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A bright flag featuring a white buffalo against a red background waves cheerfully against a blue, blue sky. It's very patriotic. It also reminds me of that episode with all the white buffaloes, "Paper Clip." Which I popped into the old VCR to take a look at real quick-like this afternoon. The white buffalo symbol appears a lot in this episode, so I thought I ought to do a little research. Don't ever say I never did nothing for you. Anyway, "Paper Clip" opens with a typical ponderous Chris Carter monologue the gist of which I shall transcribe. Albert Hosteen explains that Native Americans have many stories about the power of nature and animals and the effect they have on human life:
One of these stories tells of the myth of the white buffalo woman who came down from the heavens and taught the Indians how to live virtuous lives and how to pray to the Creator," he says. "She told the people she would return one day; then she turned into a white buffalo and ascended into the clouds, never to be seen again. But on this day, when the holy people had given the FBI man [that's Mulder, remember?] a miracle, a white buffalo was born and every native American knew, whether he believed the story or not, that this was a powerful omen and that great changes were coming.
So make a note: great changes. Coming.
The camera pulls out to reveal that the flag is flying above a large, lush farm. Inside the farm, a man is painting a very small, hand-carved buffalo white, while a woman sweeps the floor. It's a very nice farmhouse. They seem like very nice people. It's like the place you imagine when your parents tell you they sent your dog away to live in the country instead of telling you that Rover's habit of chasing the garbage truck finally caught up with him. The woman (let's call her Ma Kent, just for the hell of it) is sweeping somewhat maniacally, and Pa Kent finally looks up from his handiwork to ask her, very nicely, to calm down. She stops sweeping and starts sniffling. He comes over and embraces her, reminding her that this is what they've "dreamed about" -- what they've "prayed for." She sniffles and apologizes. "I just can't stop wondering why," she asks. "Why give up a child? Give it up to strangers?" Pa Kent shrugs. "God has his reason and his ways," he says, and kisses her. ["Dude, with the platitudes? He totally is Pa Kent." -- Wing Chun]
A car pulls up in the background, and two women spill out. The Kents come out onto the porch to watch. "Mr. and Mrs. [Kent]!" one of the women calls cheerfully, taking paperwork out of her briefcase. "Hi! It was so hard to find!" she says. I think we're supposed to make a note of that. The other woman is occupied with getting something out of the back seat. "There's a page here that didn't get signed," Woman One says, handing Pa Kent some paperwork, which he quickly signs. Ma Kent shifts and looks nervous. "I keep asking myself a question," she says. "I know there's been a medical exam. But are you sure he's okay?" Pa Kent glances at her and tells Woman One that they've been wondering why someone would give up her baby, implying that maybe something is...not quite right with the kid. Woman One assures them that the baby is perfectly fine. "This was a life choice by a single mother and a terribly difficult decision for her," Woman One explains. "But I can say, it was only for the good of the child." She smiles encouragingly at the Kents as Woman Two approaches, infant in hand. She passes the sprog over to Ma Kent, who tearfully smiles down at him. "I'd like you to meet William," Woman One says. And it is he. I'm sure William will thrive on the farm. Imagine the fun he'll have telekinetically transporting livestock inside the house! Imagine the peals of laughter from the Kents when they realize that their mischievous new son can go cow tipping without ever leaving the warm comfort of his own little bed! Imagine the screaming when the aliens figure out where he's been stashed and come to get him!
“ That was the best Doggett scene ever. With the push-ups? And the funny? And the push-ups? Good times. ”
Les Credits.
One week earlier. Georgetown. 10:55 PM. Scully pulls up in front of her townhouse. "William was a bullfrog," she sings softly to the sleepy-looking baby in the back seat. I'm so tickled by the "Detour" reference (continuity? On this show? Maybe he is a miracle baby) that I'm not even going to ask why on earth Scully has her infant out at 11 PM when he should be tucked into his bed and dreaming about moving bottles of milk out of the fridge with his mind. First of all, if she's working at Quantico -- as we've been told -- there's no way she'd be home from work so late. And he certainly wasn't in some random day-care facility because, hello, ample opportunity for kidnapping much? And if he was at Ma Scully's, I don't know why Scully chose to take him home in the middle of the night instead of letting him sleep. Unless it's because Ma Scully lets murderers and kidnappers stay over on a regular basis, which, frankly, isn't that improbable. I feel compelled to add that William is wearing the cutest little hat. "Was a good friend of mine," Scully sings, getting out of the car and scurrying around to the back. A shadow figure stands in the alley across the street and watches as Scully unhooks William from his car seat. The Shadowy Figure heaves a raspy breath, la Darth Vader. Maybe it is Darth Vader. That would be sweet! He could be all, "William, I am your father." That would put a whole new spin on the mytharc, doncha think? Ahem. Anyway. "And it must have been some mighty fine wine," Scully coos, lifting her baby out of the car and smiling at him maternally. "Joy to the world, all the boys and girls," she sings. There's a noise from behind her, and she stops singing and looks around, apprehensively. She sees nothing. "Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea," Scully starts up again, heading for the door. "Joy to you and me." The mysterious dude watches as mother and child go inside.
