Thanks to Jacob for filling in last week, when two fools (Nao and John) were sent packing, after being tasked with making something shocking. Abdi was our winner, and he has immunity this week. Also, Erik and Jaclyn fought because she didn't give him credit for the brilliant idea he gave her. And, once again, we have a "parental discretion" warning, so maybe we'll get more scatological artwork. Dare I hope?
It's apparently very early in the morning when Simon shows up to wake up all the artists and gather them downstairs to present them with Audis to drive to 47th and Park. Their journey and destination will be the inspiration for their work of art. They make small talk with their various co-passengers as they drive. It's as boring as you'd think.
They arrive at the Audi Forum, where China tells them their challenge to use this journey through New York to create their art. Ryan's annoyed at himself for not paying attention in the car. They have a half-hour to come up with their ideas, so everyone walks around and looks at Audis while Miles decides this is overstimulating and takes a nap. Erik has a hard time to relating to him. Ryan didn't pay attention on the drive, so he takes pictures of himself in a car. Jaclyn takes pictures of men walking by, trying to catch them looking at her. Jaime Lynn wants to work with a circle, inspired by the wheel driving through Manhattan. Miles wakes up and decides to create the opposite of everything in the Audi Forum, so it will be really simple.
Art store. Mark buys canvases and paint (so not doing his usual photograph). Jaclyn thinks it's important people see this is something she loves and that she takes seriously. Ryan buys a bunch of stuff, but still has no idea what he's going to do. Back at the studio, Ryan notices Nicole and Miles are flirting. He says they're a really cute couple -- "a match made in Urban Outfitters heaven." Erik has made a lot of dark stuff, so is planning to make something light for his girlfriend, who's been there with him through everything. We see a picture, and she's pretty adorable. Mark's going to paint an aerial view of a map from above. He knows he has to go "balls to the wall" to finally get the win. Jaime Lynn is making pictures of herself dancing, which talks of her love of car dancing. In other words, these people are just as self-absorbed and egotistical as ever. Ryan's still struggling, so Peregrine tells us he's the archetype of an art-school boy, all skinny and painter jeans but no ideas.
After commercials, Mark reminds slow viewers what the challenge was, then Abdi compliments Jaclyn's series of pictures of men looking at her. He compliments her to the camera, and then Jaime Lynn does, too. Sort of. She says she's sexy, which Jaime Lynn is sure is so difficult (because Jaime Lynn's not sexy?), but she thinks Jaclyn genuinely enjoys the attention. Uh, yeah, duh. She strips down in every episode. Abdi says issues of "morality" are important to his artwork, so he's making a painting of a racecar driver covered in logos. I think he might mean ethics, not morality? Ryan's making a painting of himself in a car, because he sees himself as a rock star. Miles says he's from the country, so his OCD comes from the busy city. He has to go be alone in his little dark room to get in his own head and come up with something: a screen print of a photo of an empty doorway, to get at the quiet moments in New York. He goes to talk to Nicole, who's going to layer a bunch of stuff and crumple it up and cast it. They both talk about how they're attracted to each other. Erik thinks Miles is an actor, because he's a totally different person in front of the cameras. Nicole finally explains what she's doing in a way we can understand: She's writing stories from her day in the Audi on crumpled up pieces of paper, covering them with resin and suspending them so the viewer can feel the hovering and suspension of an Audi. Ryan tells Peregrine hers is so bad it's good. Peregrine's coming up with all the words she can think of with Audi: Saudi, Audio, Haudi, Gaudi. So, yes, some are spelled incorrectly, but it's sort of inspired.
Simon comes to visit, and starts with the totally unsexy Jaime Lynn. She tells him how fun it was in the car with him and Abdi, so she's doing a rock around the clock of herself rocking out to hip-hop music. She says she loves dancing, and Simon says he feels the same way: that it's one of the most fun activities they can talk about on television. He asks if she's concerned about time, and she says she'll make it work. She interviews that she knows her piece scares Simon, "but if I want to make a piece that's got 24 debutantes in wedding gowns on a dinosaur, then that's what I need to do." Seriously, why couldn't she have done that? Ryan doesn't think Jaime's piece is incredibly mature, so he's also concerned about her.
