By Deborah
Shout-out to attica finch.
Thursday, 3:16 AM. Leo phones POTUS with some news that makes Jed sit up in bed and look very grave. I think Jed spends more time sleeping alone than any POTUS in history. I'd kind of like to see what he'd do if some cute little cookie showed interest in him. God knows Abby doesn't.
Sit Room. Jed arrives in sweats; everybody else is in suits and uniforms. Nancy's there. I miss Fitz. Things just aren't as funky without Funkmaster Funky Fitz. It turns out someone's detonated a nuke over the north central Indian Ocean, and they're absolutely sure of it, since it has a tell-tale double flash. The new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs -- I can't remember his name, nor can I be bothered to hunt it down, for he lacks the funk of Fitz, though he seems like a nice enough guy as military bigshots go -- says no false alarms have ever been ascribed to the NDS. Leo asks about other sensors, and Hutchinson says something but I'm so annoyed that he uses the construction "consistent to" rather than "consistent with" that I can't pay attention to it. Jed wonders who else knows about this. Leo helpfully clarifies that he means "who else in the world," and not just "who else" -- because Hutchinson apparently didn't understand that. Non-funky not-Fitz (NF Squared) says, "The Russians and the Chinese have satellite detection capability for an atmospheric NUDET." Hutchinson helpfully elaborates, "Nuclear detonation, sir." Okay, if the President of the United Freaking States -- for what, six years now? -- doesn't know what "NUDET" means, we're in a lot more trouble than I thought. And that was already considerable. Seriously, I know that was for the audience more than for Jed, and we're already painfully aware that they think we're idiots, but must they make it seem that the President is, too? Or is that supposed to be some of that real-life flavour? Nancy says that no test was scheduled or reported by the other six declared nuclear powers. Hey, maybe it's one of yours and the right hand just doesn't know what the far right hand is doing. We see the flash again on the computer display/radar thing/whatever it is. Jed studies it. Leo: "There's a new member of the club." Can't wait to see what the hazing ritual consists of.
4:06 AM. The SRTs (Sit Room Types) are all in the Oval Office with Jed, and Charlie's handing out coffee, which he explains is from the Secret Service command post because the Mess isn't open yet. Jed: "If it's too hot, they wrestle it to the ground." The CIA director arrives a little late, explaining his delay: "Construction on Lee. They do it at night." D.C. locals on the boards assure me that this is not what this road is commonly referred to. I actually don't care, but I quite like the D.C. people, so I'm throwing it in here. Leo comments, "Avoids snarling traffic." Really? I thought it was because construction's so much easier in the cold and dark. Jed says they just started and dismisses Charlie. Jed asks if they've talked to the Russians and Chinese; someone -- I can't quite see who's talking -- says that they agree about keeping it quiet. The SRTs agree that the likeliest suspects are North Korea and Iran. The CIA guy -- whose name is apparently Sliger -- says that they knew those countries were headed down this road, but not that they'd gotten that far. How come the CIA never seems to come in for the kind of lambasting NASA gets on this show? Nancy says that they were pretty sure about North Korea. Well, that country doesn't exactly keep it much of a secret, does it? Sliger says they don't throw the word "sure" around at Langley. Leo makes nice by stating: "There have been strong indications that the North has nuclear weapons." Jed asks about Iran. Intel's sketchy; Nancy says they know Iran has been working on it. Sliger's not overly cozy with the word "know," either. Jed says they know this happened: "We're going to need to focus less on semantic distinctions and more on how this caught us so completely by surprise. We need to make contact." They decide to contact the Chinese about North Korea and the Russians about Iran. Nancy raises the issue of whether this was perpetrated by a terror group, as opposed to a state (a distinction I think is sometimes hairsplitting). Hutchinson asserts that no terror group has the capability to perform a test on this scale: "Their nuclear event will be a suitcase bomb detonated in Manhattan." Jed: "Or Pennsylvania Avenue." He ends the meeting.
Once everyone splits, Leo tells Jed he was a little rough with the Director. Jed: "I'll send him a lollipop." Leo reminds Jed that he wants his Intelligence head "focused and at his best." Jed gripes, "Guy couldn't find a clear route in at 4 in the morning. I'm not overbrimming with confidence." Frink asks if that suit is Leo's idea of wee-hours crisis wear. I tell him I think Leo sleeps in a suit -- if he sleeps at all. After a pause Jed says, "This is the nightmare." Leo agrees. Jed: "I thought when the Soviet Union fell, we could actually have disarmament. You go from trying to get rid of these weapons altogether to holding your breath that one doesn't go off on your watch. Strike another goal off the list." They agree that when they find out who it was, they'll have to do something. Jed asks for a Defense briefing on contingency plans. Leo says that if they act, they'll need a statement. Jed wants Toby on that. Like there's anyone else? Jed suddenly remembers VPOTUS. Oh, yeah, that guy. Frink: "Doesn't he wear brown suits or something?" Apparently, he's got strong opinions about men in brown suits. Who knew? Leo offers to brief Russell; Jed tells Leo to apologize: "Tell him...I don't know what the hell to tell him." Jed wanders out onto the portico.
7:58 AM. Donna meets Josh as he arrives. She explains that his meeting is a breakfast meeting, so he has to eat something. Josh already ate. Donna: "Or else it's rude." Josh: "I'm not hungry." Donna: "Or else it's rude." Josh hands her his messages, which he's put in the order he wants to deal with them when he's done: "Why am I even meeting with some geeks from NASA?" Donna's sure they're not all geeks: "And it's to discuss Administration space priorities. Do we even have any space priorities?" Josh: "Exactly." He marches off to the Mural Room.
