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Previously on The West Wing: VPOTUS Hoynes invited Leo to join his very special Leaders of the Free World chapter of AA.
We open on a meeting of the Leaders of the Free World AA chapter, held in some storage room full of busts and flags and globes and such. It's where they keep the ugly gifts they get from foreign dignitaries, but dust off and put out when said dignitaries visit, for the sake of good diplomacy. A bunch of men (and from what I can tell, one woman) sit around a table. Leo sits among them. A man recites some AA stuff to the gathered folks. Hoynes wanders in as the man's finishing up; Hoynes grabs some coffee, and takes a seat. The men bicker a little while about funding some plane that may or may not suck wind rather than soar through it. One man with a pronounced Texas accent has an important issue to bring up. He's concerned about Leo attending the meetings, because Leo's past addictions have been outed, and his participation could threaten the anonymity of the other participants. Texan worries, "Every meeting's for anybody. You don't have a password at the door. You just walk in and sit down. Except where anonymity is crucial, even among alcoholics -- commercial airline pilots, surgeons, and us." Well, that would be an interesting dilemma if they didn't have Secret Service agents watching the door and that they do in fact run the meetings under the guise of a poker game. Plus, who on earth is going to wander into a storage room in the basement of the White House? They argue about it, but Hoynes puts a stop to it by pointing out that they're his meetings and that Leo can stay. The man who read the AA stuff at the beginning reminds the others, "What we see here, what we say here, what we hear here, stays here." The meeting starts.
Sing along with The West Wing theme song! "A show! About the prez! Please don't dissect what it says! It's just entertaining! Not educating! It doesn't have a point of view! These! Are Aaron's tales! Please don't project your views upon this show! About the prez! (That's all it is!)" You can blame Miss Alli for that. She started it.
When we return from commercials, we're informed that it's 10:30 PM, Thursday night. The office looks just as busy as it would be at two in the afternoon. Josh and Sam are pedeconferencing. Sam apparently just returned from an ice hockey game with Toby, creating a perfect jumping-off point for slashfic writers. Sam blathers on a bit to the effect that, if he ever owned a hockey team, he'd hire a sumo wrestler and just have him sit in front of the goal. Josh points out the many ways that this plan wouldn't work. Sam: "My idea is totally unviable?" Josh: "You're a Democrat. It's a pretty big club."
Having successfully placed the sumo wrestler in Act I so that it can go off in Act IV, the men get down to business. Josh has called Sam in about the "Internet Education Act," which is going before the Health, Education, and Welfare Committee tomorrow. Josh explains that the committee is going to eliminate the "Technology Challenge Fund." Sam points out that VPOTUS was behind that fund. Josh was still working for Hoynes when Hoynes created it. Hoynes doesn't know about the bad news yet, and Josh wants Sam to explain it to Hoynes. Sam wonders why they want him to do it. Josh tells Sam that neither Josh nor Leo has the best relationship with Hoynes these days. Sam asks whether Hoynes is going to be miffed to hear the bad news about his fund coming from the Deputy Communications Director. Josh clarifies that he actually wants Sam to help Hoynes save the fund. Sam agrees to meet with VPOTUS in twenty minutes, but asks about some meeting that Josh has planned for the evening. Josh tells him that he can come in on the meeting late, and that he'll find out what it's about when he gets there.
“ Josh points out that these proclamations are important have the force of law or something and uses the Emancipation Proclamation as an example. I doubt the South will secede over Molly Marillo Day, though that dumb jock she flunked might. ”
Sam heads off, and Josh wanders over to Donna because he can't find some folders. He says that one of them contains "launch codes," and I hope he's joking, but it doesn't sound like it. Donna simply tells him that they'll "turn up." He's asks for a few other things, and Donna tells him she'll get right on that, but she would like a favor in return. Her twelfth-grade English teacher, one Molly Marillo, was one of "those teachers," and is retiring. This sends Josh careening down memory lane about "Mr. Feig," his AP American History teacher. For me it was Mrs. McCarthy, my tenth-grade World History teacher, who taught the subject as though she were some sort of gossip columnist. Donna interrupts both Josh and myself to remind us that we're talking about her now. Oh, fine. Josh gives her a hurt look, so Donna lets him continue. Josh concludes by pointing out that Mr. Feig meant the world to him and died four years ago. Now that Donna's done pretending to care, she moves on to the actual favor request. Molly Marillo is retiring and Donna is hoping to get a presidential proclamation on her behalf. Donna insists that it would just be a "little thing," but Josh points out that these proclamations are important have the force of law or something and uses the Emancipation Proclamation as an example. I doubt the South will secede over Molly Marillo Day, though that dumb jock she flunked might. They argue some more, until Josh admits that he doesn't have a clue how these proclamations work. Donna offers to find out what's involved and get back to him. Josh agrees, and they split off.
