A Good Day

Do I have cable yet? No, I don't. But I do want to send a big shout-out to the good folks at the District of Columbia Office of Cable Television and Telecommunications, who moved heaven and earth (or at least, made some phone calls) to force Comcast to hook me up. Unfortunately, it turns out that there is a bureaucratic force on this earth that's more powerful than Comcast and the D.C. government combined -- Verizon. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how it works either, but the phone company is somehow blocking my cable. Curse you, James Earl Jones!

Margaret sits at her desk, where she sprinkles some salt on a green apple before taking a bite of it. Some people have suggested that this odd food choice is explained by Margaret's pregnancy, and others that it's explained by what we later learn about Margaret's place of origin (that is, upstate New York). But I have to say, as a former central New Yorker, I've never seen anyone sprinkle salt on an apple. That's not to say the folks upstate don't have some unusual delicacies -- I still miss the salt potatoes -- but salt on fruit is not one I'm aware of. There's an older Japanese man sitting to Margaret's desk, and she asks him if he's sure she can't get him something. He declines the offer. Suddenly, Annabeth and Cliff come walking through the office. I guess he must have accepted that job offer. Boy, it's when I see Mark Feuerstein standing to Kristin Chenoweth that I realize how very short he is. Annabeth is telling Cliff that the President needs a quiet news cycle and reminds Cliff (when he asks) that it is his job to provide one. Margaret tells the two of them that they can go into C.J.'s office.

As Annabeth and Cliff enter, C.J. asks if Jed is ready for his press conference the day. Annabeth tells her that he is, "unless Congress cooks up more recipes for lame duck." I like a nice lame duck l'orange, but I think mushu lame duck can be nice too. Cliff apologizes to C.J. for the veto override of the week. Apparently, there's a new Congressional fight coming up: the Speaker of the House has scheduled a vote on a ban on funding for stem-cell research. There's some very unsubtle exposition -- namely that the White House had located $55 million in the Health and Human Services budget for such research, and that the embryos from which the stem cells would be taken are going to be disposed of in any case. And that the margin on the vote is liable to be a dozen either way. Which is why Speaker Haffley scheduled the vote when he did: tons of Democratic members of Congress are away from Washington, campaigning for themselves or for the various presidential contenders. Many of them are returning for the vote, and Cliff leaves to make phone calls to bring more of them back. As both Cliff and Annabeth walk out of her office, C.J. calls after them to remind them that Jed needs "a good day." Well then, it's a good thing that's the title of this episode.

C.J. also walks out of her office, and she runs into Toby in the hall. He apologizes for missing their little meeting, but she tells him that Cliff knows what he needs to do. There's more clumsy exposition as they discuss the fact that there's a dinner for Nobel laureates that evening. C.J. seems to be anticipating the dancing and the "Latin jazz on tap," but Toby is less excited: "For those of us who are seated with the organo-metallo chemists, we'll run out of small talk by the soup course." C.J. gives him a look and tells him that he's going to have to miss the soup, because she's scheduled him to meet with the "Future Leaders for Democracy." Toby wants to know if we're talking about the near future or the distant future. C.J.: "Middle. Middle-schoolers, in fact." Shockingly, Toby seems less than thrilled at the idea of hanging out with a bunch of kids. I know, it seems so out of character. C.J. tells him to give them ten minutes, but Toby is angry that his whole day has already been divvied out in ten-minute chunks. C.J. tells him he's going to have to suck it up, because these kids have already been bumped from Jed's schedule and from hers, and it's their last day in town. Toby wants to know why he's getting stuck with them. C.J.: "Because you're so good with kids." Yeah, I mean the fact that he never stops talking about his own kids is proof enough of that.

