Hartsfield's Landing

Props to me for actually finishing this before the episode aired. Props to Deborah for all the hard WW work to date. Props to Wing and Sars for those twenty-hour days with nothing to show for it. Props to Amanda and Josh for the light at the end of those twenty-hour days.

It's 8:40 PM EST at Andrews Air Force Base. President Bartlet, in a long black trench coat, briskly disembarks Air Force One and makes a beeline to the awaiting press. Add a track from Propellerheads, and a shotgun or two, and we gots ourselves a little POTUS Matrix tribute. Reporters are shouting over each other to get in the first question about Bartlet's diplomatic trip to India. Bartlet gives a quick answer to the Indian-Pakistani dispute over Kashmir (the land, not the song) and promptly gets to the real issue of the day: the History of Chess and the introduction of this week's Lazy Metaphor. It seems that the Prime Minister of India (yes, that's right: not every country has a President) has given Bartlet a few historically significant chess sets as gifts and, in turn, Bartlet will give us, the West Wing viewers, the Gift of Metaphor.

Glark, what's a metaphor? I'm glad you asked. Webster's defines metaphor thus:

\Met"a*phor\, n. [F. m['e]taphore, L. metaphora, fr. Gr. ?, fr. ? to carry over, transfer; meta' beyond, over + fe'rein to bring, bear.] (Rhet.) The transference of the relation between one set of objects to another set for the purpose of brief explanation; a compressed simile; e. g., the ship plows the sea. --Abbott & Seeley. "All the world's a stage.'' --Shak.

What's a Lazy Metaphor, Glark? I'm also glad you asked that. Webster's defines lazy metaphor as such:

\Lay-zee Met"a*phor\, n. Using the game of chess to illustrate strategic maneuvers or complex relationships between two antagonists.

Glark, I hate to mention this, but I think the use of Webster's definitions to punctuate an argument is also lazy. Oh yeah? Well, you're banned!

Ring! Ring! Margaret's just connected Leo, via cell phone, to C.J., who's also at Andrews Air Force Base. Seems Leo doesn't give two craps what Lazy Metaphor Bartlet is establishing; he wants POTUS and the POTUS Players back at The White House. There's trouble a-brewing down China's way, and where there's China, there's fire. C.J. moseys over to the President -- who's still yakking about chess -- turns to the press pool, and simply says, "Thank you everybody." BAM! End of question period. That's power -- you go, C.J. If C.J. ended every question period with a little "and they call me The Jackal," then, ladies and gentlemen, we'd have one ass-kicking show. C.J. leads Bartlet away, but he turns back and reminds the press, "Hey, don't forget Hartsfield votes in three hours and twenty-one minutes; we're going to find out who the President is!" He gives a final wave before turning his full attention to C.J.: "I'm going to give some of the chess sets out as gifts; did you see them?" C.J. gets to the point and replies, "Leo needs you in the car." "Did he say?" asks POTUS. "China," C.J. says. Bartlet's face takes on a grim expression. Well, grimmer, anyway. Being the leader of the free world isn't a party 24/7.

Bartlet climbs into the Presidential limo, and picks up the cell phone to get the skinny from Leo: "Intel says Taiwan is getting ready to test-fire three Patriots...in a base in an island in the Pingdong region." After about two minutes of trading "Pingdong" jokes -- including Leo's retelling of catching "Pingdong" in Vietnam -- POTUS gets back to business, asking, "What's China's reaction?" "An acceleration of integrated military exercises," says Leo. "Big?" "Yeah." "How big?" "Unprecedented." Leo asks, "Should we tell Taiwan not to test the missiles?" The President replies, "No. I mean, we could try, but they're not going to go for it. What are they asking for?" Leo explains, "They want us to put some hardware in the Taiwan Strait." POTUS asks, "Tonight?" Leo answers in the affirmative. POTUS continues, "I'm assuming Nancy, Fitzwallace, and the Chiefs..." "Everyone concurs, Mr. President," Leo says preemptively. Bartlet wants to know whether Leo feels the same. Leo does. "We have a pretty good sense of the worst-case scenario?" asks the President. "We end up sending the largest U.S. naval armada to southeast Asia since the end of Vietnam...plus a raging case of Pingdong," explains Leo. The President takes a moment, then says, "That sounds right...All right, we know the play." "We're going to assemble in the [Situation] Room," declares Leo. "She gave me these beautiful chess sets," says Bartlet. "The Prime Minister?" asks Leo. Heaven forbid we lose sight of The Lazy Metaphor for a minute. Getting back to non-chess-related business, POTUS informs Leo to "let Fitzwallace know [POTUS is] going to send the Seventh Fleet into the Taiwan Strait." "Yes, sir," says Leo. POTUS glances to his driver and orders, "Let's go."