, Simon talks to Jaclyn, complimenting her for being in the top two last week. He doesn't say it, but I think the reason she didn't win over Abdi was because her idea was actually Erik's idea. Jaclyn's put some mirrors in with her photos and tells Simon she wants to throw paintballs at them. Simon stops at Ryan's , and asks if he's narcissistic, by any chance, since his self-portrait has been the basis of all of his works. Curious that he wouldn't ask Jaclyn that question, but whatever. Abdi thinks Ryan's crazy and always smells a little like alcohol, but "he's a great guy." Abdi just cannot bring himself to insult someone. Ryan's painting is sort of a triptych that he sees as when you hit warp-speed in movies. Simon tells him to give it something special so it's not a conventional portrait. Ryan's worried and says, "I don't know what to do with my thing." Hee. Commercials. I like the Bravo one with people from all of the shows, especially when that guy from Flipping Out gets soaked at the end.
When we're back, Simon's still talking to the artists. He's moved on to Mark. He tells him his work looks like a total departure from what they're used to. Mark says there are Mondrian references in his map, which he's trying to make show the life of the city, unlike the usual grid maps. Simon thinks it's brave of him to do this totally different thing. Then it's on to Miles, who tells Simon he was so overstimulated this morning that the simple quiet moments around the city stood out to him. Simon loves the picture of the empty doorway, and thinks there's a sanity to it. He also loves that Miles plans to add a police barricade in front of it to give it more of an urban feeling. Simon announces that Nicole will have to share a new room with all of her female colleagues. Nicole interviews she can normally live with anyone, but Jaclyn's going to be a problem because she's all about herself all the time.
Jaclyn asks Peregrine's advice on what color of paint to use on her art, and Peregrine tells her to use white for bird shit, instead of red for blood. Erik's annoyed that Jaclyn always gets help even though she thinks she knows everything. He doesn't think she's smart enough to come up with ideas on her own. Ryan's finished his Pop Art-looking piece and says he's hopeful he'll be safe again, which is all he's been so far. Peregrine doesn't like Mark's map; she thinks it looks like hotel art. Nicole discusses her art with Miles, who offers advice. They really are cute. Time's up, and everyone's stressed. Jaclyn's worried she won't have time to construct "the framing element" tomorrow. Back at the William Beaver House, Nicole thinks Jaclyn's going to be even more difficult than she thought. Ryan's worried his piece will be in the bottom for being so literal. The morning, Jaime Lynn says she loves elimination days, because she knows she'll be here as long as she needs to be, praise the Lord. Because we all know how much the Lord cares about reality shows.
Erik watches Miles work at the studio and tells us how he'd never buy Miles's work, or go to a gallery to view it, or brag about it. Okay, the guy's negativity is starting to bother me, and I really want to like him and his lack of training. Jaclyn's going to just tack her photos to the wall to make it more voyeuristic since she won't have time to make her frame. Ryan and Erik discuss Ryan's painting and Bob Ross, who Erik says you "gotta love." Ryan laughs. Simon comes in to tell them they have a half-hour until their exhibition. Miles still has to build his two sculptures. Abdi's stressed, as usual. Miles gets one screw connecting his sculpture when time's called, but he says at least it's finished. You know, unless it falls apart.
Now we get that weird outtake scene we get every week. This one is about Ryan's laugh, which everyone seems to love. It makes them all laugh, too. Lots of clips of him laughing. I know Abdi thinks he smells like alcohol, but this scene makes me think it might actually be pot he's constantly on.
