H. Con - 172

There's a staff meeting attended by quite a few people in the Roosevelt Room at 7:00 AM. Sam comes in saying he's got copies. Josh asks, "Have you read it?" Sam says, "Bits and pieces." Josh wants to know Sam's impression of it; Sam says he's going to set up a war room downstairs. Must be pretty bad, whatever it is. Josh is surprised to hear of the serious nature of the problem. Sam dumps a pile of documents on the table, prompting a drowsing C.J. to jerk her head and announce, "I'm up!" Sam explains that he's handing out copies of What I Saw at the Bartlet White House: The Camera Doesn't Lie, by Ron Burkhalt. C.J. asks whether Sam has read it. They basically repeat the whole conversation he just had with Josh, and Sam asks, "How many times do you think we're going to have to do this?" I wouldn't mind knowing that myself. C.J. asserts that she is up. Sam says that they're each going to take a couple of chapters. Ginger contributes that they've assigned chapters by going through the index, so if people find that they've been given chapters that aren't about them, they should trade with someone else. Sam wants them to note any fact, no matter how trivial, that's wrong, so that they can attack the author's credibility. Ed says, "Well, right away I see one." Sam asks what it is. Larry and Ed trade documents as Larry explains, "I'm Larry. He's Ed." Hey! Le shout-out pour moi! ["Totally." -- Wing Chun] Okay, I think you all know I'm not someone who claims every teensy thing is a personal shout-out, but if that isn't, I don't know what is. I laughed out loud, and as I happened to be eating an apple at the time, also almost choked on a piece of apple. But it was worth it. Resolution #1 for 2002: Keep Ed and Larry straight. I think I can do this. C.J. comments, "I usually don't know that." Hee! Josh wonders if they're not taking it a bit too seriously. Sam thinks not. Josh says the guy was a White House photographer who got fired, and Josh remembers him as a buffoon. I love that word. Buffoon. Resolution #2: Use the word buffoon more. Sam confirms that he was a buffoon: "Which has always stopped the American public, to say nothing of the press, from taking something seriously." Sam says the book will be in stores in three weeks, and that the press will have excerpts in a week, so that's how much time he has to "turn this guy into a punchline." Larry reads, "'Bartlet was playing a round of golf with Toby Ziegler, the prickly, mumbling Communications Director, whose inner, bitter darkness spelled the breakup of the one marriage we know about.'" Holy crap, that is some bad writing. Poor Toby. He does mumble, though. And he is a bit prickly, but that's why I love him. Everyone's uncomfortably silent for a moment, and then C.J. leans around the small lamp on the table blocking her view of Toby, and says, "It was miniature golf, wasn't it?" Toby leans to the same side and says, "Yeah." C.J. disappears behind the lamp again. Toby asks if there's anything else. The meeting breaks up.

On the way out of the meeting, Josh seeks Toby's advice on his love life. He asks whether Toby knows Amy Gardner. Toby knows who she is. Josh says he's known her for a long time; she dated his college roommate. He mentions that he saw her a couple of weeks ago (details in "The Women of Qumar"). Toby, always thrilled to be sought out on the subject of relationship issues of other staffers, more or less listens as Josh rambles on. "I don't know...she changed her hair or something, something's going on." He really is addled. Toby looks around somewhat apprehensively and asks Josh what he needs as they enter his office.

Josh shuts the door as he announces, "Well, I'm a straight shooter. I think my record's pretty clear on that. I'd like to see her again." So? I've seen you dial a phone, dude. What's stopping you? Toby: "Call her." Josh: "And ask her out?" No, find out if she has Prince Albert in a can. Josh rejects that idea: "Because there's a potential she says no and then I have to move someplace where it'll never be spoken of again." Toby more or less acknowledges this. Josh confidently asserts that he needs to come in "under the cover of business." Toby, deadpan: "'Cause you're a straight shooter." Josh: "Yeah! I need a point of friction. An issue where the feministas and the White House disagree. That way, I can go to her, break the bad news, stand tough, smooth it over, and then, you know, I take it from there." That's one hell of a...plan. Or something. Toby (God love him): "How about the word 'feministas'?" I tell you, if I wasn't already happily married, and Toby didn't have that nasty cigar habit.... Josh says that Toby's been doing outreach to women's groups in preparation for the State of the Union, and thinks that he must know of some issue on which said "feministas" are unhappy. Toby says they're very happy with everything that's going on. Wow. Talk about wish fulfillment. In the history of American feminism, has there ever been a time when its adherents were all content with the actions of the American government? But, this is The West Wing, so I guess anything is possible. Josh is dismayed to hear this and gripes, "Damn. Where the hell are the pro-lifers when you need them?" (Psst, Josh: I bet you can find a few of them harassing women outside abortion clinics if you're really stuck.) Toby: "Sons of bitches. Don't they know you're trying to get..." Josh quickly interjects: "Hey, this is not that. She's got...I really...I'm bewitched. I'm...ensorcelled." Despite his incredible immaturity he's quite adorable delivering these lines. Also, ensorcelled is a perfectly cromulent word. No, seriously. Points for Josh for knowing a relatively obscure word and using it correctly in a sentence.

