Props to word processing macros: it turns out "Lillienfield" is nearly as much fun to type repeatedly as "Katzenmoyer." No props whatsoever to the boneheads at CTV who replaced the Tuesday night broadcast of this show with a Céline Dion concert. God rest their miserable souls. Also, for some reason, my TV guide listed a "viewer discretion warning" for this episode. For the life of me, I can't figure out why. ["To warn parents not to let children see Edward James Olmos's scary pockmarks?" -- Wing Chun]
Previously on The West Wing: Leo tells Jenny his job is more important than his marriage, Danny wants to know what C.J. is wearing to the state dinner, the Veep invites Leo to his secret AA meetings, which Leo attends.
Note: the story for this teleplay was co-written by former White House press secretary DeeDee Myers and Aaron "Almost as Prolific as David E. Kelley and a Better Writer" Sorkin.
It's Monday morning. Josh and C.J. are both on the phone in his office; Josh is doing the talking and C.J. is listening in carefully, with her hand over the mouthpiece. There's some kind of banging noise going on in the background. Josh is saying, "Yes...yes...yes..." in response to the person he's speaking with. Josh starts to ask if the person is prepared to do something, but the other person has obviously answered his question because both C.J. and Josh bounce up and start pumping their fists in that "yahoo, we rock" gesture. Josh sits back down and thanks whoever he's talking to; C.J.'s doubled over trying to contain her excitement and stay quiet. Josh asks the person to wait by the phone for a few minutes for a call from the President. As soon as he puts the phone down, C.J. shrieks, "Yes!" and cuffs Josh on the shoulder. She runs out of his office shouting "It's done! We did it! Yes!" and Josh is right behind her saying, "I did it! C.J. was on the phone with her fingers crossed." C.J.'s a little annoyed with his credit-grabbing but Josh continues blathering on about how he's masterminded the whole thing and whatever "it" is, it's done and he did it. (Way to hog the spotlight, Josh.) He tells Donna to call Toby, Sam, Leo and POTUS and tell them he's on his way. C.J. says congratulations again and starts to take off, when Josh calls out to her, "Nothing to the press!" C.J. agrees and then suddenly Josh rushes through the office and says, "Claudia Jean?" (Um..."Claudia Jean"? I'm not sure but I think this is the first mention of her whole name...I suspected something more along the lines of Catherine Jane or Catherine Joanne, but whatever. And it seems strange that he chooses to use her name that way at this particular juncture.) She stops as he hangs in the doorway and he says, "We did it!" She shrieks "Yes!" again and throws her arms around him and gives him a quick, tight hug. She races off and Josh heads toward the Oval Office, with Donna chasing after him asking if he doesn't want to know about the banging in his office. He hasn't got the faintest clue what she's talking about and says he hasn't heard any banging. Donna can't understand how he could not notice such a loud noise and he says that he just didn't, because he's been "on the phone for the last hour trying to seal a deal to fill a seat on the Supreme Court, so, you know..." Donna continues on saying it was a pretty loud banging. Donna, shut up. He didn't hear the damn noise. Josh emphasizes to Donna that he's talking about the United States Supreme Court, since neither of them seem to be getting through to the other. Just then Josh passes Sam's office and Donna speeds off down another hallway. Sam comes out with, "Who da man?" and Toby's there too telling Josh, "You da man!" and slapping his hands. Josh turns around and high-fives Sam and shouts, "We da man!" Donna's lurking in the hallway and tells them as they strut past her, "This is just gross." Okay, there's a slight surfeit of testosterone but I wouldn't go so far as to call it gross, myself. The "boys" all greet Mrs. Landingham (whose name appears this time on the closed captioning as "Landingham" -- please, somebody decide what this woman's name is; personally I'm beginning to suspect it's Laningham) and they're all extremely jovial. She asks them, "is it done?" to which Josh responds, "That depends on your answer to this question, Mrs. Landingham: 'Who da man?'" Ever-patient, Mrs. L. says, "Excuse me, Josh?" as Toby chuckles in the background. (Nice to see Toby laughing.) Josh repeats his question and Mrs. L remains completely deadpan as she says, "You da man." Josh and Sam jump up and butt their chests/stomachs together in one of those male gestures that I don't quite understand, so it must emanate from sports, and both shout, "We da man!" At this point I think I've heard the phrase enough. They strut on in to the Oval Office and POTUS indicates he's heard the news and asks if it's okay to call the nominee. Leo congratulates POTUS and Jed wants to know which one of the three "boys" is "the man" on this one. Toby replies that on this one, they'd like to think of themselves collectively as "the men." POTUS calls out to Mrs. L. to make the phone call and the boys, the men, whatever, congratulate POTUS as they adjourn to Leo's office. Mandy's waiting there and as everyone comes in, tells them (in the most pleasant tone of voice I've yet heard her use on the show), "You guys rock." Sam heartily agrees that they do. Leo suggests they bring in the chairman, the ranking member from judiciary, and the leadership from both sides, and starts to tell C.J. what she should do, except he notices she's not there yet. Just then she glides up quietly from behind Leo, which prompts him to tell her she should wear a bell around her neck. She thanks him while managing not to sound too sarcastic, which is more than I might've done. But C.J. is cool. Toby begins to lay out the dog-and-pony show: C.J.'s to tell the press that the Prez will announce his nominee on Thursday at 5:00 PM. Josh wants to do it Friday to buy an extra day, but Toby and Sam both say no. Sam claims Thursday's better because "that's when people watch TV." Mandy's a little skeptical about getting everything done in four days, too, but Toby insists it can be done. Leo tells him to get the ball in the hole, to make sure it gets done. Toby's going to get it done. He da man.