Therein, about half a dozen NASA geeks await Josh. He notes that they have nametags. One guy, Karl, points out they haven't been to the White House much during the past five years. Josh welcomes him. Karl: "I recommend the scones. They're, uh...out of this world?" Oh, please. Karl, you're not a geek, you're a dweeb. Frink grouses about the guy's pronunciation of the word "scones," to rhyme with "cones" and not "cons." (I looked it up and both pronunciations are apparently valid, so don't get your knickers in a Gordian knot over it.)
Leo briefs Russell on the detonation. From this, Russell decides, "Pakistan's attacked India." Leo says it was a test. Russell revises his assertion: "Pakistan's being provocative." Leo explains that they don't know who did it, and are trying to find out who the latest member of the club is. Russell -- who's so thick he's making sludge look runny -- asks, "Is India mobilizing?" What a tragedy the SRTs did not have the benefit of his penetrating insight earlier this morning. Leo: "It was 1200 miles from India. India has no idea it happened." Russell still does not comprehend. Leo starts over.
Carol tells C.J. that there's another call from Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben. We sure hear a lot about Ben, but we never see him. Either someone decided the show needed a Lilith/Maris-type unseen character, or it's going to be one of the bigger anvils that's crashed through the roof of this place. C.J. tells her to take a message. Carol: "If he gets any more persistent, they're going to open a case file. Can I just tell him you're not worth it?" As she breezes past Carol, C.J. replies, "We used to date. He knows better." Toby overhears part of this as he catches up with C.J. and asks, "Feeling frisky?" C.J.: "Remembrance of things past." Toby tells her that there are two things to deflect at the press briefing: "New Israeli settlement activity in the West Bank...." C.J. stops short and Toby reassures her, "You can do it...." I can't imagine that C.J.'s seriously thrown by something like that after five years on this job. It's not like it doesn't go on all the time. C.J. recites, "'We discourage new settlements, deplore Palestinian terror,' balance but no too much balance, no moral equivalence...." Toby: "Greatest hits." C.J.: "The golden oldies. Second thing?" Toby: "RINOs." C.J. riffs on rhinos and the purported aphrodisiacal qualities of their horns: "[Is] that where the word 'horny' comes from?" Toby: "Not precisely, it's...these aren't the animals. It's Republicans In Name Only." Toby explains that it's the new right-wing epithet for GOP members who voted with the Democrats, and that they're being targeted in the primaries. C.J.: "'We're happy to stay out of that particular slapfight in the schoolyard.'" Toby tells her to make it "sandbox."
Leo appears to be finished pounding some sense into Russell's head. VPOTUS encourages Leo to call him if he can be useful in any way. As Leo's leaving, he runs into Will, who asks if there's anything he needs to be aware of. Um, that your role's been bunged up and now no one's sure what to do with you now that Sorkin's not around? I hear the weather in Mandyville is very pleasant. Leo says there isn't. Will asks for an area of responsibility for VPOTUS. Leo: "Such as?" Will says he has some notions. Leo tells him to take it up with Toby. Will demurs at this, which only raises Leo's hackles -- which are never lying very flat anymore anyway -- and he snaps, "Take it up with him! That's what he does. If you two have problems, work 'em out. I'm not a couples' therapist." Yikes. There's a thought: Leo as a therapist. You think Dr. Phil tells it like it is.
Karl is geeking on about some space thing or other. Gravity, slingshots, the Kuiper Belt, etc. Frink's riveted, naturally, as he always is when anyone talks about anything to do with astronomy. I should let him recap this scene. Except Frink's too busy, every time Josh says anything negative about space programs or astronomy, making Marge Simpson sounds of disapproval. Frink's very sensitive about all this. Josh is indifferent. Sam, on the other hand, were he not wasting away in Orange County (hey, they should get Rob Lowe to guest on The O.C. -- preferably as a Congressman) would be all over this guy like lies on the Bush Administration. But we've got Josh, and even Josh knows he's the wrong guy for them to be lobbying. Then Josh tells a very weak joke to illustrate his ignorance and indifference. No one laughs or even titters politely -- not even Karl "Out Of This World" Dweeb. Josh gets down to brass tacks: "What I know is politics, public perception. And the image of NASA is not good. Telescopes launched that can't focus, planetary probes that crashed because engineers mixed up metres and feet." An attractive woman named Alex regards Josh with mild displeasure. How do I know her name is Alex? Because nametags are picking up the title-card slack. After complaining about them for umpteen episodes, they've been pouting all season. Now, since Miss Alli kicked the crap out of them a few weeks ago, they'll hardly come out of their rooms. It's only a matter of time until we get Pop-Up West Wing. Or, you know, they might have to bring some Muppets on to explain things to us with small words and visual aids. Josh: "The only time NASA makes the front page anymore is when something goes wrong. You need to get off the front page. This administration only has one space priority: that you guys stop screwing up." A model of tact, diplomacy and charm -- that's our Josh Lyman. He doesn't wait for any response, not that one seems readily forthcoming; he just thanks them for their time, and buzzes off.