The waiter arrives with Josh's drink, and leans down in front of Josh to put down the glass and the napkin. As she does, Josh says, "Thank you. And thank you for the extra olive." The waiter says "sure" as she walks away. She's pretty indifferent to Josh; I wouldn't say she was flirting with him at all. She's just exhibiting the normal pleasantness and agreeableness expected of those in the hospitality industry. Josh kind of watches after her as she leaves, but not in a leering way. Amy sarcastically says, mimicking the waiter's inflection, "'Sure.' That's your type, isn't it?" Josh: "Won't catch her at the ballet." Amy: "Or at a library, either." Hey, stereotype much? Holy cow. ["Seriously. Nice feminism, hypocrite." -- Wing Chun] Josh claims that the waiter seems smart to him. He asks Amy how she can be blas about this: "The United States is one of only six other countries out of 152 that has no national policy regarding paid maternal leave." Amy: "Neither does Papua New Guinea, so we're fine." Huh? She wants to know why Josh is talking to her about this. He announces that money has been put aside for a study. She thinks that's great. He presses on: "The thing is -- and here's the bad news -- you guys wanted twenty-one million?" Amy: "Yeah?" Josh: "It's going to be $20,500,000." He pauses to wait for her reaction and states, "You want to take my head off, go ahead." Amy asks, "What the hell's going on?" Josh declares that things are tight all over. Amy asks, "Is it possible that you are so addled that you've constructed some nonsense problem so that you'd have an excuse to see me?" Josh is surprised and embarrassed to have been caught out, and several expressions pass over his face as he says, "I mean, is it, is it possible? I suppose...." Amy says she doesn't believe him. Josh points out she threw a water balloon at him. Amy: "And?" Josh: "I don't know, I was just throwing that out there." Amy: "Look..." Josh: "Like there's not a reason you're here right now?" Amy claims to be there because she thought there was a problem. I can't decide whether I believe her. Josh: "All I know is, you're here, I'm here, and Nijinsky's home watching Leno." Amy snipes, "By all means, make fun of my boyfriend, seeing as you've never met him." Josh seems surprised to hear the guy referred to as her boyfriend.

Amy inquires: "Why can't you pick up the phone and say, 'Would you like to go out sometime?' Why? I'll tell you why." Josh: "Do you need me in this conversation, or are you okay by yourself?" Amy continues: "Because this is what you like: this. Not anything else. This is the fun part." If he really thinks that, then it really has been too long since Josh has been with someone. Josh denies it. Amy insists, "Yes, it is. We're not in the dorm anymore. I get paid a lot of money to do an important job and I'm not into getting diddled around by guys like you." But you would be if you made less money? Josh claims that's the fifth time she's said "guys like you." She says it's not. He then claims it's the second time, which she cops to. He asks, "What's with guys like me?" Amy explains, "If this thing went five minutes longer than you wanted it to, you'd run for the hills. You're hit-and-run, Josh." Josh denies it. His cell phone rings. He excuses himself, answers it, hears that it's Donna, and tries to put her off. He listens for a moment and asks, "What were you doing talking to...Okay, tell him 'yeah.'" He hangs up and tells Amy he has to go. She says, "Yes, indeed." He apologizes and says that he can't tell her why. He puts some money on a nearby table, and repeats that he has to go. Her expression is one of peeved disappointment as she watches him walk out.

