Previously on The West Wing: we get much the same, if not exactly the same, set of clips used in a episode where all the lead characters introduce themselves and state their position. I suppose that's for the benefit of all the sweeps newbies or something. But for a minute there, I thought we were going to get a rerun, and I got all excited, thinking I'd have the equivalent of a snow day! Even though it's May. Not that it being May makes any difference where I live. It snowed three days ago. Anyway.
Carol's at her desk, scrolling through news items, when she notices something disturbing headlined "Riyadh, Saudi Arabia." She wants to print it out, but some yahoo's hogging the network printer. She yells for him to get off the printer. It's getting to be a dog's age since I worked in an office with a networked printer, but my recollection is that you just sent your job and waited half the day for it to come out, using it as an excuse to chew the low-fat with your co-workers. My computer never told me someone else was on it. The general custom was, if you were sending a big resource-hogging print job, you yelled to everyone within earshot that you were doing so. Then everyone would react with indifference or annoyance. Anyway. I work at home now, and I hog my own printer all I want. Carol hits "Print."
Sam and Toby are in C.J.'s office. Sam's telling her to make it clear that they're pushing for Slovenia, and possibly the Baltic states (Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania). C.J.: "Not Freedonia? We're going to leave Freedonia out, there?" Toby says that the zero option is off the table. As C.J. zips in and out of her office, whisking papers about, she sings, "Hooray for Captain Spalding..." Toby: "Can we please..." She stands near Toby in the doorway, and asks whether they're not pretty much admitting all the countries that the U.S. formed NATO to fight. Toby agrees. C.J.: "Then why not dissolve it?" Toby: "We like the bomber jackets." Hope they don't look like those wretched Planet Hollywood things. C.J. objects to his being allowed to make a joke. Toby: "My jokes are funny." C.J.: "Fredonia was pretty good." Toby: "Heard it." Carol comes up and silently slips C.J. the printout. C.J. offers Toby five hundred clams to perform "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" at year's Gridiron.
Carol hangs by the door as Sam reminds Toby that C.J. has to get into the Briefing Room, and C.J. starts to read what Carol gave her. Sam wants to talk about sugar subsidies, but Toby says they're not done discussing the summit. Sam argues that it's a "two-day grip 'n' grin"; Toby complains that Russia finally elected a reformer, and he'd think Sam would be behind that. Sam: "Twenty years in the KGB and an election that would make Tammany Hall look like the League of Women Voters? I'm not sure that qualifies as a...." C.J.'s back is to the screen as she reads the paper, and then she turns around with a serious look that makes Sam stop rambling. She informs them that there was a fire at the King Fatah Middle School in Madinah (Saudi Arabia) in which seventeen girls died when they were prevented from escaping the burning building, and rescue workers were similarly prevented from saving them, by the mutawwa'in (Saudi Arabian religious police), because they weren't dressed properly in hijab (head coverings) and abayas (cloaks). A virtually identical incident actually happened on March 11, 2002, only it was a school in Makkah and it seems that the number of deaths in that case was fourteen or fifteen (different reports cite different numbers). C.J. warns them: "Don't comment. I haven't spoken to the President, to Leo, to State, to anybody. You guys want to muzzle me before I go in there, speak now or forever hold your peace. God knows it's not likely I'm gonna." She marches off to the Briefing Room, Carol on her heels. Toby and Sam hesitate for a moment, and then Toby suggests, "Let's get a good spot."
C.J. pauses briefly as she enters the briefing room, and then strides to the podium and greets everyone. She starts providing details of the scheduling for the summit. A reporter asks what POTUS sees as the goals for the summit. C.J. indicates it's primarily to meet the new Russian President, whose name is Chigorin, and adds that "they share the aspiration of building a secure and undivided Europe." Yeah, good luck with that. Another reporter asks if she's aware of the fire in Madinah. She says, "Yeah. That's a tragedy." Another reporter asks about reports that the mutawwa'in prevented rescuers from getting to the girls. C.J. says she read that, and takes another question. She seems to be trying not to be drawn into it. The same reporter asks whether the White House has a comment; C.J. mentions that she only just found out about it moments ago, and that she hasn't spoken to anyone in authority about it. So wouldn't the prudent and professional thing be to indicate that her opinion is irrelevant? Another reporter, Steve, asks if she has a comment. She says she doesn't. Steve persists: "I'm sorry, C.J., but you're not outraged by this?" She glances in the direction of Toby and Sam and hesitates before saying: "Outraged? I'm barely surprised. This is a country where women aren't allowed to drive a car. They're not allowed to be in the company of any man other than a close relative. They're required to adhere to a dress code that would make a Maryknoll nun look like Malibu Barbie. They beheaded 121 people last year for robbery, rape, and drug trafficking. They have no free press, no elected government, no political parties. And the Royal Family allows the religious police to travel in groups of six, carrying nightsticks, and they freely and publicly beat women...but 'Brutus is an honourable man.' Seventeen schoolgirls were forced to burn alive because they weren't wearing the proper clothing. Am I outraged? No, Steve. No, Chris. No, Mark. That is Saudi Arabia, our partners in peace. Bonnie, then Scott." Credits.
Well, as usual, I hardly know where to begin. All season long I've expended considerable energy trying to provide accurate information about Islam, in the interest of educating people with facts and perspectives the show can't be bothered to research or present, in the hope of offering a more balanced and accurate picture...in the greater hope of eliminating some small amount of bigotry and ignorance and confusion. It's getting so freaking old. From "Isaac and Ishmael" (which Sorkin has admitted "began as a hate-filled tirade" and which even he has also called a bad episode), to this very moment...honestly, I'm damn sick and tired of it. Sorkin's megaphone is vastly bigger than mine, and I doubt my efforts make any difference at all. People believe what they want to believe. If someone's determined to be a bigot, well, there seems to be precious little I can do about it. I guess the claims of violent psychotics count for more than facts. Doesn't the world demonstrate that every day? But because I am the sort of stupid person who enjoys banging her head against brick walls, I will attempt, once again, to provide some accurate information here, for what it's worth.