Leo warns Toby about Will's asking for a policy area for VPOTUS. Toby: "Unfortunately, everything we have, we actually care about." Leo says they have to give Russell something. Toby: "What could we give him that he could handle? Potholes." Leo thinks Toby means infrastructure. Toby means actual potholes: "On -- I don't know -- the interstate." Frink: "How about Lee?" Leo advises giving him something low-profile and simple that will "keep him out from underfoot." They reach Toby's office, and Leo whispers, "There's another thing." They go into the office and behind the closed door, Leo tells Toby about the NUDET. That's nuclear detonation for those of you with short attention spans, bad memories, or who just landed on this page after Googling "potholes." Wouldn't Leo try to tell Toby in a more secure location?
Leo and Toby come into the Oval Office, and Jed asks if Leo briefed Russell. Leo says he did: "He kind of...tilted his head." Leo plans to update Russell "after," though after what, he doesn't say. The election? Nancy the assistant lets in the SRTs. Does Debbie Fiderer still work here, or what? She's probably running the casino in Mandyville. They line up in front of Jed's desk and tell him that the Chinese have no indication that North Korea is responsible, and that they feel comfortable ruling that country out. Jed: "What do we think?" Sliger says, "It's good news and bad news. We think North Korea's got two bombs, probably more." Toby: "Please let that be the bad news." Sliger adds that they suspect North Korean technology is so advanced they don't need to test. Jed: "Why does the good news make me feel worse? Iran?" Hutchinson says that Moscow doesn't think so. Leo surmises that Moscow could be covering its ass. Nancy mentions persistent rumours about three warheads missing from Kazakhstan that supposedly ended up in Iran. She adds that these rumours are from Sliger's people. Leo: "The IAEA reports that Iran's had a secret nuclear program for the past eighteen years." Hutchinson argues that Iran makes more geographic sense than North Korea, since the Korean peninsula is 4,000 miles from the blast site. Leo says it's near Iran. Nancy: "Sir, given the volatility of the region, a secret test would be how Iran would certainly proceed." Jed says, "All right, let's put our cards on the table: what helped keep the Cold War cold was a sense of moral restraint that these weapons were too terrible to use." Wasn't it just as much, as Jed states later, the existence of Mutual Assured Destruction capability? It's hard to gloat about having bombed your enemy to smithereens when you're in the same situation yourself. Leo: "That restraint won't exist in jihadists who strap bombs to their chests and enter nightclubs." Well, at least they refrained from generalizing about all Arabs and/or Muslims. I suppose that's a step in the right direction. Now if we could only get everyone -- including the jihadists -- to correctly understand jihad, we might get somewhere. Sliger: "There are moderate elements on the ascendancy in Iran...." That seems a clear reference to President Mohammad Khatami, who's been in office for the last six and a half years and is considered a moderate, relative to the extreme religious fundamentalism that has predominated in the Iranian government since the Revolution. However, that does not mean that he's considered a moderate throughout the Arab and/or Muslim world. Toby flips through a file and reads, "'In the Qur'an, God commanded to kill the wicked and those who do not see the rights of the oppressed and to murder them." If we abide by the Qur'an, all of us should mobilize to kill.' Televised address by President Alijani -- moderate."
Well, then they're clearly talking about Khatami, because that is reportedly exactly what he said in 2000. I spent an hour trying to find the verse Khatami seemed to be paraphrasing; I checked three different widely used translations of the Qur'an and looked at the thirty-one verses that contain the word "kill" -- nearly all of which have a neutral or historical context (e.g., the story of Cain killing Abel) and none of which really corresponded to this. (If you think thirty-one sounds like a lot, bear in mind that the King James version of the Bible contains the word "kill" 215 times.) For the same three translations, the word "murder" appears only three times. Since I am unable to find the verse being cited and/or paraphrased, it's hard to comment much more directly. I am not sufficiently familiar with Shi'ite practice of Islam to say whether different translations are commonly used within that sect. In any event, for those who haven't read what I've had to say on the subject for the last two and a half seasons, it is important to remember that when extremists of any stripe pick and choose religious passages to support a violent political agenda, while conveniently ignoring the spirit, tone, and message of the entire scripture, the onus unfortunately falls on sane Muslims and non-Muslims alike to be informed enough to recognize and reject this. It is more than fair to characterize the overall message of the Qur'an as one of submission to God -- who is predominantly compassionate and merciful.
Jed directs Slattery to have the Iranian Ambassador to the UN fly to D.C. immediately to meet at the Swiss Embassy. I definitely give them props for finally dealing with real countries on this issue instead of hiding behind made-up ones like Qumar and Kundu -- one of my biggest beefs of the last three seasons.
10:56 AM. At C.J.'s press briefing she's of course asked about the settlement activity, and she spouts the party line. Steve asks her about Taylor Reid, some guy she's never heard of. Apparently, he's a cable talk-show host who's named C.J. "Chicken of the Week," his title for whatever newsperson is currently refusing to appear on his show. C.J. points out that it's hard to refuse to be on some show you've never heard of. Steve: "So you'd be willing to go on?" C.J.: "I have no idea. Though, truly, what girl can resist being referred to as poultry?" She calls on someone named Gail. (Probably not her fish.)
Toby and Leo are walking toward the Sit Room as Toby asks, "What about going to the UN?" Leo says that will be discussed. Toby: "Isn't that what it's there for?" Leo agrees, but adds, "This isn't the room where you talk about that." He goes in by himself.
Inside, Hutchinson is confirming for POTUS that it was a nuclear blast, and that they're still determining precise yield and type. They discuss what North Korea might do if the U.S. takes action against it. Jed: "And Iran?" NF Squared says that there are available nuclear targets for air strikes. Hutchinson: "The downside is a potential retaliatory nuclear strike at Israel." Jed and Leo look grave.
