By Miss Alli
Previously on Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Subjected To The Confirmation Process: Josh tried to fill seats on the Sixth Circuit, but found that he had a bigger problem when a relatively young Supreme Court justice abruptly dropped dead.
"The Supremes," says the title card, and I could fill your head with a lot of "Baby Love" and "Stop! In the Name of Love" jokes throughout the recap, but I will sincerely try not to. No promises. We fade up on Donna, who is on the phone with Josh, running down a list of people who have called in the aftermath of Justice Brady's death. For some reason, her chirpy manner when she first starts talking makes me briefly think she is singing to Josh, but she isn't. As she drops the news that two archbishops have called, we cut to Josh, working his way through a crowd of people holding up signs that say, among other things, "KEEP ABORTION LEGAL" and "STOP ABORTION NOW." We are told that it is "Monday Morning." Oh, good gravy. Not this again. Josh marvels at all the people who are "up so early" that they have time to get out and protest in front of the White House, and Donna points out that people with big agendas "had sign-painting parties the second Justice Brady dropped dead." Probably true. Nothing keeps sign-painters in business like politically-motivated idiots. Donna tells Josh she has a new "list," and says that she's been told to burn the old one. Josh reads from a pamphlet he has been handed about the sacrifice of the unborn, and how people "beckon, arms akimbo, the Reaper, the Horseman, and the apocalyptic end." Of course, his only comment is that "'akimbo' is a word you wish got used more."
Josh walks inside, saying into the phone that someone outside is selling "Who Would Jesus Nominate?" t-shirts, but on his way in, he runs into Donna -- who's not listening to him on the phone anymore, evidently. They stop and look at each other for a second, and then she launches into the business about the development of the list. Frustrated, Josh takes what looks like a PDA/phone hybrid and snaps it shut. He hands Donna something, although I am too stupid to know what he's handing her, apparently. I am told it may be a muffin. Whether it is some sort of symbolic muffin, I am not sure. I'm not sure I'm always up on the symbolic language of bakery items. Josh quickly makes his way to an impromptu meeting in Leo's office with Toby and C.J. Apparently, Democratic leadership is talking to Jed, undoubtedly providing additional names for what will be known over and over again as the List. Toby says they've promised people a short List by the end of the week, so it's an all-out dash from now until then. Leo hands out lists of candidates that each of the staffers present is supposed to meet with. C.J. hands off to Toby a message from the ACLU about one of his assigned candidates, which is the show's way of expositing, more delicately than usual, that various groups are bringing up various issues about various candidates. See how that works? Josh asks about the absence of someone named "Haskins," and Leo says that Haskins is "having an affair with his clerk." Well, yeah, that's not good.
Toby, meanwhile, gets a phone call. First, he has to assure whoever it is that they're not having a party over Brady's death -- "Well, not a big party." Heh. Back in the meeting, talk turns to someone named Lang, and Josh asks, "Isn't she kind of a lefty?" Does anyone in politics actually say "lefty"? I have to doubt it. C.J. says that Lang is merely a "decoy duck," and should be interviewed somewhere more visible than Josh's office. Leo explains for the audience's benefit, probably unnecessarily, that the idea of some of the decoy candidates is to "mollify" the left and "panic" the right (Lang is being used largely for the latter) to the point where they'll all lie down and happily accept whichever moderate winds up being chosen. Toby breaks in just long enough to report, apparently based on his phone call, that someone-or-other is to be added to the "never consider" list. C.J. returns to the discussion, suggesting that Lang should meet with Josh and Toby, rather than just Josh, to make it look more legitimate. Leo sends them all off to get working: "First person to find me a Supreme Court justice gets a free corned beef sandwich." Hmm. "If it is reasonable to think that a Supreme Court Justice can be bought so cheap, then the country is in greater trouble than I had imagined."
Cut to Josh and Toby's interview with Evelyn Baker Lang, played by a less-affected-than-usual Glenn Close. They pay a little lip service to how much they love her work, and then Josh starts in on the "are you really interested" line of questioning, to which Lang smoothly replies, "We can just chat." "I'm sorry?" Josh says. She comments that she heard about how he tried to get Hayden seated, although it apparently didn't work out, and Hayden is still teaching. Toby seems peeved that Lang has changed the subject to something unrelated to the interview, and she looks over at him, trying to cut through the nonsense as efficiently as possible. "The conservative anchor of the Court has just died," she says. "A young, brilliant thinker who brought the right out of the closet and championed a whole conservative revival. You cannot replace Owen Brady with a woman who overturned a parental consent law. You'd be shish kebabed and set aflame on the south lawn. Two reporters have -- three reporters have walked by since we started. I'm window dressing. It's fine; I'm happy to help, but let's just chat about the weather." She smiles pleasantly. Toby and Josh stare at her in awe. Josh is already thinking about writing "Mr. Josh Baker Lang" on the back of all his notebooks.
In the corridor, Toby and Josh walk-and-talk about how impressive she was. "Maybe we should put her on the short List," says Josh. Toby just turns and looks at him, and Josh says nothing further. Because...no. They call for their appointment, and hand off the Lang folder to Donna. "This is...?" Donna says. "That's a 'no,'" Josh tells her, disappointed but resigned. We leave Josh staring meaningfully into space, thinking about the fact that Glenn Close still looks pretty good -- in fact, better than she did in Fatal Attraction.
Credits. Can we get a better still of Spencer? For cryin' out loud, he looks like he's passing a kidney stone while trying to do long division.