Capitol rotunda. Cliff greets Santos, who is running in, Josh on his heels. Santos asks if he's missed the vote, and Cliff tells him that they're "doing the rule right now." Okay, my understanding of this process is that, for each bill, there is first a vote on the rule that will control the debate and certain other procedural details related to that bill. Only after the rule is approved can the voting on the bill take place. It's also my understanding that the proceedings can be stopped at any point, until the vote on the actual bill has commenced -- once that point has been reached, there's no going back. I'm sure that these three sentences are wrong in fifteen different ways, all of which I'll hear about shortly. Josh apologizes for cutting it so close, blaming the traffic from Dulles. Ugh. Tell me about it. They should have taken the bus to the subway. But Santos makes it clear that he wouldn't miss this vote for the world.

As Santos walks into the chamber, Josh and Cliff stay behind, and some kind of herald calls out, "One more vote. One vote arriving." I wonder if that guy is wearing breaches and a floppy hat? Or maybe I'm just thinking of the guy on my bottle of Beefeater. Josh tries to position Santos for some good press, telling Cliff that he'll be available to talk to news crews after the vote. Cliff congratulates Josh on Arizona and New Mexico. Does that mean Santos actually won some primaries? Or that he made another respectable showing? Josh points out that Super Tuesday is still to come, which is when the campaign will really be tested. Regardless, Cliff is glad that Santos came for the vote, and that Josh called back the members of Congress who were out campaigning for Santos. Just then, Will and Donna walk up to them. Josh is surprised to see them, since he thought they were in Atlanta. But Will tells them that the White House asked Bingo Bob to help out. Josh points out that the Veep has no vote in the House, but Will reminds Josh that "as a former member, [Russell] retains lifetime floor privileges." I wonder if some former House members just kind of hang out on the floor because they have nothing to do? So Bob is in the chamber pressing the flesh and trying to whip votes against the stem-cell research ban. They make some small talk, and Donna confidently predicts that they have the votes to win the battle. She's clearly no longer an assistant -- she's an operator. A smooth one, even. Sade would be impressed. Santos walks out of the chamber, looking pissed off: "Son of a bitch." He tells Josh that they can hit the road. Apparently, when Haffley realized how many Democrats had made it back, he cancelled the vote. The promo monkeys have an orgasm as Santos tells the assembled group, "Game over. We've been had." Credits.

Back in Margaret's office, she offers her Japanese guest a cup of tea. He declines, and suggests that he might be able to proceed on his own. Margaret tells him that C.J. won't be much longer: "She'll want the honor of escorting you herself." When did Margaret become such a good liar?

C.J. walks into the Office of O, where Jed is dancing with Abbey and singing "Begin The Beguine." There's some big band-sounding music in the background. Is there a Victrola in the Oval Office? Or are there some members of the Marine Band playing just off-camera? C.J. offers to come back when the First Couple aren't so happy, but Abbey tells her to stay, and then tells Jed that he has to use his cane. Jed tells her that the doctor told her he didn't need to use the cane when he was at home. C.J. points out that the doctor probably meant when he was in the residence, and wasn't speaking of the entire White House. Jed is almost irrationally exuberant, as he walks over to C.J. and asks her if she's ready to cut a rug at the party that night. As Jed takes C.J. in his arms and starts dancing with her, she tells him that her ballroom dancing class was short on boys, and that, as a result she only learned how to lead. Jed thinks that's a quality that's served her well. As she watches them dance, Abbey raises her hand to her mouth. There's an incredible range of emotions that play across her face in that instant: happiness at seeing Jed up and dancing, fear of showing too much of that happiness lest it be taken away from her, and sadness at the knowledge that these days won't last much longer. I love Stockard Channing.

