Episode Report Card Niki: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jake And The Women
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 6 | Aired on 11.08.2001
Tiffany asks Judy whether something is wrong -- she can sense some tension between Judy and Jake. Judy mumbles that she has an appointment, and climbs into her car, muttering that the tension will work itself out. Tiffany stands next to the car, scarfing cheese curds and blabbering, "I think there's a really strong karmic ribbon between you two. Like, you were in a past life together." Judy looks nonplussed. "You do?" she asks flatly. Tiffany bubbles, "The more pregnant I get, the more clearly I can see all these connections." Judy takes a deep breath and breaks it to the loony girl: "You know, Tiffany, not everything has a cosmic significance. Sometimes people just don't get along." Tiffany pops another curd as she considers this. Then she dismisses it: "I don't see how that can be true." Of course she doesn't.
Cut to Judy in a paper gown, perched on an examining table. A female gynecologist consults her charts and asks whether Judy has had any trouble with her birth-control pills. She then asks whether Judy needs a refill. Judy hesitates, then says, "Yeah, I guess so." Dr. Pap gets ready to leave, asking Judy whether there's anything else. Judy says no, then musters the courage to stop the doctor at the door to stammer a question about maybe wanting to have a baby someday. She wants to know how much time she has left, and whether she should start thinking about the old turkey baster. Doctor Pap breaks the news that most women's egg quality starts to go downhill as they approach forty, but that doesn't mean Judy's beyond fertility yet. She says they could screen Judy to see how her eggs are doing.
Cut to Soliloquy Judy, flat on her back and locked in the stirrups. "How's it going?" she asks. Doc Pap pops up from between her knees and brusquely says, "Still looking. Give me a minute." She slides a huge light out of the way and pulls in a monster light to replace it. She would have been wearing one of those miner hats instead.
"Oh, okay," Judy says weakly. "Let me think about that." Doctor Pap leaves, revealing a disturbing poster on the back of the door. It shows a baby heading through a birth canal during various stages of labor. Judy forces some air into her lungs while I try desperately to uncross my legs. I think they're stuck.
Meanwhile, Jake's strolling through a baby-gift emporium with Zoe. She beelines for a tiny, sterling brush-and-comb set. "Look at this! This is exquisite!" she breathes, holding it out to Jake. He agrees and glances at the price. He yelps as if he's been burned, and says it's a little expensive. He carefully replaces it on the shelf. Jake manages to tear Zoe away from the shelf as a saleswoman approaches. Jake says they're looking for a gift for a baby shower, and the woman asks whether they know the baby's sex. Zoe's about to explain about psychic Tiffany's cosmic gender vibrations, but Jake quickly says that they don't. Zoe looks miffed. The woman offers to pull some things to show them and says she'll be right back. Zoe wanders over to a shelf of quilts and pulls down a blue-and-white one. Jake checks the tag and laughs uncomfortably, saying, "Zoe, you have an uncanny ability to pick the most expensive things in the store." Zoe insists that it's perfect. Jake gently insists that it's too much money, and adds, "Now, we can get her something very nice that I can afford." "Like what?" Zoe pouts. Jake spots a mobile and points it out, but it's not what Zoe wants. He suggests the shoes that she saw on their way into the store. Zoe's set on an expensive gift, even if she has to buy it herself. She informs him, "I have money at home and I can get some from Grace." Jake tries to talk her out of it. "But I want it to be something special," Zoe protests, adding, "Don't you want the baby to have nice things?" Ouch. Jake tries to explain, "It's just a token. It doesn't have to be an enormous gift." Zoe wrinkles her nose in disgust, asking, "What do you mean? It's your baby." Ouch again. She flops down on a bench and mopes into her lap. Jake settles beside her and gently says, "Honey, it's not like it was with you and Grace." She wants to know why not. Before Jake can explain it, the saleswoman returns with an armload of stuff. She starts showing them some tiny outfits, and Jake tries to play them up. "Aren't these cute Zoe?" She won't even look. "I don't want those," she pouts. Jake pleads with her to be reasonable. Zoe quietly says that she doesn't want anything and stands up to leave, adding that she wants to go home. Jake says that she has to get something. Arms folded, Zoe grits, "No I don't. It's your baby. I'm leaving," and storms out. An embarrassed Jake apologizes to the saleswoman and rushes after Zoe.