In the specific case referenced here, the fire in Makkah, there is absolutely no way that there is any theological support in Islam (or any religion I know of, for that matter) for the actions of the religious police. It's made very clear in Islam that when it comes to life-or-death matters, all things are permitted. The haram (forbidden) becomes halal (permissible). This is not advanced knowledge; it does not require sophisticated interpretation. Most Muslim schoolchildren know this, for God's sake. This means that if a Muslim will otherwise starve to death and there is nothing but pork to eat, he can eat pork. If a Muslim will die of thirst and there is only wine to drink, she can drink it. It means that if someone is forcing a Muslim at gunpoint to say he believes in a triune God, he can say it, because God knows what's really in his heart. It means, among other things, that even if those girls had been completely naked in the shower when the fire broke out, every effort should have been made to save them. Obviously Islam takes the issue of modesty quite seriously, but it does not place it above the inherent value of life. There would be no God-given punishment for any breach of modesty on the part of the girls; there would be no God-given punishment for anyone who inadvertently breached the modesty of the girls. End of story. Islam is very, very clear about such things. As I explained in my recap of "Isaac and Ishmael," one of the most overwhelmingly important concepts in Islam is that of niyah, intention. You're judged by God on your intention as much as on your actions. What the mutawwa'in did was, in my opinion (and that of every Muslim I know), cold-blooded murder, and even if they didn't form the intention to commit murder, their actions clearly speak to their intention to prevent the girls from being rescued, knowing they would die, and I believe they'll suffer eternity in hellfire both for the deaths and for the grotesque offense of perpetrating those deaths in the name of Islam. Not that that helps those girls or their families one damn bit now. The mutawwa'in should be charged, convicted, and punished by an earthly court, too, but that's freaking unlikely to happen. And as long as North Americans continue to consume oil at the present appalling rate, we will have to do business with certain oil-rich and deeply corrupt governments that daily perpetrate gross violations of human rights, and all the condemnation in the world is just a lot of meaningless hot air. Nothing will ever change until countries are held accountable in meaningful ways, and until the money stops flowing in.
In addition, it seems fairly implausible that C.J. would be unprofessional enough, at this stage of the game and with her somewhat rocky history at the podium, to make such highly inflammatory remarks, however justified, without being specifically directed to do so. Even if she had consulted with the appropriate bigwigs, I suspect the government's official comments would have been worded far more carefully. I also suspect that there would be far more brouhaha about her statements in the media in the days to follow, but no such thing occurs in this episode. Moreover, I would expect her to experience some kind of professional repercussions for firing off these comments without any authority whatsoever -- comments that are quite likely to create an international incident. But there's not a peep from Jed or Leo or Toby or anybody. Quite incredible, really. As one poster said in the forums, it's rather unrealistic, another example of "patented Aaron Sorkin LectureVision" (tm Ajax). Just once I'd like to see the highly intelligent characters on this show have a real, searingly honest discussion about why their government keeps propping up these kind of regimes. ["I would just like to break in here and say that both The Amazing Race and Felicity are great shows. No reason, really." -- Wing Chun]
Charlie comes up to Sam in his office and asks whether he knows of a guy named Farley who used to work for the President. Sam does not, and asks the fellow's first name. Charlie doesn't know; he's got a letter to POTUS from a kid saying that when he was Governor and campaigning, the kid met Bartlet's assistant, Mr. Farley. Sam thinks it must be someone who was involved before his own time. But Charlie says it can't be that early on, because the kid says they met when his father took him to a budget speech in Pittsburgh. Sam corrects him, saying it was San Diego, and that they never did a budget speech in Pittsburgh. Charlie thinks this is weird. Sam: "How many weird letters does the President get a day?" Charlie: "Couple of thousand. But this one has the President's private mail code on it, that's why I got it." Sam: "Well, how many confused people does the President befriend every day?" Charlie says it's a couple of dozen, but he doesn't give them the private mail code. POTUS has time to befriend a couple of dozen confused people a day? Cripes. I can barely deal with one or two confused people a day, and god knows even just my email brings me more than that. Moreover, I don't feel compelled to befriend most of them. Well, I guess with a staff of thousands, you have time for those things. Sam shrugs as they reach the Roosevelt Room and says he's on with the Russians. Charlie vamooses.
Sam enters and introduces himself to two ambassadors, who introduce themselves as Nikolai Ivanovich and George Kowzlowski. Sam says this should be quick, as he sits down and adds that Bartlet is jazzed about meeting Chigorin. Well, he doesn't say "jazzed." (A brief note: since English is not the first language of these ambassadors, it's understandably less than perfect. By and large, it's probably better than your Russian or mine. Anyway, I'm going to render their words as spoken, with its slightly incorrect syntax and missing articles and so forth. Please don't read the recap and then go rushing off to the Editorial Issues thread to report a bunch of non-errors. If you haven't compared my transcript to an actual tape of the episode, please, go outside and get some fresh air or something.)
George mentions that they thought the protocol arrangements had been finalized by the advance teams in Helsinki. Sam has points he would like to revisit; Sam is hoping that they will pass his concerns along to Moscow and get answers for him quickly. Sam says, in reference to the summit, that "we're coming down to it now." George isn't familiar with the idiom; Sam rephrases to explain that it's "coming up quickly"; it's Monday, and the summit is Saturday. First on the list of Sam's issues is the translation; they agreed upon consecutive translation, but he wants simultaneous translation. Why they already agreed to the other, I don't know. Nikolai says they prefer that the presidents pause while their remarks are rendered; Sam says Bartlet's speaking rhythm is such that it's better if it's not interrupted. Nikolai says they'll pass it on. Sam seems puzzled, saying that one is good and the other is bad. He quickly moves to his concern, which is that he wants to change the location from the Grand Salon to the Hall of Flags. ["Woohoo, Hall of Flags! Fun! Will Bartlet ride the ferris wheel? Unless the Hall of Flags is very different from Six Flags, in which case, never mind." -- Wing Chun] Nikolai doesn't really respond to this directly, but mentions that they agreed upon three o'clock for the meeting. Which brings us to Sam's problem: Sam starts by saying it's funny that they should mention that. The guy doesn't appear to be familiar with this idiom either, so Sam rephrases to say that it's a coincidence that he brought that up. Sam points out that Chigorin only has to fly through one time zone while Bartlet has to fly through seven: "Don't get me wrong -- this President can do three shows a night, but there's no one in the Western Hemisphere who has a worse reaction to jet lag than he does. Any trip eight hours or longer and someone gets fired at the end of it, and it's already been me three times, so..." So wouldn't this have been taken into account a lot earlier than five days before the summit? I don't know, maybe they pull these summits together with all the notice most people give for a Vegas elopement or an impromptu barbecue. I'm not a professional political operative. Nikolai says they'll run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes. No, of course not. He says they'll pass it on. Sam says that one's a dealbreaker. So shouldn't you tell him what time you want the meeting to be? Nikolai wonders if there's anything else. Sam: "Oh yeah, we're just getting started. You guys hungry?" They are not. Sam flips over his first sheet with a loud, crisp sound and says, "Okay."
