By Strega
Previously on The West Wing, Josh's arm was slapped by Mandy, Leo's heart was crushed by Mallory, and Sam's...um...you know. Sam made a friend.
C.J. is telling the press corps what fabulous fashions everyone will be wearing at the dinner for the President of Indonesia that evening. Josh follows her out as she leaves, and tells her that Hurricane Sara is headed for the Georgia/Carolina coast. As they enter the communal office, Sam pops up behind them and says that the teamsters have voted to strike unless a deal can be worked out by midnight. , Toby joins the parade and says that there's an FBI standoff with some survivalists in Idaho. With all those balls in motion, let's go to the credits. Has anyone else noticed that the music is done by someone named "Snuffy"?
Josh is at the gate, he's ready to go...And they're off! Josh breaks from his office, with Donna right behind him. Josh reins himself in to tell Donna that he and Toby want to meet privately with a "senior Indonesian deputy" named Bambang who will be at the party that night. As they round the first turn, he tells Donna to find out if Bambang speaks English, and to arrange for an interpreter if not. As they come into the straightaway, Donna mentions that in parts of Indonesia, "they summarily execute people they suspect of being sorcerers." As Donna gains ground in the far turn, she mentions that the executions are in fact beheadings, performed with a scythe. ["The fact that Donna is imparting this information is giving me some ideas. I hate Donna." -- Wing Chun] Josh notes this fact as he races down the home stretch, a full length in front. Superstitious scythe-slayings of suspected Sumatran sorcerers? Shit! Josh settles into the winner's circle with the rest of the thoroughbreds...okay, fine, he meets with the staff in an office. Sorry, didn't mean to beat a dead horse. Josh tells Leo that FEMA and the Red Cross are already in Georgia prepping for the hurricane. Leo announces that he's meeting with the trucking industry reps in a while. It seems that a lot of the truckers are designated "part-time" even though they do the same amount of work as full-time employees, so they don't get equal pay and benefits. Therefore, the truckers are threatening to strike. Josh says that he supports management. Mandy says, "What a surprise." Conversation turns to the standoff in Idaho; since Toby and Sam are busy writing the toast for the dinner, Mandy volunteers to keep tabs on it. Josh nixes that, because Mandy is just a consultant, "and this is an actual...y'know, thing." Well, now we know why Josh isn't a speech writer. Leo tells Mandy to keep informed of the situation and to report to Josh.
Donna is taking a practice gallop through the offices when Toby appears with Josh behind him. Donna asks if Toby is aware of the mass magician murders, and he says, "Yes," and quickly departs. Donna tells Josh, "See?" Josh says, "You're all crazy." The Prez and the Indonesian Prez pose for photographers. The Prez mentions that they're having salmon for dinner. "Yes," says the I-Prez. He goes on to mention that Yo-Yo Ma will perform after dinner. No response. He asks if the I-Prez likes salmon. "No." Oops. "Well, our mistake," says the Prez. "Yes," says the I-Prez. Maybe the I-Prez doesn't speak English very well, or he'd be chattier.
Sam is typing away on his Mac PowerBook when Toby wanders in to ask how the speech is coming along. Sam describes the opening, including praise for the I-Prez for his leadership "as Indonesia moves from an authoritarian dictatorship to a real democracy." "The beginnings of a real democracy," Toby interjects. "Let's not get carried away." , Toby objects to Sam's referring to Indonesia as a friend of the U.S. "I don't think we should remind people how friendly we were with dictators who oppressed their people while stealing their money." "How else are you going to steal people's money?" Sam points out. Toby says, "See, that's good -- write that in the toast." But then Sam asks, "You got something going on tonight with Josh?" Sam sounds jealous. "We gotta see a guy about a thing," Toby offers as a non-explanation. Sam offers to help, but Toby rejects him, breaking Sam's heart and sending him racing into the arms of...well, you'll see. Toby leaves, instructing Sam to toughen up the toast.
Leo enters the secret "Hey! It's That Guy!" initiation chamber full of mob -- er, teamsters. Seymour, the head management rep, looks really familiar, but I can't figure out why. Sammy, the head trucker rep, was on Magnum, P.I., and he was on MacGuyver a bunch of times, and he was in one of the coolest space battles ever on Babylon 5. Seymour says that if they raise salaries across the board, they won't be able to compete with trains and airlines and UPS. Sammy shouts, "You're full of crap, Seymour!" Leo interjects, "This is the White House, Sammy; it's not the Jersey Turnpike. Watch your mouth." "Forgive me," says Sammy, catching himself before concluding with the word "Godfather." Leo foresees apocalyptic consequences to a strike, with food rotting in warehouses while people fight over the last items on the grocery shelves. Adding, "You have until midnight," Leo leaves the room.