The attractive NASA woman appears at Josh's door, holding her briefcase in both hands and introducing herself as Alex Moreau, Assistant Administrator, NASA. She adds, "I was there at the breakfast. I mention it because you were hardly there long enough to take any of us in." Frink: "Excuse me, but how many babe astronomers are there?" Me: "Well, I guess you should have gone into astronomy and found out for yourself, hmm?" Josh stands up and starts to say something as she stands in the doorway and says, "You're wrong about us only getting on the front page when we screw up. Hubble images make page one all the time." Josh mentions they're sending up a new telescope. Alex: "The Webb, yes, out past the moon." Josh: "Every news story noted it'll be too far out for the Shuttle to fix, if it's all screwed up like the Hubble was." Alex looks mildly annoyed, and Josh says, "I prepare even for meetings I don't want to go to. I wasn't improvising. You guys are lost in space." He sits again, and Alex comes in and sits down too, saying she agrees with him: "NASA's lost purpose, but the problem isn't getting off the front page, it's getting back on. The New York Times has never published a larger headline than when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon." Josh: "Only, you don't do that anymore. Now it's launches to service the pointless International Space Station, which should be re-christened the S.S. Good Money After Bad. It's all low-earth orbits. It's like, if, thirty years after Columbus, Spain expected people to get hot and bothered over a trip to Mallorca." Alex hands Josh something, saying, "That's why we need to do this." It's a button reading "MOB." She explains that it stands for Mandyville or Bust -- it's a mission to locate and rescue stranded West Wing characters flung into outer space by the violent centrifugal force of the show's revolving casting door. They're believed to be in the region of Mars's moons, Phobos (fear) and Deimos (terror), orbiting endlessly, unable to reach their agents. No, really, it's Mars or Bust: "We want the government to commit to a manned mission to Mars." Josh: "There aren't twenty votes for it in Congress." He tosses the button on the desk and says, "You couldn't get funding for the buttons." She says that the Republican Congress isn't the problem: "It's liberals who killed the space program." Josh: "Yeah, 'cause we like to use government money to, you know...help people." Alex: "Space travel's inspirational -- you think that doesn't help people?" I don't know that it's ever helped me. Frink claims it's helped him, though. Josh: "Not like feeding them or getting them jobs." Alex: "Well, you have to feed the soul, too. Ever look through a telescope?" Josh: "In school. Uh, a guy on my floor liked to aim one at the women's dorm." Alex is real impressed. Nonetheless, she asks him: "What are you doing tonight?" Wait, what's that little exploding sound? Listen carefully. I think it's the telltale sound of an unseemly snit detonating inside one unhappy blonde. Josh's suave reply is, "Uh...." Alex: "Until you get a good look at what's up there, you only think you're prepared. Pick you up at 8."
Alex leaves, and Josh comes out to tell Donna, "Cancel my dinner with Bregstone tonight." Donna asks, with pretend insouciance, "Stargazing?" Josh: "You were listening?" Man, isn't she always? This can't be a surprise to him at this point. Donna reminds Josh that she's right outside. Donna picks up the phone to call Bregstone's secretary and asks, "Would you be going if she weren't attractive?" Josh, blithely: "We'll never know." Frink and I crack up. Really, we're both utterly sick of the will they/won't they (and bear in mind, he hardly watches the show). It's been dragged out too far. I wish Josh and Donna would both just become happily involved with other people -- Republicans, Democrats, anarchists, wombats, I really don't care. That, or have a one-night stand that makes it painfully clear to both of them that they can't stand each other sexually -- Donna strikes me as the type who gets pouty if her partner doesn't tell her he loves her at the exact right moment, and Josh probably has a fetish she'd be unwilling to accommodate -- and that they have no romantic future. Then we can all move the hell on with things. Anyway, Josh breezes off and Donna just lets her vague smile fade off her face.
Will comes to Toby's office to follow up on his request to Leo. Toby says he got VPOTUS a policy focus. Handing Will a file, he says, "Good government." Will: "Not that chestnut." He reads, "'Reducing bureaucracy. Rewriting regulations into plain English.'" Toby, chin in his hand: "Extremely important." Will: "And incredibly boring." Toby: "As is the Vice-President. A match made in heaven." Will: "I don't think many theologians would stipulate Toby Ziegler's office as heaven." Didn't care for that line; just doesn't work, I don't think. Toby: "You asked, and ye hath received." Will: "And yet my joy is less than full. 'Revoking the franking privileges'?" Toby: "I have work to do." Will leaves.
12:06 PM, The Swiss Embassy. Nancy, Leo, and Sliger are waiting in a large, beautiful, nicely appointed, wood-panelled room. Nancy: "Lovely room." Sliger: "The Swiss like nice things." Like other people don't. Leo: "You can afford them when you don't have to pay for a national defense." Well, hold on. The Swiss spend 1% of their GDP on their military: $2.548 billion (as of 2001). Yes, the United States spends more than an order of magnitude more than that (and that's pre-September 2001). But it's not like the Swiss don't have a national defense. Also, it's not like the White House is a rack-rented shanty compared to the Swiss Embassy. So, whatever, Leo.