Donna catches up with C.J. as C.J.'s walking back to her office reading some papers. Donna asks if C.J.'s ready. C.J. asks where they're going. They're going to the yogurt place. Wouldn't you like to hear what C.J. and Donna dish about at the yogurt place? Me too. Donna asks if she's reading angry faxes. C.J. says they're very angry faxes. Donna: "From Saudis?" C.J. affirms this. Donna: "Well, what'd you expect?" C.J.: "Very angry faxes from Saudis. And angry emails. Look at these." She moves out of the way so Donna can look at her computer. As Donna reads, C.J. grabs her purse. Donna comments, "I'm seeing some troubling spelling here..'godless' with two Ds?" Donna reads something else with a look of concern on her face and says, "C.J.?" C.J. replies, "I saw it." Donna says it's a death threat. C.J. insists that it's not a big deal, and tells her not to tell anybody, because she doesn't want a big production. Donna agrees, and C.J. turns to go; as Donna meets C.J. at the door, Donna hollers for Josh and asks him to come in and look at something. C.J. blocks the door and chides Donna. Josh comes in to read it. C.J. tosses her hand up in frustration. Josh reads it and instructs Donna, "Call Frank Tenney downstairs. Tell him I want to talk to him right away." Donna zooms off, and C.J. asks Josh, "You take this seriously?" As he walks out he says, "Yeah. It's a death threat, C.J. I take it seriously. I've had some experience with this." He gives her a significant glance as he leaves. She stares at her computer.
In the Oval Office, POTUS is finishing up a photo op. The group leaves, and POTUS is alone with Leo. Leo says, "They've got a picture they want to show us." Not clear at this point who "they" is. POTUS wants to know what the picture is; Leo doesn't know. Leo goes on to something else: he explains that Jake Kimball came to see Leo this morning, looking "a hundred years old." Leo says, "Anteras is going to announce a chip recall on Thursday." Jed, distracted with paperwork: "How big?" Leo: "Everything." Damn. That ain't good. Jed looks up, stunned. "That's gotta be fifty million chips." Leo says it's eighty million. Jed: "Leo, how the hell are we..." Leo: "I know." Jed: "That's the end of Anteras." Jed mentions the company has ninety-eight thousand workers, seventy-five thousand of whom he thinks are in the U.S.: "Plus the kidney punch at NASDAQ." Leo thinks Jake's on the verge of eating some lead. (I get the distinct feeling Leo and Jake had a scene about this that got cut, since this episode is so jam-packed.) Charlie pokes his head in at this point, and Fitz (yay! Fitz!) comes striding purposefully in, along with a small entourage. Jed: "Fitz! Fitz! You old polecat, you old so-and-so!" I've been thinking lately that people don't call each other "old polecats" quite enough. They shake hands as Fitz asks, "Trying to be one of the fellas, sir?" Jed: "Yeah." Fitz: "Well, well done, sir." Jed thanks him. Fitz grabs a file from an assistant and shows him a photograph taken by an SR-71 (a craft apparently no longer in use) during a routine flyover in the Gulf. Fitz says, pointing the photograph, "This is Bushehr, and this is what looks to me like the early days of construction on a light water reactor." He explains that light water is ordinary water, and it's what's used to build nuclear reactors. He says the Iranians seem to have contracted the Russians to build them a light water reactor. Jed wonders what the problem is. Fitz: "Four intelligence agencies tell me I'm wrong, and I am. The Russians are building them a heavy water reactor." Jed asks what that's used for. Leo: "Plutonium." No one speaks as we see an aerial shot of them all sitting down around the seal in the carpet.
After the commercials, it's Tuesday. Toby's lurking around the lobby. He greets a guard: "Good morning, Janice." She greets him as "Mr. Ziegler." He thinks it time she called him Toby. She agrees. It's clearly all the same to her. Coffee in hand, Toby leans on the machine that people put their ID cards into. I have no idea what it would be called. I'm more interested in Toby's attempts at casualness and small talk. He ventures, "That's a nice uniform." It's really not. Janice gives him a "where is this going?" look. Toby asks, "How long have you guys had that uniform?" Janice, dryly: "About a thousand years." Just then, C.J. arrives, and goes through her card-validation procedure. Toby excuses himself and follows C.J., saying he's got to tell her something, asking if she's ready. Apparently, he's got nothing to do. C.J. doesn't understand. Toby explains that he got there at six, got everything done within an hour and half, and there's nothing else on his calendar. "So I'm just out here walking around, you know, just being in the world." C.J.: "In the hallways." Toby admits this. C.J. says she's going to change all that, and asks him to meet with a Russian reporter named Ludmilla Koss, who's the Washington correspondent for the Novaya Gazeta: "She wants credentials and a seat on the press charter." Toby wonders why she's asking them. C.J. explains that the Russians have banned her from the summit for having supported the other guy in the election. Toby: "A-ha. Time to teach these Stoli-drinking Tchaikovskys a thing or two about free press, American-style! You don't ban those who supported your opponent, you make them wallow in their loserdom by covering your victory. You...you sit 'em in the front row! You give them a hat! I will save Ludmilla Koss, for I am Toby, and in so doing...why am I going on like this?" C.J. doesn't know, nor do I. ["What's wrong with Tchaikovsky?" -- Wing Chun] Toby tells her to set up the meeting; obviously, he has time. She thanks him and heads toward her office.
As C.J. approaches, she sees that someone is standing there waiting for her; it's Ron Butterfield. You remember Ron, head of the Secret Service. He tells C.J. he spoke with Frank Tenney this morning. C.J. says that she met with Frank yesterday at Josh's behest, and that Frank filed all the appropriate paperwork. Ron wants to see the message. C.J. sits down and types in her password. Ron asks whether she's checked her email yet today; C.J. says she just got there. Ron looks over her shoulder and sees that the threat-maker sent another one early that morning. He asks if she's had cyber-threats before. C.J. replies, "Not explicitly." Frank told Ron that C.J. didn't recognize the sender's address. Ron diplomatically asks, "Have you had a...bad breakup with a boyfriend lately?" I thought C.J. would snort quite loudly at this. She just chuffs a little bit of air out of her nose and says, "God, Ron, I haven't had a boyfriend in...I get a lot of hate mail. After the President, I'm the single most visible person in the federal government. Every day I'm on TV, and every day, exactly half the people are going to disagree with you, and some of those people are going to hate you, and some of those people are going to write letters." Ron reminds her that this isn't hate mail, it's a death threat, and asks if he could use her computer. As he sits down, he puts his right hand under his left arm, I suppose to keep his weapon from being exposed in case his jacket flaps open a bit, although I wouldn't have thought that Secret Service agents wore their guns closer to their waists than their armpits. What I first thought was that it looked as if it's slightly painful for him to move in certain ways, and I wondered if that was related to being shot in Rosslyn. I can't remember where he took it; I thought it was his hand. Maybe it's nothing, just a tic. Ron goes all Frinkatronic with the traceroute tools and announces that he'll have to take C.J.'s hard drive. He's seen that the server and the IP address of the threat-maker don't match, indicating a forged address. C.J. says that she may have gone too far with her remarks about Saudi Arabia, and that she was thinking of apologizing. Ron says that this doesn't have anything to do with that. C.J.'s confused. Ron states, "Muslim extremists don't get personal. They don't know your name; they don't care. They don't want one person; they want dozens or hundreds. That's why they don't use bullets. Killing one person is a waste of a bomb. He wants you. Why doesn't he want me? Someone will be by in a few minutes to get your hard drive, and we're intercepting all your emails from the address. Thank you." He leaves C.J. looking worried.
