The West Wing S02E25

Let me just say that the weirdness of seeing Martin Sheen as anybody but POTUS in a film about the White House, after two seasons of recapping The West Wing, is not to be underestimated. I know I'm not the first viewer of this film to comment on it and I certainly won't be the last, nor will I belabour it now. But I do feel the need to state that, as far as I am concerned, Martin Sheen makes the best fictional POTUS ever, and I do not expect his achievement in this area to be surpassed by anyone -- and certainly not by the likes of Michael Douglas, of whom I am, let's just say, not a fan. So in some ways, while this is a very enjoyable film, recapping it is going to have its excruciating aspects for me. You could show a little appreciation, you know?

One more note: While I usually try to recap "classic" episodes of current shows as if I were writing the recap at the original broadcast (i.e. without the knowledge of the events of that transpire later), I found that that approach simply didn't fly here, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that this film is basically a blueprint for the television series, even though it was probably never intended as such. Many roles, lines and situations from the film are reused or recycled or refashioned by Sorkin in the television series -- and I think that's fine, but again, after two years in the The West Wing trenches, it's impossible to ignore, or to avoid the obvious comparisons.

On with the show...

The credits are filled with shots of White House doodads and American government paraphernalia: busts and paintings of presidents, carved eagles, antique furniture, books by past POTUSes, flags and emblems, Presidential china, etc. The music is that very West Wing-y, "Pomp-and-Circumstance"-ish type of stuff that's meant to get the glorious love of country swelling in our breasts. However, the music was not done by W.G. "Snuffy" Walden, who does the music for the series, but Marc Shaiman, of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut fame. The guy definitely shows range. (Shaiman also did the music for Sorkin's A Few Good Men.)

We get a shot of the White House on a sunny, late-fall/early winter morning. Inside, a Secret Service agent tells his shirt cuff, "Liberty's moving." President Andrew Benjamin Shepherd (Hmm...where have I seen those initials?), played by Michael Douglas, strides purposefully into a corridor accompanied by his young assistant, Janie (played by Samantha Mathis), who informs him, "The 10:15 event's been moved inside to the Indian Treaty Room." Shepherd asks, "The 10:15 is American Fisheries?" Janie replies, "Yes, sir. They're giving you a 200-pound halibut." Shepherd: "Janie, make a note. We need to schedule more events where somebody gives me a really big fish." She duly notes this. Shepherd: "Janie, I'm kidding." She appears highly efficient and somewhat humourless and has her hair cut fairly similarly to mine. So far, I like her. She's also dressed in a suit not unlike the ones I used to wear when I worked in an office, and was expected to appear for work in something other than athletic pants, one of my husband's old fraternity or engineering t-shirts, and sloppy hair. (How much do I love working at home? So much.) ["Prof. Frink was in a frat? I never would have guessed that in a million years." -- Wing Chun]