Back at the White House, Jed's still working at his desk when Charlie asks if he can see Sam. When Sam enters, Jed comments, "Everyone's working late." Sam says, "I live here in January." Because of the State of the Union, I presume. ["Or maybe the threatened eighteen inches of snow." -- Wing Chun] Jed asks Sam how it's going; Sam thinks it's going okay, but doesn't really seem to know and doesn't want to talk about that, anyway. Sam mentions the book. Jed replies, "I heard. Look, I'm really not going to talk to you about my underwear." Sam: "That's...disappointing, Mr. President. But I wanted to ask you: the guy claims that, while you don't poll on matters of foreign policy, that at the first formal meeting of the Joint Chiefs, you upbraided them for bloated Pentagon spending and told them that 73% of the public was with you on it. I don't remember any such poll being done, do you?" Jed doesn't remember it, but points out that doesn't mean it wasn't. Sam asks whether Jed remembers saying anything like that at the meeting. Jed doesn't. Sam wonders whether Jed could have said anything like that; Jed doesn't even remember the meeting. Sam thanks him and starts to leave. Jed off-handedly asks, as Sam's walking out, "Why does it matter?" Sam replies, "Well, 'cause I don't think it's such a good idea to be casual about the truth." Jed, looking over his glasses at Sam: "Neither do I." Sam thanks him and leaves. The camera rests on Jed at his desk, surrounded by paperwork, reflecting on what Sam said.

After more commercials, Josh arrives at the White House. It's now five minutes after midnight on Tuesday morning. He finds Leo alone in the Mess. Josh asks him what he's doing down there; Leo claims, "Change of scenery. What are you doing?" Josh says he'd like to talk to Leo about the deal he was offered. Leo looks at him for a moment, finally saying, "Please, keep your voice down." As they sit down, Josh says, "There's nobody here, and my voice is down." Leo wants to know whom Josh has been talking to. When Leo finds out it was Cliff, he wants to know how Josh got hooked up with him. Josh says it doesn't matter. Leo says it does. Josh says, "I'm not pushing you, okay? I just want to hear your reasons." Leo wants to hear Josh's reasons. Josh lists them: "Gets it over and done, instead of dragging it through the primary season. Moreover, you don't take the stand on Monday." Leo says it's ridiculous to think that this would end it: "All it means is that we'll go down in history." Josh counters, "It's a press release." Leo pulls out an anecdote: "When the British ambassador told the German foreign minister that they were going to war over Belgium's violation of the neutrality treaty, the German foreign minister said, 'You're going to war over a piece of paper?' It is an historical judgement. Andrew Jackson knew that." Josh: "Jackson was censured?" Leo: "Over the Bank of the U.S." Josh replies, "Guess what? I didn't know that." Leo asks, "What's your point?" Josh argues, "History forgets these things." Leo: "Presidents don't. They never get over it. This one...won't. He'd act like it's fine, but...he'd never get over it." Well, that might just be Jed's cross to bear. Leo concludes, "So...that's my reason." Josh knows he can't argue with Leo's friendship and loyalty. He leaves, and Leo goes back to whatever he was working on.

Toby's in C.J.'s office, reading the paper, munching on something, and telling her, "McTeer shot one for twenty-three from the field last night. Missed his first eighteen attempts." We can see outside C.J.'s window, and it looks as if it's the middle of the day, although it should be the middle of the night. Toby continues, "Wouldn't you think after the first seventeen misses, the coach would say, 'Mickey, this isn't your night'?" C.J. asks, "You don't have work to do?" He claims he has lots of work to do. C.J.: "And?" Toby: "Can't rush these things." C.J.: "Oh." Toby: "One for twenty-three. That's exactly one better than my mother would have done and she's been dead for twelve years."

Someone knocks; it's Sam. He says that he asked POTUS about that meeting with the Joint Chiefs, but that Jed didn't remember whether they did a poll. Sam sits down, slightly dejected. Toby, about to take a drink of beer, says he doesn't remember, either. Sam starts to get testy, and they bicker a bit about how long ago it was and how many polls ago before Sam finally says, "We can't sit on the -- I'm sorry -- we can't sit on the sidelines and ignore this crap. I'm not going to." C.J. looks up. Sam: "Why am I the only one taking this seriously?" Toby says, "That's a reasonable question, and we should explore that for a minute." Sam says: "It's not the reason you think." It's not that you've become one of the funnel people? Toby points out Sam hired the guy. ["Which is why, I think, vetting the book has become Sam's job rather than C.J.'s: Sam's made it so." -- Wing Chun] Sam says he did, but insists that's not the reason: "Legitimate news organizations are going to cover this, to say nothing of the people who hate us, who are going to run it over, over, over, over, over....The guy was here for three minutes and he was fired. He is not credible. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you, that has to be made clear. Every time he makes a factual mistake, we gotta come out with a press release! Every time he misquotes or misidentifies anyone, we need to have an affidavit swearing to the truth if there's a comma in the wrong place." Someone really needs a vacation.