While Josh tries to find a decent cup of coffee, Mandy tags along behind him with details of the Idaho situation. The police had a warrant because they believed there was an illegal handgun in a house. Mandy enigmatically describes the inhabitants as being "exactly who you think they are." Who did he think they were? Potato farmers? When the cops tried to enter, the residents wouldn't let them in, and "produced weapons." Mandy asks if it annoys Josh that the Prez listens to her. Josh says, "Yes, but you shouldn't take it personally; it bugs me when the President listens to anyone who isn't me." Then Mandy drops the apparent bomb that the cops are the ones who sold the illegal gun to the bad guys in the first place. Mandy says that there are also children in the house, and conflicts are already brewing among the local police, the FBI, and the ATF. She concludes by saying that "this is a PR disaster waiting to happen, and it's going to happen today. This is why you hired me." "Yeah, I was wondering why that was," says Josh, as the music inexplicably swells. Mandy asks, "It bugs you?" Josh attempts a Dawson-esque arm-flap, smiles, and says, "Yes." Mandy shakes her head and leaves. Wow, the romantic sparks between them threaten to blaze into an inferno of torrid passion. Not. But at least Mandy isn't putting the moves on Toby. ["Thank God." -- Wing Chun]
The Prez and the I-Prez are seated as a gaggle of reporters question and photograph them. The I-Prez remains terse. Danny, the world's oldest cub reporter, asks the Prez if he's aware of the Vermeil protest going on outside. C.J. interrupts and says that she will cover that issue at the press conference, and then leads the reporters out. Danny needles C.J., saying that she doesn't know about the Vermeil situation. C.J. claims she does, and then angrily says, "My whole one o'clock briefing is going to be about the Vermeil protestors, isn't it?" Danny says, "I just raised the question in front of twenty-four White House reporters and you didn't answer it, so I would assume there's going to be some follow-up -- yes." Danny aims a nearby secretary at C.J. and wanders off. C.J. demands to know what Vermeil is and why it's upsetting people. C.J. walks away past the Prezes as Leo appears and pulls the Prez away for a few words. The Prez mentions that the I-Prez is either boring or rude. "I'm sitting out there trying to figure out how this guy could campaign for something and win; then I remember: we usually rig the election." Then the Prez asks if the I-Prez has to sit at his table. Leo points out that the I-Prez is the guest of honor. The Prez asks where Leo will be sitting, and is told that he will sit at the Prez's table. The Prez asks where Toby will be sitting. "With C.J. and Josh and Sam," Leo answers. "Ah, that's the fun table." ["Ha! When I worked in an office and put together seating arrangements for events, we'd always call the fun table 'the kids' table.'" -- Wing Chun] I'd be a little hurt if I was Leo, but on the other hand the Prez has a point. Leo whispers to the Prez that they are moving a group of battle carriers out to sea so that the storm doesn't smash them into the coast. I'm not sure why that would be a secret. The Prez goes back for more photos with the I-Prez.
Toby is writing the toast on a yellow legal pad while Sam types away at his laptop. Toby shuts the door and hands the pad to Sam, asking him to read it. Sam starts to, but upon noting its criticism of Indonesian policies he asks, "Do you really think it's a good idea to invite people to dinner and then tell them exactly what they're doing wrong with their lives?" Toby says, "Absolutely. Otherwise it's just a waste of food." Sam suggests softening the tone a bit, and reads his version: "As has often been said, a true friend tells another friend the truth, and on some issues we must speak candidly, or we could not in all honesty hold the great honor of being known the world over as Indonesia's friend." Toby, awed, says, "Wow. That was just about the worst writing I have ever heard." Toby probably doesn't watch the WB, though. Sam looks embarrassed, and says, "I know," but I bet he thought it was okay. ["I laughed out loud at Toby's line. Toby rocks." -- Wing Chun]
C.J. rattles off the Vermeil story at the press briefing. It's gold-plated silver, made in France in the 18th and 19th centuries, and the White House has a lot of it. Some people think it's a symbol of the yucky things the French royalty used to do. Like eat snails. The briefing ends, and Danny scampers after C.J. as she leaves. "You're a rabble-rouser, you know?" she snaps at him. "You rouse rabbles." C.J. says that the Vermeil protest consisted of six people with hand-made signs, and says that Danny "lent their weak and feeble voices a megaphone." Danny says he considers this a job well done, and asks what C.J. is wearing to the dinner. C.J. stops short, stunned by this question. Eventually she stammers that she'll be wearing a gray silk evening gown. Danny says he'll look forward to it, and walks away.