La la LA la la laaaaa. La la la LAA la la laaaa. La la la la la la laaaaa la la la. La la la la la la laaaa la. Dee! (dee dee dee dee) Dee dee dee deeee! (dee dee dee dee) dee dee dee deee dee dee deedeedeedeedeedeedeedeeee LAA! La la la dee dee do do.

Back in the White House, the President and Leo strut through the halls to the Situation Room. The camera in the Situation Room is positioned behind a glass map of the hot zone as the Big Two enter. Of course, everything on the map is backward, so if you were paying attention, you'd know just how small Nawiat is compared to Anihc. While we're at it, what's up with that map? Is it custom-made? Is it light-projected somehow? Something wrong with paper maps? Whatever it is, it reminds me of Echo Base on Hoth from The Empire Strikes Back. Oooh, maybe Nancy is going to order the firing of the Ion Cannon. The President cracks wise about the upcoming primary vote in Hartsfield's Landing: "Listen, they start voting in Hartsfield's Landing in about two and a half hours, so this may end up being someone else's problem." "Ha ha ha ha!" goes everyone assembled in the Situation Room. "Joke of the century!" proclaims Entertainment Weekly. "Best Hartsfield's Landing one-liner in four years," according to Today's Gene Shalit. Okay, enough jokes. Let's make with the serious. "The scale of the war games is unprecedented?" asks POTUS. Nancy -- looking good and feeling fine in a sharp brown suit and brown blouse -- explains that the Chinese war games are a mock invasion of Taiwanese-held islands, and include planning for foreign-carrier-based opposition. Leo -- looking cranky and feeling lanky in a boring black suit and tie -- inquires about the Taiwanese reaction to the Chinese war games. Nancy's got the 411 and it goes a little something like this: "All armed forces are on heightened alert. The war minister asked for an emergency cabinet meeting." We also learn that Taiwan is moving some specific types of military might -- such as helicopters -- around like some sort of big strategic game of some sort. The American aircraft carriers U.S.S. Nimitz and the U.S.S. Independence are both about two hours away from the potential hot zone. There's also a battle carrier group centered on the U.S.S. Carl Vinson, within reach of the area. Leo asks to backtrack for a second to see what C.J. is facing in the press room right now: "Let me backtrack for a second -- what's C.J. facing in the press room right now?" Nancy says that the live fire exercises of the Chinese war games are being reported by southeast Asian media. "Is the Carl Vinson close enough to make a detour to the South China Sea?" asks Leo. General Glad Man says he thinks that, in fact, is the move. Leo looks at the President: "Sir?" "That's our move," declares the President. Oh, is the President still here? Damn, I think I could do his job. Nancy wants to know, "After that?" "After our move comes the move," says the President. Wait a second. After one move. Another. Then another. This sounds familiar. Very familiar. Sorkin...you sly devil.

We cut to the Exposition Press Room, where C.J. is doing her thing without referring to herself as The Jackal. The press wants to know whether the President is going to ask Taiwan to hold off testing the Patriot missiles. C.J. replies in the negative, adding that it is important to remember that the Patriots are defensive weapons, and that she's not in a position to say whether use of the Patriots, or anything else, is the tit that caused China's war game tat. (Damn, there goes our Net Nanny audience.) Reporter Curly Sue All Grown Up asks for confirmation that if "the Chinese attack Taiwan, [the U.S. is] obligated to defend them under the '79 Act, correct?" C.J. replies that the U.S. is only responsible for supplying Taiwan with a means to defend itself. The Act -- not referred to by name -- is the Taiwan Relations Act (TRA). The main policy initiative of the TRA was to provide Taiwan with defensive weapons (or as C.J. says, ahem, "equipment") to deter China from thinking about reclaiming control of Taiwan. Just prior to the TRA, the Carter administration switched its recognition of China from the Republic of China (Taiwan) to the People's Republic of China (good old-fashioned China). The TRA provided the legal means to continue military, economic, and diplomatic relations with Taiwan while recognizing the People's Republic of China as the One, True China. Of course this "One China" policy is a buncha poppycock, since it's pretty obvious we gots ourselves two Chinas here, treated quite differently. That's politics for ya.