After the commercials, Donna is trying to get Josh to sign something, but is hesitant to move her arm so that he can see what he's signing. Warily, he takes it from her. As it turns out, he's signing a note of apology to Ashland, who was unfortunately sent condolence flowers of the "sorry you died" variety. "He's alive," Josh says, puzzled. "That's what he said," Donna replies. Hee. Josh wants Protocol on the phone for some good old-fashioned ass-kicking, but Donna fesses up that it was actually an inside job. "It was an honest mistake," Donna protests. "Ashland's eighty, he's knock-knock-knockin' on --" "Who put the order in?" Josh asks, incredulous. The gods of comic timing send Swimtern up to them to chirp, "Hey, guys!" at just this moment, and Donna's guilty look says it all. "You sent a funeral bouquet to the living, breathing Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?" Josh asks Swimtern. "No, I sent 'em to the guy who died, Brady," Swimtern says, confused. Josh breaks it to him that this is not, in fact, what he did. "This is -- terrible," Swimtern stammers, following after Josh. He apologizes, keeping up the running banter after they're inside Josh's office. "I'm a nightmare with details," he says. "It's embarrassing; the stuff just leaks outta my head." He goes on: "We should leave the detail work to Donna; she's got the head for it. I'm more of a big picture kinda guy." Josh looks over Swimtern's shoulder to Donna, who's standing right there. Swimtern, turning and seeing her, looks at least slightly chagrined, but Donna looks mostly amused as she wanders off. "She's here because she's invaluable," Josh says simply. "You're here because your uncle's so powerful I can't fire you. Big picture!" Hee hee.
Just then, Judiciary Lisa shows up and stands in the doorway of Josh's office. She says she needs two minutes with Josh, and after familiarizing herself with Swimtern, she follows Josh out. She wants to know, unsurprisingly, when she'll see a List. Josh protests about maybe letting the body get cold first, and she starts disgustedly rattling off a list of people she knows Josh has been meeting with, including Lang, who she thinks represents someone's obvious "acid trip." She tries to reason with Josh: "The committee's not going to let the balance of the court hurtle wildly to the left, and fill Brady's seat --" Josh points out, quite rightly, that it's not exactly "Brady's" seat, in the sense that his name is on it nor was it created for him. "Girelli has a fondness for Vicodin, and Evelyn Lang is not an option," Judiciary Lisa says firmly. "Save us all some time." Josh insists that they're certainly "not going to nominate a born-again elk hunter with a tattoo of the Confederate flag on his ass." Hey, I think I know that guy. She rattles off a couple of acceptable names, including one Brad Shelton, and promises that if the administration were to attempt to confirm Lang or one of the other hard lefties, the year would be "a living hell." She looks at him curiously and adds, "I tell you this as a person who would be your friend, if I looked for different things in friends." "We should do this more often," Josh growls, turning up the Flirt-O-Matic to its little-used "Mondo" setting. "As often as it takes," says an unaffected Judiciary Lisa before wandering off. Apparently, Josh's mojo is getting creaky.
"We don't hate Asians," Leo is saying as Toby enters his office, and for some reason, the patience with which he reads that line just really made me laugh. Leo is explaining to someone on the phone why there isn't a place on the List for "Justice Wong," who is so important in his current seat that they can't afford to consider him, you see. Leo thanks whomever it is and hangs up, and then tells Toby to "do a drive-by" of Sebastian Cho of the Massachusetts Supreme Court, and Toby agrees. In the opening of the only dud story of the evening, Leo tells Toby that there's a congressional delegation going to Gaza blah blah blah, long story short, Andy is leading the delegation, and the delegation is not pleasing the president. Toby says he'll take care of it. Josh walks in just as Toby is leaving. "What's up?" Josh asks. There is a pause. "We hate Asians," Toby replies. "Okay," Josh says with a sort of "that's all right; I'm sure there's an explanation" face on.
Debbie is spraying the flowers by her desk with a water bottle. Rina drops by with a stack of files, one of which is for Jed. "You can put it in his hot little hands yourself," Debbie says, because Jed is just passing. "Uh, this is for you, sir," Rina says pleasantly, handing over the file to POTUS. "Thank you, Lana," Jed says, and walks on by. Oof. Rina makes like she might correct him, and then she doesn't. When he's passed, she turns and gives Debbie exactly the right little embarrassed shrug. Debbie looks at her empathetically and mouths, "Okay." Everything about that bit was exactly right, and it still is as Debbie follows Jed into his office. "I hate to do this," she says, "but it's Rina, sir. The girl in the dress? With the flowers?" "Just now?" Jed says. "Yes," Debbie says patiently. "What'd I call her?" Jed asks. "Lana." "Who's Lana?" "I'm guessing an exotic dancer from your spotty youth," Debbie offers. "I should apologize," says Jed impatiently. "Get her back." Debbie hesitates. "You asked me yesterday how the schedule gets off the rails?" she says. "Yeah," Jed says. "This is how," she tells him gently, and then she leaves.
Leo and Josh stroll in with news of the interview process. They're happy with a couple of people. Josh mentions that Lang was impressive. "Gal from the Fourth? Didn't she strike down some --" "Parental consent for abortions," Toby puts in. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen," Jed says brusquely, losing interest. Leo calls her a "red flag to a bull," and Josh comments that it's working, because Judiciary Lisa has already been by for a visit. The emerging good option seems to be Shelton, although it is made clear that they should continue courting Lang for effect. Josh rattles off a long, boring list of names that obviously does not inspire him. Including someone named "Ellis Yaffee," which is just a good name. If I were ever going to be reincarnated as a college professor, I would want my name to be Ellis Yaffee. In fact, you can start calling me that now. Say it with me -- Yaffee! Yaffee! Yaffee! It should certainly be used for something. Maybe one of those slick new party games. And when you rolled the dice and two threes came up, you'd have to say "Yaffee!" and then you'd get double points. Wait, I'm going to write this down. Don't steal my idea. If I see you marketing "Yaffee!" a year from now, I'm coming for you.
"Tuesday," we are told. C.J. is typing at her computer. And as soon as you see her smile, you know exactly what she's doing -- she's instant-messaging with Ben. That's a great job by Allison Janney, because I knew what she was doing the second they cut to her. Toby walks in on her and asks what she's doing. "Nothing," she insists. Carol sneaks up behind Toby and tells him C.J. has a date. "She's getting fired," C.J. says pointedly. Toby comes right on in and talks about how they're bringing Lang back for another round, but C.J. is still watching the screen with half her attention. Toby tries to lean over her laptop to peek, but C.J. pulls it shut, knocking him into a bottle of hand lotion, which winds up oozing out onto his fingers. He smells it and nods, both approvingly and suspiciously. C.J. goes back to her chat. Does she wear lotion to IM with cute boys? I've never thought of that, I must admit.
