By Heathen
There's a lengthy previously-on segment covering just about everything of note in the series so far, which is pretty sad, when you weigh three hours against thirty seconds.
A cute semi-redhead delivers a speech to small handful of Wolf Lake denizens. She's discussing an addiction that so interfered with her day, she would leave work three times to "sneak off into the woods and do it." Dude, tell me about it! Lumberjacking is a cruel and impatient mistress. "You're not thinking about bankruptcy and back taxes when you're locked into that incredible hot drive," she says dreamily. "And I miss it...That flash that explodes inside you and blots out everything else..." A bald old man interrupts, "That's how I got run over by the SUV." Oh, this is a support group for shapeshifters trying to suppress their lupine urges. Sheriff Donner is there, suppressing his lupine urges. Nancy, our speaker, continues after the rude interruption. "I'd sit up late at night and think, 'Nancy, that is no way to run a hair salon!'" But then she'd have a rough day, retreat to the forest at night, and "wake up to find four or five squirrels in the lettuce crisper." Donner chuckles, because squirrels are the poor wolf's meat, and sad little Nancy obviously doesn't know the mantra: "Possums are awesome; a squirrel makes you hurl." Nancy blathers that she lost her self-respect, her soul, and her shop's clientele, until this support group turned her life around. With a grand flourish, she thanks Sheriff Donner for "gosh, everything," and kicks off a round of applause. Donner blushes and gives her the Pointed Finger of No, You're Great. He skips onstage and hugs her. There's a gigantic whiteboard behind them that lists the ten steps of Flippers Anonymous, like it's some sort of club for recovering dolphin fetishists. Proudly, Donner says, "The beast within us is very strong, and if you ever feel like you're not up for the battle, remember this brave woman's story. It can be done." Credit Tim Matheson with earning his salary -- he delivers all this with surprising facility. He adds that Nancy has also overcome bulimia. "That reminds me, there's a sheet cake back there," says Warren, the bald troublemaker. Nancy glares at him, ready to go all Teen Wolf on his ass until Donner reminds everyone to use the ten steps and treat flipping like an addiction that must be battled every day. There really is a list of ten things, but fortunately, they're not legible. Donner announces that he's buying the first round, so everyone should hit the bar and booze their troubles away -- in fact, that's probably the ninth step. "If you feel you must flip, instead take a sip!" And then take fifty more.