LBO. Doggett, still in his dress shirt and tie, does push-ups while reading a file sitting on the carpet beneath his manly, manly body. Man, what I wouldn't give to be that file. If you know what I mean. And I think you do. "One thousand four hundred eighty-three," he breathes. " One thousand four hundred eighty-four." One last push-up. "Twenty," he heaves, and collapses. That was the best Doggett scene ever. With the push-ups? And the funny? And the push-ups? Good times. Doggett rolls over and looks at his watch. "They don't pay me enough," he grunts, and then peels himself off the carpet and leaves the office. The elevator door dings in the distance. Mysterious Guy from the Alley scampers into the LBO, his red Converse lowtops the only item on his body that are particularly visible. (In other words, we still haven't seen his face). He walks in silence over to the file cabinets and starts digging around. The camera pans up to his face, but he shines his flashlight in the lens at the last moment, obscuring our view. Clever shot.
“ Doggett walks down the hallway. The Peaceful Piano of I'm Going Home to My Lover -- Walter Skinner -- a Nice Pot Roast, and a Foot Massage tinkles in the background. ”
Upstairs, Doggett walks down the hallway. The Peaceful Piano of I'm Going Home to My Lover -- Walter Skinner -- a Nice Pot Roast, and a Foot Massage tinkles in the background. Suddenly, Doggett pats his breast pocket, spins around on his heel, and races for the elevator.
thing you know, Doggett's opening the door to the LBO and leaning down to fetch the file he left on the floor. He's in the process of standing back up when Mr. Mysterioso bursts out from behind the door and knocks Doggett onto the ground before proceeding to kick the shit out of him and run away. Well, it's probably not Mulder, then. First of all, I don't like to think that Mulder would try to kick the shit out of Doggett. Second of all, Mulder might be scared to try to kick the shit out of Doggett. Oh, save me the hate mail. I'm not saying Mulder's a wuss, or nothing. I'm just saying that Mulder's probably smart enough to realize that he doesn't want to coldcock a dude who was in the Marines and the NYPD, especially since Mulder is probably all weak and depressed from being on the lam. And not that I think Doggett would try to kick Mulder's ass if Mulder punched him, anyway. I think Doggett would be all, "I'm not going to fight you, Mooooulder! Scully loves you! And so does my boyfriend, Walter! I won't hurt them by fighting you! I won't!" And Mulder would be all, "I've been gone for ages, and you can light matches with your bare hands! I have to prove my manliness to the world!" And Doggett would be all, "Then explain the damn mytharc to me!" And then Mulder's head would explode. Although, who knows? Maybe it is Mulder. Maybe Mulder's gotten all crazy and desperate from living in cheap motels away from his woman and their spawn and is willing to do whatever it takes to get back home! Maybe he's been, like, lifting weights in his room at his cheap No Tell Motel, and has "Dana" and "Will" tattooed on his fingers and he's out for blood -- anyone's blood -- en route to getting them back! So who knows? ["I just don't see Mulder in red Converse sneakers, somehow. Nike Air? Sure." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, MaybeMulder races off into the night and Doggett groans and pulls his bruised ass off the floor and gives chase, drawing his weapon. "Turn around and step forward," he yells, once he's caught up with MaybeMulder on MaybeMulder's way up the basement stairs. "Step forward!" The man does. "Let's go, tough guy. All the way down," Doggett instructs. I'd like to go all the -- oh my God, I did not almost just say that. Anyway. So. Then Doggett gets a good look at the man's mug (although the audience does not). Total shock and surprise wash over his face.
2:03 AM. The elevator door opens with a ding, expelling Scully into the hallway of the Hoover building. She heads toward the LBO, stopping mid-stride to fix her pant leg, which has gotten hitched up on her boot. Hee. I do that all the time. It's a nice touch here, as it's certainly realistic that Scully wouldn't be perfectly turned out at 2 in the damn morning. I wish they'd show her all greasy and puffy, though. If I had to come into the office in the middle of the night, I certainly wouldn't take a shower and get a blowout first. I'd also probably forget to put on my pants. I'm really not good when people wake me up.