Back at the Cold War, Part II: Protocol Boogaloo, Nikolai agrees the press conference can be moved to nine o'clock; Sam thanks him. Nikolai whispers briefly to George, apparently searching for the appropriate word, and then states that it can be moved to the Hall of Mirrors. Sam corrects him: "Flags." Nikolai says they need something from him. They want POTUS to be wearing an overcoat during his arrival and all outdoor photo ops. Sam: "Coat?" Nikolai insists he must wear a coat and gloves; scarves and earmuffs are "permissible but optional." Sam says this is because Chigorin wants to wear a coat and doesn't want to look like a wimp. Nikolai points out, "It is freezing too cold in Reykjavik. It is freezing too cold in Helsinki. It is freezing too cold in Gstaad. Why must every American President bound out of an automobile like as at a yacht club, while in com..." He struggles for the word, which George supplies, "...comparison, our leader looks like...I don't even know what word is." Sam suggests, "Frumpy?" Nikolai: "I don't know what 'frumpy' is, but onomatopoetically, sounds right." Actually, I think the word is "onomatopoeically," not "onomatopoetically," but it's an understandable error. Anyway, if it's "freezing too cold," wouldn't Bartlet have the sense God gave a chigger, and know enough to wear a coat on his own? Sam replies, "It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy,' but knows 'onomatopoeia.'" Sam says he'll speak to POTUS about the coat, and stands up, saying they'll meet again tomorrow on final details. Sam leaves, and George turns to Nikolai, asking, "What is 'onomato-'...?" Nikolai: "Sounds like, sounds like."
Sam runs into Charlie as Sam leaves the meeting. Charlie tells him that he was right; POTUS never gave a budget speech in Pittsburgh. Charlie says the kid is nine, so he would have been five or six at the time: "Maybe he thought everything was a budget speech." Sam suggests maybe it's just a crazy letter. Charlie says it's not; he knows, because he reads a lot of crazy letters. Sam says he got a letter last year asking if he would donate his brain to a medical school in Grenada. He adds, "I'll tell you, there are days when I think, 'Yeah, why not just get it over with?'" Charlie follows Sam, saying that the kid had his picture taken with the President: "The advance guys always get the name and address and we send a copy. There's no record of a picture being sent to this kid. Plus, his father's in trouble." Sam wonders why; Charlie explains the father is a furnace worker at the Franklin Mill, and he might get fired because he wants to join a union. The father spoke to a group called the Steelworkers Organizing Committee. Charlie wonders if Sam ever heard of them. Sam has, but points out that they're called the AFL-CIO now. He adds that furnace workers are all unionized. Someone comes up and hands Charlie a note. He reads it and walks away, running into Toby as he does. Charlie keeps on cruising as Toby calls Ludmilla Koss into his office. She seems pleasant enough. She kind of makes me think of a prettier, Russian version of Calista Flockhart, minus the inane and annoying tics and mannerisms.
Toby and Ludmilla go into Toby's office, where they chat about the fact that her paper has the highest daily circulation of any paper in Russia. Toby remarks that it's hard to tell whether that's because of the reporting, the editorials, or the naked women on Page Three. Ludmilla: "We did not invent this thing. Nor did we invent the comic strips or lotto." Toby: "Touché." He sits down and asks her how she pissed off Chigorin. She says he doesn't like criticism. Toby wonders if she's ever met anyone who does. She says that's not the point. Toby seems mildly unnerved by this woman's sweet yet firm demeanor, and he replies, "No, I, uh, I'm just talking." He smiles disarmingly. She gives a polite, semi-sincere chuckle. Toby says she already has credentials to cover POTUS, and that it's just a matter of getting her on the plane. First, however, he wants to check with the State Department "to make sure it's not a grotesquely insulting thing to do to a new President from whom the U.S. is hoping for quite a bit." Ludmilla: "Ah, so your First Amendment only extends as far as is polite?" Toby, evenly: "No, it extends farther than that but it only protects us." Touché, dude. He adds, "Believe me, if we were able to enforce U.S. law around the world, I'd retire and go scuba diving." Now there's an image: Toby in a wetsuit. Ludmilla cocks her head and asks, "You like diving?" Toby admits, "I've never done it. I've, uh, never done anything. But I've seen pictures and it looks fun. I've seen pictures of people out there in the world and they all look like they're glad they are. Now, granted, when I'm looking at these pictures, somebody's usually trying to sell me something, but I'll tell you what, I'm forty-four years old and I'm buying." Aw, Toby. Ludmilla listens with amusement. Toby: "I usually don't talk this much, but I'm having an odd day." He pauses. "Wanna stay for a little and look at pictures of scuba divers?" I don't know how she could turn that down, with Toby looking so adorable and all, but she does. Toby says they'll talk tomorrow. She leaves.
POTUS and Leo are in the Mural Room; a meeting seems to have just broken up. Leo suggests that before they go "in there," they should talk about Anteras. Jed agrees. Leo says, "It's not like there's nothing we can do." Jed says there's nothing they can do. Leo: "I'm not saying Commerce or Treasury calls the banks, but an emergency loan guarantee, if we can get Congress..." Just then, Josh walks up and greets them as they're exiting the Mural Room. Jed tells Leo, "We can't do it." Leo asks Josh, "How did it go over there?" Josh says they confronted the Russian Atomic Energy Minister with the photographs, and that he denied everything. Jed: "That's good enough for me." Josh says they don't deny the building of a reactor: "They've had contracts with Iran since '76, and he says the deuterium-based reactors have been up and running in Canada for years." Jed: "Yeah, well...Canada, Russia...roughly the same relationship with the U.S."