Sam and Laurie the Lovable Call Girl are having lunch at a diner. Sam whines about Toby's mean toast while Laurie tries to study for a law exam. Then she asks, "You're not afraid of being seen with me right now?" "Because of the way you're dressed?" asks Sam. Heh. Laurie says "No...Why? What's wrong with the way I'm dressed? No, because of my night job." Sam says no, but blinks and shrugs in a strange way so I have a hunch he's lying. He also says that her night job is "crummy," and asks if she has a date that evening as he munches on a pickle. She says that she does, but refuses to say with whom. He asks where they're going; she says she doesn't know. When Sam continues to question her about her date, she complains that she has to study. Sam testily recites some facts about the case. Laurie says, "Thank you for that display of geek bravado, but I'd like to learn this myself so I can graduate from law school, practice law, and give up my night job." Sam says that law school has little to do with the practice of law. Laurie notes that it does have something to do with graduating from law school, and asks Sam to shut up. Sam repeats that her night job stinks. Laurie takes a bite of her pickle.
Mandy listens as some FBI guys tell Leo and the Prez that militias are "very well-armed cadres of dangerous lunatics bent on undermining the government." Mandy joins the conversation to point out that nutcases are an inevitable by-product of democracy. Gee, Mandy, why don't you lecture the President about free speech? Also, I think crazy people turn up in dictatorships too, but whatever. Josh points out that these particular nutcases are armed, resisting arrest, and have taken hostages. Mandy says, "We [b]think[/b] they're holding hostages, plus we're the ones who sold them the gun in the first place." One FBI guy says that it's called a sting operation, and Mandy replies that "another word for it is 'entrapment.'" Gee, Mandy, why don't you lecture the FBI about law enforcement? The FBI says they can fire tear gas into the house. Mandy says, "And tomorrow's front page will be a screaming woman running out of a burning house with a baby in her arms and FBI windbreakers in the foreground." Gee, Mandy, why don't you lecture them all about public relations? Oh, wait, I guess she is qualified for that one. The she asks, "Why can't we starve them out?" Because the public hates using tear gas on children, but won't complain about starving them? Maybe she isn't qualified for PR either. The other FBI guy says that the group has stockpiled food and water, as well as ammunition. Josh says, "There's no way this'll end good [sic]. All that's left is to end it fast." Mandy suggests trying a negotiator, because "I think it would be wise if we demonstrated that we exhausted every possible solution before we got all Rambo-ed up." I refuse to believe that they haven't already brought in a negotiator when they think that there are hostages. The Prez shoos Mandy and Josh out so that he can decide what to do. Outside the office, Mandy and Josh argue some more. Blah blah "threat to democracy" blah blah "unbridled power of the state" blah blah, says Mandy. Then she again suggests Josh is just mad because she "got in the game." Just then Leo comes out and says they are going to send a negotiator in. "Well, you're in the game now," Josh says, and walks away.
Donna is tying Josh's bow tie when Charlie comes in asking if they can help him track down his grandparents, who live on the Georgia coast. Josh tells Donna to get on it. Mandy is wearing a yellowish dress with what appears to be a minimalist paisley pattern when Josh strolls by in his tuxedo, complete with white tie and, yes, ladies and gentleman, tails. "I look good tonight, don't you think?" asks Josh. When Mandy admits that he does, he says, "You look good too, but I look even better." Heh. ["He's not wrong." -- Wing Chun] Mandy mentions that the negotiator has been in the house a few hours, and asks if Josh thinks that's a good sign. Josh doesn't know. Josh also doesn't know how the teamsters are doing, or whether there's any update on the hurricane. "What is it you do here, exactly?" asks Mandy. "It's never really been made clear to me," Josh responds. Josh enters the office calling for Toby, but Sam says Toby isn't there. Sam is also wearing tails. No one but Cary Grant should wear tails. Sam grins and tells Josh, "We look [b]good[/b]!" Josh straightens Sam's tie as Mandy asks if they want to be alone. They both glare at her, and she makes a prissy face at them. Sam asks Josh if there's any personal connection between the I-Prez and the U.S. that he could use in the speech. Josh says, "He was once almost pushed out of an airplane by a CIA-trained operative." Sam says that he probably shouldn't use that. Toby calls to Josh from down the hall. Yep, he's got tails too. They all look like they should be conducting an orchestra. Toby says there's a problem, and introduces Josh to the State Department interpreter, Mr. Minaldi. Mr. Minaldi says that he speaks Javanese, and that Mr. Bambang speaks Batak. Josh shouts, "Donna!" and poof, there she is. Donna says that there's a kitchen guy who can translate Batak to Portuguese, and then Mr. Minaldi can translate the Portuguese into English. I remember this happening on an episode of Fraiser. Toby asks if the bar is open, and when told it is, leaves, muttering to Donna, "Make this work."