Shepherd and Janie get into an elevator. Janie tells POTUS: "Mr. Rothschild asked to have a moment with you this morning." Shepherd wonders whether he is upset about the speech last night. Janie indicates as much. Shepherd dryly replies, "Well, it wouldn't be a Monday morning unless Lewis was concerned about something I did Sunday night." As the doors of the elevator open, Michael J. Fox -- or rather, Lewis, is standing there, complaining, "You skipped a whole paragraph." Shepherd: "And Monday morning it is!" Lewis starts to pedeconference with POTUS and Janie, stating, "'Americans can no longer afford to pretend that they live in a great society'...and then nothing. You dumped the whole handguns paragraph." Shepherd tells Lewis that this is a time for prudence. Isn't it always? It never seems to be time for recklessness. Or maybe I just keep missing that. Lewis objects that the paragraph Shepherd skipped was "the kick-ass section." Shepherd counters, with cordial sarcasm, "Well, I thought what with being the President and all..." Lewis backpedals: "Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to imply..." Shepherd thought Lewis would be ecstatic this morning, since Shepherd currently has 63% job approval. Yeah, Lewis thinks that's great and all. At this point they're walking through the portico outside the White House as they run into a gardener who greets the President heartily and without missing a beat, the President returns the greeting as Janie discreetly supplies the fellow's name ("Charlie") just in time. Lewis continues: "Sir, the press is gonna need an explanation." Shepherd wants to know what for. Lewis explains that, "Because you dropped the whole kick-ass section, now we've got this thing hanging out there." Shepherd: "There's this thing hanging out there?" Lewis: "'Americans can no longer afford to pretend to live in a great society.' And then ...nothing. I mean, no explanation. No context. It's just this thing." Shepherd: "And it's hanging out there?" Enough with the Seinfeldian dialogue already. Lewis: "Yes, sir." I don't know; seems to say plenty to me. They enter the building, where Shepherd greets a staffer named Maria and says, "Did they tell you I'm gonna need..." She replies, all hyper-efficiently, "...overall consumer spending and not just first homes. Yes, sir. We'll have it for you in fifteen minutes." Shepherd thanks her and the pedeconference continues -- or rather, Lewis's haranguing does. Shepherd announces, "Lewis, however much coffee you drink in the morning, I want you to reduce it by half." Lewis claims that he doesn't drink coffee. Shepherd: "Then hit yourself over the head with a baseball bat, would you please?" Hee! As they reach the Oval Office, Shepherd greets his secretary, Mrs. Chapil (played by the late Anne Haney, a consummate HITG!), who hands him a coffee mug. She informs him, "Mr. Kodak left the detailed breakdown of the approval poll for you. He seemed to indicate that it was very good news." Shepherd responds, "Sixty-three percent of it, at any rate." Mrs. Chapil also tells him, "Lucy called just a moment ago. You forgot to sign her permission slip for her class." Janie: "The museum trip. I'll go get it." Shepherd asks Janie, "What time does she get home today?" Janie tells him, "Three-twenty." He asks how his afternoon looks; she indicates that it's very crowded. He instructs her to schedule some time for him at 3:45.

As Janie leaves, another woman enters, saying, "Buenos dias, Seor Presidente." It's Anna Deavere Smith playing Robin McCall, the Press Secretary. (For those who haven't seen the handful of The West Wing episodes she's in, she plays Nancy McNally, head of the NSA, on the show. I like her best in that role.) POTUS says, "Too-Tall McCall! How was Mexico?" He pronounces it "Meh-hee-co." She replies, "I didn't truly appreciate it 'til I came back and discovered that America isn't a great society." That's Lewis's cue: "He dumped a whole section." Shepherd: "Now there's this, uh, thing hanging out there." Robin: "Not a great society, sir?" Shepherd says, "Well, with you out of the country, it wasn't, Robin. Now that you're back, we're great again." She says, "There's a press room full of people saying 'What did he mean by that?'" Lewis feels vindicated. Shepherd is looking at a memo and asks, "A.J., did you get one of these?" This is directed to one A. J. MacInerney, in the form of Martin Sheen. A.J. is the Chief of Staff. Okay, I need a moment to take this in. Let's all pause while I rub my eyes and ponder the thought processes that led to casting Michael Douglas as POTUS and Martin Sheen as COS. No can do; I feel like my brain will short-circuit if I continue along that path, and I've got about 109 more minutes of film here that isn't going to recap itself, so we'd best forge ahead. I'll deal with my cognitive dissonance later. Anyway, Sheen's hair is darker; he looks taller than usual and somewhat thinner, and of course, somewhat younger -- it was probably shot in 1994. He's still hot (hey, he'll be hot when he's ninety), but it's all very weird.

A.J. asks, "Is that the letter from Solomon at the GDC?" Shepherd indicates that it appears to be a letter from "the entire environmental community." He states, "These people are outta control." A.J. opines, "I think they're just frustrated, Mr. President." Robin asks, "Are they blaming the President for global warming?" A.J. says that they don't think the President caused it, and adds, "Sir, I'm on the phone with these people twice a week. I honestly don't know what they want at this point." Lewis says that they want a 20% reduction in fossil-fuel emissions. A.J. claims 20% won't pass. Lewis says that they haven't really tried. A.J. counters, "Lewis, McSorley, McCluskey and Shane hold too many markers. If we try to push this through and lose, there will be a very loud thud when we hit the ground, and that's not what you want in an election year." Shepherd tells A.J. to tell the GDC that he resents the implication that he's turned his back on the environment. "Tell them I'll send 455 to the floor. But I'm gonna ask for a 10% reduction. If they want to pull their support, fine. At 63% job approval rating, I don't need their help to get a bill passed. All right, let's get going. Where's Leon?" A.J. asks an aide to call Mr. Kodak and tell him the President's waiting. There's the sound of someone running into someone else just outside the Oval Office, and we hear a man's voice apologizing, "Sorry, my fault." A.J. tells the staffer, "Never mind." I don't know exactly when these other staffers came into the office. They did it awfully quietly. I'll just think of them as the Stealth Staffers from here on in. Mr. Kodak (played by David Paymer) comes into the Oval Office. He manages only to brush past a large lamp and not actually knock it over as he enters. He greets POTUS, who asks him whether he's all right. Leon complains, "They keep moving that big ficus plant." A.J. announces, "We're all here, Mr. President."

