The Supremes

Previously on Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Subjected To The Confirmation Process: Josh tried to fill seats on the Sixth Circuit, but found that he had a bigger problem when a relatively young Supreme Court justice abruptly dropped dead.

"The Supremes," says the title card, and I could fill your head with a lot of "Baby Love" and "Stop! In the Name of Love" jokes throughout the recap, but I will sincerely try not to. No promises. We fade up on Donna, who is on the phone with Josh, running down a list of people who have called in the aftermath of Justice Brady's death. For some reason, her chirpy manner when she first starts talking makes me briefly think she is singing to Josh, but she isn't. As she drops the news that two archbishops have called, we cut to Josh, working his way through a crowd of people holding up signs that say, among other things, "KEEP ABORTION LEGAL" and "STOP ABORTION NOW." We are told that it is "Monday Morning." Oh, good gravy. Not this again. Josh marvels at all the people who are "up so early" that they have time to get out and protest in front of the White House, and Donna points out that people with big agendas "had sign-painting parties the second Justice Brady dropped dead." Probably true. Nothing keeps sign-painters in business like politically-motivated idiots. Donna tells Josh she has a new "list," and says that she's been told to burn the old one. Josh reads from a pamphlet he has been handed about the sacrifice of the unborn, and how people "beckon, arms akimbo, the Reaper, the Horseman, and the apocalyptic end." Of course, his only comment is that "'akimbo' is a word you wish got used more."

Josh walks inside, saying into the phone that someone outside is selling "Who Would Jesus Nominate?" t-shirts, but on his way in, he runs into Donna -- who's not listening to him on the phone anymore, evidently. They stop and look at each other for a second, and then she launches into the business about the development of the list. Frustrated, Josh takes what looks like a PDA/phone hybrid and snaps it shut. He hands Donna something, although I am too stupid to know what he's handing her, apparently. I am told it may be a muffin. Whether it is some sort of symbolic muffin, I am not sure. I'm not sure I'm always up on the symbolic language of bakery items. Josh quickly makes his way to an impromptu meeting in Leo's office with Toby and C.J. Apparently, Democratic leadership is talking to Jed, undoubtedly providing additional names for what will be known over and over again as the List. Toby says they've promised people a short List by the end of the week, so it's an all-out dash from now until then. Leo hands out lists of candidates that each of the staffers present is supposed to meet with. C.J. hands off to Toby a message from the ACLU about one of his assigned candidates, which is the show's way of expositing, more delicately than usual, that various groups are bringing up various issues about various candidates. See how that works? Josh asks about the absence of someone named "Haskins," and Leo says that Haskins is "having an affair with his clerk." Well, yeah, that's not good.

Toby, meanwhile, gets a phone call. First, he has to assure whoever it is that they're not having a party over Brady's death -- "Well, not a big party." Heh. Back in the meeting, talk turns to someone named Lang, and Josh asks, "Isn't she kind of a lefty?" Does anyone in politics actually say "lefty"? I have to doubt it. C.J. says that Lang is merely a "decoy duck," and should be interviewed somewhere more visible than Josh's office. Leo explains for the audience's benefit, probably unnecessarily, that the idea of some of the decoy candidates is to "mollify" the left and "panic" the right (Lang is being used largely for the latter) to the point where they'll all lie down and happily accept whichever moderate winds up being chosen. Toby breaks in just long enough to report, apparently based on his phone call, that someone-or-other is to be added to the "never consider" list. C.J. returns to the discussion, suggesting that Lang should meet with Josh and Toby, rather than just Josh, to make it look more legitimate. Leo sends them all off to get working: "First person to find me a Supreme Court justice gets a free corned beef sandwich." Hmm. "If it is reasonable to think that a Supreme Court Justice can be bought so cheap, then the country is in greater trouble than I had imagined."

Cut to Josh and Toby's interview with Evelyn Baker Lang, played by a less-affected-than-usual Glenn Close. They pay a little lip service to how much they love her work, and then Josh starts in on the "are you really interested" line of questioning, to which Lang smoothly replies, "We can just chat." "I'm sorry?" Josh says. She comments that she heard about how he tried to get Hayden seated, although it apparently didn't work out, and Hayden is still teaching. Toby seems peeved that Lang has changed the subject to something unrelated to the interview, and she looks over at him, trying to cut through the nonsense as efficiently as possible. "The conservative anchor of the Court has just died," she says. "A young, brilliant thinker who brought the right out of the closet and championed a whole conservative revival. You cannot replace Owen Brady with a woman who overturned a parental consent law. You'd be shish kebabed and set aflame on the south lawn. Two reporters have -- three reporters have walked by since we started. I'm window dressing. It's fine; I'm happy to help, but let's just chat about the weather." She smiles pleasantly. Toby and Josh stare at her in awe. Josh is already thinking about writing "Mr. Josh Baker Lang" on the back of all his notebooks.

