The Warfare of Genghis Khan

Shout-out to attica finch.

Thursday, 3:16 AM. Leo phones POTUS with some news that makes Jed sit up in bed and look very grave. I think Jed spends more time sleeping alone than any POTUS in history. I'd kind of like to see what he'd do if some cute little cookie showed interest in him. God knows Abby doesn't.

Sit Room. Jed arrives in sweats; everybody else is in suits and uniforms. Nancy's there. I miss Fitz. Things just aren't as funky without Funkmaster Funky Fitz. It turns out someone's detonated a nuke over the north central Indian Ocean, and they're absolutely sure of it, since it has a tell-tale double flash. The new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs -- I can't remember his name, nor can I be bothered to hunt it down, for he lacks the funk of Fitz, though he seems like a nice enough guy as military bigshots go -- says no false alarms have ever been ascribed to the NDS. Leo asks about other sensors, and Hutchinson says something but I'm so annoyed that he uses the construction "consistent to" rather than "consistent with" that I can't pay attention to it. Jed wonders who else knows about this. Leo helpfully clarifies that he means "who else in the world," and not just "who else" -- because Hutchinson apparently didn't understand that. Non-funky not-Fitz (NF Squared) says, "The Russians and the Chinese have satellite detection capability for an atmospheric NUDET." Hutchinson helpfully elaborates, "Nuclear detonation, sir." Okay, if the President of the United Freaking States -- for what, six years now? -- doesn't know what "NUDET" means, we're in a lot more trouble than I thought. And that was already considerable. Seriously, I know that was for the audience more than for Jed, and we're already painfully aware that they think we're idiots, but must they make it seem that the President is, too? Or is that supposed to be some of that real-life flavour? Nancy says that no test was scheduled or reported by the other six declared nuclear powers. Hey, maybe it's one of yours and the right hand just doesn't know what the far right hand is doing. We see the flash again on the computer display/radar thing/whatever it is. Jed studies it. Leo: "There's a new member of the club." Can't wait to see what the hazing ritual consists of.

4:06 AM. The SRTs (Sit Room Types) are all in the Oval Office with Jed, and Charlie's handing out coffee, which he explains is from the Secret Service command post because the Mess isn't open yet. Jed: "If it's too hot, they wrestle it to the ground." The CIA director arrives a little late, explaining his delay: "Construction on Lee. They do it at night." D.C. locals on the boards assure me that this is not what this road is commonly referred to. I actually don't care, but I quite like the D.C. people, so I'm throwing it in here. Leo comments, "Avoids snarling traffic." Really? I thought it was because construction's so much easier in the cold and dark. Jed says they just started and dismisses Charlie. Jed asks if they've talked to the Russians and Chinese; someone -- I can't quite see who's talking -- says that they agree about keeping it quiet. The SRTs agree that the likeliest suspects are North Korea and Iran. The CIA guy -- whose name is apparently Sliger -- says that they knew those countries were headed down this road, but not that they'd gotten that far. How come the CIA never seems to come in for the kind of lambasting NASA gets on this show? Nancy says that they were pretty sure about North Korea. Well, that country doesn't exactly keep it much of a secret, does it? Sliger says they don't throw the word "sure" around at Langley. Leo makes nice by stating: "There have been strong indications that the North has nuclear weapons." Jed asks about Iran. Intel's sketchy; Nancy says they know Iran has been working on it. Sliger's not overly cozy with the word "know," either. Jed says they know this happened: "We're going to need to focus less on semantic distinctions and more on how this caught us so completely by surprise. We need to make contact." They decide to contact the Chinese about North Korea and the Russians about Iran. Nancy raises the issue of whether this was perpetrated by a terror group, as opposed to a state (a distinction I think is sometimes hairsplitting). Hutchinson asserts that no terror group has the capability to perform a test on this scale: "Their nuclear event will be a suitcase bomb detonated in Manhattan." Jed: "Or Pennsylvania Avenue." He ends the meeting.