POTUS begins: "Okay. First, I wanted to say congratulations. Three years ago, we were elected to the White House by one of the narrowest margins in history, and today Kodak tells us 63% of registered voters think we're doing a good job." Leon cracks: "Wait a second. You wanted me to poll registered voters?" Everybody has a good chuckle. Shepherd continues, "But the poll also tells us what we already know: we don't get our crime bill through Congress, those numbers are gonna be a memory. So, starting today, we're shifting it into gear." Robin asks, "Can I tell my morning press gaggle that gun control is..." A.J. interjects, "Crime control, Robin. Gun control means we're wimps and we're soft on crime." Lewis wants them to hold their horses for a moment, wondering whether they're not putting the handgun restrictions back in. A.J. says they're being left out. Man, it's disorienting to hear President Jed Bartlet's vocal authority coming out of the body of the Chief of Staff. Lewis appeals to POTUS: "Mr. President, we campaigned on this issue. Now, I understand we took 'em out when we were in the low forties, but we can push it through now." POTUS says that they can do it after the election. Lewis thinks that they may not have another opportunity like this again. He thinks that they should ride the job approval rating for all it's worth. Shepherd tells him, "We can't take it out for a spin, Lewis. We need it to get re-elected. For reasons passing understanding, people do not relate guns to gun-related crime." I've always found that curious, myself. A.J. tells Robin that she can brief the press today and that the crime bill has top priority on the President's domestic agenda. He tells Leon that he's going to run the War Room. "We're gonna need detailed projections for all the target districts by the end of the week. Oh, and Leon, don't be a nice, sweet guy from Brooklyn on this one. Do what the NRA does." Leon: "What, scare the shit out of 'em?" A.J. "Yeah." Leon: "I can do that." A.J. continues, "Lewis, we want you to be legislative liaison on this. You're gonna run the show on the Hill." Lewis: "Can I just say, to return to the subject for one moment, that it might be easier to fight a war on drugs if we weren't arming drug dealers?" That is such a Josh Lyman-esque line. Okay, Lewis is definitely the ur-Josh, and Leon is the ur-Toby, even if their positions don't match up exactly. Shepherd replies very quickly, "We've gotta fight the fights we can win, Lewis." Lewis acquiesces, at least for the moment. A.J. states that they want to announce the crime bill at the State of the Union, which is seventy-two days from today. "The last nose count put us eighteen votes short." POTUS says, "Eighteen votes in seventy-two days. Thank you, everyone." He stands up, thereby dismissing everyone, and asks, "Janie, what's ?" She tells him: "Security briefing, sir."

We cut to a street scene in a business district, then to a shot of an ugly modern office building, and then to a shot of an office interior, where "GDC" and "Global Defense Council" are painted on the main door. A woman (played by Wendie Malick) enters the office of a man (played by John Mahoney) and says, "You wanted to see me?" He says, "I just got off the phone with A.J. MacInerney." She wonders whether the President read the letter. The man replies, "The President's pissed as hell, Susan. That letter was a stupid move." Susan counters, "It was aggressive, and we should stand by every..." The man replies, "This isn't the guy who needed our help four years ago, Susan. He's incredibly popular. He's gonna win re-election in a walk, and he could give a shit what we stand by! If the President passes the most important piece of environmental legislation in history, and does it despite our negative endorsement, our political weight in the future will rank somewhere below the Save the Spotted Owl Society." He pauses, while she looks chastised, and then tells her, "I'm bringing in some help." She doesn't think that they need another environmental expert. He elaborates, "Not an environmental expert -- a professional political strategist. We're playing hardball with Andrew Shepherd, and we need a heavy bat." Susan wants to know who he's getting. Leo: "Sydney Ellen Wade." Susan explodes: "Christ, Leo!. That woman doesn't know the first thing about the environmental lobby!" Leo firmly says, "She's a closer, Susan. She gets the job done."