An assistant brings in the Iranian representative. We don't get his name, so I'm going to call him Barid, which means "messenger," but Leo introduces him to Nancy and Slattery. Leo expresses his hope that the trip down wasn't too inconvenient. Barid says that the summons was a bit abrupt. They all sit down. Leo begins by saying, "We'd like to discuss your nuclear program." Barid shrugs: "We have agreed to IAEA inspections...suspended production on enriched uranium..." Leo: "Temporarily." Nancy: "Your forty-megawatt heavy water reactor at Arak: it's a size too small for electricity generation and larger than for research." Leo: "The type that provides fuel for nuclear weapons in India and Pakistan." Barid: "And Israel. I understand." Slattery says, "The Iranian exile organization NCR has identified other, secret enrichment facilities: the Laskhar-Abad side near Hashtgerd, a site near Ramandeh village...." Thank you, writers, for not making up "foreign-sounding" names. Thank. You. Leo asks why they're enriching uranium. Barid: "For reactor fuel. For power generation. As our European friends acknowledge is our sovereign right." Leo: "Power you don't need, with your oil and gas reserves." Yeah, those are infinite. I just bet the United States would let another country -- especially an "enemy" -- dictate how much power the U.S. "needs" and how it can be produced. Barid insists that it's necessary: "Because of rising domestic consumption rates, and our desire to preserve oil and gas to generate foreign currency." Nancy: "You displayed the Shahab 3 missile." (I believe shahab means "meteor" or "shooting star." I realize it's not germane, but sue me, I can't help myself.) "The only logical purpose for such a long-range weapon is to carry a nuclear payload." Barid: "And we enjoy and anticipate stable relations with Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Turkey, Afghanistan...these are the nations within range of this missile." Don't forget Iraq! Leo: "And Israel. I understand." Barid doesn't deny it.
Leo tells him that the U.S. believes Iran has been producing nuclear weapons. Barid: "The Ayatollah has decreed their production to be haram -- prohibited on religious grounds. We consider the development and use of such weapons to be immoral, inhumane, and against our basic Islamic beliefs, in contrast to the United States, which is not merely the only nation to ever employ such weapons -- twice -- but also brought the world to the brink of nuclear holocaust with the Cuban Missile Crisis." Indeed. Wordy ibn Word, Barid. ["And while we're on the subject, let me just stick in a little plug for The Fog of War. Very illuminating. Terrifying, also." -- Wing Chun] Leo: "The United States will not tolerate these weapons' further proliferation." Barid: "It is disconcerting to be dictated to by the only transgressor in human history." Leo's completely unwilling to address the hypocrisy, and says, "Let me make myself plain, Mr. Ambassador. Evidence that Iran possesses or has tested a nuclear weapon will be greeted by the United States as a matter of gravest consequence." Barid: "Are we finished?" They all stand. As he's leaving, Barid says, "I know what terrifies you: an Islamic bomb." Leo: "And I know what concerns Iran: a Jewish bomb." Barid: "Einstein, Oppenheimer, Teller...they're all Jewish bombs." He leaves. I know some viewers were quite offended by the inclusion of the phrase "Jewish bomb," for various reasons. I think it's just as offensive as "Islamic bomb," frankly, and I'd like to believe I'm not alone. Nobody refers to U.S. nuclear capacity in terms of a Protestant/Catholic/Gentile bomb. If we're talking about countries that have bombs, then what is consistent and what makes sense is to refer to an Iranian bomb, or a Pakistani bomb, or an Italian bomb, or whatever. The Islamic world is nowhere near as unified as the mentality that fears a swarthy brown prostrating menace is given to imagine.
3:36 PM. Josh is reading the newspaper in the hallway when Leo comes along. Josh asks if he's okay, and says he looks tired. Leo: "I've been tired [for] five years." Josh: "Tired...er." Leo says it's one of those days. Josh mentions that he met with NASA, and Leo interrupts: "What a waste, since the moon. My generation never got the future it was promised." Josh wonders what he means. Leo: "Thirty-five years later, cars, air travel's exactly the same. We don't even have the Concorde anymore. Technology stopped." Well, I think it just went in a different direction. Josh: "The personal computer?" Leo: "A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography. Where's my jet pack? My colonies on the moon? Just a waste." He ambles off to spread sunshine elsewhere. Josh watches him, musing.
Charlie comes into the Oval Office, where Jed's pacing around with a book, to tell him he has to get ready for some big do. Charlie encourages him to cancel, saying that Jed's had a long day. Jed says he'll be fine. Charlie urges him to get some rest. Jed: "I'm not sure I could sleep." He goes off to get dressed.
Toby arrives to see Leo, who tells him that B-2s have taken off, and describes the targets. Toby asks if they've confirmed that it was Iran. Leo explains that they're not doing anything until they're sure. Toby: "Is this the room?" Leo: "What?" Toby: "Where we talk about the UN. So far I'm the only one bringing it up." Leo says, "The UN doesn't want this. They want to wring their hands and censure us after." Only what Leo says sounds a lot more like "censor" than "censure." Maybe Kofi Annan is working tape-delay at the Super Bowl halftime show (tm attica finch). "But they expect us to take care of things like this. And after they've exhausted themselves calling us warmongers and imperialists, they'll go home and quietly drink toasts to their relief." Yeah, I suppose it's not even possible that anyone involved with the UN genuinely opposes U.S. foreign policy and militaristic action generally. I guess it's always hard for hypocrites to imagine or believe that not everyone else is, too. Toby says, "Unilateral air strikes." Leo tells him to have a statement ready.