Jed, meanwhile, is meeting the famous Brad Shelton -- played, as it happens, by Robert Picardo, who means something different to everyone, but to me, is Dr. Dick from China Beach. ["So not a 'Brad Shelton,' by the way. Someone named 'Brad Shelton' should be played by, like, Tom Berenger." -- Wing Chun] Jed tells Shelton that the staff hears only good things about him. "What'd they miss?" Jed asks. "My son burned you in effigy," Shelton says simply. Jed takes off his glasses. "Did you watch?" he asks calmly. "I didn't," Shelton says. "It was a campus demonstration against American presence in Saudi Arabia. There's a photo in his yearbook. Someone will dig it up. I thought it would sound better in person than on paper." Jed makes a hilarious frowny-face, and says, "I'm not sure it did." He goes on: "Did he burn anybody else?" "No," Shelton says with absolutely no emotion. "Just you." That was just...hilarious and strange, which is what this show used to be like a lot of the time, right before it got windy and pretentious. I am also amused by the idea of anyone's burning Jed in effigy, because he just doesn't seem objectionable enough. Then again, I'm not in college anymore. I think burning people in effigy loses its allure right around the time you start paying your own rent.
Lang is walking into the White House with Josh and Toby, telling them how she's "missed [them] both" since the last time they met...you know, yesterday or whenever. She remarks on the fact that she keeps running into Shelton and seems to be fishing for what that means, but Toby just thanks her for being a sport, basically. She shrugs it off, saying that the only thing about it that sucks is that it's taking up her time, which is kind of valuable, seeing as how she's a Circuit Court judge and stuff. True, that.
In the Office of O, Jed is questioning Shelton about affirmative action. He, predictably, has no opinion. "I don't position myself on issues," he says, "and I don't know what I think about a case until I hear it." He goes on to talk about what it means to be a moderate, and Jed asks him whether he thinks Jed wants him to vote with Ashland. Shelton basically tells him yes, though he tries to say it more diplomatically than that. He breaks the news, though, that he's no ideologue: "My allegiance to the eccentricities of a case will outweigh my allegiance to any position you might wish I held," he says. And see, he's a good guy, too. That's what I like about this story -- you can make a case for this guy. It's not obvious from the beginning that they're morally bankrupt to think in terms of a guy like this. There's nothing wrong with a guy like this.
Josh and Toby are going through the motions with Lang, talking about what questions she'd face from the Judiciary Committee if her nomination weren't fanciful -- which, of course, it is at this point. Toby starts to role-play and ask her a question, and she asks whom he's supposed to be. Josh is like, "Duh, he's a Republican," and she points out that it completely depends on what Republican he is. "If you're Webster," she says, "the question is 'where do you stand on Roe v. Wade,' and the answer is, judicial rulings shouldn't be based on personal ideology -- mine, or anyone else's. If you're Davies, the question is, 'how would you approach a D&X case,' because he's the drum-banger on partial birth, and the answer is, I don't comment on hypotheticals. If you're Maulkin, you're from Virginia, so...you're asking on Drury [which I gather is the parental consent case in which she overturned the state law], I take you point by point from the doctor, to the father, to Casey, to 'undue burden,' to equal protection, back to Roe, at which point you can't remember the question, and I drink my water for a minute while you regroup." She smiles pleasantly, as she so often does. Toby and Josh look at each other. Josh asks to speak to Toby outside, and they get up and leave.
As Toby and Josh close the door behind them, Josh says, "I love her. I love her mind...I love her shoes...." I couldn't tell you why that was the perfectly right thing for Josh to say, but oddly, it was. Toby, on the other hand, is keeping his eye on the ball: "We walk her into five senators' offices, they'll be so scared that they'll beg us to put Shelton on the Court." He looks at Josh, like, "Anything else?" They walk back in and ask about the vetting she's already had by the FBI, and whether anything else would show up. She wonders why, as a "shill," she'd need a background check, and Josh just asks her to play along. She lets on that when she was young, she snuck a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover out of the library; she once received a pot plant for her birthday while in college; and -- oh, right -- in her second year of law school, she had an abortion. Toby and Josh look stunned. She looks around with an uncomfortable smile, and finally says, "Can I get some water while you regroup?"
After the commercials, Evelyn Baker Lang is indeed drinking that water. She says that she revealed the abortion now so that they'd be prepared. It might not, however, even come up. "But if it did," she says, "I wouldn't comment." Josh, not really satisfied by that answer, starts to pry, and Lang simply and nonconfrontationally asserts her right to privacy and says she's just not going to talk about it. "I bet like a sailor during my bimonthly games of Hearts...do you want to talk about that?" she asks evenly.
Later, in C.J.'s office, Toby and Josh share the bad news about the abortion. Josh is hoping it won't be discovered, but C.J. assures them that it'll make it to some tabloid or another and Lang will be some jackal's dinner by breakfast. Or something. Toby insists that they need her to keep pressure on conservatives to accept Shelton. C.J. objects to the idea of throwing Lang to the wolves to take the heat off somebody else. "You should hear her," Josh finally says admiringly. "What? So she is a serious candidate?" C.J. asks. "She should be," says Josh, starting to feel frustration nipping at his ankles. C.J. talks about the incredible heat Lang would take from the anti-abortion types, and tells Josh to "let it go." Josh puts in a plug for getting away from the idea that the Supreme Court is a "single-issue body," and seriously, amen to that. C.J. takes offense that Josh seems to be implying that she's participating in this downgrading of the process, and she says very plainly that she doesn't want Lang subjected to what she's going to be subjected to once her abortion becomes public knowledge. "Get her out of the building," C.J. says firmly.