Sam continues frothing at the mouth and gets up to pace around: "He needs to be killed, until he is dead, and he needs to be killed again, or he is going to keep biting at our ankles and I mean all through the campaign! He needs to be a joke, or we're going to be." Maybe you should bust him like a piata while you're at it, dude. Suddenly, C.J. starts snapping her fingers, and she sings, "'Boy, boy, crazy boy, keep cool, boy...'" (from West Side Story, I believe ["Yes." -- Wing Chun]). It's an odd moment, and briefly C.J. rubs me the wrong way, for probably the first (and one hopes, the last) time in the history of this show. Because I don't care to have the perfection of C.J. messed with too much. But it just seems slightly insensitive -- too flippant -- considering how upset Sam is. Sam says, "I'm not screwing around." C.J.: "Neither am I. Sit down." Sam sits down, declaring, "I'm not going to be a victim of this." C.J. says, "Let me tell you something I've learned in my years. There are victims of fires. There are victims of car accidents. This kind of thing, there are no victims -- just volunteers. Of course we'll get in the game. I'll talk to the editors of the major papers, but we're not going to publicly refute every bogus charge. First of all, there are too many of them. Second of all, I'm not going to give this guy and his book the weight of the White House. As far as the press is concerned, I've read the book because I had to. You have a vague recollection of the guy, but he wasn't here long enough to make a lasting impression. Have you read the book? Of course not. You're too busy doing a job." Sam listens patiently and replies, "While you're convincing the Post and the Times that it's ridiculous..." C.J.: "Sam! Once again, we don't know what's going on in the Oval Office. Obviously there's a problem. When it's our turn to worry about it, they won't be shy about telling us. Let's not fixate on the knuckleheaded stuff we think we can fix in the meantime. And it feels a lot like...that's what you're doing." Sam takes this in, turns to Toby, and asks, "Are you inside?" Toby says, "Josh is. But let me ask you this: a guy shoots one for twenty-three from the field." Sam: "McTeer?" Toby: "Yeah. But he goes eight for eight from the foul line. My question is, why are you fouling this guy at all? I'd just get out of his way and point him toward the basket." Sam: "Yeah." Someone reassure me that there are people other than me who are able to apprehend the world (for years on end, mind you) with less liberal use of sports metaphors and anecdotes. C.J. asks, "So we're done talking about this now?" Sam ignores her and asks Toby, "Is there any beer?" C.J.: "You two have offices?" Toby says the beer's out in the fridge. Sam rises to get his beer, glances out the window, and mentions it's started snowing. So the windows do work!

Josh walks down the street toward his apartment building. There are approximately six snowflakes wafting down from the heavens. Better lay in supplies. As he nears his steps, he sees Amy sitting there bundled up with a red coat over her black velvet dress, looking cold. He slows as he approaches the steps, and she says, "You owe me half a million dollars and a drink." Josh replies, "I paid for the drinks." She relents: "All right: five hundred grand." He asks her what she's doing there. Amy: "Why? Do you live here?" He softly says that he does. He sits down on the steps to her. I love how people on TV and in movies are always content to sit on cold concrete for periods of time that would normally turn one's hindquarters into a field for cryogenic experimentation in pretty short order. Me, I come from a frozen northland where nobody sits on cold cement or concrete or stone in the winter unless it's absolutely required. He apologizes again for having to run out on her, and tells her that he still can't explain why. She asks whether it's a matter of national security. He says it isn't. She asks if he would tell her if it was. He says he wouldn't. She says, "You didn't talk to me much at school." He amiably says, "You were having quite a bit of sex with Chris." She says, "There were times I wasn't." Josh explains, "I studied a lot in school. I studied hard in high school and at Harvard and in law school. My IQ doesn't break the bank, and I wanted to do this, so I studied all the time. And I missed something, or it's like I skipped a year, 'cause I never learned what you do after you think you like somebody...what you do . And every -- everybody did learn. A lot of other people, anyway." Awww. But also: you're fortysomething, dude. Pull. It. Together. Already. Amy seems charmed or mollified or sympathetic or some combination thereof. Josh says he didn't walk out tonight; when his phone rings at that hour, it's something important: "And not important to me...important. And I'm not puffing myself so...." Amy interrupts: "You know what? Maybe not so much for you with the talking." Aww, she brought the Yiddish. (The syntax, I'm talking about.) Then Amy leans in and kisses Josh. I go to the forums to see if Josh's fans are freaking out enough to post mid-show. They're not. I assume they're all shellshocked. So's Josh who, as far as we know, hasn't been kissed since he was with Mandy. (Did he ever kiss Joey? Can't remember right now, but I don't think so.) When Amy pulls away, Josh sits there for a moment with his eyes closed. She thanks him for the drink, gets up, and walks away. He watches her go. A lot of people watching each other walk away in this episode, it seems. A few more snowflakes fall.