It's evening, and Alex is driving somewhere with Josh. She says, "I have a political question. If the theory of democracy is that people have the most direct connection to officials at the most local level, how come everyone can name the President but no one knows who their Assemblyman is?" Well, let's not get carried away. I have yet to see any survey of any meaningful size where 100% of the Americans questioned could, in fact, name the President. Josh, indifferently: "Complacency. Who knows?" He doesn't seem very into Alex. He adds, "It's like asking why the sky is blue." Alex tells him: "The colours that make up light have different wavelengths. The shortest wavelength, blue, is the most easily dispersed, so when sunlight hits the earth's atmosphere, blue's what gets scattered most." She looks at Josh, whose neutral expression hasn't changed at all. She explains, "Why the sky's blue." That wasn't clear?
Leo's in his office snacking on something when the phone rings. He asks, "Can this wait until tomorrow?" Apparently not, because Leo reluctantly agrees to speak to VPOTUS.
Alex pulls her SUV into an open field area. I can't imagine there are very many truly dark areas in the vicinity of D.C. They get out, and Alex starts unloading her big-ass telescope, asking Josh to carry part of it. He struggles with it, saying, "When you said...I thought we were going to some big observatory." She tells him he's not ready for that: "You need to have the same experience nine-year-olds are having all across the country tonight." Josh -- who is still wearing a suit, since he was probably picked up at work -- asks, "Are they ruining their shoes, too?" Hee.
Leo, followed by Nancy and VPOTUS, heads from the Sit Room. Toby observes them walking together past the bullpen and wonders what the hell that's all about.
Alex has set up the telescope. You can see a house or two in the background, so they're not exactly in the middle of nowhere. She comments, "It's amazing when you get away from the city lights." It sure is; I've looked at the stars a lot on very clear nights in both extremely light-polluted areas and a handful of very dark, isolated areas, and the difference is stunning. Like night and day. (Sorry.) I think there are a few too many stars visible in the sky to be realistic for where they are, but it's pretty. Josh tells her, "There's one named after me up there...the 'Josh and Linda' star." Alex: "The International Star Registry. Romantic." I hope everyone knows that thing has no real official status. You're paying a lot of money for a gift certificate. Anyway, Josh's response is, "Yeah. Name something that's going to be there for billions of years after two people who won't be speaking in six months." She confesses, "'Alex and Guillermo.'" Josh: "Guillermo?" Alex says, "Yeah. Chilean. Long story." That's an interesting little detail, since Chile is actually one of the best places in the world for stargazing. Frink and I recently read about a mountain range there where it can be so dark that you can actually see your shadow in the light of the Milky Way. Can you imagine? Now we're dying to go there. Josh says: "Sexy. Player. Dumped you." Alex: "Okay, not such a long story." She's making adjustments to the telescope with a remote control that I guess is pre-programmed for specific celestial objects. She invites him to look through the telescope at Jupiter: "The dots on either side are the four Galilean moons. You're seeing what Galileo saw four hundred years ago." Josh says he remembers studying Jupiter: "It has thirteen moons." Alex updates him: "Yeah, it has sixty-one." Josh seems mildly surprised: "Sixty-one?" She refocuses the telescope on another object and encourages him to look. He says, "Wow, what is that?" Frink: "The Orion nebula." Orion is his favourite constellation. Alex tells Josh what it is, adding, "Gas and dust. Stars are born in that. Well, born and die, actually. Everything, every atom in our bodies comes from exploding stars. I guess Joni Mitchell was right: we are stardust. Josh: "Or, put it another way, nuclear waste." A diehard romantic, our Josh. He takes a look at another planet, glowing red: "Is that...?" Alex: "Mars. Because it's near its closest point, you are getting the best look anyone's had at it in 60,000 years." We get a shot of them from a distance, standing under a tree, Josh bent over the telescope.
Sit Room. POTUS arrives in a tux, grousing, "One thing about this job -- it's hard to unobtrusively slip out of a party." Leo asks VPOTUS to speak. Russell tells the tale of a junket to the Mideast last year, where he attended a party on a boat on the Mediterranean: "The combination of jet lag, booze, and choppy seas made some guests sick. As they leaned over the rail, one of our high-level government hosts came up to me and drunkenly mused he hoped they weren't puking on one of their nuclear subs. He winked and lurched off. And the official's country...was Israel." Dun dun dun. Nancy: "He was talking about nuclear-powered subs." Someone else points out that Israeli subs are diesel-powered. Hutchinson: "Guy was drunk." Sliger: "Israel's nuclear capability has been an open secret for years. Why would they perform a test now?" Russell: "Getting nuclear warheads on submarine-based missiles requires miniaturization technology that could need to be tested." Wouldn't someone like Nancy or NF Squared be at least as likely -- if not more so -- to know that than Bingo Bob? Shouldn't almost everyone in this room be at least as knowledgeable about this as Bob? Not that Bob has to be the idiot he's made out to be, but these other people aren't supposed to be idiots either. Sliger: "'Could.'" Jed: "I know, that's not a word you're fond of at Langley. Let the man talk." Back to Russell: "Israel's been developing advanced fusion-boosted weapons. This technology is extremely difficult and requires testing to produce warheads that are capable of being shrunk to the size needed to be placed on submarine-based cruise missiles." Does he actually know more about this than most of these SRTs? Seems like it. Jed listens to Russell with his face all tensed up and then asks NF Squared: "Where are the bombers, General?" He says they're three hours out of Missouri: "They'll be over their targets in Iran in fourteen hours." Jed tells Slattery: "Tell the Israeli Ambassador to get his Prime Minister on a plane. I want him in the Oval Office by noon." He tells General Whoever to put a hold on the bombers. POTUS ends the meeting and tells Leo and VPOTUS to come with him.