Leo and POTUS enter the Oval Office and Jed calls out, "Fitz! You old horse thief, you old muckety-muck!" Fitz greets him again. There's a lot other brass there. Jed: "Josh says the Director of MINATOM says it's commercial power production." Fitz points out that there are no power lines to or from the site, and that there's no reprocessing facility. He says, "This one's fifty megawatts thermal, which is identical to the reactor Pakistan's got in Kushab." Fitz insists that this is used to make plutonium, and reminds them that he's not the National Security Advisor (where is Nancy anyway? Can't we ever have Fitz and Nancy on the same show?), nor is he the Secretary of State or of Defense, but he says that the Russians are giving Iran the bomb. Jed says that's what all those people already told him anyway, along with the directors of the CIA, the NSA, the FBI, and Naval Intelligence. Josh asks Leo whether it isn't true that MINATOM is in terrible shape. Leo says it lost some customers after Chernobyl. Josh: "Yeah, that's 'welcome to free markets' the hard way, but my point is, their light water reactors contracts are way behind schedule. There are all kinds of technical failures." Jed wonders whether Josh thinks the Iranians forced them to build a heavy water reactor. Josh thinks it's possible, in order to fulfill contracts. Jed thinks that's crap: "And even if that were the case, it doesn't make them Jean Valjean. They want a power broker in the Middle East. Just what the doctor ordered for the Middle East. All right, while avoiding the biggest diplomacy disaster since I don't know when, Josh, Leo, you guys have to figure out a way to get me out of it." He walks away. Josh: "Get him out of what?" Leo: "He's not going to Helsinki." And it's commercial time.
Wednesday. Josh is in Leo's office. They're trying to think up reasons for POTUS not to go to the summit. Josh suggests, "There's something really good on television." There is? Oh yeah, 24. I'll bet POTUS would love that show. Josh suggests telling them that there's something really good on television and that POTUS doesn't know how to work a VCR. Leo rolls his head in irritation as Josh rambles, "No, it's not that he doesn't know to work it, they know he's got a staff. They wouldn't buy it. It's that he doesn't trust technology." Leo: "Josh..." Josh: "This is insane." Leo's pretty mad: "News of the reactor is going to break -- you know it will -- and it's gonna break at the worst possible time. In fact, my money's on, it's gonna break right to the picture of him shaking hands with Chigorin...while wearing a coat...to protect his MS-riddled body from the fierce climate in Finland." Josh asks how they can all be so sure it's not MINATOM and the other Cold War holdouts. Leo: "I don't care..." Josh says there are other issues on the table: "NATO expansion, the Caspian pipeline..." Leo snaps, "You don't get to put a bomb in Iran! There are no other issues on the table right now. We're going to have to fly over there, and blow this thing up, and given what they're manufacturing there, I don't know if that's possible." Leo gets up, walks around, and sits down behind his desk. "We were all so smart. Russia's hobbled. The conflict's going to be in the Middle East. Turns out it is in the Middle East. With the Russians." Josh is silent for a bit and then tells Leo he didn't answer Josh's question. Leo asks, "What question?" Josh: "Chigorin just took office four months ago. How can you be sure it's not a rogue thing?" Leo: "I don't want a leak, Josh. Everyone's proceeding like we're going?" Josh: "Yes. How can you be sure?" Leo admits that he can't.
Some guy walks into the Communications bullpen and greets Toby, who's not in his office. Guy walks into Toby's office, followed by Toby, and before Toby can even close the door, the guy asks, "Is there still a summit to go to?" Toby closes the door, gives the guy a bit of a look, and says, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Loose Lips looks familiar; I can't place him. I think he's been on the show before, but there are so many quaternary characters now I can't keep them all straight. The guy apologizes, saying, "I asked because..." Toby cuts him off with a "yeah." Toby then says that he wanted to speak to Loose Lips because Toby's been asked to put a Novaya Gazeta reporter on the press plane. Loose Lips immediately says that's a mistake. Toby: "You understand I'm talking about a pencil and a pad of paper, from which no one has ever died." What about all that "mightier than the sword" stuff? Loose Lips replies, "You understand there isn't a paper -- any publication in Russia -- that's more critical of the Chigorin government?" Toby responds, "Well, the editorial judgment aside, what's the damage assessment?" Loose Lips says that the point of the summit is to build strong bilateral ties with the new government. Toby says they just need to make it clear that it's not personal. Loose Lips wants to know how Toby proposes to do that. Toby doesn't know. He wonders how the Chigorin government could retaliate. The other guy says that they have about half a dozen American reporters in Moscow whose credentials are pending. He compares Toby's request to the Russians credentialling The National Enquirer to cover the summit. Toby says that if the Enquirer asked for credentials, they'd get them: "Making sure the Enquirer can write whatever it wants is the only way I can be sure The New York Times is writing whatever it wants." Loose Lips says, "Well, you asked me what I thought. I'm 100% against it."
Charlie opens the door to the Oval Office and sends C.J. in. As she enters, Ron Butterfield turns to face her, revealing POTUS standing there, saying, "You're going to get Secret Service protection, but I can't order it unless you sign this piece of paper. So sign this piece of paper." He hands it to her. C.J. walks over to his desk, asking why he feels it's necessary. Jed doesn't even let her finish the question, but replies, "Because Ron says it is, and around here, we do whatever Ron says." C.J. glances over her shoulder at Ron, and softly says that she thinks it might be an overreaction. Jed: "Good for you. With all your years of training and experience in sniffing out crime, your opinion really carries a lot of weight with me." C.J.: "I don't want to appear fragile." Jed: "Are you kidding? We're talking about one bodyguard. I have twelve, and that's before I leave the house. You ever count the number of guns that come along with me when Abby and I take in a play at the Kennedy Center? Do I seem fragile to you?" C.J.: "No, sir." Jed: "Then..." C.J.: "You're also not a woman in a man's job." Touché. "To say nothing of the fact that you're required by law to be protected by the Treasury Department. You don't have a choice. And frankly, sir, you and I both know that you've scored points frequently with the public and with the press by shrugging off your Secret Service and doing whatever, going to a bookstore..." Jed: "I don't care." C.J.: "Sir..." Jed: "I don't care. You're part of my family and this thing is happening and I simply won't permit it. Sign the piece of paper." C.J. continues to protest, and Jed sharply interjects, "Let me tell you something: the last time a member of my staff got a death threat, they missed him and hit me!"
C.J. tries again: "Ron...is there any evidence...any evidence at all that this guy...look, I work in the White House, everybody knows that, but is there any evidence to suggest that...." She frantically looks back and forth between Ron and Jed. Jed gestures with his chin to Ron, who takes a file from an assistant who's been standing at the back of the room. He spreads out a bunch of photos in front of C.J. on the table. We don't see them; we see C.J. looking at them, and as she does she buttons her jacket, as a small subconscious response to her evident feelings of violation. She asks Ron where he got them. Ron replies, "Today's email." She says that one is a picture of her leaving her house on Monday (the implication being, before she even made the remarks about Saudi Arabia, further supporting the idea that the threat-maker is not someone responding to the comments); another one is a picture of her having dinner in a restaurant with her niece. Now suddenly her jacket's unbuttoned again, She picks up one photograph, saying it's from this morning, and looks like it was taken from about twenty feet away. She says "Okay," in a resigned way, after studying the photograph, and walks over to the desk and signs the paper with a pen Jed hands her. She hands it back to Jed, and Ron asks her to come outside and talk. She thanks POTUS and they leave. As they come out, Charlie's waiting to bring Toby in. Toby clearly wonders what's going on with Ron and C.J., but there isn't an opportunity to find out.
