Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Goodbye Darlene, hello Nina!
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.25.2002
NSA. The Ambassador and Chief Intelligence Officer of Fauxraqistan are meeting with Palmer, Rolaide, and Yulin. These two guys couldn't look any less authentic if they were wearing t-shirts that said "I'm with the enemy government." Seriously, it looks like the casting director was buying a cell phone at a discount electronics store in downtown L.A. and he asked the two Pakistani guys behind the counter if they wanted to be on TV. Anyway, the Fauxraqistanis insist that they have brought several Second Wave members in for questioning, and that they're making stellar progress in clamping down on terrorist activity in their country. Yulin whips out some satellite photos taken today which show that terrorist activity is still taking place in Fauxraqistan. Um, what? Palmer had a conversation with the Prime Minister of Fauxraqistan three hours ago. What kind of progress was Yulin expecting? And what's in those aerial photos that prove that "terrorism is still taking place"? Is some Fauxraqi terrorist marching band lining up to form the letters "America sucks donkey cock" on a football field? Nevertheless, the pictures seem to make the Fauxraqis nervous. They explain that they don't have the kind of resources that U.S. has for dealing with terrorism, plus even the U.S. doesn't know everything about the paramilitary terrorists in their own country. At the mention of American terrorists like Tim McVeigh, Rolaide and Palmer get antsy, obviously reminded of the CTU bombing. The Fauxraqis want to help, so they propose an exchange of intelligence. If Palmer allows them access to their files, the Fauxraqis will let them see their files. Like there's some big filing cabinet somewhere that's locked up. Palmer promises to consider it, and ends the meeting. When the Fauxraqis exit, Yulin tells Palmer that they couldn't possibly give them access to their files. "We have agents in their country," says Yulin, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Those files would expose their identity." Palmer suggests that they go into the files first and "take out" any mention of their agents before they show them to the Fauxraqis. Yulin just doesn't trust the Fauxraqi government. He still thinks they're funding the Second Wave. Plus he bought a DVD player from one of them, and it fell apart as soon as the warrantee expired. Palmer asks Rolaide what she thinks. Rolaide agrees with Yulin.
Back at CTU, Kiefer is debriefing. Or I guess that's what he's doing, since that's the only thing Mason wanted him to do. For all those curious viewers out there, the "debriefing" seems to involve no more than some typing at a laptop. His phone rings. It's Spawn, calling from a payphone. Now that each of them knows the other survived the bombing, Kiefer wants Spawn to go to Aunt Carol's. Spawn explains that she can't because of JonBenet. Kiefer urges her to get out of L.A., because something bad is going to happen. Spawn insists on knowing what he's talking about. Kiefer tells her about the B-O-M-B. Spawn looks mildly traumatized at the news. Like she just found out that she didn't get the part of Chava in her high school production of Fiddler on the Roof. She promises to get over to Aunt Carol's pronto. Kiefer begs her not to tell anyone about the B-O-M-B or she'll start a panic. They both exchange "I love you"s and hang up. Bitchelle walks over and tries to hurry Kiefer up with his debriefing in order to get him out of there before Nina shows up. Kiefer calls her on her rush tactics and tells her not to get caught in the middle. Just then, a fleet of shadowy figures enter CTU. It's Nina and her entourage. I haven't been this excited since Madonna entered the stage at Madison Square Garden with her newly assembled team of gay ethnic back-up dancers and asked me and the thousands of other screaming fans in the audience if I "believe in love" before she opened her show with "Express Yourself." Nina's wearing something grey and nubby that could either be the uniform you'd be assigned in a Korean reeducation camp or something you'd buy at Comme des Garcons. She's also wearing handcuffs and leg irons. Kiefer is kaptivated. Nina smirks at him from across the floor as she walks by as if to say, "Ha ha! I killed your wife and I'm still alive!" He gets a good long look before she is escorted into the interrogation room. The time is 12:28:13 PM.