Once everyone splits, Leo tells Jed he was a little rough with the Director. Jed: "I'll send him a lollipop." Leo reminds Jed that he wants his Intelligence head "focused and at his best." Jed gripes, "Guy couldn't find a clear route in at 4 in the morning. I'm not overbrimming with confidence." Frink asks if that suit is Leo's idea of wee-hours crisis wear. I tell him I think Leo sleeps in a suit -- if he sleeps at all. After a pause Jed says, "This is the nightmare." Leo agrees. Jed: "I thought when the Soviet Union fell, we could actually have disarmament. You go from trying to get rid of these weapons altogether to holding your breath that one doesn't go off on your watch. Strike another goal off the list." They agree that when they find out who it was, they'll have to do something. Jed asks for a Defense briefing on contingency plans. Leo says that if they act, they'll need a statement. Jed wants Toby on that. Like there's anyone else? Jed suddenly remembers VPOTUS. Oh, yeah, that guy. Frink: "Doesn't he wear brown suits or something?" Apparently, he's got strong opinions about men in brown suits. Who knew? Leo offers to brief Russell; Jed tells Leo to apologize: "Tell him...I don't know what the hell to tell him." Jed wanders out onto the portico.

7:58 AM. Donna meets Josh as he arrives. She explains that his meeting is a breakfast meeting, so he has to eat something. Josh already ate. Donna: "Or else it's rude." Josh: "I'm not hungry." Donna: "Or else it's rude." Josh hands her his messages, which he's put in the order he wants to deal with them when he's done: "Why am I even meeting with some geeks from NASA?" Donna's sure they're not all geeks: "And it's to discuss Administration space priorities. Do we even have any space priorities?" Josh: "Exactly." He marches off to the Mural Room.

Therein, about half a dozen NASA geeks await Josh. He notes that they have nametags. One guy, Karl, points out they haven't been to the White House much during the past five years. Josh welcomes him. Karl: "I recommend the scones. They're, uh...out of this world?" Oh, please. Karl, you're not a geek, you're a dweeb. Frink grouses about the guy's pronunciation of the word "scones," to rhyme with "cones" and not "cons." (I looked it up and both pronunciations are apparently valid, so don't get your knickers in a Gordian knot over it.)

Leo briefs Russell on the detonation. From this, Russell decides, "Pakistan's attacked India." Leo says it was a test. Russell revises his assertion: "Pakistan's being provocative." Leo explains that they don't know who did it, and are trying to find out who the latest member of the club is. Russell -- who's so thick he's making sludge look runny -- asks, "Is India mobilizing?" What a tragedy the SRTs did not have the benefit of his penetrating insight earlier this morning. Leo: "It was 1200 miles from India. India has no idea it happened." Russell still does not comprehend. Leo starts over.

Carol tells C.J. that there's another call from Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben. We sure hear a lot about Ben, but we never see him. Either someone decided the show needed a Lilith/Maris-type unseen character, or it's going to be one of the bigger anvils that's crashed through the roof of this place. C.J. tells her to take a message. Carol: "If he gets any more persistent, they're going to open a case file. Can I just tell him you're not worth it?" As she breezes past Carol, C.J. replies, "We used to date. He knows better." Toby overhears part of this as he catches up with C.J. and asks, "Feeling frisky?" C.J.: "Remembrance of things past." Toby tells her that there are two things to deflect at the press briefing: "New Israeli settlement activity in the West Bank...." C.J. stops short and Toby reassures her, "You can do it...." I can't imagine that C.J.'s seriously thrown by something like that after five years on this job. It's not like it doesn't go on all the time. C.J. recites, "'We discourage new settlements, deplore Palestinian terror,' balance but no too much balance, no moral equivalence...." Toby: "Greatest hits." C.J.: "The golden oldies. Second thing?" Toby: "RINOs." C.J. riffs on rhinos and the purported aphrodisiacal qualities of their horns: "[Is] that where the word 'horny' comes from?" Toby: "Not precisely, it's...these aren't the animals. It's Republicans In Name Only." Toby explains that it's the new right-wing epithet for GOP members who voted with the Democrats, and that they're being targeted in the primaries. C.J.: "'We're happy to stay out of that particular slapfight in the schoolyard.'" Toby tells her to make it "sandbox."

Leo appears to be finished pounding some sense into Russell's head. VPOTUS encourages Leo to call him if he can be useful in any way. As Leo's leaving, he runs into Will, who asks if there's anything he needs to be aware of. Um, that your role's been bunged up and now no one's sure what to do with you now that Sorkin's not around? I hear the weather in Mandyville is very pleasant. Leo says there isn't. Will asks for an area of responsibility for VPOTUS. Leo: "Such as?" Will says he has some notions. Leo tells him to take it up with Toby. Will demurs at this, which only raises Leo's hackles -- which are never lying very flat anymore anyway -- and he snaps, "Take it up with him! That's what he does. If you two have problems, work 'em out. I'm not a couples' therapist." Yikes. There's a thought: Leo as a therapist. You think Dr. Phil tells it like it is.