Out in the hall, Leo tells Jed that they'll need a cover story for the Israeli PM's visit. Jed tells him to brief Toby and "have him get with C.J. right away." Jed remembers to thank Bob, who says, "I'm sure Leo's wondering how it is that I know so much about all this...." He's not the only one. Bingo Bob continues, "You know, all those jokes about me being the Congressman from Western Colorado Mining? The Colorado Plateau is this country's leading source of uranium. Good night, Mr. President. Leo." Jed smiles kind of smugly at Leo before they head up the stairs.
Alex drops Josh off at his place. She stops the car and wonders silently if he's going to call. You just know he's the type to claim he will -- and then doesn't. Josh says, "Okay, it's not going to happen, but...tell me about going to Mars." Alex: "Right here?" Where the neighbours can see? Josh reaches over and turns off the ignition. On this show, that's foreplay. Alex says that the plan is called Mars Direct. Josh cuts to the chase: "What'll it cost?" Alex: "Thirty, forty billion..." Josh snorts a little. Alex: "Over ten years...it's the cost of one weapons system." He tells her to go on, but it's with all the enthusiasm of a man listening to a woman explain why they should get married instead of just shacking up. She says, "We launch a crew directly there, like we went to the moon, and use the resources found on Mars to make the fuel to get back." Josh: "Is that doable?" Alex: "It's nineteenth-century chemistry. It's all doable now. All we lack is the ambition and political will."
Friday, 7:26 AM. Is it me, or do all the title card times in the show end in "6"? Toby and C.J. are walking along as Toby tells her that the Israeli PM is flying in to discuss the new settlement activity. C.J.: "You mean the thing you had me shrug off yesterday as a non-story?" C.J.: "I'm trying to decide if I'm gullible, an idiot, or just being completely kept out of the loop." Toby spreads his arms and just says, "Yeah." I'll bet he can hardly find enough shelves upon which to display all of his Boss of the Year coffee mugs.
Russell tells Will he's going to go along with the policy brief he's been assigned. Will objects, but Russell says, "I'm a team player. I do what's asked. And Will, for the record, I'm not worried about having the President's respect." Will just takes that in, and realizes that he's not going to be able to accomplish much in this position.
Jed's in his office signing stuff while Charlie waits by his side. He thanks Charlie for his concern yesterday. Charlie asks if he got some sleep. Jed: "Not much." He finishes signing and says, "Some terrible choices have had to be made in this room -- none more agonizing than Hiroshima and Nagasaki." He picks up a hefty tome and regards it as Charlie says, "I can't imagine." Jed: "When you sit here, you have to." Jed replaces the book on the shelf as Charlie asks, "Would you have made the same decision Truman made?" Jed sighs and says, "On Okinawa, the Japanese knew they couldn't win, so they just tried to kill as many Americans as possible. There were 110,000 Japanese troops and nearly a quarter of a million people died there, including Japanese civilians. To defend Japan itself, they'd mobilized two and half million -- with a civilian militia of thirty million more pressed into service just to die for the Emperor." Charlie: "So...you could claim the bombings actually saved lives." Jed: "That's one argument. Another is that, after Potsdam, Truman wanted Stalin to know we had the bomb and we were willing to use it." Charlie: "But would you have done it, sir?" Jed removes his glasses and sighs. And that's it. We don't get any answer. Which I think is a pretty big cop-out. I find it hard to believe Jed has never given that any serious thought, and I don't buy that his answer would be "I dunno," either.
Josh is reading something in his office; it looks like a large, illustrated astronomy book. Without looking up, he bellows, "Donna!" She says, "Yes?" She's standing at the door and obviously has been. He's slightly startled: "How long have you been there?" She crosses her arms: "Long enough." What? Geez, it's not like he was downloading the Paris Hilton video. He says, "Uh...I need a breakdown of NASA funding as a percentage of discretionary spending in five-year increments starting in 1969." Donna comes in and starts futzing with things on his desk. He asks, "Do you want to hear something cool? Voyager I just crossed the termination shock eight billion miles away, the first human-made object to leave the solar system." Hey, did you hear that? "Human-made," people. Houston, we have linguistic parity. Donna says in a quiet, petulant voice: "Funny, I'm going through a little termination shock myself." Josh: "What?" Donna: "Suddenly this consuming interest in space just 'cause some NASA administrator batted eyes at you?" Such a headache these two give me. Must we? Must we, really? Must she play the small, petty, jealous girlfriend role when she's not even his girlfriend and never has been? Is it June yet? Josh, with ill-concealed enjoyment: "You hate that I'm interested in this." Donna: "What was your first hint?" Man, she could not get a life fast enough if you launched her on a rocket. Josh: "That's perfect. Sit down. Sit. I need to make an argument." She sits, dutifully.
Josh: "Everyone hates us." Donna: "Inspiring start." Josh: "We're the most dominant nation on earth. But too often, the face of our economic superiority is a corporate imperialism or technological dominance, shown by smart bombs and Predator drones." Funny, that. Shots of the Israeli PM's motorcade arriving. "We could do something else -- something generous and uplifting for all humankind. We could send the first representatives from Earth to walk on another planet. We could land people on Mars." Yeah, don't do us any big altruistic favours, thanks. Nothing could convince me that space exploration will ever be primarily motivated by humanitarian impulses. Isn't it enough that we've fucked up this planet? No do-overs. More shots of the Israeli PM entering the West Wing. Josh admits that it needs work. Donna agrees that it needs something, and gets up to leave. Josh: "Yeah, that inspiration thing." He gets up and rambles, "Voyager, in case it's ever encountered by extraterrestrials, is carrying photos of life on earth, greetings in fifty-five languages...." Shots of the Israel PM being escorted into the Oval Office, though no one even bothers to take his coat before he's shaking hands with Leo and Jed. Josh continues, "And a collection of music from Gregorian chants to Chuck Berry." He consults some notes and adds, "Including 'Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground,' by '20s bluesman Blind Willie Johnson. Whose stepmother blinded him at seven, by throwing lye in his eyes after his father beat her for being with another man. He died, penniless, of pneumonia, after sleeping bundled in wet newspapers in the ruins of his house that had burned down. But his music just left the solar system." Donna contemplates this and admits, "Okay...that got me."