In the corridor, Toby and Josh walk-and-talk about how impressive she was. "Maybe we should put her on the short List," says Josh. Toby just turns and looks at him, and Josh says nothing further. Because...no. They call for their appointment, and hand off the Lang folder to Donna. "This is...?" Donna says. "That's a 'no,'" Josh tells her, disappointed but resigned. We leave Josh staring meaningfully into space, thinking about the fact that Glenn Close still looks pretty good -- in fact, better than she did in Fatal Attraction.

"Tuesday," we are told. C.J. is typing at her computer. And as soon as you see her smile, you know exactly what she's doing -- she's instant-messaging with Ben. That's a great job by Allison Janney, because I knew what she was doing the second they cut to her. Toby walks in on her and asks what she's doing. "Nothing," she insists. Carol sneaks up behind Toby and tells him C.J. has a date. "She's getting fired," C.J. says pointedly. Toby comes right on in and talks about how they're bringing Lang back for another round, but C.J. is still watching the screen with half her attention. Toby tries to lean over her laptop to peek, but C.J. pulls it shut, knocking him into a bottle of hand lotion, which winds up oozing out onto his fingers. He smells it and nods, both approvingly and suspiciously. C.J. goes back to her chat. Does she wear lotion to IM with cute boys? I've never thought of that, I must admit.

Jed, meanwhile, is meeting the famous Brad Shelton -- played, as it happens, by Robert Picardo, who means something different to everyone, but to me, is Dr. Dick from China Beach. ["So not a 'Brad Shelton,' by the way. Someone named 'Brad Shelton' should be played by, like, Tom Berenger." -- Wing Chun] Jed tells Shelton that the staff hears only good things about him. "What'd they miss?" Jed asks. "My son burned you in effigy," Shelton says simply. Jed takes off his glasses. "Did you watch?" he asks calmly. "I didn't," Shelton says. "It was a campus demonstration against American presence in Saudi Arabia. There's a photo in his yearbook. Someone will dig it up. I thought it would sound better in person than on paper." Jed makes a hilarious frowny-face, and says, "I'm not sure it did." He goes on: "Did he burn anybody else?" "No," Shelton says with absolutely no emotion. "Just you." That was just...hilarious and strange, which is what this show used to be like a lot of the time, right before it got windy and pretentious. I am also amused by the idea of anyone's burning Jed in effigy, because he just doesn't seem objectionable enough. Then again, I'm not in college anymore. I think burning people in effigy loses its allure right around the time you start paying your own rent.

Lang is walking into the White House with Josh and Toby, telling them how she's "missed [them] both" since the last time they met...you know, yesterday or whenever. She remarks on the fact that she keeps running into Shelton and seems to be fishing for what that means, but Toby just thanks her for being a sport, basically. She shrugs it off, saying that the only thing about it that sucks is that it's taking up her time, which is kind of valuable, seeing as how she's a Circuit Court judge and stuff. True, that.

In the Office of O, Jed is questioning Shelton about affirmative action. He, predictably, has no opinion. "I don't position myself on issues," he says, "and I don't know what I think about a case until I hear it." He goes on to talk about what it means to be a moderate, and Jed asks him whether he thinks Jed wants him to vote with Ashland. Shelton basically tells him yes, though he tries to say it more diplomatically than that. He breaks the news, though, that he's no ideologue: "My allegiance to the eccentricities of a case will outweigh my allegiance to any position you might wish I held," he says. And see, he's a good guy, too. That's what I like about this story -- you can make a case for this guy. It's not obvious from the beginning that they're morally bankrupt to think in terms of a guy like this. There's nothing wrong with a guy like this.

Later, in C.J.'s office, Toby and Josh share the bad news about the abortion. Josh is hoping it won't be discovered, but C.J. assures them that it'll make it to some tabloid or another and Lang will be some jackal's dinner by breakfast. Or something. Toby insists that they need her to keep pressure on conservatives to accept Shelton. C.J. objects to the idea of throwing Lang to the wolves to take the heat off somebody else. "You should hear her," Josh finally says admiringly. "What? So she is a serious candidate?" C.J. asks. "She should be," says Josh, starting to feel frustration nipping at his ankles. C.J. talks about the incredible heat Lang would take from the anti-abortion types, and tells Josh to "let it go." Josh puts in a plug for getting away from the idea that the Supreme Court is a "single-issue body," and seriously, amen to that. C.J. takes offense that Josh seems to be implying that she's participating in this downgrading of the process, and she says very plainly that she doesn't want Lang subjected to what she's going to be subjected to once her abortion becomes public knowledge. "Get her out of the building," C.J. says firmly.