Back in the Oval Office, POTUS and Lewis are working on a speech. Robin comes in and says, "David Sasser from the Times called and wanted to know what the White House felt was a great society." Lewis asks what she said. She replies, "I told him I couldn't speak for the President, but for my money: Bermuda." Personally, I'd probably have to vote for some Scandinavian country, or possibly the Netherlands or Iceland. Except the weather often sucks. If only Denmark or Sweden had San Diego's climate. Lewis says, "Perfect." Janie arrives to tell POTUS that his cousin Judith has come down with the flu and won't be able to join him Thursday night. Shepherd asks Janie to remind him to give her a call later. Robin asks POTUS, "You gonna go stag?" He asks whether that's a problem. Without missing a beat, she casually inserts her foot so far into her mouth that she could lick the back of her own knee: "No. We've never gone wrong parading you around as the lonely widower." I can't believe she could actually let that escape her mouth. Talk about a thing just hanging out there. Janie turns, looking shocked. Shepherd doesn't really react, but looks up mildly for an explanation; nonetheless, you can tell he was not unaffected by the remark. Robin looks horrified and says, "I can't believe I said that. Mr. President, that was an incredibly thoughtless remark. I would never dream of insulting you or the memory of your wife." Shepherd looks vaguely sad and uncomfortable as Robin apologizes. Why is it the floor never seems to open up and swallow one when one most desperately needs it? Lousy rassen-frassen floors. Anyway, there's your plot complication: he's a widower. He tells her, "That's okay, forget it." He asks Janie for the time, which is 3:45, and says that he's going to go up and say hi to Lucy. Janie reminds him, "You have the Attorney General at 4:00 and the trade rep at 4:30. Somewhere in there you promised NPR five minutes." Shepherd's walking out of the Oval Office as Robin tries again: "Mr. President..." There's a desperate note in her voice. He tells her, "Robin, don't worry about it." She looks pretty dismayed. Yeah, I'd say she's not getting a lot of sleep tonight.

Shepherd wanders upstairs in the Residence. Someone is forcing a trombone to make bad bleating sounds. Shepherd enters a room where a young girl is practicing said trombone. She's wearing kind of a prissy white blouse for a twelve-year-old, and an argyle vest that would be dweeby for anyone other than Fred McMurray. I hope that's a school uniform and not, like, her actual taste in clothes. I mean, I understand as the DOTPOTUS she's not going to be decked out like Christina Aguilera, but I don't know that she needs to dress like a junior nun, either. She sees her dad and stops. He says, like every loving, doofus dad in history: "Well, don't stop. It sounds great. What is it?" Lucy says with only a little bit of sarcasm: "Scales." He replies, "Well...you play it with gusto!" She asks him, "Are my lips swollen?" Shepherd, bending down to look more closely: "Are they supposed to be?" She says yeah. He tells her, "Then you're doing just fine." He's holding a book behind his back; she asks what he's hiding back there. He says it's a little gift. Lucy: "Is it a dirt bike?" No dice. He hands her an old book. She takes it and looks at it with some disdain: "Is it a really old seventh-grade textbook of yours that you're gonna make me read cover to cover and discuss at dinner and drive me crazy with?" Dad says, "I'm not comfortable with the 'really old' part, but everything else you said was true." She reads the cover: "Understanding the Constitution." He tells her that her Social Studies teacher said her class would be starting to study the Constitution this week. Lucy asks with some trepidation: "You talked to Mr. Linder?" Dad replies, "Yes. It's called a parent-teacher conference. And Mr. Linder and I were the key players in the discussion. So why don't you like Social Studies, Luce?" She claims to like it fine. He states, "All your other teachers say you're happy, you're enthusiastic, you always raise your hand...Mr. Linder says you never participate unless he calls on you, and even then it's a one-word answer." Lucy doesn't know what to say. I'm guessing it's not easy to be the DOTPOTUS in Social Studies class. Dad says, "Luce, take a look at this book. This is exciting stuff. It's about who we are and what we want. Read what it says on the first page." She reads, "Property of Gilmore Junior High School." Dad: "The , Luce." She continues: "We, the People, of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union..." Dad interjects excitedly, "Now, you see what I mean? It grabs you right off the bat. This is a page-turner!" She puts the book aside saying, "I can't wait." He stands up, announcing, "Good, 'cause it's possible this subject may come up at dinner tonight." She asks, as she's about to return to her trombone practice, "Do you see it as part of your job to torture me?" Dad glibly replies, "No, just one of the perks. See you tonight, honey." As he leaves, she honks out "Hail to the Chief" (badly) on the trombone.