Jed and the Israeli PM -- played by Armin Mueller-Stahl -- sit down alone in the Oval Office to talk. What's his name? Who knows? They made one up for the Iranian President, but then again, not for the Iranian Ambassador. I don't know why they didn't merit names. I'll just refer to him as IPM. Jed suggests that they not waste any time with "veiled questions and coy answers." He goes straight to it: "Your government conducted a nuclear test over the Indian Ocean thirty-six hours ago. This action poses enormous problems for the region, for the world." IPM: "And for the U.S." Jed: "Yes. It undercuts our counterproliferation policy and makes us look at best, biased, and at worst, like outright hypocrites." IPM replies, "You do not look hypocritical espousing nonproliferation by funding research on a new generation of tactical nuclear bombs? This is not my view. The U.S. is merely looking after its national interest. As Israel has the right to do." Jed: "Proliferation breeds proliferation. China's bomb produced India's, India's begat Pakistan's." And eventually, we'll all be smote. Radioactive stardust. A bomb for a bomb makes the whole world stupid.
IPM: "The United States' ideal number of nuclear-weapon states...is one." You got that right, bub. But that warship's sailed, anyway. IPM continues, "No matter if it's merited or arrogant, it's irrelevant. Our chief of military intelligence asserts that if Iran completes its enrichment program, it will be able to produce nuclear weapons within one year." Jed says that no one disputes the threat that Israel lives under. IPM: "'Threat'? We are six million surrounded by 200 million who wish us obliterated. For Israel, deterrence is not an option but an imperative." Jed argues, "There's a fine line between deterrence and provocation." IPM replies, "We model our approach on America's during the Cold War: Mutual Assured Destruction." Jed comes back: "There's a reason its acronym was MAD." Oy. That old chestnut? IPM claims it successfully kept the world safe, adding: "Iran will become a nuclear state." He wonders what difference it makes if it takes one year, or ten years. Jed: "We can stop them -- by force, if it comes to that." Please. Dream on. If America could stop these nations it would be the only one with nuclear weapons. The number of countries with nukes, declared or otherwise, is basically in the double digits (thus far: the U.S., the UK, Russia, France, Israel, China, India, Pakistan, North Korea -- Iran would make ten). There are at least as many other countries with nuclear programs in various states of advancement and (in)activity. IPM insists that the only thing preventing an Iranian first strike is assured second-strike capability: "Submarines armed with nuclear missiles. Mr. President, this is essential for Israel's survival." Jed: "Your argument boils down to asking that the world trust you." IPM: "As does America's." Jed takes a different tack: "It's telling that the physicists involved with the creation of these weapons became the most fervid opponents of their use: Einstein, Oppenheimer, Szilard. Hans Bethe wrote, 'If we fight a war and we win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for, but the methods used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan, who brutally killed every last inhabitant of Persia.'" And that was probably before breakfast. IPM doesn't seem all that put off by the implications of this comment. The scene ends with the two of them leaning forward toward each other, in nearly mirror poses of each other.
Toby comes to Leo's office. Leo tells him, "It's over." He adds, "It was the Israelis." Toby looks very surprised. Leo says, "The bombers have turned back." Yeah, huh? Toby: "It's a...hell of a dress rehearsal. This is our plan...this is our nuanced, reasoned...we bomb, then they nuke, then we nuke...this is the best we've gamed this out?" Apparently. Toby: "The fate of the world just hung on a Bingo Bob brainstorm. You want to live by those odds?" Leo: "As opposed to sanctions, inspections, and never-ending talks, while a Hezbollah martyr leads a donkey cart packed with plutonium smack into downtown Tel Aviv?" Toby: "It's not over. And we need a better plan." No shit. Here's a thought: Peace is not a goal. It's a way.
Josh is sitting at home, in his living room, in a t-shirt and sweats, reading and listening to "Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground" in his lovely, beautifully lit apartment. Who would have thought he even remembered how to have a life? The door buzzer goes off, and he opens the door to find a pretty cool telescope, with a big red bow on it. No one's there. There's been considerable debate about whether Alex or Donna left it. Some of the factors being argued over are the cost (how could Donna afford it?) and the impropriety of Josh's receiving the gift (Alex would know better). I've thought about it a lot, and I've finally decided it's from Donna. No, I don't know how she afforded it, and it doesn't matter because the odds of its ever coming up in any way again are slim. But please, vote your conscience in the poll to the right. Don't let me influence you.
Nice shot of the Capitol Building lit up at night. Josh sets up his telescope outside as the strains of Blind Willie Johnson continue.
Sit Room. Jed arrives, and everyone stands. Jed just stands there looking at the display of images from over the Indian Ocean. I love the music -- there is nothing like old blues -- but I don't know that it really works for a show like this.
Josh looks through his telescope.
Jed studies the close-up image of the nuclear blast, a greenish explosion over the mottled blue ocean, and ruminates.