William
So, Scully enters the observation end of an FBI interrogation room. Moronica tells her that the Mr. Mysterioso claims that his name is Miller, but he has no ID. And he won't talk with the lights on. Scully raises a brow. "If you saw him in the light you'd understand," Moronica tells her quietly. "Something happened to his face. He's been severely burned, by fire, or maybe acid." The girls turn and watch Doggett and "Miller" sitting in silence across from each other. "And he says he knows me?" Scully asks. "And that he's afraid," Moronica tells her. "A victim of what he calls 'the alien conspiracy.'" Scully makes a face like, "Aliens! At last!"
In the interrogation room, Doggett crosses his arms and glares at Mr. Mysterioso, who does indeed look awful -- scarred and disfigured and sort of...well, crispy. Doggett gruffly wonders whether Crispy will talk to Scully. "She'll help me and protect me," Crispy rasps. Doggett mutters that Scully will help and protect him only if she's feeling considerably more charitable than Doggett is. Nevertheless, he waves Scully inside, explaining to her that Crispy is "under arrest for assaulting a federal officer." Despite the fact that Doggett's explained the penalties associated with said crime, Crispy refuses a lawyer. Scully wants to know how Crispy wrangled his way into the building. Doggett tells her that he had a key card on him. "He says it was given to him by Fox Mulder," Doggett says. Scully blinks rapidly. Doggett explains that they're in the process of confirming the Fredricksburg address Crispy gave them.
Scully twists her mouth around and goes over to have a word or two with Crispy. "What are you doing here?" she asks, shortly. She sounds nervous. Crispy is looking for answers about "what they did to [him]," he says. Scully looks at him and obviouses that he's been burned. "Are you claiming that someone burned you and that there is evidence here to incriminate them?" she asks. "According to Fox Mulder, the men who did this were part of a government conspiracy," Crispy says. Scully eyes him carefully and takes a seat. "Go on," she says. Crispy stares at her, very intently. "You know who these men are," he says. "Did Mulder tell you that, too?" Scully asks. Crispy says nothing. "When?" she asks. Crispy is hesitant to say anything, since he thinks she might use that information to try to find Mulder. "Mulder doesn't want to be found?" Scully asks, looking somewhat hurt.
Doggett steps in at this point, telling Scully that Doggett found some files stuffed into Crispy's shirt when he frisked Crispy. Scully opens said file and removes a photograph. "Do you know who that is?" Doggett asks. "It's his sister," Scully says quietly. Let's not go into the fact that Doggett's read every X-File in the office and would probably recognize Samantha. "Whose?" Doggett asks. "Mulder's," Crispy rasps. "She was abducted from her home when she was a little girl. Part of this same government conspiracy." Scully stares at Crispy for one long intent moment, before commenting that all of Crispy's information gives the impression that he's telling the truth...or that he wants them to believe that he's telling the truth. Crispy twitches the area on his face where his eyebrow would be. "Well, if I thought you'd believe me, I wouldn't have snuck in here," he says. Scully looks at him for a long moment, then tells Doggett that she'd like Crispy transferred to Quantico. "I'd like to personally examine his injuries," she says. Eyebrow. Stare. Twitch.
William
“ Man, I hate needles. The only thing I hate more than needles are clowns. And I don't really like flying all that much. So, I guess the plot line that would most traumatize me would be one about evil clowns who inject people with a substance that makes the plane they're travelling on crash. Or something. ”
Quantico. Crispy lies, mostly naked, on a metal gurney generally used for autopsies. On a small table to Scully sit his fake nose, ears and wig. Scully turns to Crispy, who truly looks awful, with a giant gaping hole where half of his features are supposed to be. He reminds me of a nightmare I had when I was a child that I've never forgotten: in the dream, I woke up and went into my grandmother's bathroom and looked in the mirror only to find that I had no nose. In the space where my nose should be was a nest of maggots. I know. I'm still traumatized. This is almost that bad. Moronica awkwardly stands behind Scully. I think she's holding Scully's handbag. Seriously. Scully murmurs that Crispy's scarring is recent, but "severe." No shit. He's wearing a prosthetic nose, people. Scully continues, saying that said scarring doesn't appear to be from burning or chemicals. "I was injected," Crispy tells her. We flash back to the injection; FlashbackCrispy is strapped into the same sort of dental chair that Mulder was subjected to, back when he was up in the Worst Dentist's Office in the Universe. FlashbackCrispy squirms as a huge sharp pointy needle heads toward his face. Man, I hate needles. The only thing I hate more than needles are clowns. And I don't really like flying all that much. So, I guess the plot line that would most traumatize me would be one about evil clowns who inject people with a substance that makes the plane they're travelling on crash. Or something. "With what?" Scully asks. "I don't know. It burned. Throughout my whole body, inside and out," Crispy tells her. FlashbackCrispy twitches in the chair as a doctor holds him down for the injection. What looks like plasma bubbles out of a hole in his neck. It is nasty. This is probably the first time all season that I have to cover my eyes because the scene was scary and gross, rather than just nauseating. Present-Day Crispy heaves a rattling breath on the gurney, remembering. Scully looks sympathetic. Enter Doggett, saying that he needs to speak to her. Scully pats Crispy gently and leaves him lying cold and alone in the morgue.