C.J. tells Jed that the stem-cell vote was cancelled, and he's delighted to hear it. She tells him that it could be rescheduled at any time, but he's determined to look on the bright side: "One thing about MS. You don't take good days for granted." If Jed gets all wise and accepting on us, I'm going to quit. I didn't sign on to recap cheerful Yoda. C.J. brings up the dinner, and Jed is happy to be discussing the Nobel laureates. C.J. gingerly tells Jed that she needs to ask him about "Yosh Takahashi." If only this part were being played by our favorite gay nurse from ER. Jed's irrationally exuberant bubble is popped in an instant, as he gets an incredibly sour look on his face. That's the Jed I know and love. More clumsy exposition: Jed is not close to Takahashi, who's the economist with whom he split the Nobel in economics. Jed describes his and Takahashi's work as being "divergent, even contradictory." Apparently, Takahashi is so conservative, "he makes Milton Friedman look middle-of-the-road." Economics humor. I can never get enough. Abbey tries to end the discussion by expressing gratitude that Takahashi is halfway around the world and not coming to the party. C.J.: "That's the thing..." Danger alert! Danger alert! Jed tells her to be gentle: "I'm not a well man." It seems that Takahashi was invited to the party, and that rather than being at his normal post in Kyoto, he's been visiting the University of Chicago. Jed asks if Takahashi is crashing the party. C.J. tells him it's even worse: "He's here now, waiting to pay his respects." Jed appears to be having a quiet aneurysm. I really do worry that Martin Sheen's going to injure his eyes, the way he bugs them out like that.

Toby walks through the communications pool, where Annabeth pounces on him. She heard that he wants her to babysit the student group, and he tells her that he'll stop in to say hello to them at the last minute. She tells him that she needs to be reviewing tapes of Jed to prepare for the press conference, but Toby is a determined man. He tells her, "Why? You already said the President's a natural. Why mess with perfection?" Annabeth doesn't seem to recall saying that, but Toby walks away before she can get out of the assignment.

Halls of Congress. (Kind of like the Halls of Montezuma, but without the Marines or the intimation of diarrhea.) Cliff is walking with a couple of members of Congress, including a Barbara Mikulski look-alike. I'll call her Mikulsky. Cliff's trying to convince them to stay so that they'll be there when Haffley reschedules the vote, but Mikulsky points out that Haffley will never schedule the vote while they're in town. One of the members uses the expression "that dog won't hunt." I'm not sure whether to blame Carol Flint (the writer of tonight's episode) for that, or whether it represents the kind of thing an actual hack politician would think of as wit. I'm afraid the latter is entirely too plausible. Cliff asks them to keep their phones on, and he runs into Haffley just as the two Democrats walk out the door. Haffley is quite friendly with Cliff, congratulating him on a good try with the vote. Cliff tells Haffley that "he's dead." Yikes. Shouldn't some Capitol Police have tackled him for saying that? Haffley needles Cliff about working for a lame duck, and then Cliff says, "This won't affect my serve, you know. I'm gonna slaughter you tomorrow." Ah, so they play one of those racquet sports. Or maybe beach volleyball. As he departs, Haffley calls Cliff "dude." Ewww. And speaking of ewww, Cliff is wearing a black suit with a black shirt and a dark purple tie. He looks either like a mobster or the head of the Squid Ink Marketing Association. It's normal for lobbyists (which Cliff was) to have very fancy wardrobes -- they like to show off their success and money. But I think it's also normal for them to want to look very mainstream, and this look is not that. Plus, it takes away anything of Mark Feuerstein's that would pass for a neck. Not a good look. Cliff dejectedly sits down on a bench. He sees who's sitting at the other end of the bench, and says, "Congressman, tell me you're not leaving town." The Congressman -- who is young and kind of cute in a big-eared, long-necked way -- tells Cliff that he never leaves town. Cliff thanks him for sticking around for any votes, but the Congressman tells him that he's not sure he would vote with the President on the stem-cell issue. Cliff just takes that as one more example of what a not-good day it's going to be. Gah, doesn't he pay attention to the episode titles? Of course it's going to be a good day!