In the Office of O, Jed is praising Shelton to Leo, C.J., Toby, and Josh on what turns out to be Wednesday. There are a few other possibilities floating around, but it's clear that Shelton has risen to the top of the list. "You still having a love affair with Evelyn Lang?" Jed asks Josh. "No," says Josh, and tries to move on. But Jed asks him why not. "She won't make it through vetting," Josh says. "Why not?" Jed presses. There is a pause. No one wants to say. "She had an abortion," Josh finally says. He then tries to move on to another judge, but Jed takes the glasses off, and it's clear that this is not over. "When did she have an abortion?" Jed asks. "After '73," says C.J.. "It was legal." "We discarding anybody else for legal activities?" Jed wonders sarcastically. "Tonsillectomy? We down on surfing this year?" "She'd be publicly eviscerated," says C.J. carefully. "Twenty-seven million women voted for me," Jed says brusquely. "I think they might have had in mind that I was going to protect this particular right." Uh, not all of them, but...I know what he's saying. Jed is on a roll, imagining his hypothetical pro-choice female voter's mindset: "'I like that guy from Florida with the good hairdo, but I want to retain my right to choose, so I'm voting for what's-his-name, married to Abby Bartlet.'" Hee. Toby tries to equivocate some more, but Jed firmly says that the short List goes to the Judiciary Committee on Friday, and that he wants it to include Evelyn Baker Lang. Jed looks around and stands up, drinking his coffee, giving his best "Any questions?" glare over the rim of the cup. Leo finally looks at the rest of the group and says, "Okay." And that would be the "okay" that stands for "you know how he gets when it's like this, so you know that there's no point in our standing around trying to argue about it, and you might as well just go do what you're supposed to be doing and not waste any more of anyone else's time or your own." But it just comes out as "okay." Toby, C.J., and Josh mumble their goodbyes and get out of the room in a hurry. When they're gone, Jed gripes to Leo some more about how it "pisses [him] off" how they're dragging Lang in and out all week for show -- "the honor of a place on the short List is the least we can do." "We're still going with Brad Shelton?" Leo says. Jed nods. He's pissed off, not crazy.
Swimtern comes up to Donna's desk and prattles about "the Supremes." "Don't call them that," she says with annoyance. He insists that everybody else does, managing to mention several important people he allegedly knows. "You drop one more name, I'm going to staple your mouth shut," Donna says as she walks off with Swimtern on her heels. Eventually, he abandons chasing her, smirks, and goes the other direction as Josh approaches. Josh catches up with Donna, and dejectedly says, "There'll be hell to pay at Agincourt; I've offended the Dauphin." The Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters assure me that this line is really funny. Donna passes on some more phone messages, including "Senator Webster regarding E. Lang - 'what could he possibly be thinking?,' Senator Milbank, regarding Lang, 'no no no no no,' Bertha McNull, 'not a snowball's chance in' -- oh, that's not about Lang, that's about the highways bill." Heh. Josh mutters some more about his misery, and Donna offers him a black-eyed Susan. These are cookies, it turns out, sent by her mother. As Josh opens the tin, he notes that there are pictures of cats on top. "They're cat people?" "No, they're not," Donna says. He holds up the lid. "Shadrach and Meschach," she says. "Two cats," Josh says, all judging-like. "Cat people." As Josh takes a bite of cookie, Donna says that for years, her parents only had one cat, but that he died over Christmas. Josh, not really paying attention, notes that the cookie is extremely dry. Donna continues with the story, in which after the cat died, her parents couldn't agree on a replacement, so they got both of the ones they were considering. Josh's face shifts, and he looks at Donna like something is just occurring to him. Okay, not very plausible. But still funny.
The thing we see is Josh storming into Toby's office. "They pick one," he says. "They pick one, and that's how we get Evie Lang. And not as a decoy. We put her on the Court." Toby says nothing, but looks at Josh like he's high. (Josh, not Toby.) Josh goes on to remind us that Ashland, despite the problems he's been having, has refused to step down because he figured they couldn't successfully fill his seat with anyone who was worth anything. Josh's idea is for Ashland to resign and put Lang in his seat, and then allow the Judiciary Committee to handpick someone for Brady's seat. Toby instantly despises the idea, and doesn't understand why Josh would "hand the Republicans a seat on the Supreme Court with a red bow on top." Josh says that, first of all, the right has already had Brady, so it's not like it's a big shift to keep that seat conservative. Meanwhile, they'll get Lang -- who, among other things, will be the first female chief justice. (Yes, if you fill the chief's seat, you're chief. No, you don't have to be a regular justice first. Yes, this is actually done -- shipping somebody in to be chief who's new to the Court. ["But then you have to hear all the other Justices bitching for the thirty years that their bosses hired someone from the outside instead of promoting someone already in the organization. So it's a mixed blessing." -- Wing Chun]) Toby refuses even to discuss it, so Josh stomps off, saying he's taking it to Jed. Toby gets up to follow him, doing the no-you're-not thing. As they walk, Toby a few steps behind Josh, Josh mutters to a passing lackey, "Trip him." Snerk. Toby protests to Josh as they walk that Ashland may well go before the end of Jed's term on his own, so Jed may have a shot at filling both seats himself: there's no reason to give up either one. Josh points out that if they go the conventional route, they can't fill the seats with liberals anyway, only moderates.
In the...what do they call that, Debbie's area outside the Office of O? Debbietown? Anyway, out there in Debbietown, Josh and Toby continue to argue as Debbie tries to get them to shut up. They argue about Shelton while Debbie waves her finger, saying, "Gentlemen." They argue that moderates never would have written Brown v. Board. They argue about whether moderates are thoughtful or just wimpy. "Indoor voices, please," Debbie admonishes, but they pay no attention. Hee hee. In fact, Josh gets even louder, asking whether opinionated judges who want to do something meaningful are really the biggest threat the country is facing. They continue arguing as Jed opens the office door. Because they're so engrossed in fighting, they don't even see him. Toby declares that seeing both sides of an argument is a good thing. Josh counters that moderates ignore entire parts of the landscape. Jed motions to Debbie to let the boys in if they ever shut up, and then he retreats back into the office. "Josh," Debbie says as Josh continues yelling. Josh is on a fully-unfurled roll now, going on and on and on about visionaries and principles and justice, so Debbie finally picks up the spray bottle she was previously using on the plants and sprays Josh smack in the face. Suddenly hit with little squirts of water right in the eye, Josh shuts up, as Toby takes a surprised step back, looking at Debbie in amazement. The silence settles for a second. "The president will see you now," Debbie says simply.