As they leave Leo's office, Toby asks Josh to get him "everything." Josh protests that they already vetted the nominee for two months; Toby says they're going to vet him four more days: "I want to know every parking ticket, I want to know every girlfriend he stood up for dinner in 1953! Amanda, you're going to roll this guy out in a show that's going to make the Queen's coronation look like dinner theatre." Um, her name's Amanda now, and not Madeleine? ["When was her name Madeleine?" -- Wing Chun] Okay. At least it makes more sense with the fact that everyone calls her Mandy. And they're going to do this in four days? Okay....Toby's still issuing orders: "Sam, you're going to write the President's introduction; you're also going to write Harrison's remarks." Sam opines that Harrison isn't going to like that, which Toby brushes off with, "Show him the robe he gets; he'll like it fine." Toby tells C.J. to make sure there are no leaks, because if the name gets out before he wants it to, he says he's going to blame her and she's going to find that unpleasant. He's wagging his finger at her and raising his voice, too. Personally, it would annoy the hell out of me to be talked to that way in this context but even though she looks slightly taken aback, C.J. keeps her cool and says, "I gotta tell you Toby, you're hot when you're like this." Toby then shouts to the room at large, "I am going to put Harrison on the court! I swear to God I am!" Um, no offense, Toby, but you might have better luck keeping the name from leaking out if you weren't bellowing it all over the place, but whatever. Mandy asks C.J. to come talk with her as Sam and Josh gloat a bit.
Sam disappears into his office as Donna zooms up to Josh and tells him "it's a maintenance crew." The noise, that is. Josh probably could not be less interested and as they walk back to his office he proceeds to ramble on about "Peyton Cabot Harrison the Third" and his credentials: "Philips Exeter, Princeton, Rhodes Scholar, Harvard Law Review, for which he was, oh yeah, the editor...did I mention he was Dean of Harvard Law School? Did I mention that his father was Attorney General to Eisenhower?" Donna repeats: "Peyton Cabot Harrison the Third...Jewish fella?" Hee hee. Josh tells her she's not going to ruin this moment for him; she replies that she's sharing the moment with him. He says it's a big day for them and Donna affirms, "You're the men." Josh asks, "Do you know what we're finally gonna have?" Without missing a beat Donna cracks, "WASP-y old men on the Supreme Court?" Nyuk. (Sorry, I'm finding the usually annoying Donna funny in this scene.) Josh ignores her: "A smooth confirmation process." Donna's a little skeptical but Josh insists "it's gonna sail." Donna curiously responds, "There's many a slip 'twixt the tongue and the wrist." Erm, yes indeed. He tells her that, her "fortune cookie wisdom notwithstanding," it's going to happen. She advises him not to get his hopes up; he wants to know why he shouldn't. Donna says, "Because when it doesn't work out you end up drunk in my apartment in the middle of the night and you yell at my roommate's cats." Yeesh -- there's a picture I could have lived without. Josh does this? Like, often? Anyway, he keeps insisting everything's going to be great and nothing bad is going to happen that week; Donna keeps pushing for cautious optimism. At that very moment, a large piece of the ceiling comes crashing down and smashes right in front of Josh on his desk. As the dust settles, Josh brushes himself off and says, "Well....okay."
Roll opening credits.