Toby says he wanted to warn POTUS that the Journal is going be publishing an editorial about broken promises and fiscal spending. Charlie's in and out of the Oval Office as Jed says, "Oh man, the greatest campaign speech ever about money. FDR promises to tighten our belts. What's he do when he gets here? Spends more than we knew could be spent. And it's because he discovered it's better for long-term growth." Toby remarks that the Journal probably wrote an editorial about FDR's broken promises, too. Jed thinks he ought to be able to refer to that speech and wonders where it was given. Toby knows: "Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania." Charlie stops in his tracks on his way out of the office, having been only half-listening to all of this. Jed asks Charlie to find a copy of FDR's 1932 budget speech in Pittsburgh. Charlie tells Jed, "Look, dude, I've been doing my job and Mrs. Landingham's for a year now. Don't you think it's time we got a little help around here? I can only do eighteen things at once." No, of course he doesn't. Actually, he does that "I'm sorry?" thing where the person heard what was said, but wants to make the person start to repeat it so that it can then be interrupted. Charlie says he'll get it, as the light dawns on him about the big fat letter mystery.
Toby leaves, and Leo comes in. Leo asks, "Is there a TV show you really, really like?" Jed thinks for a minute and then shakes his head wearily: "No." ["Not even Passions?" -- Wing Chun] Leo tells him not to worry about it, and suggests talking about helping out Anteras. Jed sighs and says, "Ahh...'was wilst du von mein Leben?' What do you want from my life? The government can't be in the business of cosigning loans." I definitely think Leo and Jake had a scene that got cut, which would help explain Leo's motivation for wanting to help this Anteras guy so much. Too bad, because I think that would have been a lot more interesting than Enyclopedia Young and the Case of the Seventy-Year-Old Letter, to which way too much time was devoted, given the mild impact of that storyline. Leo argues, "We wouldn't be handing them a bag of unmarked bills -- just backing their loans to cover the cost of the recall." Jed, getting up, says it's a subsidy. Leo claims it's a small one. Jed reminds him, "I'm an economist!" Leo replies, "Sir, this was not a failure of business. It was...I don't know; it was a mistake, it was human error, and Jake's been completely forth --" Jed interjects, "The marketplace will take care of Anteras." Leo snaps, "The marketplace will kill Anteras." Jed says that's what's supposed to happen. Leo's getting more upset: "It's not like it's unprecedented, sir. We helped out steel." Jed replies, "That was an industry that was hurt by unfair trade practices. Anteras was hurt by their own carelessness." Leo tries again: "A loan guarantee doesn't cost the taxpayers a nickel." Jed: "Unless they go under, and either way, we've just said 'we're open for business.'" Leo: "For a corporate icon that feeds into tech companies, computers, aerospace...the ripple effects. Workers losing jobs. It's a blue-chip stock that was in every --"
Suddenly Jed explodes in Leo's face: "They were huge contributors!" Only Martin Sheen pronounces "huge" without the H. I've never heard anyone yell "yooge" before. He rants on: "How the hell am I supposed to...they were yooge contributors!" He looks pretty wound up. He walks back to his desk and pitches a file on it. He sits down, and Leo thinks about this. Wouldn't this have occurred to Leo before now? Leo finally says, "Carelessness doesn't have to exist for a mistake to be made." I wonder briefly if that's a shot at those who nitpick this show. Jed says, "What?" Leo explains, "You said it was carelessness, and I don't believe carelessness has to exist for a mistake to be made. Jake was a contributor, and he's never asked for a favour, not even now. He was a contributor 'cause he knows us and we know him, and we know that if a mistake happened in design or production at Anteras, it wasn't shoddy, it wasn't on the cheap. You know how many chips have acted up so far? One. Dollars to doughnuts, he could have gotten away with it. But he wanted to warn people they may have a problem before...I don't even know what happens when eighty million computers stop working right." There are eighty million computers that work right? News to me. I can't get even one. Leo concludes, "But tell me this isn't exactly how we want American business to behave. I know it doesn't look good -- he's a friend of ours -- but there's a reason he's a friend of ours." Jed gets up and asks, as he walks to the window behind his desk, "They're announcing end of business tomorrow?" Leo confirms this. Jed turns around again and says, "I'm not saying anything, but grab some people and put together some numbers." Leo: "Yes, sir." Jed warns Leo that he's not committing to anything. Leo thanks him and returns to his office.
After the commercial break, it's Thursday, and Sam's back doing the Summit Foxtrot with Nikolai and George. Nikolai says, "The Baltic herring industry was subject of recent trade agreement between Russians and Finns. However, we'll take off menu." Sam asks why. Nikolai explains, "We have to. Mrs. Bartlet likes shrimp." Sam thinks that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard, and suggests that they put whatever they want on the menu. How about some hot pumpkin soup with a cheese gnocchi and a chèvre brioche? Or better, yet, pheasant and morel consommé, miniature ravioli of foie gras and smoked goose confit, a little Canary melon sorbet as a palate cleanser. All served on the finest Lenox china, of course. Sam requests that the press pool be allowed to take photographs at the Arctic Peoples exhibit. George and Nikolai are fine with that. Sam says that's that, but George says they have one more thing. It has to do with the language in the joint statement. Sam says he can't negotiate that; Nikolai says it's just a suggestion. Sam reminds them that the language has already been worked out by State, Commerce, and Defense. He keeps going on, but Nikolai asks him just to hear their suggestion. Sam agrees, and Nikolai flips open his file folder. He clears his throat and reads, "Both President Chigorin and myself agree that we must enter twenty-first century as partners and friends, not as adversaries. We must lead way in stemming tide of nuclear proliferation and we must start with ourselves. For why should two nations still possess power to destroy each other ten times over? Surely, once is enough." Sam: "Whose idea was this?" Nikolai: "Mine." Sam: "Who wrote it?" Nikolai: "I did." Sam ain't buying it. Nikolai stands, hands him the folder, and asks, "You'll, uh...pass it up?" Sam says he will. Nikolai says, "That's good one, yes?" Sam replies, "Yes. Thank you."