Hallway. Doggett tells the girls that he ran Crispy's ID and it turns out that he fed them a fake name. "Well, then, who is he?" Scully asks. Doggett has an idea, he says, "but you're not going to believe it." Scully's like, hit me. "I think that how he got in here and the reason he knows what he knows is because that man is Mulder," Doggett just blurts out with no preamble. Scully thinks about this for half a second and then snorts with laughter. Then she realizes that he's not actually joking. She stares at him. Then she starts laughing again. "That's ridiculous! It's absurd!" she snorts. "Seriously," the Mulder action figure pipes up. "Have you seen me? I'm gorgeous. They'd never disfigure my pretty, pretty face." Doggett just looks at her, not unkindly. "Is it?" he asks. "What is true and what we want to be true aren't always the same." Staring. Staring. Scully is sure it's not Mulder. "I hope you prove me wrong," Doggett says, looking past her shoulder and into the morgue, where Crispy has sat up. He's watching them talk.
William
“ Whoever Crispy is, he's putting on his plastic face and his dancing shoes and getting ready to go out! ”
More Flashbacks of Agony, which conclude with one of the Doctors of Evil ripping off his mask. We don't get to see his face, but Crispy winces at the memory. And now, for the weirdest sexy scene ever. Scully holds Crispy's arm very, very carefully (just in case he is, in fact, the hot guy she used to work with) and draws some blood. He stares at her intently. She looks at his chin and asks to examine his "dental work." Crispy half-smiles. "You're not going to tell me I need braces, are you?" he chuckles. She blanches. Because Mulder? Funny. Scully gets a hold of herself after a moment and gently peers inside Crispy's mouth. This entire scene is very intimate; it's shot in extreme close-up and Scully's near enough to kiss Crispy. The idea that, under all that gunk, this person could actually be Mulder makes it all sort of...sexy. I swear to God. And the lighting is great. Scully looks in Crispy's eyes with the little eye doctor flashlight thing. "Are you going to help me?" Crispy rasps, huskily. "I don't know how I can," she mutters, not looking at him. "Help me make them pay for this," Crispy asks. Scully looks at her feet. "You refer to them as if I know them," she whispers. "As if I know where they are." Crispy peers at her intently. "They did terrible things to you, too. When you were abducted." Scully nods and feels the lymph nodes under his chin. She tells him that she knows the name he gave Doggett was false. "What is [your real name]?" she asks. "I can't say," Crispy tells her. She moves down to feel the lymph nodes around his breastbone. She checks inside his ears. They're practically kissing. He murmurs that "people" at the FBI would kill him if they found out he was there. "The same people who would kill Mulder," he says. Almost kissing. Almost kissing. Scully looks at her shoes. "You can put your clothes on now," she tells him. This scene is really effective. Because if this guy actually is Mulder? Dude. "I'm asking for your help," Crispy tells her. "But I might be able to help you." Scully asks how. "You're looking for answers, too," Crispy reminds her. Cut to a close shot of Scully's face. Mulder -- normal, non-Crispy Mulder -- is reflected in her eye. "We're both looking for answers," Normal Mulder says from inside her eyeball. Scully looks utterly shocked and snaps her eyes shut. We zoom out. She shakes her head a little bit, then covers the offending eye. She stares at him. He stares back. Then she turns away and walks off and out into the hallway. Yowza.
Doggett is waiting for her in the hall. "It's not him. It's not Mulder," Scully says. Doggett asks if she's sure. Scully insists that she is. "And so will we all be, when you bring us back his DNA test," she says. Moronica looks over Scully's shoulder at CrispyMaybeMulder, as Scully informs them all that the danger to the guy is real, and no matter who he is, they ought to find out what he wants from them. She wants Doggett to take Crispy back to FBI HQ. Can I just go dramatically off-topic here for a moment? On the forums the other day, someone speculated that Gillian Anderson was pregnant (for reasons I no longer recall), and I totally poo-pooed it, but now I'm not so sure. Her face, first of all, is much fuller than it used to be (especially in the chin) and I've noticed that both her blocking and the cut of her shirt are designed to camouflage a little tummy, should one be present. Don't get me wrong: I think she looks completely gorgeous. But I also wouldn't be surprised if we find out that she's having a baby. Hopefully not an alien one. But, anyway. Whoever Crispy is, he's putting on his plastic face and his dancing shoes and getting ready to go out!