In the Office of O, Jed is hearing Josh's idea. Toby argues that the Republicans will pick a young ideologue who will occupy the seat for an enormously long time. Josh has no problem with this; that person and Lang will articulate both ends of the spectrum of any debate. Jed muses that filling Supreme Court seats is one of the few things he'll do in office that will actually last, and reminds them that Shelton is a good choice, and that if Ashland resigns in a year, they'll have "a stack of great options." He doesn't see how they can give away Brady's seat. Josh reminds Jed, however, that doing it his way will put "the first woman in that chair." Toby argues that if they alienate the Senate, it could choose to stall for three years and give them nobody. Eh, I'm not sure that's likely with a high-profile seat like one on the Supreme Court. Jed considers what they've both said, and tells Josh to go to Ashland and see what he says.
At Ashland's office later, Toby and Josh sit waiting to speak to him. "How'd you come up with it?" Toby asks. "The swapetty-do?" Josh smiles and starts to say, "Donna's mom --" He stops. "I -- thought it up -- in the shower," he says unconvincingly. Ashland enters from behind them and asks his clerk, who's with him, who Josh and Toby are. He doesn't wait for a response. "Carrier pigeons," he mutters as he takes off his jacket. Ashland points out the sorry-to-hear-about-your-death bouquet that Swimtern sent, for which Josh apologizes profusely. Ashland sits at the table with Toby and Josh. "Brady was your age," Ashland tells Toby. "Eat your grains." Yeah, no kidding, Toby. And fewer of the twenty-hour workdays probably wouldn't hurt, either. "He was a great man," Toby says gently. "He was a selfish bastard," Ashland comes back. Toby nods and smiles like, "Um, okay. That, too." Josh brings up Ashland's comment to Jed about the administration's inability to get a liberal confirmed, and Toby asks whether Ashland is familiar with Lang. Ashland seems excited, but points out that the "pit bulls" won't like the idea of Lang in Brady's seat. Now, it's time for the other news. "For your seat," Josh says simply. "If you were to resign, she'd be chief." Ashland takes this in for a moment. "My seat," he says. "What about Brady's?" They tell him that the Republicans will fill it -- with someone of whom Ashland will likely be substantially less fond. Ashland smiles and leans back, considering. Josh asks whether he might go for it. "Suuuure," Ashland says, with a wave of his hand. He tells Josh to imagine who will be chosen -- "what segregationist, anti-miscegenationist, Isaiah-quoting, gay-bashing bastard they come up with." He yells a couple of guesses to his clerk, and then tips his cup to Josh and Toby.
We return from commercials to find Judiciary Lisa giving orders to an underling as Josh approaches her office. It is "Thursday." She comments as Josh enters that she's now seen him three times in one week, and feels honored. "In some cultures, we'd be married," she says. "Chilling," he says. Heh. Oh, Donna Schmonna. I think I want Josh to go out with Judiciary Lisa. She asks if the nominee is going to be Shelton, and Josh says he's certainly the frontrunner. But Josh wants to shut the door so that they can talk. "I'm going to float an idea here that even I can't believe I'm mentioning, and my colleagues definitely can't believe I'm mentioning, and the president would probably prefer I drop completely." He goes on. "And if I find it in the Washington Post tomorrow morning, I'll march straight out to the press room and tell them the idea came from you. It'll embarrass the crap out of your boss, and you'll be on Hotjobs by nightfall." You tell 'em, you big nutball. I'm so happy somebody gave Josh a week to return to his old pesky idealist roots and get away from being the kind of arrogant punk he's been so often in the last year or two.
Back at the White House, Toby heads into his office, and he finds Andy waiting. He retreats back out to Rina, and they banter a little about how that's his ex-wife in there, and Toby would have liked a little bit of warning. "You asked her to come in," Rina points out. Unable to argue, Toby goes into the office, where Andy comments that Rina is "cute." Toby drags her onto the topic of the "dog and pony show" in Gaza. Andy has nothing to say. He essentially orders her not to go -- tells her she's not going. Shut up, Toby. They argue about the pointlessness of the mission, and he delivers a big fat lecture about how it shouldn't happen. "Is that all you've got? There's no 'what about the kids'?" "Did something happen?" he asks. She points out that she'll be gone for two weeks, and that the kids will be with her mom, in case he cares. She wants to know if he'd have asked what she was doing with the kids, and he claims he knew she'd send them to her mom's. She isn't impressed. "Saying you want to be involved," she says, "doesn't come with an embossed invitation. You involve yourself, or you don't." Toby pauses, with nothing to say, and finally returns to business, and specifically to the president's direction to Andy to treat the mission as fact-finding only, and that she can't negotiate. That scene is, I'm certainly hoping, leading up to something, because on its own, I didn't find it all that interesting, and it badly broke the rhythm of an otherwise well-constructed episode.
Josh approaches C.J.'s office, to which the door is closed, and asks Carol if she's in there. C.J.'s wild laughter can be heard through the door. "Hang on; she's getting off," says Carol. Josh freezes. "The phone," Carol finishes simply. Yes, it's a cheap joke. Yes, I still thought it was kind of funny. "You want Josh?" Carol asks C.J. over the speaker. "Lord knows I do," C.J.'s voice comes back. Josh enters just as C.J. is hanging up the phone. "Josh Lyman, as I live and breathe," she says giddily as she offers him a cookie. He starts to go for one, but when she spills that they're from Donna's mom, he stops, frowns, and walks on by. "I spoke to [Judiciary Lisa]," he says. C.J. wonders what Lisa had to say, and Josh just says, "I don't want to talk about it." He pauses, and then says, "I'm hiding. From Toby." C.J. giggles, but before they can get too far into this, Toby himself enters the room, which makes C.J. giggle again. They give her a little bit of crap about her weird affect, and C.J. says she didn't get enough sleep. "You were with Ranger Rick, weren't you?" Josh asks. She freezes and turns to Toby. "Josh spoke to [Judiciary Lisa]," C.J. tells him. "She give you a name?" Toby asks Josh with intense curiosity, but Josh is still concentrating on C.J. and her apparent tryst with Ben. "You are a faithless wench," he says with an unmistakable "go you" half-smile. Toby still wants the name, and Josh can't really hold it back anymore, no matter how much he'd rather be discussing C.J.'s sex life. "Christopher Mulready," Josh says. "Wait for it," he adds in an aside to C.J. There is a pause. "Christopher Mulready?" Toby finally says with great fury. "There it is," Josh says simply. Toby rails about Mulready, and his book that disses unenumerated powers and substantive due process, and his belief that the Constitution doesn't protect the right to abortion or the right to be free from electronic surveillance or anything of that sort -- and, as C.J. points out, the guy is only in his forties. Josh says that the right will have problems voting for the guy too, because some of them have moderate constituencies who aren't crazy about undoing the last fifty years of federal judge-made law. Toby continues freaking out, but Josh points out that this is the deal they're talking about making. "He's what Evelyn Lang is to them," he says. "This isn't going to work," Toby says coldly. "Yeah," Josh answers. He leaves, and C.J. stares at Toby. "It isn't," he repeats to her.