Ludmilla Koss comes back to Toby's office. He has her credentials for the plane, the palace, the press conferences, the photo exhibit, the Hall of Flags, and her plane ticket. She thanks him. Toby adds that he found out why Chigorin's government has such a problem with her and her paper. She sweetly says that it's because she doesn't flatter them. Toby replies, "No, it's because you stink." Toby has such a way with the ladies. She's peeved now: "I beg your pardon?" Toby says, "You can beg all you want; you're not going to get it." He reminds her that, last month, she alleged that the Chigorin government bombed several apartment buildings, based on an unattributed source: "It was refuted; you never retracted it." She claims, "The government's case was all over the television." I don't get her response. ["I didn't see the episode, but I assume she means that since the government already denied the report in a much bigger forum than her paper, there was no reason for her or her editors to retract the story. I'm not saying it's a good argument, but that's how I'd read that." -- Wing Chun] Toby goes on, saying that she recently wrote a story about Chigorin's mother-in-law moving closer to the Kremlin, and printed her home address. Ludmilla rolls her eyes. Toby says Chigorin's mother-in-law had to relocate. Ludmilla says that was the mother-in-law's decision. Toby: "You reported the failing grades of the defense minister's twelve-year-old son! Does that even count as journalism? Does that do anything but bring ridicule on a defenseless twelve-year-old kid?" She looks at him haughtily. Toby continues, "We've got people like you here on cable and on the internet, and there's no one anywhere on the ideological spectrum who doesn't roll their eyes when their names are spoken out loud. You know, we've always had free press here, we take it for granted...how can you…" He holds up the piece of paper he was reading from and crumples it, "...treat it like this? You should give up your space and put another naked woman in there. Anyway..." Ludmilla makes a move to collect her credentials and ticket. Toby makes a move toward them almost as if he's going to grab them away, but I think he just pushes them closer to her, saying, "There are your credentials." She gathers them up, without a word, and leaves, looking as haughty as possible the entire time. Well, she didn't look like she'd be much fun to go scuba diving with, anyway. Also: I'm totally distracted by the painting behind Toby's desk. I don't recall noticing it before, and I quite like it. There's your gratuitous interiors-obsessed commentary for this episode. Wouldn't be a recap without it.
Jed's meeting with Leo, Josh, and a few other people. As the shot comes up over a laptop screen to show Jed, we see a Spider-Man screensaver. I'm guessing that's Josh's computer, not Leo's. Leo's maybe more of an Aqua-Man guy. Leo says that the Majority Leader will move up HMO reform. Jed's surprised to hear it. Leo says they've talked to him, and suggests, "He's moved up HMO reform, and there's nothing we can do about it, and the welfare of your people comes first" as, I guess, the excuse for not attending the summit. One woman says, "He has a Duma; he'll understand." Fitz thinks it makes sense. Sam signals to Josh from the door; Josh gets up and goes out. Leo says it sends a strong message, and allows them to save face. Jed asks the room, "Anybody?" There's general murmuring. Jed asks Leo, "Can I use this to get out of weddings and stuff?" People chuckle. As if they wouldn't. Jed tells Sam, "The Majority's Leader's going to move up HMO reform and my Duma's going to vote on it. What do you think?" Before Sam can say anything, Josh says, "Sir, would you hear what Sam has to say for a moment?" Jed asks what it is.
Sam walks further into the room full of big shots with a bit of trepidation, and warns them that if, by the time he's done, they think he sounded like an idiot, they should just know that he'll be feeling like one, too. Sam explains about Nikolai's desire to contribute to the language of the joint statement. Leo: "What's he getting involved with the language on the statement for?" Sam: "Yeah. And what he wanted added was...." Sam refers to the paper, and this time it reads slightly differently from the way Nikolai read it: "'Together in partnership, we must stem the tide of nuclear proliferation, for why should our two nations still possess power to destroy themselves ten times over? Surely, once is enough.' Now, I have to tell you sir, both these negotiators had conversational English, but they didn't have idioms. I promise you...." Bartlet points out that "stem the tide" is an English idiom. Sam adds that Russians don't have "surely, once is enough" either. Josh says Chigorin wrote that. Leo and Jed look at each other. Sam says he thinks the Russian president is trying to send Jed a message. Fitz looks at Jed. Jed finally says, "He is trying to send me a message." Immediately, the whole group starts murmuring its agreement. For some reason this makes me laugh, since they suddenly seem like such a silly bunch of yes-men and yes-women. Jed stands up and says, "We've been trying to get 'nonproliferation' on the agenda. We've been trying to put those exact words in Chigorin's mouth." Josh says, "He's got a whole Soviet defense establishment that's trying to do business." Fitz interjects, "Wait a second, hang on. You're telling me that foreign policy of this magnitude is conducted through Sam, and I'm still alive?" Luckily Sam has a Teflon ego and is not crushed by these kinds of remarks. He replies, "We're pretty impressed ourselves, Mr. Chairman." Fitz wonders why Chigorin didn't just have somebody pick up the phone. Josh explains that it's the old diplomatic corps, and Chigorin wouldn't trust them yet. Jed says, "Fitz?" Fitz cogitates for a moment and then says, "I think he's going out on a limb. I think you should meet him there." Jed declares, "Let's go to Helsinki. But the reactor's first thing on the agenda. Anybody?" There are general murmurs of assent. There's a lot of mutual thanking going on, and then people start taking off. Leo quietly tells Jed that Jake Kimball is in Leo's office. Jed says he'll be right in.
Jed calls to Sam; Sam walks over. Jed tells Sam, "Nice job." Sam thanks him. As Jed rolls down his sleeves, and does a very smooth coat flip, he inquires, "Tell me again why I can't wear whatever the hell I want." Sam: "Well, that's not entirely true, sir. The earmuffs are optional." POTUS indicates that he probably won't be wearing them, as he claps Sam on the arm and takes off for Leo's office.
Jed enters, lamenting, "Whatever happened to Pong? It was great! It was relaxing, it had that very satisfying sound." Jake Kimball is played by Bosom Buddy Peter Scolari. I had a bit of a crush on him in high school. Jake smiles and says, "I don't know, sir." Jed doesn't, either. Jed asks Leo for something as he puts on his glasses; Leo hands him a note. Jed reads it and then says, "No." He then explains to Jake: "Leo wanted to see if we could guarantee you a loan." Jake looks truly surprised and says, "I didn't know that. I can't ask you for that." Jed: "I appreciate that. And I can't give it to you, but I think I can do Leo one better." Leo: "What?" Jed announces: "We'll stay your biggest customer. When you announce your recall, you can announce that you're keeping your government contracts. Leo will work it out with Congress." Jake replies, with a bit of a tremor in his voice, "That's very generous, Mr. President. I appreciate your confidence." Jed ain't giving it away for nothing, though: "Talk to me about the seventy-five thousand workers." Jake quickly states that he won't be taking any salary for two years, and that his managers will cut their salaries by 50% before they even consider layoffs. Jed says, "All right. Jakie, this is the White House. If we only screw up twice before breakfast, it is a very good morning." "Jakie"? Jake says, "Yes, sir." Jed also informs him that he can't make any more campaign contributions, to Jed or any other Democrat. Jed: "You can vote. That's it." Jake's got it. Jed mutters that he knew he'd get screwed by a computer one day (yeah, it's all about you) and says he has a very important photo op he has to get to.