Gallery. China's lined up the artists and is once again repeating everything about this show to them and us. I wonder if they hate that as much as I do. Anyway, we have the usual judges -- Bill, Jeanne and Jerry -- plus guest judge "renowned contemporary artist Richard Phillips." Ryan feels even less confident about his cheesy painting with a painter who does hyperrealist paintings as a judge. The judging begins. They start with Mark's piece, "From Above." China wonders if it's a grid of the city, but Richard thinks it's about the navigation device or something. They seem to like Erik's portrait of his girlfriend. It's called "Susie." Jerry uses the word "cutty-uppy," which is funny. The judges seem amused, in a good way, by Peregrine's "Raudi," a series of line drawings playing with language, using the word "Audi." Nicole's sculpture, "Suspension," isn't literal, and she thinks it's good. She and Miles lay under it.
The judges think Ryan should have used just one of his three panels in "Cruising Up 3rd Avenue." He's worried he might finally get the critique he wants, but now he doesn't want it because he's unhappy with this piece. I think if he does get it, he should just tell them that instead of sticking up for it. But, like all of these people, he's an egomaniac, so that's not likely. The judges like Miles's "Untitled" piece. They get that the sculptures are like street signs, which pull you in. Miles once again reminds us it's a quiet moment that gets forgotten in the clutter and chaos of the city. Jaime Lynn loves her piece, "Turn It Up," but Richard feels "cringey" when he gets close to it. Jaclyn's really proud of her piece, "11/17," and the judges seem to like it too. Abdi says he wasn't sold on his piece, "The Glory," at first, but that it looks really good on the gallery wall.
China calls back Miles, Jaclyn, Mark, Ryan and Jaime for the crit. Everyone else is safe and heads back. They start with Mark, who explains he used a stylized version of a map. The judges think he made an extremely generic painting, and Jerry actually uses the same "hotel room" comparison that Peregrine used earlier. Mark says he realized he hasn't taken risks and that he'll go "balls to the wall" time. I think that's at least the second time this episode he's used that phrase. Ryan says his painting is a fantasy of looking cool while he's driving, because he was actually scared while driving. The judges think it's too literal and that his explanation is much better than the work. Jaclyn tells them about her piece, and how uncomfortable she is with the men looking at her. The judges love it, and think there's growth in her work, and that the mirrors help it a lot. Jaime jokes about the car-dancing piece she made, and Richard tells her it's difficult to digest. China doesn't know what the circle is: a hubcap? A record? I'll spare you Miles explaining what his piece was for the 100th time, but the judges like it. Except that he used the overstimulation thing once before with his napping piece. He says he's not the overstimulation guy. "If anything, I'm the comfort guy." Everyone laughs at that for some reason. They all head back, and Ryan's glad he finally knows what the judges are looking for.
The judges talk about who they like: Miles, who used sculpture and photography, but it's simple and personal, and Jaclyn, who put herself inside the work and pushed her work forward. Now for who they didn't like: Jaime's mind-dump, Mark's boring painting and Ryan's "dead work of art," according to Jerry. Jeanne says the persona of Ryan is a rebel, but they don't see that in his work at all. They've made their decisions. Is the suspense killing you yet? Jaclyn and Miles are lined up for their praises, and the winner is... Jaclyn. Eh, whatever. I don't know why I hate her so much. But Miles gives her a big hug (unlike her reaction last week when she pouted about finishing second). They head back up and send the other three down to learn their fates.
Jerry tells Mark he took an exciting, vibrant city and turned it into a dull, unoriginal painting. Jeanne tells Jaime she threw a lot of elements on the wall and none of them stuck. Bill told Ryan he painted himself as a poser and it was ultimately one-dimensional. China tells them that one will be leaving, and then: "Jaime, your work of art didn't work for us." Jaime's sad to be going, since she's worked really hard. I'm sad she's going, too. I never thought it would happen, but I like her a lot. She wishes she'd pushed herself harder, and says she was blessed to be here and just make art. She'll miss everybody.
week: The artists have to put something somewhere to make a statement. Jaclyn and Erik fight some more, and Miles joins in, on Jaclyn's side. Eh, whatever. I could live without any of those people at this point.
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DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, will not let this product placement convince her to buy an Audi. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.