C.J. strolls in wearing her gray silk gown, which is very pretty, although I don't think the long gloves were a good idea, especially since she'll have to take them off to eat. Or at least, she should. The First Lady ["played by the totally cool Stockard 'Rizzo' Channing" -- Wing Chun] calls her over, and admires her dress but complains, "Showing a little décolletage wouldn't kill you dead." Mrs. Prez apparently practices what she preaches. Mrs. Prez introduces C.J. to a group of people including a cardiologist, and pointedly tells him that C.J. is single. C.J. giggles and pulls the First Lady aside, warning her that there may be some more questions about the Vermeil from the press. Mrs. Prez says, "It's our history. Better or worse, it's our history. We're not going to lock it in the basement or brush it with a new coat of paint." C.J. says that's a good answer, and wanders off to mingle. Leo appears, and Mrs. Prez asks where her husband is and how the teamsters are doing. Leo tells her the Prez is on a call, and the teamsters are still negotiating but he's confident that they'll work it out. Mandy's back in the offices, where Donna tells her that they're waiting for word about the hurricane and Idaho. Leo pulls Sam, Toby, and Josh aside and tells them to "schmooze" some guy named Carl Everett who's raised a lot of money for them in the Midwest. Leo brings Carl over, and Carl turns out to be Sledge Hammer. Yes, I watched a lot of TV in the eighties. If only my powers could be used for good. As Leo goes to take care of something, Sledge introduces the guys to his date, "Brittany," who is none other than Laurie. D'oh
Donna tells Charlie that she found his grandparents, and they're fine. As she explains that they're about to be taken home because the hurricane shifted direction, Leo walks past them and asks C.J. what's happening. She says that the hurricane is headed out to sea, but for some reason there are a fleet of carriers in its path. D'oh again! C.J. claims that the ships can't get out of the way. Leo decides the best thing to do is go to the party, I guess figuring that's what Nero would have done. Everyone is headed for their seats while Josh finishes up a call on his cell phone. Mandy comes up to him and whines that the FBI won't return her calls. Josh says that he just heard that it's over. "They took the house. Thirty-four occupants; they're all in custody." Then he tells her that the FBI negotiator was shot, and that he's in critical condition. Mandy stares blankly as the Prez, First Lady, and the I-Prez enter. Mandy babbles a little and suddenly dashes off, explaining, "I'm gonna throw up."
Leo tells the Prez about the hurricane and the ships, and they walk into an office to talk with some captain about the situation. The captain says that there are a total of about twelve thousand men on the ships, and that the storm will hit them in twenty minutes. The Prez asks if he can talk to the commander of the fleet, and they agree to set it up. The captain leaves, and Leo tells the Prez that the negotiator is being prepped for surgery. In the kitchen, Toby, Josh, Donna, the interpreter, the kitchen guy, and Bambang play the telephone game. After a couple of sentences make their way back and forth among all the people, Bambang says, "Why don't we just speak in English?" "Donna...." says Josh. Donna says, "You should keep in mind all the things I do right," and leaves. ["Fire her!" -- Wing Chun] Toby dismisses the interpreter and the kitchen guy, and tells Bambang, "A friend of mine is in one of your jails. I want you to let him out." Bambang asks, "Your friend led anti-government demonstrations." Toby says, "That's what he does. He teaches students to protest." Hey, Toby is friends with radicals. Neat. Bambang points out that he is being asked for a favor, and says, "I think you have a lot of nerve. That was a despicable and humiliating toast your president made, and I know you are the one who wrote it." Toby stares blankly for a second, wipes his forehead, and finally says, "Please understand that with so many people watching, with so much media coverage, it was important for us to make clear that the United States, with its commitment to human rights --" Bambang interrupts to ask if Toby thinks it is hypocritical that the U.S. committed genocide against Native Americans, yet now tells other countries how to behave. Toby agrees that it is, still looking stunned. Bambang tells Toby to go to hell, and walks out. Josh tells Toby they'll take care of it. Toby stands in the kitchen, looking very lost. Aw.