But although Toby says it isn't going to work, the thing we see is Josh in his office being visited by Toby: "If -- if -- we were going to try this, what would be the plan?" Josh says that they'd give Mulready's name to Jed and Leo, and then Lang and Mulready would both come in. Hopefully, Jed would like them both and agree to the deal "without noticing he's standing in the gaze of history, pantless." Hee. Jokes about the social sciences and underwear are reliably funny. Toby agrees to talk to Jed, because it will sound better coming from him, given Josh's known feelings about Lang. He asks about the committee, and Josh says that Lisa is taking the idea to the chair. Toby isn't talking about that -- Toby is talking about the Democrats. What about Pierce? He won't want to vote for Mulready. "What are you going to do about Pierce?" Toby demands. It's interesting how hard Josh is pushing this idea, considering that it is almost literally true that no one besides himself can stand the thought of it. Just then, the God of Comic Timing returns, bringing Swimtern through the office, singing "Stay" at the top of his voice. "I thought you were firing him," Toby says. "If wishing made it so," Josh sighs. Toby takes off, and Josh hollers for Donna. "Send in Elvis," he says.
Swimtern pops into Josh's office, asking what's up. Josh invites him to sit down, and mentions that he may have been "a little brusque" before. Swimtern doesn't care. Heh. "Your feelings a little hurt?" Josh asks. "Not at all," Swimtern assures him. Josh asks why not. Swimtern: "Would this be easier if they were?" Josh says that he indeed had planned to fire Swimtern earlier, but they ascertain that now, that's not happening. "Then there's an old 'sticks and stones' thing that comes to mind," Swimtern shrugs. I really do think these two have nice chemistry when their stuff is well-written. There's something good there, and they've usually missed it by about six inches in either direction -- either Swimtern is too obnoxious, or Josh is too nasty to him, and it doesn't work as well as it wound up working here.
Debbie is sitting at her desk, listening to music. She watches the office door warily as Toby paces, waiting to talk to Jed. Leo enters, and they touch base about Toby's conversation with Andy, who didn't budge, of course. "We got a name for Brady's seat," Toby says, almost a little amused. "Somebody workable?" Leo asks, but before Toby can answer, Debbie sends them in to see POTUS. We remain in the outer office with her and her music, and only hear Jed yell, "MULREADY? NO! Are you out of your bloody mind?" Jed continues yelling at the top of his lungs, and Debbie turns up the music. I really liked the way this was handled, because I really don't need to hear Jed shout and holler again, and this was a lot more effective. Debbie simply puts her glasses on and gets down to work, whatever it is that she does.
After the commercials, Josh's parade of dissatisfied customers continues as he runs into Charlie. "Chris Mulready?" Charlie asks. "Dissented on minority set-asides, struck down hate crimes legislation, went after Miranda rights? Feelin' pretty good about that?" "It's not a perfect plan, I'm the first to admit," Josh says. "The president wants to reiterate he's not spending more than five minutes with this clown," Charlie stresses, speaking as much for himself as for Jed, one suspects. C.J. walks up and tells Josh that they've cleared the press room and Carol is on the prowl for stray reporters. "You're in on this too," Charlie notes unhappily, and he walks off. Josh turns to a suddenly-present Donna and says that Lang is coming in to meet Jed, and that Mulready will be . "He's on the short List?" Donna asks. Josh's voice gets low. "He is if she is; we may get both." "Oh my God, you're putting my mother's cats on the Supreme Court," Donna says with an almost imperceptible smile. "Your what?" C.J. asks. "It's just an experiment," he whisper-mumbles to Donna, and then to C.J.: "She's on sentry [I think]; we're good." Toby walks up, and Josh turns back to Donna. "Don't ever tell anyone that story," he murmurs. Hee. Toby comes up and asks whether things are set. "Lefty's got the goods, Rocco got the calls, Nicky's on lookout," C.J. says, and at being indicated at the end of this bit, Donna gives a weakly protesting "Hey." Just then, Swimtern walks up and confirms that his uncle is ready to talk, and Josh leaves with him. "Pierce will never buy it, will he?" C.J. asks. "Nope," Toby says simply. Well, at least they're keeping a positive attitude.
As Josh and Swimtern approach the Pierce meeting, Swimtern reminds Josh that his uncle is "all bark," and that Josh should "let him holler." Heh. Speaking from experience, I suspect. Just as Josh is about to walk into the meeting, Swimtern produces a bottle of scotch. "Use it wisely," he says, "and for God's sake, don't try to keep up. You're way out of your league." Yeah, seriously. Josh Lyman is sort of the living embodiment of the word "lightweight." "Not necessary," Josh says, mildly put out. "Thank you." They enter the office, where Pierce is waiting. Swimtern starts to talk about how much Josh liked a recent Pierce floor speech, but Pierce cuts him off, assuring the kid that "Josh can kiss up all on his own." He directs Swimtern to "get back to work." Swimtern leaves, and Josh has a seat. They banter a bit about how Swimtern is doing, and Pierce says that the kid is "lean and hungry"; "Have someone taste your food," he advises. Josh seems surprised. Pierce gets down to business, saying that he heard they were thinking of putting Mulready on the Court, and that he's sure it's just a rumor, because "anybody who tries is going to find himself in a closed session with myself, the minority leader, and the business end of a two-by-four." Josh pauses. "You know, we got a twenty-one-year-old Glenlivet knockin' around here somewhere...can I get you a drink?" Sometimes, when reason will not do, one is required to try liquor. Some of the greatest deals in history have been made that way. I think that's how the Yankees got A-Rod.