In Justice Joseph Crouch's office, Crouch and POTUS are sitting in wing chairs by the window. The office is, as always, beautifully lit. I love the lighting on this show. If the offices I worked in were lit like this I might not have had constant nervous irritation brought on by fluorescent lights, but that's neither her nor there. POTUS tells Crouch he's too young to retire. Crouch, played by Mason Adams (the editor from Lou Grant) to flinty-eyed, crusty perfection, gives a wheezy chuckle and tells POTUS, "You're an excellent liar, Mr. President." Jed laughs and agrees. Crouch pauses a bit and asks if he's going with Harrison; Jed says he's on the short list. Crouch wants to know how many other names are on the short list; Jed evades the question, saying they'll make their announcement on Thursday. Crouch, clearly disappointed, sighs and says, "You've decided on Harrison." POTUS lies through his teeth and replies that he hasn't made a decision. Crouch scoffs, "You've made the call...did you even consider Mendoza?" POTUS allows that Mendoza was on the short list. Crouch snipes, "Mendoza was on the short list so you could show you had an Hispanic on the short list." POTUS denies it but Crouch is unswayed: "You ran great guns in the campaign. It was an insurgency, boy, a sight to see. And then you drove to the middle of the road the moment after you took the oath..." Jed tries to interject but Justice Crusty, I mean Crouch, continues, "The middle of the road! Nothing but a long line painted yellow." Jed is clearly becoming uncomfortable with this dressing-down (although if what Crouch says is true, I'm with Crusty on this one). It turns out Crouch wanted to retire five years earlier but wanted to wait until there was a Democrat in office. He snorts that instead of a Democrat, he got Bartlet. Jed awkwardly contemplates Crouch's words.
Outside the Supreme Court building, Danny's pacing around with some other media types as C.J. hurries toward the building. Danny, of course, is instantly all over her like a dirty shirt, about whether it's going to be Harrison. She wants to know why he keeps asking her questions he knows she's not going to answer. He's under the impression that it's a good conversation starter. C.J. cuts him off at the pass with, "I can't go out on a date with you." His comeback: "Who asked you?" Oh Dannyboy, we all know it's only a matter of moments before you do. He tries to trick her into confirming it's Harrison but she's rather too sharp to fall for it. Just for good measure he confirms one more time that she won't go out on a date with him (see?) and they part ways.
Back in Crouch's office, POTUS says, "I suppose we should get out there." But Crouch isn't ready to leave yet; he's got more to say. He's served on the bench for thirty-eight years; he took his seat the year Jed entered college, and he believes he's got a right to say a word. POTUS indicates that he's said quite a few words. Crouch retorts, "Not enough." The President tries again to end the meeting, but Crouch tells him he should take the few days and give Mendoza "the consideration he deserves." POTUS starts to promise that he'll do it when the seat opens up, but before he can finish speaking, Crouch tells Jed he'll be writing his memoirs when the seat opens up. POTUS tries to say that in three years he expects to be running for re-election, but Crouch cuts him off again with, "You're gonna get beat in three years." Jed thinks that's a little pessimistic but Crouch lectures him, "The American voters like guts. And the Republicans have got 'em. And in three years, one of them is gonna beat you." POTUS maintains his composure and replies, "You know, I imagine the view from your largely unscrutinized place in history must be very different from mine. But I'd remind you sir, that I have the following things to negotiate: an opposition Congress; special interest with power beyond belief; and a bitchy media." (Hey! I resemble that remark.) Crouch retorts, "So did Harry Truman." POTUS: "Well, I am not Harry Truman." Crouch calls him Mr. Bartlet, in case Jed hasn't quite got the point about how little respect Crouch has for him at this point, and indicates that he needn't point out that fact. ["Which was pretty funny, and made me sorry that Crouch was retiring." -- Wing Chun] POTUS weighs his response carefully, and points out, "It's Dr. Bartlet, your honour. Now, let's go start your retirement."
C.J. is still pacing around outside, waiting for the President to come out, when Danny wanders up and offers her his gloves. C.J. refuses. Danny asks her what she supposes they (Bartlet and Crouch) are talking about in there. C.J. replies that the President and Justice Crouch are old friends; Danny counters that they can't stand each other. C.J. points out that Crouch is retiring and that it's a courtesy call, and asks yet again what Danny wants from her, which of course, is dinner and a movie. C.J. declines. Danny asks her whether Crouch is pissed because the President already settled on Harrison. With a touch of "don't make me come up there" in her voice, C.J. starts, "Danny..." He leaps up and says, "I did it again!" and C.J. agrees. He then asks, "But you know what you did? You outfoxed me." C.J. tells Danny he's killing her and at that moment, a woman on a cell phone breezes by them and says, "Here we go." Danny takes off in the direction that cell phone woman is heading and C.J. takes off up the steps.