Karl is geeking on about some space thing or other. Gravity, slingshots, the Kuiper Belt, etc. Frink's riveted, naturally, as he always is when anyone talks about anything to do with astronomy. I should let him recap this scene. Except Frink's too busy, every time Josh says anything negative about space programs or astronomy, making Marge Simpson sounds of disapproval. Frink's very sensitive about all this. Josh is indifferent. Sam, on the other hand, were he not wasting away in Orange County (hey, they should get Rob Lowe to guest on The O.C. -- preferably as a Congressman) would be all over this guy like lies on the Bush Administration. But we've got Josh, and even Josh knows he's the wrong guy for them to be lobbying. Then Josh tells a very weak joke to illustrate his ignorance and indifference. No one laughs or even titters politely -- not even Karl "Out Of This World" Dweeb. Josh gets down to brass tacks: "What I know is politics, public perception. And the image of NASA is not good. Telescopes launched that can't focus, planetary probes that crashed because engineers mixed up metres and feet." An attractive woman named Alex regards Josh with mild displeasure. How do I know her name is Alex? Because nametags are picking up the title-card slack. After complaining about them for umpteen episodes, they've been pouting all season. Now, since Miss Alli kicked the crap out of them a few weeks ago, they'll hardly come out of their rooms. It's only a matter of time until we get Pop-Up West Wing. Or, you know, they might have to bring some Muppets on to explain things to us with small words and visual aids. Josh: "The only time NASA makes the front page anymore is when something goes wrong. You need to get off the front page. This administration only has one space priority: that you guys stop screwing up." A model of tact, diplomacy and charm -- that's our Josh Lyman. He doesn't wait for any response, not that one seems readily forthcoming; he just thanks them for their time, and buzzes off.

Leo warns Toby about Will's asking for a policy area for VPOTUS. Toby: "Unfortunately, everything we have, we actually care about." Leo says they have to give Russell something. Toby: "What could we give him that he could handle? Potholes." Leo thinks Toby means infrastructure. Toby means actual potholes: "On -- I don't know -- the interstate." Frink: "How about Lee?" Leo advises giving him something low-profile and simple that will "keep him out from underfoot." They reach Toby's office, and Leo whispers, "There's another thing." They go into the office and behind the closed door, Leo tells Toby about the NUDET. That's nuclear detonation for those of you with short attention spans, bad memories, or who just landed on this page after Googling "potholes." Wouldn't Leo try to tell Toby in a more secure location?

Leo and Toby come into the Oval Office, and Jed asks if Leo briefed Russell. Leo says he did: "He kind of...tilted his head." Leo plans to update Russell "after," though after what, he doesn't say. The election? Nancy the assistant lets in the SRTs. Does Debbie Fiderer still work here, or what? She's probably running the casino in Mandyville. They line up in front of Jed's desk and tell him that the Chinese have no indication that North Korea is responsible, and that they feel comfortable ruling that country out. Jed: "What do we think?" Sliger says, "It's good news and bad news. We think North Korea's got two bombs, probably more." Toby: "Please let that be the bad news." Sliger adds that they suspect North Korean technology is so advanced they don't need to test. Jed: "Why does the good news make me feel worse? Iran?" Hutchinson says that Moscow doesn't think so. Leo surmises that Moscow could be covering its ass. Nancy mentions persistent rumours about three warheads missing from Kazakhstan that supposedly ended up in Iran. She adds that these rumours are from Sliger's people. Leo: "The IAEA reports that Iran's had a secret nuclear program for the past eighteen years." Hutchinson argues that Iran makes more geographic sense than North Korea, since the Korean peninsula is 4,000 miles from the blast site. Leo says it's near Iran. Nancy: "Sir, given the volatility of the region, a secret test would be how Iran would certainly proceed." Jed says, "All right, let's put our cards on the table: what helped keep the Cold War cold was a sense of moral restraint that these weapons were too terrible to use." Wasn't it just as much, as Jed states later, the existence of Mutual Assured Destruction capability? It's hard to gloat about having bombed your enemy to smithereens when you're in the same situation yourself. Leo: "That restraint won't exist in jihadists who strap bombs to their chests and enter nightclubs." Well, at least they refrained from generalizing about all Arabs and/or Muslims. I suppose that's a step in the right direction. Now if we could only get everyone -- including the jihadists -- to correctly understand jihad, we might get somewhere. Sliger: "There are moderate elements on the ascendancy in Iran...." That seems a clear reference to President Mohammad Khatami, who's been in office for the last six and a half years and is considered a moderate, relative to the extreme religious fundamentalism that has predominated in the Iranian government since the Revolution. However, that does not mean that he's considered a moderate throughout the Arab and/or Muslim world. Toby flips through a file and reads, "'In the Qur'an, God commanded to kill the wicked and those who do not see the rights of the oppressed and to murder them." If we abide by the Qur'an, all of us should mobilize to kill.' Televised address by President Alijani -- moderate."