There's a meeting in what is probably supposed to be the Roosevelt Room, attended by a large number of white men and possibly one white woman. So you know it's the government, in case there were any doubts. One guy, who's played a similar if not identical role on The West Wing, says, "The C-STAD hardware's been in place for a month. We've got twenty-two instructors from the Army Air Defense School waiting to go down and train the Israelis." A.J. asks how they can be deployed. I miss Leo. I mean, John Spencer. John Spencer should be asking that question, and Martin Sheen should be listening intently, and Michael Douglas should be off gallivanting around with women who aren't old enough to rent a car. Harrumph. The military guy replies, "We can airlift 'em in the morning. They'll have C-STAD operational in twenty days." A.J. asks whether there are any security concerns. Another advisor states, "If anybody wanted to hit it, they'd have hit it by now." Shepherd says, "Okay. Let's move on it. Thank you, gentlemen."

The meeting breaks up. Shepherd bids goodnight to Mrs. Chapil and Janie. As A.J. and Shepherd (man, I want to type "Jed and Leo" so bad) walk back to the residence, A.J. tells POTUS that Leo Solomon brought in a "hired gun" for the GDC. POTUS says, "It's about time." A.J. explains that she's a lawyer from Virginia named Sydney Ellen Wade, and that he knows her pretty well: "She's had a lot of success getting congressmen elected." Shepherd jokes, "Maybe we should try to steal her." A.J. chuckles. "Ten percent, A.J. Don't let them leave the room 'til they're clear about that." A.J.'s on it. He says, "You know, if you've got a free second, maybe you could stop in and say hello. It might smooth the way." POTUS tells him to mention it to Janie, adding, "Then let's clear this off the table and get focused on the crime bill. I don't want to just win this one. I want to win it by a couple of touchdowns." A.J. assures him that they will. POTUS pauses and says, "Robin said something to me today, and I know she wouldn't have said it if...I mean, she wasn't saying it to me, I realize..." He hesitates. "Forget it. I'll see you in the morning." A.J. says, "Goodnight, Mr. President." POTUS says, "A.J., when we're out of the office and alone, you can call me Andy." A.J. begs his pardon. Shepherd says, "You were the best man at my wedding, for crying out loud. Call me Andy!" A.J. nods, "Whatever you say, Mr. President." They part.

It's the morning, and two women in winter coats and high heels are walking briskly up to the guardhouse. It's Susan, from the GDC, and Sydney Ellen Wade, played by Annette Bening. She cheerfully says to the guard, "Hi, I'm Sydney Ellen Wade." Susan says, with mild annoyance, "He just needs your driver's license." Sydney continues, telling him, "I'm from Virginia." Susan: "He doesn't care." Sydney says that she's here for a meeting with Mr. MacInerney. Susan: "He doesn't need to know that." All of which may be true, but there's no need to be pissy about it, is there? The guard buzzes them in. Sydney, to the guard: "Forgive me! This is my first time at the White House. I'm trying to savor the Capra-esque quality." Susan: "He doesn't know what Capra-esque means." Wow. I bet he knows what beeotch means. The guard replies, way more pleasantly than Susan deserves, "Yeah, I do. Frank Capra, great American director. It's a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington..." He hands them their passes and says, "Sydney Ellen Wade of Virginia. Knock 'em dead." Sydney thanks him.

POTUS is finishing up a meeting in the Oval Office, saying "The day the government starts subsidizing private schools is the day we give up on public education." A woman says, "I know the proposal only scratches the surface, but it's the least we can do." Lewis tells her that they'll have someone named Harold look at it and revisit the issue week. POTUS wishes another guy a happy Thanksgiving, in case he doesn't see him again before then. Everybody's left when Shepherd asks Janie how they're doing; they're four minutes ahead of schedule. POTUS: "Gee, that's unprecedented. I don't know what to do with myself." Janie reminds him that A.J. asked whether he might stick his head into the GDC meeting. Shepherd takes off for that.