Back to the Exposition Press Room. Reporter Generic Face asks whether the President will be watching the situation throughout the night. C.J., smelling a segue opportunity, says, "The President will be monitoring the situation in the China Seas as well as Hartsfield's Landing. Any of the new people not know about Hartsfield's Landing?" How the hippity-hell do you work your way up to White House correspondent and not know about this quirky little piece of American democracy in action? In the non-WW world, Hartsfield's Landing is known as Hartsfield's Location, and is joined by Dixville Notch in the midnight voting. Of course, in the Exposition Press Room, there's always room for (Claudia) Jean Explaining Life's Lessons Obligingly. And if there's room in the Room, there's got to be room here at TWoP: "Hartsfield's Landing is a town in New Hampshire, population 63. While the rest of New Hampshire goes to the polls at 8 AM tomorrow, all of the forty-two registered voters of Hartsfield vote at one minute past midnight or a little over two hours from now. Hartsfield has accurately predicted the winner of every presidential election since William Howard Taft..." (1909). C.J. then starts talking about Taft's contribution to baseball. Baseball talk always makes me zone out, so I hope nothing too important happened.

Having closed up shop at the press briefing, C.J. is on her way back to her office when she meets Charlie (Duuuuuuulé! ® Kim's Jim) in the hall. Poor Charlie. I miss the days when he had a substantial part in the WW story. Charlie is carrying a couple of boxes with cards on top of them; C.J. asks what they are. "I'm distributing chess sets as gifts," says Charlie. Skipping the whole "why the hell don't I get one" sticky wicket ["and surely Sorkin wouldn't think to give C.J. one, since she's just a girl, and therefore gets a historically significant Easy-Bake Tandoori Oven from India instead" -- Wing Chun], C.J. informs Charlie she needs a copy of the President's personal schedule. "Didn't you get one?" asks Charlie with raised eyebrow. "I need another," she says. "You got to sign it out. You got to sign it out and sign it back in. You can't photocopy it, and it can't leave the building," Charlie informs C.J. "What the hell is this?" snarks C.J. with an amused how-dare-you grin on her face. Charlie knows what's what: "For the third time in two months, a copy of the private schedule wound up in the press room. I got to crack down." That's right, C.J. It's Organizational Crackdown City, and Charlie's the mayor! "I'm the Press Secretary," C.J. reminds him. "You do a nice job," he replies. I need to hire Charlie to answer my email. He does a really good job pissing people off without getting hot under the collar. C.J. loses her cool and impatiently demands, "Gimme the damn schedule." 'Fraid not, C.J. Welcome to Organizational Crackdown City. Population: You. Charlie hands her a clipboard: "Sign it out, sign it back in." Go Charlie! C.J. signs the sheet, but she's not too happy with Charlie's attention to detail (i.e. her knack of losing schedules), and she lets him know it: "The anal-retentive side of you isn't going to help you get girls." Ouch, C.J. Very ouch. Charlie quips, "I do okay." Great scene. Too bad about the rest of the C.J.-Charlie-fest to follow.

Josh is a jerk. Josh is sitting at his desk crunching numbers. He yells for Donna, twice. From the first yell (by the way, don't yell; use an intercom or the phone system), it takes Donna eight seconds to open the door to his office. He almost gets a face full of door as Donna enters the room. That would have served him right, if you ask me. Which you didn't, but I'll say it all the same. "You were taking your time," whines Josh. Eight seconds? Poor baby. "I don't have warp speed," Donna replies in her half-annoyed, half-apologetic way, which screams, "Treat me like crap! I don't have the backbone to do anything about it!" Grow a pair, Donna. Soon. Turns out Josh was number crunching his homemade projections for tonight's Hartsfield's Landing vote, and he's worried about one couple -- the Flenders -- whose daughter emailed him to say her parents were leaning away from Bartlet and toward the Republican candidate. After another trip down Exposition Lane, during which Josh explains the Hartsfield's Landing story to Donna (a.k.a. Voice of the Viewers Who Don't Know What's What), Josh sends Donna off to a nearby park with a cell phone and orders to call the defecting family and convince them to support Bartlet. Donna puts on Josh's coat and takes off for the park. Why is Josh turning into a jerk? Why doesn't Donna have a spine? Why doesn't Donna take that dot-com job offer and get out from under Josh's foot? At least they're not playing chess.