Well, then they're clearly talking about Khatami, because that is reportedly exactly what he said in 2000. I spent an hour trying to find the verse Khatami seemed to be paraphrasing; I checked three different widely used translations of the Qur'an and looked at the thirty-one verses that contain the word "kill" -- nearly all of which have a neutral or historical context (e.g., the story of Cain killing Abel) and none of which really corresponded to this. (If you think thirty-one sounds like a lot, bear in mind that the King James version of the Bible contains the word "kill" 215 times.) For the same three translations, the word "murder" appears only three times. Since I am unable to find the verse being cited and/or paraphrased, it's hard to comment much more directly. I am not sufficiently familiar with Shi'ite practice of Islam to say whether different translations are commonly used within that sect. In any event, for those who haven't read what I've had to say on the subject for the last two and a half seasons, it is important to remember that when extremists of any stripe pick and choose religious passages to support a violent political agenda, while conveniently ignoring the spirit, tone, and message of the entire scripture, the onus unfortunately falls on sane Muslims and non-Muslims alike to be informed enough to recognize and reject this. It is more than fair to characterize the overall message of the Qur'an as one of submission to God -- who is predominantly compassionate and merciful.

Jed directs Slattery to have the Iranian Ambassador to the UN fly to D.C. immediately to meet at the Swiss Embassy. I definitely give them props for finally dealing with real countries on this issue instead of hiding behind made-up ones like Qumar and Kundu -- one of my biggest beefs of the last three seasons.

10:56 AM. At C.J.'s press briefing she's of course asked about the settlement activity, and she spouts the party line. Steve asks her about Taylor Reid, some guy she's never heard of. Apparently, he's a cable talk-show host who's named C.J. "Chicken of the Week," his title for whatever newsperson is currently refusing to appear on his show. C.J. points out that it's hard to refuse to be on some show you've never heard of. Steve: "So you'd be willing to go on?" C.J.: "I have no idea. Though, truly, what girl can resist being referred to as poultry?" She calls on someone named Gail. (Probably not her fish.)

Toby and Leo are walking toward the Sit Room as Toby asks, "What about going to the UN?" Leo says that will be discussed. Toby: "Isn't that what it's there for?" Leo agrees, but adds, "This isn't the room where you talk about that." He goes in by himself.

Inside, Hutchinson is confirming for POTUS that it was a nuclear blast, and that they're still determining precise yield and type. They discuss what North Korea might do if the U.S. takes action against it. Jed: "And Iran?" NF Squared says that there are available nuclear targets for air strikes. Hutchinson: "The downside is a potential retaliatory nuclear strike at Israel." Jed and Leo look grave.