At Debbie's desk, C.J. approaches and asks if Lang is still in with Jed. "She's a big hit," Debbie confirms. C.J. anxiously yammers that Lang needs to clear out, because Mulready comes in soon. Debbie says that she tried the secret "wrap it up" signal, which has to do with telling Jed that an NSA guy needs to talk about Japan, and Jed's only response was "You talk to him -- you've been there." Hee. C.J. asks whether Debbie tried "Excuse me, Mr. President, we need to move on." "If you want the job," Debbie says, "you're going to have to work on your typing." Snerk. See, when this show is good, that's what's so good about it -- even the little stuff is great. Especially the little stuff is great. I miss this show, and unfortunately, I'm pretty confident that this is not a permanent adjustment in quality. I almost like it better when it's uniformly crappy. Offering occasional rays of hope is not a merciful thing to do.
Toby walks warily into the room where one Christopher Mulready is waiting. And, in the great tradition of never burning off a role with some loser when you can give it to someone good, they have filled this part with William Fichtner, of all people, who is working an especially greased-back, round-glasses, horrid-little-troll look. ["He was still hot, though, I'm sure." -- Wing Chun] Toby apologizes for the fact that things are running behind schedule a little. "I imagine that happens," Mulready says, unfazed. "You want to tell me what I'm doing here?" he asks Toby nervously. "Oh, just a hello," Toby tells him. "I'm not being impeached?" Mulready says, impatient for the blow-by-blow already. Toby smiles, "No." Mulready asks whether they're trying to intimidate him over "the gays in the workplace case." "That would be illegal," says Toby. "My point exactly," Mulready replies. Toby assures him that Jed will explain everything. They wait in silence for a moment. Toby can't hold it in anymore, and says that while they're on the same-sex subject, he finds it remarkable that a "family-values conservative" would "deny committed couples the benefits of state-sanctioned monogamy." Aaaaand, they start to bicker.
Josh comes into C.J.'s office. "Hi," he says, clearly a little bit off. "How's [Swimtern's] uncle?" she wonders. "He's a blast. Come meet him," Josh says with a goofy arm wave. "He's still here?" she asks, and then adds, "Oh my God, you're drunk." "I just promised him a pork barrel roads project on an omnibus bill that doesn't exist," Josh babbles helplessly. As C.J. runs past him to find Pierce, Josh says, "Don't try and keep up, he's got a wooden -- um, hollow leg -- he drinks a lot." HA!
Toby and Mulready are still bickering about equal protection and the fact that, as Mulready says, "homosexuals are not a suspect class." Toby rattles off the federal benefits that are denied to people whose marriages aren't legally recognized. (I'm not saying "people who aren't married," because...I was at Mr. and Mr. Tall-and-Beautiful's wedding, and I'm just saying? Married. I was there. There was music. There was food. There were vows, and family members, and about a thousand times the love and sacredness you're going to find in a chapel in Vegas at three in the morning ninety-nine times out of a hundred, so...you know, "not married," my foot.) Mulready blathers that you can accomplish medical decision-making through power of attorney, which is a fine answer except for the fact that that's a pain-in-the-ass process that requires all kinds of arranging and planning that isn't required of people whose marriages are legally recognized, and requiring that kind of arranging and planning of some people and not others just ain't fair, to my eye. I didn't see Phyllis Schlafly showing up to care for my Uncle Tree when he was dying of cancer, and it rubs me the wrong way for anyone to suggest that his partner, who did feed him and clean him and sit with him and make agonizing choices about whether he could be kept at home or needed to be returned to the hospice, should have been all kinds of chipper about having the opportunity to sign on the dotted line and obtain permission to care for him, as if you otherwise couldn't trust that this was what Uncle Tree would have wanted. I mean...right. They only lived together for a zillion years. God only knows whom he would have chosen to trust, right? But anyway.
Mulready and Toby go back and forth about full faith and credit and DOMA and so forth, and Rina finally opens the door and escorts in none other than Evelyn Baker Lang. She comments on the oddity of the meeting between Mulready and Toby, and then Mulready stands. "It's good to see you, Evie," he says. "You too, Chris," she says warmly as they shake hands. "Mr. Ziegler was trying to convince me the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional," he says, a tiny bit mischievously, in retrospect. Lang laughs. "Oh. DOMA? He was trying to convince you?" She turns to a confused Toby. "He doesn't need convincing," she says. "He's yanking your chain; he would never uphold DOMA. He might not love the idea of gay marriage, but he hates Congressional overreaching, and Congress doesn't have the power to legislate marriage. The issue isn't privacy --" "Or equal protection," Mulready offers. "It's enumerated powers," she finishes. She adds that Mulready is more likely to boot DOMA than she is. "Lack of imagination on your part," he says to her. Toby weakly objects to the chain-yanking, and Mulready talks about being hauled in at night to meet with a Democratic president, and how that has some yank-ish qualities of its own. Suddenly, we see Josh outside the door, frantically waving for Toby's attention. "Josh Lyman is gesticulating wildly," Lang points out with substantial amusement. Toby chuckles and goes outside to see Josh. He actually jogs over to the door, which I particularly enjoyed.
In the hallway, Toby asks where the senator is. "He's with C.J.," Josh says, still tipsy. "He got me a little drunk," Josh whispers. Toby asks if the senator is leaving. "I think he's getting C.J. a little drunk," Josh whispers again. Josh asks how things are going with Lang and Mulready. "He's striking down gay marriage bans, and she's defending him," says Toby. "And they're as thick as thieves, and he's a fan of chain-yanking." Josh, shocked, takes a moment to register the fact that Lang is defending Mulready.
We cut to the room where Lang and Mulready are arguing good-naturedly, while Josh and Toby watch and listen from outside. They're arguing about a real case in which the actual Supreme Court determined that the Gun-Free School Zones Act was unconstitutional, because Congress had no powers in the Constitution that would allow it to pass a law like that. (Totally Unnecessary But Marginally Relevant Digression You Should Feel Free To Skip: State governments have far more general power to legislate whatever they see fit. The federal government, in theory, has the power only to do certain things, but those certain things have been broadly interpreted over time. Quiz: What Congressional power is, for instance, the Civil Rights Act based on? The answer is...the power to regulate interstate commerce. Eh? Yep. Theoretically, the basis of the federal Civil Rights Act is that discrimination by, for instance, hotels and restaurants prohibited racial minorities from traveling and engaging in commerce across state lines, because if they traveled across, say, the state of North Carolina, they might go hundreds of miles between hotels that would allow them to stay there. Neat, huh? Read the case.) At any rate, the talk between Lang and Mulready is interesting, well-written, and dead-on. Excellent job. Toby and Josh listen to this respectful, heated, thoroughly lively intellectual debate with great admiration.
