Why is there an episode about nothing stuck in this part of the season? The filler ought to be behind us, now that there are only four episodes left. Blah blah, Jen needs a ringer, in case the audience clams up. TGED -- who's watching her hold a plate of cheese like he's a mouse who hasn't eaten in six months -- tells her that he won't do it, because he has a fear of public speaking, and then he scampers off to collect some more tickets so that Jen and Blandy can have their second non-confrontational confrontation of the night in peace. "What are you doing here?" Jen snaps. "I work here, bitch," Blandy says. Actually, he's a bit nicer. He tells her that he wants to talk about the break-up, but she stutters something incoherent about cold cuts and runs away.
Backstage, Audrey runs around like a total fool, begging Jen to introduce her to Dr. Drew. Has she no self-respect? Wait, this is Audrey. Never mind. Then there's some horribly embarrassing dialogue with Adam Corolla and I just can't transcribe it without bursting into flames of horror. The phrase "the Corolla-coaster" is used. Please don't make me do any more. At least Audrey's hair looks totally adorable. She informs poor Adam that she's actually in love with Dr. Drew. Adam snorts. "The geezer's probably out casket shopping. He's old. He's an old man. He's old enough to be your grandfather," he says. But he'd be happy to have sex with her, he offers. Audrey just wonders if Adam has ever seen Drew naked. "Yes, yes I have," he says. Excuse me, I have to go scrub out my cerebellum with lye.
Then we've got approximately seventeen minutes of filler: people walk into the auditorium and take their seats, basically. FOREVER. Eventually, Jack sits down and saves a seat for TGED. Fred comes up and tells him that people would kill for that empty seat. "Where's your boyfriend?" he asks. "Clearly, not where he's supposed to be," Jack snaps. And then he gives TGED's seat to Fred. And in all my years of recapping -- four, if you're interested -- I've never recapped a plot as slight as one about seat-saving. Well, maybe that time Joey stood in the add/drop line. And that episode of The X-Files about The Brady Bunch was horrible. I have to stop thinking about this. My head hurts.