The attractive NASA woman appears at Josh's door, holding her briefcase in both hands and introducing herself as Alex Moreau, Assistant Administrator, NASA. She adds, "I was there at the breakfast. I mention it because you were hardly there long enough to take any of us in." Frink: "Excuse me, but how many babe astronomers are there?" Me: "Well, I guess you should have gone into astronomy and found out for yourself, hmm?" Josh stands up and starts to say something as she stands in the doorway and says, "You're wrong about us only getting on the front page when we screw up. Hubble images make page one all the time." Josh mentions they're sending up a new telescope. Alex: "The Webb, yes, out past the moon." Josh: "Every news story noted it'll be too far out for the Shuttle to fix, if it's all screwed up like the Hubble was." Alex looks mildly annoyed, and Josh says, "I prepare even for meetings I don't want to go to. I wasn't improvising. You guys are lost in space." He sits again, and Alex comes in and sits down too, saying she agrees with him: "NASA's lost purpose, but the problem isn't getting off the front page, it's getting back on. The New York Times has never published a larger headline than when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon." Josh: "Only, you don't do that anymore. Now it's launches to service the pointless International Space Station, which should be re-christened the S.S. Good Money After Bad. It's all low-earth orbits. It's like, if, thirty years after Columbus, Spain expected people to get hot and bothered over a trip to Mallorca." Alex hands Josh something, saying, "That's why we need to do this." It's a button reading "MOB." She explains that it stands for Mandyville or Bust -- it's a mission to locate and rescue stranded West Wing characters flung into outer space by the violent centrifugal force of the show's revolving casting door. They're believed to be in the region of Mars's moons, Phobos (fear) and Deimos (terror), orbiting endlessly, unable to reach their agents. No, really, it's Mars or Bust: "We want the government to commit to a manned mission to Mars." Josh: "There aren't twenty votes for it in Congress." He tosses the button on the desk and says, "You couldn't get funding for the buttons." She says that the Republican Congress isn't the problem: "It's liberals who killed the space program." Josh: "Yeah, 'cause we like to use government money to, you know...help people." Alex: "Space travel's inspirational -- you think that doesn't help people?" I don't know that it's ever helped me. Frink claims it's helped him, though. Josh: "Not like feeding them or getting them jobs." Alex: "Well, you have to feed the soul, too. Ever look through a telescope?" Josh: "In school. Uh, a guy on my floor liked to aim one at the women's dorm." Alex is real impressed. Nonetheless, she asks him: "What are you doing tonight?" Wait, what's that little exploding sound? Listen carefully. I think it's the telltale sound of an unseemly snit detonating inside one unhappy blonde. Josh's suave reply is, "Uh...." Alex: "Until you get a good look at what's up there, you only think you're prepared. Pick you up at 8."

An assistant brings in the Iranian representative. We don't get his name, so I'm going to call him Barid, which means "messenger," but Leo introduces him to Nancy and Slattery. Leo expresses his hope that the trip down wasn't too inconvenient. Barid says that the summons was a bit abrupt. They all sit down. Leo begins by saying, "We'd like to discuss your nuclear program." Barid shrugs: "We have agreed to IAEA inspections...suspended production on enriched uranium..." Leo: "Temporarily." Nancy: "Your forty-megawatt heavy water reactor at Arak: it's a size too small for electricity generation and larger than for research." Leo: "The type that provides fuel for nuclear weapons in India and Pakistan." Barid: "And Israel. I understand." Slattery says, "The Iranian exile organization NCR has identified other, secret enrichment facilities: the Laskhar-Abad side near Hashtgerd, a site near Ramandeh village...." Thank you, writers, for not making up "foreign-sounding" names. Thank. You. Leo asks why they're enriching uranium. Barid: "For reactor fuel. For power generation. As our European friends acknowledge is our sovereign right." Leo: "Power you don't need, with your oil and gas reserves." Yeah, those are infinite. I just bet the United States would let another country -- especially an "enemy" -- dictate how much power the U.S. "needs" and how it can be produced. Barid insists that it's necessary: "Because of rising domestic consumption rates, and our desire to preserve oil and gas to generate foreign currency." Nancy: "You displayed the Shahab 3 missile." (I believe shahab means "meteor" or "shooting star." I realize it's not germane, but sue me, I can't help myself.) "The only logical purpose for such a long-range weapon is to carry a nuclear payload." Barid: "And we enjoy and anticipate stable relations with Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Turkey, Afghanistan...these are the nations within range of this missile." Don't forget Iraq! Leo: "And Israel. I understand." Barid doesn't deny it.

Leo tells him that the U.S. believes Iran has been producing nuclear weapons. Barid: "The Ayatollah has decreed their production to be haram -- prohibited on religious grounds. We consider the development and use of such weapons to be immoral, inhumane, and against our basic Islamic beliefs, in contrast to the United States, which is not merely the only nation to ever employ such weapons -- twice -- but also brought the world to the brink of nuclear holocaust with the Cuban Missile Crisis." Indeed. Wordy ibn Word, Barid. ["And while we're on the subject, let me just stick in a little plug for The Fog of War. Very illuminating. Terrifying, also." -- Wing Chun] Leo: "The United States will not tolerate these weapons' further proliferation." Barid: "It is disconcerting to be dictated to by the only transgressor in human history." Leo's completely unwilling to address the hypocrisy, and says, "Let me make myself plain, Mr. Ambassador. Evidence that Iran possesses or has tested a nuclear weapon will be greeted by the United States as a matter of gravest consequence." Barid: "Are we finished?" They all stand. As he's leaving, Barid says, "I know what terrifies you: an Islamic bomb." Leo: "And I know what concerns Iran: a Jewish bomb." Barid: "Einstein, Oppenheimer, Teller...they're all Jewish bombs." He leaves. I know some viewers were quite offended by the inclusion of the phrase "Jewish bomb," for various reasons. I think it's just as offensive as "Islamic bomb," frankly, and I'd like to believe I'm not alone. Nobody refers to U.S. nuclear capacity in terms of a Protestant/Catholic/Gentile bomb. If we're talking about countries that have bombs, then what is consistent and what makes sense is to refer to an Iranian bomb, or a Pakistani bomb, or an Italian bomb, or whatever. The Islamic world is nowhere near as unified as the mentality that fears a swarthy brown prostrating menace is given to imagine.

