Episode Report Card Potes: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT After the Glitter Fades
By Potes | Season 4 | Episode 21 | Aired on 09.30.2012
A viewer asks Teresa what she thinks of Caroline as a mother. Teresa says that the Manzo spawn are great. The only criticism she has of them is that they don't have real jobs. I mean, she may not be wrong on that point. In response, Caroline calls Teresa a fool, and then gets "talk to the hand"-y. Somewhat out of context, Teresa tells Caroline that she has three rolls: blubber, blubber and blubber. Caroline says that she wears them proudly, and Teresa responds, "With a tummy tuck!" Oooh, now shit is getting real. Caroline admits that she had a tummy tuck when she as 39. But, she says, she has no Botox or fillers or facelifts. Teresa suggests that she might consider getting some elective surgery, and Lauren then says that Teresa's comments (figuratively) are the reason why people out there kill themselves.
Teresa asks why Lauren got a lap band, and Lauren says, "Because of dickheads like you, Teresa," which actually cracks Caroline up. Oh, damn, and then Lauren references Teresa's Bravo blog, which expressed sympathy for how Caroline spoke to Lauren. I mean, as a rule Teresa generally should shut up, but I think many of us can co-sign on that one. Lauren says that she feels sorry for Teresa's kids, and that when she was nine she wasn't accusing her father of cheating like Gia is. And THEN she calls Teresa out for having ghostwritten blogs. She asks her to spell and define napalm, which is apparently a word used in one of Teresa's blogs. I mean, the fact that Teresa's blog isn't a giant shaky "X" every week is enough to assure us that she has a ghostwriter.
Next, Andy asks Teresa if she meant the apology to all of the other Housewives that she gave via InTouch. Is that even a real question? The ladies all briefly get on Teresa for liberally using the c-word, and then Melissa says that she'd like Teresa to turn around because she's tired of talking to her extensions, and then Teresa says that she isn't wearing extensions, and then Melissa says that she did last year, and then Teresa says that she also wore glitter eyeshadow last year just like Melissa is wearing right now because she's a giant copycat. This is an actual thing that is happening!!!
Ugggh, and then they start talking about the fucking magazines again. How long until someone mentions the cookbook? As Caroline starts to bring up the fact that Teresa pimped out Gia for some sort of trashy article, Teresa wonders why Caroline knows so many (nationally published) things about her, and deduces that it must be because Caroline wants to be her. Jacqueline assures Teresa that nobody wants to be her, and Andy Cohen wisely decides to move on.