C.J. types away on her computer when Jimmy Olsen, I mean Danny, wanders in. He mentions hearing that an FBI agent was shot in Idaho. C.J. says she'll have a statement in fifteen minutes. He presses her, and she asks, "When you flirt with me are you doing it to get a story?" Danny says no, he does it to flirt with her. C.J. says she doesn't believe him, but Danny says that's her problem. Banter, banter, fishcakes. He leaves. ["C.J., you can do better than Elliot from thirtysomething." -- Wing Chun]
The teamsters are arguing when the Prez walks into the room. They all stand up as he asks how things are going. Seymour says they're at an impasse. The Prez asks if they're hungry and tired, and they say that they are. The Prez says, "Talk to me for five minutes apiece, and then we're going to settle this." They all start to take their seats again, but the Prez corrects them: "Stay standing." Heh.
Sam munches on his dinner as Sledge and Brittany approach. Sledge tells Sam, "I think you're someone that I could have a relationship with." Sam responds, "I cost five hundred an hour." Laurie stares at him as he clarifies, "In the private sector, I billed out at five hundred dollars an hour." Sledge suddenly sees someone else he has to talk to, and abandons Laurie and Sam. Laurie insists that she didn't know she was going to this party, and that it has nothing to do with Sam. She concludes, "You're just some guy who happens to know me." "Thank you!" says Sam, huffily. Just then Mrs. Prez pops up to greet Sam. Laurie introduces herself (as Brittany), and Mrs. Prez explains that she's looking for the Prez. Sam says the Prez headed to the West Wing, although he's not sure why. "To pistol-whip the trucking industry," explains Mrs. Prez, "Because he can't save a gunshot victim and he can't stop a hurricane." She turns to Laurie and tells her, "You are thoroughly charming," and leaves. She's diplomatic, ain't she? Laurie is wowed by meeting the First Lady. I am less wowed by the fact that Laurie is wearing a ring on her thumb. Sam starts picking at his dinner again, and suddenly says, "I'll give you ten thousand dollars not to go home with that guy tonight." Laurie grabs her bag and leaves silently, without even finding out if Sam will give her the money if she takes Sledge to a hotel instead.
Seymour is saying that a wage hike would lead to inflation when the Prez says, "Time's up." Seymour says he hadn't used his full five minutes yet, and the Prez responds, "I know, but I got tired listening to you." Then the Prez declares that he won a Nobel prize in Economics and that none of them know what they're talking about. , he says that at 12:01 he will nationalize the trucking industry, and draft the truckers into military service. As he leaves the room, he says, "If this isn't settled in forty-seven minutes, don't worry, we know where to find you." The Prez runs into the First Lady outside, and she apologizes for being gone for so long as he holds her hands. The Prez mentions that the FBI negotiator is in surgery. Mrs. Prez says, "One of the things that happens when I stay away too long is that you forget that you don't have the power to fix everything." She adds that she likes watching him try, though. They hug, as lightning flashes and the lights dim briefly. They head back to the party, hand in hand. Leo joins them, and says that most of the ships have had their radios knocked out by the storm, but they've made contact with the Hickory, a maintenance and supply boat.
The Prez and his wife enter an office where Mandy, Josh, Toby, Sam, Leo and the Captain are gathered around a speaker phone. Josh says that the Hickory's intercom is out, and the crew is looking for the captain on foot. The Prez asks who's on the phone now, and Leo tells him it's "the kid from the radio shack." "Jed, talk to the boy," says Mrs. Prez. The Captain turns on the speaker, and the Prez calls "Hello?" The kid identifies himself as Harold Lewis. "Son, this is President Bartlet," says you-know-who. Josh suddenly wraps his arms around Mandy. I guess hearing the President introduce himself makes him feel tingly. Harold says they're looking for the captain. The Prez asks if Harold's all right, and Harold says he hit his head, and that he's bleeding. The Prez tells Harold to get something to put on his cut, and that he'll wait. Harold comes back, and the Prez asks, "Can you tell us what's going on?" Harold says there are eighty-foot seas, one hundred and twenty knot winds, the engine room's on fire, and their running lights are out. So it's not so bad. The Prez slowly sits down, and says, "Well, I don't know, man. Sounds pretty bad, Harold. I think I'd ask for my money back." The Prez says that he'll stay there as long as the radio works. Nice of him to imply that the radio will stop working soon. Way to calm the kid down, Prez. As we fade to black, the President says, "Hang on."