3:36 PM. Josh is reading the newspaper in the hallway when Leo comes along. Josh asks if he's okay, and says he looks tired. Leo: "I've been tired [for] five years." Josh: "Tired...er." Leo says it's one of those days. Josh mentions that he met with NASA, and Leo interrupts: "What a waste, since the moon. My generation never got the future it was promised." Josh wonders what he means. Leo: "Thirty-five years later, cars, air travel's exactly the same. We don't even have the Concorde anymore. Technology stopped." Well, I think it just went in a different direction. Josh: "The personal computer?" Leo: "A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography. Where's my jet pack? My colonies on the moon? Just a waste." He ambles off to spread sunshine elsewhere. Josh watches him, musing.

Carol tells C.J. that some reporter (named -- guess what? -- Chris) wants ten minutes, and that there's a message from Danny. C.J.: "And it is...?" Carol says she's not sure she can do it justice. C.J.'s not in the mood for fooling around, because she says peevishly, "Carol...." Carol reads the note and says, "Okay, it's...'Bawk...bawk bawk...bawk.' Chicken noises. This Taylor Reid Show thing...'Chicken of the Week'?" C.J. tells Carol to get her a copy of the show.

Sit Room. The SRTs update Jed on the latest intel. They've got U-2s over North Korea, and Iran monitoring for unusual activity. Sliger says there's no smoking gun. Jed: "Recommendations. If it's North Korea?" Everyone's pretty sure it's not. Jed: "Iran, then." NF Squared recommends, "Surgical air strikes on enrichment sites." All five of them. Hutchinson: "In for a penny...." In for a pounding, apparently. Nancy: "If they retaliate?" NF Squared: "They'll regret it." I think from the look on Jed's face that he once imagined that Presidenting was going to be a whole lot more fun -- giving windy speeches and lectures and having contemplative chinwags with brainy notables -- than it's turned out to be. He orders them to get the B-2s in the air: "We go the minute -- and I mean the minute -- we're certain." Lotta consideration given to the consequences there, not the least of which is the strong possibility that Iran would retaliate against Israel.

Will's presented Russell with his new policy area. Russell seems slightly underwhelmed: "'Good government.'" Will cites a couple of examples. Russell: "You don't think I should do it." Will: "It buries you in minutiae. The public's all for it, but they'd rather chug sewage than have to hear anyone discuss it." Russell: "You know, it's easy to, uh, characterize junkets as vacations at taxpayers' expense, but they serve a purpose. Contacts get made, frank exchanges take place that would never happen in the glare of Washington." Will thinks that's plenty of reason to beg off: "You don't fully agree with the Administration's stance." Russell's lost in thought, which probably isn't difficult for him, since he's portrayed as being rather unfamiliar with the territory. Will notices: "Sir?" Russell asks Will to excuse him.

C.J.'s in her office watching the tape of Taylor Reid (Jay Mohr), who's saying, "And when you work for a man like the President, who's got what I think you could generously characterize as a casual relationship with the truth, when your job is to go out and be his spokesperson, the question that naturally arises is how can you justify lying for your boss the way C.J. Cregg has to? And if Ms. Cregg isn't a liar, then the only obvious conclusion to draw is that she's either gullible, an idiot, or so completely out of the loop she shouldn't be drawing a salary." During this, Toby comes in and sits down quietly on her couch. She turns the tape off, and Toby says, "I wanna see where he calls you a chicken!" She turns to him, looking pissed, and Toby adds, "But can wait." She announces that she wants a piece of "that twerp." Toby tells her she can't win. C.J.: "I'd mop the floor with him, smirk first!" Toby: "You'd just keep it alive. Old newspaper adage: never pick a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel." That is an old chestnut. I'm not sure the analogy holds, really, in the sense of a TV show. C.J. may not have her own show (though she should), but she's got the attention of any member of the American mainstream media anytime she wants it. Toby's pager goes off, and he says he has to go. C.J. asks: "Something going on?" Toby: "I'll see you in the morning." Probably not the answer she wanted after what Taylor Reid just said about her.