Sam I Am shakes off the shivers from being outside in the cold (lucky Donna), flicks on the lights in his office, and notices a chess set -- all set up and ready to play -- with a note on top; he picks up the note and starts to open it. "Excuse me," says the President, who is suddenly standing in Sam's door way. Sam gives POTUS a big Rob Lowe smile and they exchange welcomes. "Someone gave me this chess set," says Sam, waving the note around in little circles. "Yeah, it's from me," offers the President. "The Prime Minister gave me a few different sets, and I wanted to give them as gifts." "I'm really overwhelmed by this, Mr. President," says Sam. "The State of the Union was really something else," POTUS replies. Sam thanks him, and then we're "treated" to another installment of Bartlet's Famous Moments in Chess History. "Wanna play?" asks the President. Sam is a little surprised at the offer, and asks, "You?" "Yeah." "I'll get killed." "Why?" asks POTUS. Sam says, "You're a Grand Wizard or a Grandmaster or something." Hee hee. Best Ku Klux Klan joke since Bart and Lisa discussed the merits of unsuccessful Krusty character Ku Klux Klam. "Naw, I'm not any of those things," POTUS says. "I'm just grand." Bartlet grabs one black and one white chess piece from the board in each of his hands, and puts out his closed fists for Sam to choose. Sam taps the President's right hand. The President opens his hand and says, "You're white, and don't ever touch me." "I'm sorry, sir," says Sam. "I'm kidding," says POTUS, already spinning the board around for the first move of the game. He and Sam both take their seats. Bartlet has this great, confident grin on his face by which it is very hard not to be amused. He's smart, he's wise, he's good at chess, and furthermore, he knows it. Maybe there's more to this than just a simple chess game. Could it be? Let's see.

Sam moves a pawn ahead one square to start the game. Bartlet immediately starts his head games: "Ah, the Kobayashi Maru opening. Very interesting." "You're just going to mess with me this whole time, right?" asks Sam. "Yep," says POTUS, as he makes his opening move. After a little chit-chat (chess move) about the India trip (chess move), Sam breaks open tonight's lesson topic by asking, "Do you mind my asking how bad it's getting out there tonight?" (Chess move.) The President almost sighs, "It's bad. If Kashmir [again, the place, not the song] is the most dangerous place on earth, then the second most dangerous is the Taiwan Strait. Taiwan's got 400,000 troops on high alert; the size of China's war games is unprecedented." Sam asks, "Have you thought about asking Taiwan to call off the Patriot tests?" to which POTUS answers, "You think I should?" "No, sir," Sam replies. "Why not?" "Because China's got three hundred missiles pointed at Taiwan; why shouldn't they be able to defend themselves?" (chess move) Sam declares. "That's right," POTUS says, "plus guess what?" (Chess move.) POTUS continues: "The Patriot tests aren't why China's showing its teeth." Sam is surprised and intrigued. The President leans forward a tiny bit. "Are you ready to come inside?" he says as music starts to let us know this is Important Information. Bartlet continues, "By the end of the week, Taiwan is going to announce they are holding their first free elections." The music gets louder, of course. "You're kidding," says a stunned Sam. Bartlet looks at Sam, and advises, "Defend your queen." It's a nice scene. It's really good to see Sam getting some face time with the President, and it's great that the President appears to be taking an interest in Sam. Too bad about the hokey framing.