In the Office of O, Jed is praising Shelton to Leo, C.J., Toby, and Josh on what turns out to be Wednesday. There are a few other possibilities floating around, but it's clear that Shelton has risen to the top of the list. "You still having a love affair with Evelyn Lang?" Jed asks Josh. "No," says Josh, and tries to move on. But Jed asks him why not. "She won't make it through vetting," Josh says. "Why not?" Jed presses. There is a pause. No one wants to say. "She had an abortion," Josh finally says. He then tries to move on to another judge, but Jed takes the glasses off, and it's clear that this is not over. "When did she have an abortion?" Jed asks. "After '73," says C.J.. "It was legal." "We discarding anybody else for legal activities?" Jed wonders sarcastically. "Tonsillectomy? We down on surfing this year?" "She'd be publicly eviscerated," says C.J. carefully. "Twenty-seven million women voted for me," Jed says brusquely. "I think they might have had in mind that I was going to protect this particular right." Uh, not all of them, but...I know what he's saying. Jed is on a roll, imagining his hypothetical pro-choice female voter's mindset: "'I like that guy from Florida with the good hairdo, but I want to retain my right to choose, so I'm voting for what's-his-name, married to Abby Bartlet.'" Hee. Toby tries to equivocate some more, but Jed firmly says that the short List goes to the Judiciary Committee on Friday, and that he wants it to include Evelyn Baker Lang. Jed looks around and stands up, drinking his coffee, giving his best "Any questions?" glare over the rim of the cup. Leo finally looks at the rest of the group and says, "Okay." And that would be the "okay" that stands for "you know how he gets when it's like this, so you know that there's no point in our standing around trying to argue about it, and you might as well just go do what you're supposed to be doing and not waste any more of anyone else's time or your own." But it just comes out as "okay." Toby, C.J., and Josh mumble their goodbyes and get out of the room in a hurry. When they're gone, Jed gripes to Leo some more about how it "pisses [him] off" how they're dragging Lang in and out all week for show -- "the honor of a place on the short List is the least we can do." "We're still going with Brad Shelton?" Leo says. Jed nods. He's pissed off, not crazy.

Swimtern comes up to Donna's desk and prattles about "the Supremes." "Don't call them that," she says with annoyance. He insists that everybody else does, managing to mention several important people he allegedly knows. "You drop one more name, I'm going to staple your mouth shut," Donna says as she walks off with Swimtern on her heels. Eventually, he abandons chasing her, smirks, and goes the other direction as Josh approaches. Josh catches up with Donna, and dejectedly says, "There'll be hell to pay at Agincourt; I've offended the Dauphin." The Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters assure me that this line is really funny. Donna passes on some more phone messages, including "Senator Webster regarding E. Lang - 'what could he possibly be thinking?,' Senator Milbank, regarding Lang, 'no no no no no,' Bertha McNull, 'not a snowball's chance in' -- oh, that's not about Lang, that's about the highways bill." Heh. Josh mutters some more about his misery, and Donna offers him a black-eyed Susan. These are cookies, it turns out, sent by her mother. As Josh opens the tin, he notes that there are pictures of cats on top. "They're cat people?" "No, they're not," Donna says. He holds up the lid. "Shadrach and Meschach," she says. "Two cats," Josh says, all judging-like. "Cat people." As Josh takes a bite of cookie, Donna says that for years, her parents only had one cat, but that he died over Christmas. Josh, not really paying attention, notes that the cookie is extremely dry. Donna continues with the story, in which after the cat died, her parents couldn't agree on a replacement, so they got both of the ones they were considering. Josh's face shifts, and he looks at Donna like something is just occurring to him. Okay, not very plausible. But still funny.