Charlie comes into the Oval Office, where Jed's pacing around with a book, to tell him he has to get ready for some big do. Charlie encourages him to cancel, saying that Jed's had a long day. Jed says he'll be fine. Charlie urges him to get some rest. Jed: "I'm not sure I could sleep." He goes off to get dressed.

Toby arrives to see Leo, who tells him that B-2s have taken off, and describes the targets. Toby asks if they've confirmed that it was Iran. Leo explains that they're not doing anything until they're sure. Toby: "Is this the room?" Leo: "What?" Toby: "Where we talk about the UN. So far I'm the only one bringing it up." Leo says, "The UN doesn't want this. They want to wring their hands and censure us after." Only what Leo says sounds a lot more like "censor" than "censure." Maybe Kofi Annan is working tape-delay at the Super Bowl halftime show (tm attica finch). "But they expect us to take care of things like this. And after they've exhausted themselves calling us warmongers and imperialists, they'll go home and quietly drink toasts to their relief." Yeah, I suppose it's not even possible that anyone involved with the UN genuinely opposes U.S. foreign policy and militaristic action generally. I guess it's always hard for hypocrites to imagine or believe that not everyone else is, too. Toby says, "Unilateral air strikes." Leo tells him to have a statement ready.

It's evening, and Alex is driving somewhere with Josh. She says, "I have a political question. If the theory of democracy is that people have the most direct connection to officials at the most local level, how come everyone can name the President but no one knows who their Assemblyman is?" Well, let's not get carried away. I have yet to see any survey of any meaningful size where 100% of the Americans questioned could, in fact, name the President. Josh, indifferently: "Complacency. Who knows?" He doesn't seem very into Alex. He adds, "It's like asking why the sky is blue." Alex tells him: "The colours that make up light have different wavelengths. The shortest wavelength, blue, is the most easily dispersed, so when sunlight hits the earth's atmosphere, blue's what gets scattered most." She looks at Josh, whose neutral expression hasn't changed at all. She explains, "Why the sky's blue." That wasn't clear?

Leo's in his office snacking on something when the phone rings. He asks, "Can this wait until tomorrow?" Apparently not, because Leo reluctantly agrees to speak to VPOTUS.

Alex pulls her SUV into an open field area. I can't imagine there are very many truly dark areas in the vicinity of D.C. They get out, and Alex starts unloading her big-ass telescope, asking Josh to carry part of it. He struggles with it, saying, "When you said...I thought we were going to some big observatory." She tells him he's not ready for that: "You need to have the same experience nine-year-olds are having all across the country tonight." Josh -- who is still wearing a suit, since he was probably picked up at work -- asks, "Are they ruining their shoes, too?" Hee.

Leo, followed by Nancy and VPOTUS, heads from the Sit Room. Toby observes them walking together past the bullpen and wonders what the hell that's all about.

Alex has set up the telescope. You can see a house or two in the background, so they're not exactly in the middle of nowhere. She comments, "It's amazing when you get away from the city lights." It sure is; I've looked at the stars a lot on very clear nights in both extremely light-polluted areas and a handful of very dark, isolated areas, and the difference is stunning. Like night and day. (Sorry.) I think there are a few too many stars visible in the sky to be realistic for where they are, but it's pretty. Josh tells her, "There's one named after me up there...the 'Josh and Linda' star." Alex: "The International Star Registry. Romantic." I hope everyone knows that thing has no real official status. You're paying a lot of money for a gift certificate. Anyway, Josh's response is, "Yeah. Name something that's going to be there for billions of years after two people who won't be speaking in six months." She confesses, "'Alex and Guillermo.'" Josh: "Guillermo?" Alex says, "Yeah. Chilean. Long story." That's an interesting little detail, since Chile is actually one of the best places in the world for stargazing. Frink and I recently read about a mountain range there where it can be so dark that you can actually see your shadow in the light of the Milky Way. Can you imagine? Now we're dying to go there. Josh says: "Sexy. Player. Dumped you." Alex: "Okay, not such a long story." She's making adjustments to the telescope with a remote control that I guess is pre-programmed for specific celestial objects. She invites him to look through the telescope at Jupiter: "The dots on either side are the four Galilean moons. You're seeing what Galileo saw four hundred years ago." Josh says he remembers studying Jupiter: "It has thirteen moons." Alex updates him: "Yeah, it has sixty-one." Josh seems mildly surprised: "Sixty-one?" She refocuses the telescope on another object and encourages him to look. He says, "Wow, what is that?" Frink: "The Orion nebula." Orion is his favourite constellation. Alex tells Josh what it is, adding, "Gas and dust. Stars are born in that. Well, born and die, actually. Everything, every atom in our bodies comes from exploding stars. I guess Joni Mitchell was right: we are stardust. Josh: "Or, put it another way, nuclear waste." A diehard romantic, our Josh. He takes a look at another planet, glowing red: "Is that...?" Alex: "Mars. Because it's near its closest point, you are getting the best look anyone's had at it in 60,000 years." We get a shot of them from a distance, standing under a tree, Josh bent over the telescope.