Charlie comes into the Mural room; Nancy (the assistant, not the NSA advisor) then comes in after him, to call him out to see two men. Charlie says, "Mr. Tatum?" The younger man says, "I'm Dr. Tatum. I'm the one you spoke to on the phone. This is my father." Charlie shakes the older man's hand, stating his name and proudly adding, "I'm Personal Aide to the President." The older man seems unimpressed. Charlie tells Dr. Tatum, "You didn't tell him anything, right?" Dr. Tatum says, "He thinks we're on Candid Camera." Mr. Tatum: "Or that this is a ruse of some kind." Charlie says it's no ruse, and reminds the older gentleman that when he was nine, he wrote a letter to FDR. He hands him the letter. Mr. Tatum looks at it, remarking, "Well, I'll be damned." Charlie adds that Mr. Tatum met FDR's personal aide, Tom Farley. Charlie asks whether the place Mr. Tatum lived in Pittsburgh happened to be 2345 Northern State Boulevard. It was. Charlie says that the building was torn down recently, and that somebody found the letter and put postage on it. Let me get this straight: some construction worker found a seventy-year-old unmailed letter addressed to the long-dead FDR and bothered to put a stamp on it and mail it to the White House? Okay. Mr. Tatum seems marginally entertained by all of this. More than I am, anyway. Charlie explains that none of this would have happened except that there's a five-digit code that presidents give to close friends, and Bartlet uses the same one FDR used. Right on cue, POTUS comes in, saying, "For the hundredth time, it was an homage." Jed shakes the hand of Mr. Tatum, saying, "Alan Tatum? The White House owes you one picture." Alan introduces his son, Ted, to Jed. Alan proudly announces that Ted's a doctor. Jed: "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm married to one. Oh, you meant that as a good thing." They all shuffle off to the Oval Office.
Jed says, "FDR was a fine president -- don't get me wrong -- but if you want something done right, dammit, call New Hampshire!" I wonder if New Hampshire knows what colour I should have painted my living room. Ted and Alan kind of hang by the door, perhaps a little too awed to feel comfortable walking right into one of the most intimidating interiors in the world. Jed walks back over to them and invites them to come right in. Jed and the two Tatums line up in front of Jed's desk and pose as a photographer snaps pictures like crazy. Jed asks the elder man if he's retired; Alan says he is: "Fifty-three years on The Spirit of St. Louis." Jed tells Ted: "Your grandfather was a furnace worker. Your father was on the railroads. You couldn't find honest work?" Dr. Tatum chortles heartily at his own expense. Alan indicates that he'd like to have his picture taken with Charlie. Charlie comes over and poses with him. Finally, the picture-taking is all done and Ted thanks POTUS for a "once-in-a-lifetime" experience. Jed amiably asks, "Where you going? You got pictures, what do I get?" Alan doesn't know what Jed wants. Jed explains, "You were there! You were at his speech. You gotta tell me everything! Sit. We're going to get some food." He instructs Ted, "You sit quietly and try to resist the temptation to bill me for something." Lotsa cracks at the expense of the medical profession tonight. I guess Abby must be in Timbuktu or someplace. Alan gazes gratefully at Charlie, who's standing by the door, before sitting down. I don't know, I usually love any sentimental storyline involving Charlie, but this whole thing was just kind of "whatever" and I would rather have had a scene with Jake and Leo.
C.J.'s walking back to her office (wearing a sleeveless red dress that shows off her very nice upper arms), when she notices somebody unfamiliar standing there. She figures this must be her bodyguard. Let's hope he doesn't resemble Kevin Costner. As she walks in, she says a very unenthusiastic hello to Mark Harmon, who introduces himself as Special Agent Simon Donovan from the U.S.Treasury Department. She asks him what branch, as if she doesn't know. He tells her he's with the Secret Service and shows her his badge, saying he doesn't like to flash it around because it gives some people "the jumps." It does? It's just a badge, for Pete's sake. He says that Butterfield told him C.J. was a "reluctant customer." C.J.'s not in the mood for small talk; she wants to know how this works. She wants to know, "From how far away can you do this?" Simon says, "I can respect a certain perimeter of privacy." C.J. wants to know what that means. Simon: "I don't need to see you naked or anything." Oh, way to put her at ease, Simon. Do they teach you that kind of banter at the Bruno Gianelli Institute of Appropriate Workplace Interaction? C.J. breathes what I think is a sarcastic sigh of relief and says okay. Simon adds, "Though, 'better safe than sorry' is a bit of a motto for us over at Treasury...." Me, I would instantly request a replacement for this guy. I wish more people could distinguish between flirtatious banter and sexual harassment. Carol drops something off and leaves again.
Simon says (I wonder how many times I can type "Simon says" before the end of the season and not go crazy) she's the boss, and he'll be heading up a detail of four agents, each working eight hours, with one day off a week. Does that work out? I have too much of a headache to do the math right now. ["I'd double-check it, but it's almost June and I don't care." -- Wing Chun] He adds, "We've set up a command post in your apartment building. We've set up surveillance. You can put your car in a garage. You'll be using ours." C.J. starts walking out of the room; he follows her. She turns and insists, "You can't come in the Briefing Room." Simon: "Think again, dollface." No, no. He says, "A crowded room where anyone can get credentialled and you're up at the podium? No, I'm pretty sure I'll be there." C.J. keeps walking, saying, "This is what you meant by '[I'm] the boss'?" Simon admits that's more of an "honorary thing." She starts to open a door, and Simon shuts it, to force her to stop and listen to him. Their faces are close to the door, which has a Venetian blind on it, and it's brightly lit from the other side, so slats of light and darkness fall on their faces. Simon says, "This guy isn't small-time, Ms. Cregg. You're being hunted. By the way, I can't guarantee anything, except to say that, if you're dead, chances are, I am, too." C.J. snipes, "Well, I guess it's going to have to be the little things now." Simon agrees. He says he has to go check in with his command. C.J. goes through the door, giving a wary glance in the direction of Simon's back before closing the door.