Chinese Ambassador David Lo Pan is at the White House looking for a girl with green eyes. Uh...sorry, that was a movie. The Chinese Ambassador is back from Chinatown, where he was tending to Faye Dunaway's eye socket. No, that's not it either. Oh, the Chinese Ambassador is back from trying to break up Tango & Cash. Aw, fudge. Well, regardless of what he was doing before his arrival at the White House, he's now sitting in a stuffy room with two aides to him and Leo, Nancy, and (I assume) a Chinese relations specialist across the way. Between the Chinese and American parties, there is a small table with a crystal bowl on it. The crystal bowl contains no delicious treats, and therefore we cannot expect good things from this meeting. No snacks, no progress. When will they learn about the healing power of sugar and milk fat? The Chinese Ambassador says he is at the White House because America has "discovered [that] calling us reckless is not working." Nancy is having none of it, and shoots back, "Taiwan is a geo-strategic [geo-strategic? Where's the chess board?] centre for commerce. It sits on an oil lane for Asia and the Middle East. Unnecessarily militarizing on such a large scale is, in fact, reckless." The Chinese Ambassador -- already a bit miffed at the lack of Hershey bars and Sugar Daddys in the bowl in front of him -- replies, "Taiwan is a part of China and is not a protectorate of the United States. And it is your action that is an encroachment on Chinese sovereignty." Uh oh. Logic. Leo better turn this around...and fast: "Our battle carrier groups are in international waters. Are you claiming jurisdiction?" "No," replies the snack-deprived Chinese Ambassador. "Then let's settle down," Leo says in his Leo way. The Chinese Ambassador -- now looking around the table and seeing Nancy and Leo as a pair of talking Twix bars -- introduces the topic of the Shanghai Communiqu. Nancy lays out the American view of the Communiqu: "There is but one China, and Taiwan is a part of China, and the United States government does not challenge that position." The Communiqu between Nixon and Mao says that America acknowledges but doesn't necessarily endorse the One China policy making for (by design, I'm sure) vague and very interpretable policy. She goes on to say that the U.S. is only interested in the solution of the "Taiwan Question" by the Chinese (meaning the Chinese people of China and Taiwan) themselves. Okay, so America wants to have its egg roll and eat it, too. Ambassador No Snack lays down the obvious answer to Nancy's stated position -- namely, that it's hard to settle the Taiwan Question when America is supplying Taiwan with arms. Leo says that topic is not up for discussion, at which time the Ambassador has got to be wondering why he came to the White House at all, and vowing that if they ever come to the Chinese Embassy, he'll eat Pixy Stix in front of them while making overt "mmmm mmmm ooooh" noises. Bottom line: China's going ahead with the war games as soon as the Patriots are tested.

Donna's back from the cold, declaring in an end-of-discussion kind of way that those two votes are lost. Josh and Donna go back and forth on the issues cited as reason the Flenders are voting for Ritchie, and Josh combatively argues each point to Donna as if it's she who's voting against Bartlet. It's rude and annoying. After this mind-numbing policy talk, Josh sends Donna back outside for another round of cell phone fun with the Flenders. Josh is a jerk. Donna has no spine.

C.J. is back with Pizza Hut-brand pizza and sets off the really loud alarms that sound like the Enterprise circa Wrath of Khan going to red alert. That's some blatant product placement. I'm giving up Pizza Hut for Lent. Security rushes to C.J. as soon as the alarms are tripped. "Tommy, it's me!" yelps C.J. She guesses that her card must be "bent or something," but the security team is skeptical. Hey, that's their job, right? "Guys, it's me," pleads C.J. The guard studies the card and says, "Card says you're Charles Young." C.J. blurts out her reply before reality hits her: "Yes...well, okay, obviously, I'm not..." Oh she knows...she KNOWS! "Then why do you have a card that doesn't belong to you?" questions the guard. Leo walks in saying, "What's going on?" "Mr. McGarry," the guard says, "this woman has a card that doesn't belong to her." Leo's a little flummoxed by this whole thing, so C.J. fills in the blanks. C.J. starts to explain Charlie's role in these wicked games they play that make me feel this way but is pushed back when she makes a small gesture of advance. Stunned by this, a wide-eyed C.J. stammers out an "oh my god." Leo tells Tommy the Guard to send her in with an appointment. "An APPOINTMENT?!" C.J. yells. "Be in your office in fifteen minutes," Leo tells C.J. Another point in the Win column for Charlie.

Meanwhile, Donna is talking to the New Hampshire holdouts. Again. Some more. Still. Blah blah blah selling the Presidentcakes. Josh (getting a little shore leave from the U.S.S. Bad Boss where he serves as Chief Petty Officer) walks up (without his coat and cold...GOOD), tells Donna to forget about it, and ends the call with a line about salmon being good on a bagel. By the way, that's how I proposed to Wing -- with a line about salmon on a bagel...and we've had lox of good times ever since. ["Oh, BOO! It's over." -- Wing Chun] As the camera pans away, Josh complains, "It's freezing out here." I can only assume Donna kneed him in the balls off-camera for that.

There's still more Chess Metaphor fun to be had in the Oval Office. Toby relates a story the First Lady told him about the President talking the King of Sweden's ear off about Bartlet's child's schoolwork at a party just hours after getting his Nobel Prize.