Sit Room. POTUS arrives in a tux, grousing, "One thing about this job -- it's hard to unobtrusively slip out of a party." Leo asks VPOTUS to speak. Russell tells the tale of a junket to the Mideast last year, where he attended a party on a boat on the Mediterranean: "The combination of jet lag, booze, and choppy seas made some guests sick. As they leaned over the rail, one of our high-level government hosts came up to me and drunkenly mused he hoped they weren't puking on one of their nuclear subs. He winked and lurched off. And the official's country...was Israel." Dun dun dun. Nancy: "He was talking about nuclear-powered subs." Someone else points out that Israeli subs are diesel-powered. Hutchinson: "Guy was drunk." Sliger: "Israel's nuclear capability has been an open secret for years. Why would they perform a test now?" Russell: "Getting nuclear warheads on submarine-based missiles requires miniaturization technology that could need to be tested." Wouldn't someone like Nancy or NF Squared be at least as likely -- if not more so -- to know that than Bingo Bob? Shouldn't almost everyone in this room be at least as knowledgeable about this as Bob? Not that Bob has to be the idiot he's made out to be, but these other people aren't supposed to be idiots either. Sliger: "'Could.'" Jed: "I know, that's not a word you're fond of at Langley. Let the man talk." Back to Russell: "Israel's been developing advanced fusion-boosted weapons. This technology is extremely difficult and requires testing to produce warheads that are capable of being shrunk to the size needed to be placed on submarine-based cruise missiles." Does he actually know more about this than most of these SRTs? Seems like it. Jed listens to Russell with his face all tensed up and then asks NF Squared: "Where are the bombers, General?" He says they're three hours out of Missouri: "They'll be over their targets in Iran in fourteen hours." Jed tells Slattery: "Tell the Israeli Ambassador to get his Prime Minister on a plane. I want him in the Oval Office by noon." He tells General Whoever to put a hold on the bombers. POTUS ends the meeting and tells Leo and VPOTUS to come with him.

Out in the hall, Leo tells Jed that they'll need a cover story for the Israeli PM's visit. Jed tells him to brief Toby and "have him get with C.J. right away." Jed remembers to thank Bob, who says, "I'm sure Leo's wondering how it is that I know so much about all this...." He's not the only one. Bingo Bob continues, "You know, all those jokes about me being the Congressman from Western Colorado Mining? The Colorado Plateau is this country's leading source of uranium. Good night, Mr. President. Leo." Jed smiles kind of smugly at Leo before they head up the stairs.

Alex drops Josh off at his place. She stops the car and wonders silently if he's going to call. You just know he's the type to claim he will -- and then doesn't. Josh says, "Okay, it's not going to happen, but...tell me about going to Mars." Alex: "Right here?" Where the neighbours can see? Josh reaches over and turns off the ignition. On this show, that's foreplay. Alex says that the plan is called Mars Direct. Josh cuts to the chase: "What'll it cost?" Alex: "Thirty, forty billion..." Josh snorts a little. Alex: "Over ten years...it's the cost of one weapons system." He tells her to go on, but it's with all the enthusiasm of a man listening to a woman explain why they should get married instead of just shacking up. She says, "We launch a crew directly there, like we went to the moon, and use the resources found on Mars to make the fuel to get back." Josh: "Is that doable?" Alex: "It's nineteenth-century chemistry. It's all doable now. All we lack is the ambition and political will."