In his office, A.J.'s telling Susan and Sydney, "Rest assured, your concerns are not falling on deaf ears. The environmental lobby has known no greater ally in the White House than President Shepherd." Sydney retorts, "Hardly an impressive distinction, A.J." Susan suggests, "Sydney, we should leave Mr. MacInerney alone now. He's already given us more time..." Sydney: "Susan, Mr. MacInerney doesn't want us to leave him alone, because Mr. MacInerney's not yet done what he needs to do today." Susan, getting concerned, explains: "Sir, Ms. Wade's been thrown into the deep end of the pool on her first day. She hasn't even had a chance to read the report of the Quebec Conference..." Sydney admits, "You're right. I haven't read it. If someone had asked me yesterday, I would have told them the Quebec Conference was made up of six professional hockey teams." General chortling from the men in the room. "But what I do know is that it's time for the President to run for president again. Leon Kodak is as good as it gets when it comes to electoral strategy, and I'm certain he's told the President exactly what I'd tell him: you gotta nail down Michigan and California, where they make cars and airplanes -- and burn plenty of fossil fuel. But if I'd read these 800 pages, I would have discovered that it's the burning of fossil fuels which is mostly responsible for global warming and that the 20% reduction recommended by the GDC is a necessary first step toward arresting the catastrophic greenhouse effect which has gone unchecked by this administration!" Susan tries to intervene and wrap things up, but Sydney's not having any of it: "Susan, I promise you, the White House Chief of Staff will not let us leave here until he's broken the bad news." A.J. looks as though he'd like to make out with Sydney, but admits, "I'm afraid Sydney's right. Although not about Michigan and California. The President has asked me to convey to you that he's sending his energy bill to the floor with a call for a 10% reduction." A.J. indicates that the Prez is asking for, and expecting, the full support of the GDC. Sydney thinks that the President's dreaming, and says as much. Susan freaks. Sydney raves on, as Shepherd quietly enters the room behind her in time to hear the whole rant: "The President has critically misjudged reality. If he honestly thinks that the environmental community is going to whistle a happy tune while rallying support around this pitifully lame mockery of environmental leadership just because he's a nice guy and he's done better than his predecessors, then your boss is the Chief Executive of Fantasyland!" It's an old gimmick but it always seems to work, at least when Sorkin trots it out. Standing behind her, Shepherd suggests, "Let's take him out back and beat the shit out of him." Everyone stands to greet the President and he asks Sydney, "You wouldn't be Sydney Ellen Wade, by any chance, would you?" She is, of course, mortified and speechless. I'm sure Robin would be feeling slightly better about her gaffe if she had witnessed this one. Or maybe not. Susan, sensing an opportunity to aggrandize herself, introduces herself to POTUS and tries to smooth things over. Shepherd couldn't be less interested, and asks Sydney to come with him; in the hall he suggests that they have a private word someplace "less intimidating." He asks Janie to show her into the "rec room," which turns out to be the Oval Office. He promises to be in there in a moment.

Sydney stands in the office, uncomfortably aware of her surroundings and the mess she feels she's in. Shepherd arrives, asks if he may call her Sydney, and asks whether she's ever been in the Oval Office. She hasn't. She begins backpedalling and apologizing: "Mr. President, what you saw in there was nothing more than vanity run amok. I was showing off for a colleague who doesn't think very much of me. It'd be a real injustice for you to hold the GDC accountable for my behaviour today. On top of which, I'm monumentally sorry for having insulted you like that." Shepherd wonders whether Sydney thinks he's mad at her. Well, that wouldn't be the most illogical thought she could have. Shepherd tells her that few days go by when he's not burned in effigy somewhere, and that the city of Washington, D.C was designed to "intimidate and humble foreign heads of state." He announces, "The White House has the single greatest home court advantage in the modern world." She replies, "I learned that one the hard way." He says that the bill is important to him. They argue about whether it should be 10 or 20%; he believes it's a long shot even at ten. Shepherd makes Sydney an offer: if she can swing twenty-four of the thirty-four votes they need, before the State of the Union address, he'll get the other ten. He gives her his word. He then proceeds in his genteel, charming way to try to hit on her: "Listen, are you hungry? I skipped breakfast. You wanna have some coffee? A doughnut or something?" She narrows her eyes and looks mystified: "Sir, I'm a little intimidated by my surroundings, and yes, I've gotten off to a rocky and somewhat stilted beginning, but don't let that diminish the weight of my message." Sydney rabbits on that the GDC is not to be trifled with, finishing off with a threat that if doesn't keep his promise, he won't get re-elected, and Shepherd looks at her with lovey-dovey cow eyes and the Piano Music of Falling in Love With Her Feistiness (tm Ragdoll) plays in the background. Sydney heads for the door -- the wrong one, of course -- as he tells her she can't do that. She asks, "With all due respect, Mr. President, who's going to stop me?" Yeah, you and what army? Oh, wait. Shepherd says, "Well, if you go through that door, the United States Secret Service. That's my private office." He points to the right way. She leaves, with most of her dignity and composure in the crapper, shaking her head at herself. He's suppressing a goofy smile.