President: What's your point?
Toby: You're a good father -- you don't have to act like it. You're the president -- you don't have to act like it. You're a good man -- you don't have to act like it. You're not "just folks." You're not "plain-spoken." Do not, do not, do not act like it.
President: I don't want to be killed.
Toby: Then make this election about smart. And not. Make it about engaged. And not. Qualified and not. Make it about heavyweight. You're a heavyweight. And you've been holding me up for too many rounds.

With that, Toby surrenders the game and knocks his king down. That would be a pretty refreshing sentiment to hear in an election. If this is going to be Sorkin's way of poo-pooing America for voting for Good Neighbour President Bush over Smart Robot Gore, then I'm all for it. Bush is one scary-dumb feller. The President demands, "Pick your king up. We're not done playing yet."

we see Charlie waiting for C.J. in her office, presumably called there by Leo.

C.J.: Hello.
Charlie: How ya doing?
C.J.: You really want to dance with me?
Charlie: Wouldn't it have been a lot easier to respect the rules and regulations?
C.J.: What are you doing in here?
Charlie: Leo told me to be in here.

Leo enters and gets two words out before C.J. and Charlie both start shouting their cases, simultaneously, to Leo. "All right," shouts Leo, "I think it's fine that people blow off a little steam, but now it's DONE, and it's time for one of you to be a little mature." Charlie's down with that: "Well, god knows C.J.'s a lot more mature than I am." "Hey!" C.J. protests. Carol pops in the door (she does that) to collect Leo for Nancy. "Well, okay, it's over. That's that," says C.J. She drops her paperwork on her desk, which promptly collapses. "So how long do you usually make people your bitch?" asks C.J., surveying what used to be a perfectly serviceable desk. "Depends," deadpans Charlie. And so ends the hi-lair-e-ous C.J. & Charlie hijinx which, to tell the truth, were not all that hilarious. Or in character. Or imaginative. It's comic relief to defuse the serious chess-tacular goings-on, but I'm relieved to see it end. There's something icky about C.J. referring to herself as a bitch.

Another scene, another chess-wrapped strategy lesson with Sam. This is getting monotonous. The President returns to Sam's office.

President: Sorry, I got tied up.
Sam: No, that's fine.

Sam's been busy looking stuff up during the President's absence. Turns out Eisenhower wouldn't put U.S. troops near Chinese troops because a war could break over just one shot, so Sam wonders, if Ike wouldn't send in forces..."Why are you?"

President: Look at the whole board.
Sam: I am.
President: Feel the force.
Sam: I am.
President: Harness the energy of the Dark Crystal.
Sam: I am.
President: Do the Hustle.
Sam: I am.
President: You're not.
Sam: I'm trying...why put the carrier groups into the Taiwan Strait?
President: Are they in the Taiwan Strait?
Sam: They are on their way.
President: Is that the same thing?
Sam: [thinking] How's this end?

With more of the impeccable timing we've come to expect from the West Wing staff, Leo knocks on the door with a note in his hand. Getting up, the President tells Sam, "Like this." He dismisses Leo and hands Sam the letter.

Sam: I'd like to try it without looking at the note.
President: Okay.
Sam: China agrees to stand down the war games.
President: Right.
Sam: And agrees to let Taiwan test the Patriots -- one Patriot.
President: Yes.
Sam: And we -- and I want to be right about this -- agree not to sell Taiwan the Aegis Destroyers for a period of -- I don't know -- five years.
President: Ten years, but you got it.

Sam goes on to say that the Aegis technology isn't an item the U.S. really wants Taiwan to have if reunification is a possibility, and furthermore, Taiwan can't really afford them. To this, President Yoda asks, "And so?" Sam: "You never were going to sell them the destroyers." President: "No, but everyone wakes up alive in the morning and saves a little face, but I'm sorry, Sam, you didn't answer the Taiwan Daily Double in the form of a question. Tough luck." Sam blubbers about not knowing how the President does it. The President replies, "You get a lot of help, you listen to everybody, then you call the play. Sam, you're going to run for President one day. Don't be scared. You can do it. I believe in you....that's checkmate." Awwww. How nice is it to see Jed and Sam getting all father and son-y? That's a relationship -- mixed with the parting non-chess wisdom -- I could use a lot more of on the show.

Having run its course and having brought a serviceable character-centric episode down a few notches, the Lazy Metaphor is put to rest. The episode fades out over pre-results coverage of Hartsfield's Landing on CNN. The little news ticker reads, "Donna, take the dot-com job."