Sam stops by Toby's office before heading off to his meeting with VPOTUS. Sam tells Toby that some standardized test scores have been released, and they show that America's kids have improved over the year. Toby sarcastically asks, "So instead of trailing eighteen third-world countries in reading and math, we trail how many?" Sam points out that the numbers are up, and that's the important thing. He thinks the Education Secretary should make an announcement tomorrow and get it out on the news. Toby says that they have several other media events planned. They argue for a little bit until Toby agrees to take a look at the schedule and see if they can't squeeze it in. Sam heads off for his meeting. Toby comes out of his office to tell Ginger that he needs to know what the Cabinet is doing tomorrow. Ginger simply nods at him and goes back to work, not realizing that Toby meant "right now." After some prodding, Ginger looks over a clipboard and reads tomorrow's events. Toby stops her when she gets to an event at noon from the HUD Secretary about home-ownership loans. Toby looks confused for a moment, and then seems to figure it out. He tells Ginger to page the HUD Secretary and tell him that Toby wants to see him in his office. Ginger: "When?" Toby: "Look at my face." Ginger: "You always look slightly pissed like that, except when you were drooling over the Poet Laureate." Well, no, she doesn't say that. She realizes that Toby means now and picks up a phone to page the HUD Secretary. Toby heads off to that mysterious "meeting."
Stirred
Elsewhere, Jed is sitting at Charlie's computer while Charlie paces behind him. Jed has apparently offered to help Charlie file his taxes online. I was hoping that this storyline would end up with Bartlet screwing up Charlie's forms to show us all that, just because the guy has a Nobel Prize in Economics, that doesn't mean he understands those forms any better than the rest of us do. Anyway, Jed sticks in figures representing the Social Security and pension benefits Charlie and his sister get from their mom's death. Charlie is caught up wondering whether he should take the standardized deductions or itemizing. You know what's more boring than watching a scene about filing taxes? Recapping a scene about filing taxes. It turns out that Charlie has donated more than $1,300 to charitable causes, even though he grosses only $35,000. Aww. How can you not love Charlie? Jed calculates that Charlie is better off with the standard deduction. So they finish with the figures, and both of them have calculated that Charlie will get a refund of $700. Jed asks Charlie what he's going to do with the money. Charlie explains that he's getting a DVD player with MP3 playback and a good DVD from an auction on eBay. Jed asks if it's Yeomen of the Guard. Uh, no. It's On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Jed goes on this long rant about why James Bond was a wimp when it came to his booze: "Shaken not stirred would get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth. The reason you stir it with a special spoon is so as not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it." Thanks for the newsflash, President Know-It-All, but as some posters have pointed out, James Bond orders vodka in his martinis, not gin. And you're supposed to shake vodka martinis for reasons that I couldn't possibly care about. My favorite mixed drinks are generally poured out of a blender. ["If you're talking about Jamba Juice, I'm right there with you. (But really, I know you aren't.)" -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, Charlie's figures come back, and they're not what either of them expected. Rather than getting a $700 refund, Charlie actually owes $400. Jed wants Charlie to pay up now, but Charlie wants to check the numbers and figure out what happened. Just then, C.J. comes in and says she needs to talk to POTUS. He heads off to talk to C.J. in the Oval Office, but calls over two Secret Service agents to "help Charlie find his pockets." They stand menacingly in front of Charlie's desk. Heh. Who says Secret Service agents don't have a sense of humor? Charlie insists to them that there has been a mistake.
C.J. apologizes for coming straight to POTUS, but explains that Leo was unavailable. She tells him that he'll be getting a phone call soon from the Energy Secretary. C.J. explains that the wire services are reporting that "a heavy-haul vehicle carrying 'depleted uranium fuel rods' crashed in the Seven Devils Mountains in Idaho." Well, the wire service is wrong. Fuel rods aren't made of "depleted uranium." Although I'm sure the inaccuracy is likely unintentional on the part of the show's writers, it isn't much of a surprise that a wire service got little details like that wrong. Wire services frequently do, and end up updating the stories as they get more information. And I can't imagine that C.J. would know the difference unless somebody explained it to her. Bartlet's shocked. C.J. continues that it was hit head-on by another large truck in the middle of a tunnel. The town of Elk Horn is nearby, with a population of 20,000. Charlie comes in to tell POTUS that the Energy Secretary is on the phone. ["Man, this episode is Secretary-licious! I predict a spin-off -- The Cabinet -- for fall 2003." -- Wing Chun] POTUS tells Charlie to conference in the chief of the radiological assistance team, Fitzwallace, Nancy McNally, and some other bigwigs.