Shot of a pool table. Shepherd seems to be a decent pool player. He's playing with A.J., who's talking about their opposition on the crime bill. Shepherd makes a nice shot, which A.J. acknowledges. POTUS complains that A.J. won't even call him Andy when they're playing pool. A.J.: "I will not do it playing pool, I will not do it in a school, I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am." All Chiefs of Staff should be required to demonstrate familiarity with the complete works of Dr. Seuss. A.J. says that Leo Solomon was thrilled with the deal Shepherd made this morning. Looks like Shepherd forgot to tell A.J. about it. A.J. thinks that it's a waste of time. POTUS doesn't think so: "GDC makes a big push for the votes, and when they come up short, we move in with the softer bill to get passed, we're everybody's hero." A.J. adds that Sydney Wade called. Shepherd misses his shot, badly. Turns out she wanted to apologize and grovel some more. Like a tenth-grader, Shepherd asks, "Did she say anything about me?" A.J. doesn't seem to guess why she might have. Shepherd says, "No, it's just that we had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me, I patronized her...we didn't have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection." A.J. looks unimpressed. Shepherd persists: "She didn't say anything about me?" A.J., with quiet sarcasm, "Well, no sir, but I could pass her a note before study hall." Shepherd: "Tell me this: hypothetically..." A.J. "I feel a nightmare coming on." Shepherd: "What would happen if I called Sydney and asked her to be my date at the state dinner Thursday night?" A.J. can't believe he's serious, and says that the President can't just "go out on a date." POTUS wants to know why not: "Jefferson did. Wilson did." He continues, "Wilson was widowed during his first term. He meets a woman named Edith Gault. He dated her, courted her, and married her, and somewhere in there managed to form the League of Nations." A.J. responds, "Mr. President, this is an election year. If you're looking for female companionship, we can make certain arrangements that'll insure total privacy and..." POTUS, angrily: "I don't want you to get me a girl, A.J. What is this, Vegas?" Hee. POTUS argues that he, as a single adult, should be free to see a woman socially. A.J. points out that Wilson "didn't have to be the president on television. You've said it yourself a million times: if there'd been a TV in every living room sixty years ago, this country does not [sic] elect a man in a wheelchair." He argues that the administration will take a hit; POTUS wants to know how big. A.J. thinks as much as five points, maybe more. That doesn't seem to concern Shepherd: "I drop five points when Wisconsin doesn't make it to the Rose Bowl." A.J. suggests getting Kodak to run some numbers. At first Shepherd says yeah, but then he says, "No. No. I don't want to check a polling sample to see if it's okay, like I'm asking permission to stay out an hour past curfew. This is not the business of the American people." A.J. replies, "With all due respect, sir, the American people have a funny way of deciding on their own what is and what is not their business." Shepherd says that he likes Sydney, and asks A.J. to "stop being [his] chief of staff for one minute." A.J. tells Shepherd to call her. POTUS yells for Janie. He asks again whether Sydney said anything about him. Apparently she said he was taller than she thought he'd be. Janie arrives and POTUS tells her that she needs to track down a phone number for him.

In an apartment, Sydney's in pyjamas with her hair wet, talking on the phone to someone named Richard, who seems to be enjoying her mortifying experience that day. She doesn't want to hear his Andrew Shepherd imitation, either. Another woman is making dinner in the kitchen. She gets off the phone, saying, "Tonight, I was gonna go to bed early and wake up when there's a new President." She complains to the woman, "The President must think I'm a third-rate jerk." The woman is Nina Siemaszko, and looks almost unrecognizable as the woman who later plays the role of middle daughter Ellie Bartlet on The West Wing. She tosses a salad and says, "If he thinks you're a jerk, I'm sure he thinks you're a first-rate jerk." Sydney tries to make it sound like she like she really laid down the law despite her bungling encounter. The woman replies, "And then you walked out the wrong door." Sydney wonders whether she's going to be throwing that back at her for the rest of her life. They must be sisters. The woman gleefully admits, "That's my current plan, yes."