The thing we see is Josh storming into Toby's office. "They pick one," he says. "They pick one, and that's how we get Evie Lang. And not as a decoy. We put her on the Court." Toby says nothing, but looks at Josh like he's high. (Josh, not Toby.) Josh goes on to remind us that Ashland, despite the problems he's been having, has refused to step down because he figured they couldn't successfully fill his seat with anyone who was worth anything. Josh's idea is for Ashland to resign and put Lang in his seat, and then allow the Judiciary Committee to handpick someone for Brady's seat. Toby instantly despises the idea, and doesn't understand why Josh would "hand the Republicans a seat on the Supreme Court with a red bow on top." Josh says that, first of all, the right has already had Brady, so it's not like it's a big shift to keep that seat conservative. Meanwhile, they'll get Lang -- who, among other things, will be the first female chief justice. (Yes, if you fill the chief's seat, you're chief. No, you don't have to be a regular justice first. Yes, this is actually done -- shipping somebody in to be chief who's new to the Court. ["But then you have to hear all the other Justices bitching for the thirty years that their bosses hired someone from the outside instead of promoting someone already in the organization. So it's a mixed blessing." -- Wing Chun]) Toby refuses even to discuss it, so Josh stomps off, saying he's taking it to Jed. Toby gets up to follow him, doing the no-you're-not thing. As they walk, Toby a few steps behind Josh, Josh mutters to a passing lackey, "Trip him." Snerk. Toby protests to Josh as they walk that Ashland may well go before the end of Jed's term on his own, so Jed may have a shot at filling both seats himself: there's no reason to give up either one. Josh points out that if they go the conventional route, they can't fill the seats with liberals anyway, only moderates.

In the...what do they call that, Debbie's area outside the Office of O? Debbietown? Anyway, out there in Debbietown, Josh and Toby continue to argue as Debbie tries to get them to shut up. They argue about Shelton while Debbie waves her finger, saying, "Gentlemen." They argue that moderates never would have written Brown v. Board. They argue about whether moderates are thoughtful or just wimpy. "Indoor voices, please," Debbie admonishes, but they pay no attention. Hee hee. In fact, Josh gets even louder, asking whether opinionated judges who want to do something meaningful are really the biggest threat the country is facing. They continue arguing as Jed opens the office door. Because they're so engrossed in fighting, they don't even see him. Toby declares that seeing both sides of an argument is a good thing. Josh counters that moderates ignore entire parts of the landscape. Jed motions to Debbie to let the boys in if they ever shut up, and then he retreats back into the office. "Josh," Debbie says as Josh continues yelling. Josh is on a fully-unfurled roll now, going on and on and on about visionaries and principles and justice, so Debbie finally picks up the spray bottle she was previously using on the plants and sprays Josh smack in the face. Suddenly hit with little squirts of water right in the eye, Josh shuts up, as Toby takes a surprised step back, looking at Debbie in amazement. The silence settles for a second. "The president will see you now," Debbie says simply.

In the Office of O, Jed is hearing Josh's idea. Toby argues that the Republicans will pick a young ideologue who will occupy the seat for an enormously long time. Josh has no problem with this; that person and Lang will articulate both ends of the spectrum of any debate. Jed muses that filling Supreme Court seats is one of the few things he'll do in office that will actually last, and reminds them that Shelton is a good choice, and that if Ashland resigns in a year, they'll have "a stack of great options." He doesn't see how they can give away Brady's seat. Josh reminds Jed, however, that doing it his way will put "the first woman in that chair." Toby argues that if they alienate the Senate, it could choose to stall for three years and give them nobody. Eh, I'm not sure that's likely with a high-profile seat like one on the Supreme Court. Jed considers what they've both said, and tells Josh to go to Ashland and see what he says.

At Ashland's office later, Toby and Josh sit waiting to speak to him. "How'd you come up with it?" Toby asks. "The swapetty-do?" Josh smiles and starts to say, "Donna's mom --" He stops. "I -- thought it up -- in the shower," he says unconvincingly. Ashland enters from behind them and asks his clerk, who's with him, who Josh and Toby are. He doesn't wait for a response. "Carrier pigeons," he mutters as he takes off his jacket. Ashland points out the sorry-to-hear-about-your-death bouquet that Swimtern sent, for which Josh apologizes profusely. Ashland sits at the table with Toby and Josh. "Brady was your age," Ashland tells Toby. "Eat your grains." Yeah, no kidding, Toby. And fewer of the twenty-hour workdays probably wouldn't hurt, either. "He was a great man," Toby says gently. "He was a selfish bastard," Ashland comes back. Toby nods and smiles like, "Um, okay. That, too." Josh brings up Ashland's comment to Jed about the administration's inability to get a liberal confirmed, and Toby asks whether Ashland is familiar with Lang. Ashland seems excited, but points out that the "pit bulls" won't like the idea of Lang in Brady's seat. Now, it's time for the other news. "For your seat," Josh says simply. "If you were to resign, she'd be chief." Ashland takes this in for a moment. "My seat," he says. "What about Brady's?" They tell him that the Republicans will fill it -- with someone of whom Ashland will likely be substantially less fond. Ashland smiles and leans back, considering. Josh asks whether he might go for it. "Suuuure," Ashland says, with a wave of his hand. He tells Josh to imagine who will be chosen -- "what segregationist, anti-miscegenationist, Isaiah-quoting, gay-bashing bastard they come up with." He yells a couple of guesses to his clerk, and then tips his cup to Josh and Toby.