Cliff enters a large and fancy office. We hear Donna talking on the phone, telling someone that she's going to miss "those peach things," and asking the person on the other end of the line to bring some to Cleveland. There's been some speculation that Donna is having some kind of fling with whomever is on the other end of this call, but I do not detect the tiniest bit of warmth or affection in her voice. It just sounds like she's speaking to a colleague. Donna hangs up and gives Cliff her condolences on the vote. He tells her, "Sometimes things are going so smoothly you don't see it coming until they fall apart." Their eyes meet at the end of that sentence. Gee, do you think those words could have some deeper meaning for the two of them? Maybe related to the fact that they slept together and then had to break up when Donna was a witness in an investigation Cliff was leading? It's just too subtle for me to tell. Donna walks back to her desk, and Cliff follows her, telling her that she looks changed, "in a good way." She takes that in without responding, and then congratulates him on the job. He's not sure it will still be his after the day's failure, but he thinks she's on a great career path with Bingo Bob. Cliff tells her to thank the Veep for the use of his office, and she expositions that it's normal for the White House legislative affairs staff to use the Veep's Capitol office. Cliff says, "I guess Josh must have worked out of here a lot." Donna: "Back in the day." Why sure, remember in that one episode when....Or that other one, with the big vote on....Hey, wait a minute. There haven't been any episodes in which Josh worked out of this office. Donna, you big liar. And Carol Flint, you bad writer. And then Cliff tells Donna that they should have dinner sometime, "so [she] can catch [him] up." Donna perks up, and tells him that she'll be back in town after Super Tuesday. He wishes her luck, and she smiles after him as he walks out.

Situation Room. There's some blah blah about rebels in Angola. Kate -- who is apparently running things -- ends the meeting. But as everyone leaves, some guy in the back of the room asks them if they "want an update on the Canada situation." Kate -- some doubt in her voice -- tells him to go ahead. He points out that "tensions along the 49th parallel have been growing." See, we should have gone all the way to fifty-four forty. Kate asks, "What's their beef?," and the guy congratulates her on her excellent joke. Apparently, the U.S. ban on live cattle imports from Canada is a problem, but he tells her, "I wouldn't reduce this to a simple mad cow conflict." Everyone but Kate is basically ignoring the guy as he tells them that tensions escalated at the start of the spring snow goose hunting season, when some Canadian ranchers posted "no trespassing" signs on their property despite the fact that folks from Montana had hunted there for generations. She looks at him and slowly asks, "Are you from Interior?" Indeed, he's from Fish and Wildlife. Which raises a question: how the hell did this guy get in the Sit Room? What happened with the scan and the code and the guards? Or does each cabinet agency appoint someone who has authority to enter the room? Is there someone from the Department of Education who is prepared to talk about the latest problems experienced by a U.S. foreign-exchange student? Interior Guy continues describing the problem, telling Kate, "While an American party was setting out decoys for the great snowy honker this morning, Canadians surrounded 'em and pinned 'em down. It's unclear whether the Americans are under siege or have been taken hostage." "The great snowy honker" is what we call Glark around TWoP Towers. By this point, Fish and Wildlife Guy has got the attention of most of the people in the room. Before local law enforcement could do anything, one of the hunters used his cell phone to call in backup. Someone asks if shots have been fired, and Fish and Wildlife guy says, "Yes. But there were geese in the air at the time." Kate looks at a military officer and asks, "Do we even have a map of Canada?" Oh, America Junior. Always a source of comedy. ["In case anyone cares: the whole beef thing has basis in fact, and it's a pretty big deal on this side of the border." -- Wing Chun]

Office of O. C.J. leads in Takahashi, who is welcomed by Jed and Abbey. There are formal greetings, and then Abbey says, "What a pleasant surprise." Takahashi thanks them for allowing him to say hello. Aaaaah! I just realized that Takahashi is being played by the voice of Aku. Look out Jed! He'll transport you to the future! Then there's an awkward pause that's long enough that I might have my cable hooked up by the end of it. Jed breaks the silence by saying how much he regrets that he's too busy to spend much time with Aku. There's a little chatter about old times -- Jed and Aku were in grad school together, where they competed over a fellowship. Aku describes himself as a bookworm and Jed as a politician, and then basically says that Jed's presidency has been "a footnote to explain his theory." I think I see some flaming coming out of Jed's nostril as he excuses himself, telling Aku that they'll have to continue the conversation at dinner. Abbey takes one for the team, inviting Aku to join her in another room for tea. After the two of them leave, C.J. tries to find some words to describe Aku. Jed has some of his own: "Smug son of a bitch." Well, he is the source of all of the world's evil -- what did you expect? Jed is fuming about what he perceived as subtle digs from Aku in their brief conversation. He dishes out an insult or two of his own, and then C.J. interrupts him to point out, "With all due respect, sir, you sit in this office. You're pretty much not allowed to harbor professional jealousies." Jed looks sullen for a moment, and then says, "He started it." Be nice, Jed, or you won't be allowed to have any dessert.