The phone rings. Sydney's expecting a call from Leo, but this caller says he's Andrew Shepherd. She rolls her eyes at the other woman and tells the caller, "You're hilarious, Richard. You're just a regular riot." He repeats his statement. Sydney glibly says, "Oh, really. Well, I'm so glad you called, because I forgot to tell you today what a nice ass you have. I'm also impressed that you were able to get my phone number, given the fact that I don't have a phone. Goodnight, Richard." She hangs up. Shepherd looks at the phone, saying, "This used to be easier," as he redials. The phone rings again and Sydney answers it, asking if he's "learning-impaired." He asks Sydney to hang up the phone, call the White House, give the operator her name, and tell her that she wants to speak to POTUS. He hangs up.

Sydney's a little dazed and says to herself, "Oh, my God. This isn't happening to me." As she dials, she says, "It's not possible I did this twice in one day." The operator, naturally, puts her call right through. Sydney begins, "Mr. President, um...I'm sure there's an appropriate thing to say at this moment. Probably some formal apology for the 'nice ass' remark would be in order. I just don't quite know how to word it." He gallantly takes the blame, saying he shouldn't have called her at home: "Should I call you at the office tomorrow?" She bumbles her answer to this, too, and finally gives up trying to be coherent. He asks what she meant by not having a phone; she explains that she just moved to Washington and is staying with her sister. She wants to know how he got the number. He's not exactly sure; he thinks maybe the FBI. They chit-chat a bit, and then finally he cuts to the chase and asks her to the formal state dinner. She's silent for a very long time. Shepherd finally says, "Sydney? Sydney, Congress doesn't take this long." Sydney effuses that she's honoured the President has asked her to join him in representing the country, and that she's equal to the task and all. Geez, a simple yes or no will do. He replies, "Sydney, this is just a dinner. We're not gonna be doing espionage or anything." She's all giggly and spazzy now. He explains that the White House Social Director will call her and help her out with the details. She giggles some more and thanks him for asking her. They agree it's a first for each of them.

In a large room in the OEOB, Leon is surrounded by staffers, phones and laptops. Lewis comes in and happily announces that they've got George Jarrett. Leon wonders how Lewis got "the fence pole out of his butt"; apparently there was not much to it. Leon says, "We're gonna win this in a walk. It's like a kissing booth at a carnival. Give us a vote, get a photo op with number sixty-three." Lewis pulls a sheet off the board that indicates the number of votes still needed; now it says "16 votes." Lewis: "We should have gone after the handguns." Leon thinks that they need to do one thing at a time; Lewis doesn't think there's time for that.

Over at the GDC office, a similar scene is going on. Sydney's on the phone arguing with someone, and is tapping her pencil in a hyper-fidgety way on every available surface. Their sign says that they still need twenty-three votes in sixty-nine days. A staffer rips off the number "23" and says she just got another one. One of her staffers (who bears a lot of resemblance to one of Frink's cousins) points out to Sydney that she seems pretty tense, and asks whether if she has a big date tonight. By way of response, Sydney knocks over a jar of pencils.

It's state dinner time; limos are dropping off formally dressed big shots of all descriptions. There are a lot of guests and plenty of media types in attendance. One reporter stops a guy, played by Richard Dreyfuss, and says, "I'm standing here with Senate Minority Leader Robert Rumson, just one of the many guests arriving at what, for a few hours at least, is a non-partisan White House. Senator, the latest public opinion survey shows the President with approval ratings that would make him all but unbeatable, come November. Is there a Republican who can mount a serious challenge, and are you that candidate?" Rumson demurs, saying he's just looking forward to a pleasant evening.

Lucy's helping her father get dressed by tying his bow tie. He finds it a little tight: "Is it supposed to cut off the blood flow to my face?" He wonders where she learned how to tie a bow tie. She cracks, "Social Studies." He seriously wants to know; she evades the question some more. He asks, "Sweetie, did Mom teach you how to do that?" She admits, "Yeah." He asks, "Is this okay with you? My having dinner with a lady?" Lucy's totally fine with it. He finally believes her, and admits that's he's nervous. She advises him to be himself, and to compliment her shoes. Dad's puzzled. Lucy assures him, "Girls like that."