Oval Office. Jed wanders over to Leo's door and knocks. He opens the door and invites Leo to step into his office for a second. Leo comes in, putting on his jacket as he enters, and asks Jed, "Are you up reading?" Jed replies, "Yeah. No. A little bit. Mostly I've been talking with Babish and some of the deputies. The Chairman, Trent, the Speaker, the Minority Leader...." Leo gets the picture and says, "No." Jed: "Yeah, I'm going to do it." Leo: "Sir...." Jed, firmly: "Yeah." Leo replies, "It doesn't get Abby off the hook. She's still going to have to deal with the AMA." As she should. She broke rules she knew very well applied to her. Jed knows that. Leo argues that it doesn't get them off the hook for the campaign: "It's just a different-looking stage weight around our ankle, and now it comes with a Congressional Seal. It doesn't give us any room to argue the point. We've got two, maybe as many as three dozen House Democrats in tight races, and you've still got MS." Jed doesn't say anything, but sits down in one of the side chairs. He rubs his face. Leo sits, too. Leo says, "Doing this to save me the embarrassment I've got coming to me is about the dumbest reason I can..." Jed interjects: "There's another reason." Leo: "What?" Jed: "I was wrong. I was! I was just...I was wrong. Come on, you know that! Lots of times we don't know what right or wrong is, but lots of times we do, and come on, this is one. I may not have had sinister intent at the outset, but there were plenty of opportunities for me to make it right. No one in government takes responsibility for anything anymore. We foster, we obfuscate, we rationalize: 'Everybody does it.' That's what we say. So we come to occupy a moral safe house where everyone's to blame so no one's guilty." Well. It's. About. Freaking. Time. Jed sighs. "I'm to blame. I was wrong." Leo leans back in his chair and thinks for a moment. "You ready for a Joint Resolution?" Jed replies, "As a matter of fact, it's not a Joint Resolution. The President still has to sign a Joint Resolution, so technically it's a Concurrent Resolution. House Concurrent Resolution 172. The lawyers will haggle over the wording in the few days. So at least I'll make history, huh?" Leo says, "No. I thought so, too, until I was talking to Josh. Andrew Jackson, 1834." Jed puts on his jacket with his patented coat flip.

As Jed and Leo walk out onto the portico, Jed says, "He was censured in '34; he got it expunged in '36." Leo allows: "Good point." Jed lights a cigarette. Sigh. And here I was, all ready to take him back. Leo remarks that it's not that cold out. Jed: "No. Let me ask you something. You may be the last sane voice around here...." Leo interrupts to say, "Hang on, before I forget: that map that Charlie gave you...make sure you don't put it where people can see it." Jed groans, "I don't believe this...." Leo says, "Recognizing Israel's a pretty hot button, wouldn't you say?" Jed: "In Lebanon. Not here." They sit on a wrought-iron bench looking out at the sky. Jed continues, "It's not like I was thinking, 'God, I was gonna recognize Israel, but now that I've seen this map....' You know what? Let's just sit here quietly." Leo: "Yes, sir." Jed's and Leo's friendship has to be one of the deepest portrayals of male friendship I've ever seen anywhere. The camera stays on the two of them sitting there in silence as we hear a voice-over from the Speaker of the House: "'Would the Secretary read House Concurrent Resolution 172?' 'Whereas, in his conduct of the Office of the President of the United States, Josiah Bartlet has engaged in a course of deceitful and dishonest conduct designed to impede and deny the disclosure of vital matters of public concern, the United States Congress hereby condemns him for acting in a manner contrary to his trust as President to the great prejudice of the cause of justice and to the manifest injury of the American people.'"

"When the fall is all that's left, it matters a great deal."