Toby storms into the Office of O, as Debbie protests that Jed is waiting to meet Mulready. Josh, meanwhile, heads into the meeting between C.J. and Pierce, where the two of them are now singing "American Pie." You know, it's a funny scene, but that's...unlikely. Plus, they skip a line. What's up with that? Josh, with no more time to careen around drunkenly, asks them to put down their glasses and listen up.
In the Office of O, Jed is looking up at Toby incredulously from behind his desk. "You like him?" "I hate him!" Toby insists. "I hate him! But he's...brilliant. And the two of them together are fighting like cats and dogs...but it works." He shrugs. Ah, yes. Respectful disagreement. Always in short supply, unfortunately.
In our other tense meeting, Pierce is complaining about Josh's inability to find a decent centrist to put on the Court. Josh counters that the Court is already packed with centrists. Plus two staunch conservatives, plus Ashland. And if Ashland goes, there will be no liberal voice at all, and this is the way to replace him with someone good. Pierce considers it.
Jed agrees to meet with Mulready. Toby wants more enthusiasm over the plan from Jed, who finally just says, "I said I'd listen to him, Toby. That's gonna have to do." Outside the office, Toby runs into Donna, who comments that right at the moment, "nothing's happening." Just then, Rina brings Mulready past the two of them to enter the Office of O. As he passes, Donna comments, "No tail. No cloven hooves." Yeah. No kidding.
Debbie announces Mulready, who comes in and shakes Jed's hand. They sit. Jed remarks that he heard about the "knock-down drag-out" between Mulready and Lang. "She wants to federalize law enforcement," Mulready says. "I thought it was hasty." Hee. "Not your brand of judge," Jed fills in. "Quite the opposite; I haven't had that much fun in months," Mulready counters. "Use her if you can," Mulready urges. He goes on to say that he's not really sure what's going on, and he understands that lots of people are probably "placated" by seeing him -- or Lang -- being considered. "But if there's any way that you can use her --" "It's unlikely," Jed says gently. Mulready asks who's on the top of the list, and when Jed blanches, Mulready points out that nobody would believe a leak from him anyway. Heh. Jed gives up the fact that it's Shelton, and Mulready gives what appears to be a nice firm "meh" to that idea. Does Mulready not like him? No, no, Mulready thinks he's just fine. "And in the event that Carmine, Lafayette, Hoyt, Clark, and Brannigan all drop dead, the center will still be well-tended." Oooh, burn. Jed asks if Mulready expects Jed to appoint another Brady. Mulready says that Jed would probably rather have another Ashland, and opines that the Court did well when Brady and Ashland clashed. Jed says that moderates can be smart, too. Mulready earns my love forever by pointing out the importance of a strong position, even if it comes in the form of a well-written dissent. He even names a couple of famous ones. They talk pleasantly, but Mulready ultimately acknowledges, "You can't put me on the Court. Just like you can't put Evelyn Lang on the Court. It's Sheltons from here on in." He seems saddened by this, just as much as Josh was. Jed acknowledges that there are 4,000 protestors outside, and that he afford to can't make all of them hate him. "We all have our roles to play, sir," Mulready says. "Yours is to nominate someone who doesn't alienate people." The even, respectful, resigned way he delivers this remark seems to hit Jed right in the gut.
Abruptly, it is "Friday Morning." C.J. is dabbing at a spot on her blouse as Josh comes up to her. They meet up with Toby, and as they pass a monitor, we see a reporter announcing Ashland's resignation. We then cut to the Ashland speech, in which he is indeed stepping down, delivering a final address from behind the podium in the press room. We slide back to see that the speech is being watched on television by Lang, and that Lang is in turn being watched by Jed. C.J., Josh, and Toby walk up, and C.J. offers some press-conference details as Lang continues to watch Ashland with open admiration. Jed asks her if she's ready. He takes her stunned silence as a yes.
A few feet away, Mulready is chatting with Charlie, asking him why he'd support racial preferences rather than economically-based ones. "Because affirmative action's about a legacy of racial oppression," Charlie says. "It's about compromising admissions standards," Mulready devil's-advocates, and Charlie says, "That's bull." He goes on to talk about leveling the playing field, and Mulready interrupts, saying that the argument Charlie should be using is that grades are from the past, and admissions are about future potential and ability to thrive if given opportunities. "Studies show," he says, "that affirmative-action admits have a higher predisposition to contribute to society." Charlie looks at him suspiciously, then says, "Hang on. I gotta write this down." Heh.
Toby, standing near Jed and Lang, tucks something he's holding back into his breast pocket. Jed stops him and takes it back from him. Jed explains to Lang that Toby has a little daughter, and that he would like at some point to be able to give her his copy of the Constitution, signed by the first female chief justice. Jed hands over the little booklet, and she somewhat shyly asks for a pen. She signs her name, and Toby asks her to add her title. "That's a bit premature," she says nervously. "No," Jed says. She adds the title, and Toby thanks her. C.J. says it's time to go into the press conference.
C.J. introduces Jed to an applauding press corps. He introduces Lang. He introduces Mulready. Both as nominees for the Supreme Court. Toby and Josh look on proudly. The three of them -- Jed and his two nominees -- stand in front of the crowd.
There are a lot of uncertainties about this ending -- how it would play out, whether the advocacy groups would truly be conquered by the deal, whether Jed would be bruised by the fact that Ashland's resignation actually makes the whole thing look like a very obvious setup and payoff, which could backfire on everyone involved. Nonetheless, it would be nice if you could do this -- be an advocate for reasoned debate rather than the unobjectionable safe play. It was well done, though, and I certainly would like to believe there will be more like it. It remains to be seen whether this will actually happen.