Cliff emerges from a door in the Capitol that is labeled "Office of the Vice-President." He looks down the hall, where he sees Santos. Santos catches his eye and then nods his head down the stairs, as if to say, "Follow me." I've seen that look before, but it usually involved creepy old men in public restrooms. And following them is never a good idea. Cliff and Santos walk down separate staircases that meet at a common landing. Cliff keeps looking over at Santos, as if thinking to himself, "First I get Josh's old job, now I get his boyfriend?" As they meet on the landing, Santos explains that he got held up on the way to his fundraiser in Hartford. Cliff starts to go on about the importance of Santos's staying in town, but as they get closer together, Santos cuts him off with a quiet whisper: "Okay, look unhappy." Cliff is clearly not as used to sneaking around behind people's backs as Santos is, because he looks a bit confused. Santos points out that he's shaking his head "no," and Cliff wonders if that really means that he's saying "yes." Santos tells him that he's not sure, and then tells him not to smile. Cliff asks, "Is it too much if I slump?" Santos looks him up and down (for real) and tells him to be careful. Santos quietly asks where they can meet, and Cliff suggests his office in half an hour. Santos looks at his watch, and more loudly says, "Look, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," as he walks away. Yeah, you're gonna be sorry if Josh catches the two of you. Cliff is just dumsquizzled. Commercials.

Kate and Will walk down a stairwell. Actually, I think it's the only stairwell we ever see in the White House. He asks if she's the "point man on the Saskatchewan incursion." Will, if you really are interested in Kate, I'm not sure how much it advances your cause to call her a man. Unless you know something about her that the rest of us don't. ["Yay, someone in pop culture said 'Saskatchewan'! I am bursting with provincial pride." -- Wing Chun] Kate asks Will if he really has the clearance to discuss something as delicate as a drunken standoff at the Canadian border, and he tells her that Bingo Bob wanted him to weigh in on the matter. Kate looks exasperated, saying, "Please, tell me this is a ruse concocted to steal moments in my promising company." Yeah, I think they totally did it. Kate asks if the Veep is a snow-gooser, and Will tells her that he actually hunts bear from his cabin near Chinook. (Which he completely mispronounces, by the way.) In fact, the Veep hunts with the Governor of Montana. Will tells Kate that he wants to make sure that "we" don't back down or look weak. Kate doesn't think there is a "we" in this: "It's fifteen drunks in camo vests." Will repeats that Bob advocates a hard line. Kate wonders if this means "a permanent lockout in the NHL, a maple syrup embargo, turn off Niagara Falls?" Oh, that NHL line has gotta hurt. At least, it's gotta hurt the ten of you who are NHL fans. Kate puts her hand on the scanner and enters the Sit Room.

Annabeth leads a dozen adolescents through the West Wing. With one or two exceptions, they are taller than she is. She tells them she knows they're disappointed, and one young woman explains that they understand that the President's schedule can change quickly. A rather unfortunately geeky-looking young man explains that the kids didn't mind having to meet with C.J., or even Toby. Annabeth: "But getting bumped to Deputy Press Secretary in charge of hairstyles kind of sucks, huh?" Geek Boy tells Annabeth that if they were a student media group, they "wouldn't be lodging this protest." Geek Girl pointedly tells Geek Boy that they aren't lodging a protest. She also calls him Cody. Cody asks Annabeth if she even read their materials. At that moment, Toby walks behind the group, realizes who they are, and walks the other way. Annabeth explains that she did read their materials. Cody: "Then you know that a glorified field trip is a waste of our time." Annabeth gives her best Broadway smile (which, since this is Kristin Chenoweth we're talking about, is pretty good), and tells him, "Let's talk about it on our way to the East Room." The students follow her, but Cody is clearly not happy.