Josh's office. He and Donna are staring up at his ceiling. Josh says, "That was inches from my head." Donna and Josh dispute for a minute about whether or not the ceiling cracked open inches from his head. She points out he's fine, but Josh mutters, "Yeah, but...there but for the grace of God, you know what I'm saying?" Donna acknowledges his point. He then proceeds to inform her that he really thinks that if big chunks of the ceiling are going to come down on anyone, "it should be you." (I daresay some viewers probably agree.) ["I know I do, because...damn." -- Wing Chun] Donna's not surprised and tells him so. Josh then says that he wants her to test his office before he comes in every morning. Before she can lob any witticisms in his direction, Mandy arrives and Donna exits, reminding Josh of the meeting he has in ten minutes. Josh asks Mandy if she "see[s] this" indicating the ceiling. Mandy, who couldn't care less, says "yeah." Josh is back on "inches from my head" but Mandy wants information. "Why is Lillienfield holding a press conference?" ["Without the benefit of closed captions, I thought she was saying 'Lillian Fields.'" -- Wing Chun] Josh shrugs, "Who cares?" Mandy does and asks the question again. Josh says he doesn't know and Mandy asks if Lillienfield is unhappy about something. Josh glibly states that "he's always unhappy about something," and then bellows pretty loudly to Donna, "Where's my East Asia memo?" From outside his office we can hear Donna reply, "It's right here." Mandy tells Josh, "It starts in two minutes." Josh, thoroughly uninterested in Mandy's concerns, asks, "What starts in two minutes?" The press conference, Josh. Suddenly he's bellowing again, "That's okay, Donna, I'll just come and get it myself!" as he heads out of his office. As he reaches the door, we can hear Donna calling again, "Keep your pants on, Joshua, I'm on my way." At least it sounds like she calls him Joshua, which for some reason strikes me as amusing. Woo, Donna made me laugh again. Josh, who was probably pretty happy to go get the memo if it got him away from Mandy, wanders back toward his desk. Mandy tells Josh that she's just saying they don't need any surprises today. Josh assures her that there aren't going to be any surprises. Mandy says that she's putting on a show and she doesn't want to get upstaged, which Josh insists will not happen. Mandy takes off just as Donna comes in with Josh's memo. Except she's holding the memo out in front of her with her arm at a strangely high and awkward angle, and walking in an odd way too; the combination of which vaguely reminds me of Carol Burnett's Mrs. Wiggins character. I have no idea what that's about but it sure is weird, although not exactly "Department of Silly Walks" weird. Josh thanks her for the memo and tells her that she should be nice to him, -- that he could be dead. Donna smiles and replies that she doesn't have that kind of luck and disappears, walking normally again.
Sam arrives in Toby's office. Toby gives Sam his task: "I would like you to play up that as a lifelong Democrat he clerked for a Republican and I would like you to play down that he has never written a judicial opinion on abortion or revealed his thinking on Roe." (For those of you who are young, uninformed, or not American, the legal reference is to Roe v. Wade, the case which established the right to abortion in the United States.) Sam responds that he's already doing just that and Toby thanks him. Sam's attention is grabbed by the image on the TV in Toby's office: "What's this?" It's Lillienfield's conference. Toby dismisses it as the completely uninteresting complaints of Lillienfield. Sam goes back to his office and Toby's got his head back in his work. On TV Lillienfield is complaining about the quality of current White House staffers, which claims a fragment of Toby's attention. Lillienfield basically disses them as "Ivy League liberals" and "Hollywood darlings" which Toby's no doubt heard before, so he's unmoved. But then Lillienfield goes on to claim that one in three White House staffers has used drugs on a regular basis. He makes a point of saying he's not talking about aspirin or decongestants. Toby's hand is instantly on the phone dialing an internal extension and he mutters, "Get her." The shot is C.J.'s secretary knocking and opening the door at the same time, revealing C.J. still standing in her coat, watching one of her four televisions. Without even looking up, she says, "Tell him I'm watching." On screen, Lillienfield is still blathering on and you can just about hear C.J.'s stomach acid burbling. ["Not coincidentally, I'm sure, the little Lillienfield on the TV looks a lot like Newt Gingrich." -- Wing Chun]
In a hallway, C.J. and Leo are walking and talking. Leo is incredulous: "'One in three'? He said one in three White House staffers were on drugs? Where does he gets these stats? I mean, where does he pull them from?" C.J. responds, "Out of the clear blue sky, but that doesn't matter." As they arrive at his office, Leo asks Margaret whether someone is getting him a tape of the press conference, and Margaret tells him that it's being done. Mandy is waiting in Leo's office and naturally the first words out of her mouth are, "This isn't happening to me!" Yes Mandy, it's all about you. Leo advises her to "stay cool". Sam arrives with a couple of questions: "Is it possible for Peter Lillienfield to be a bigger jackass? Do you think if he tried hard there's room for him to be a slightly bigger horse's ass than he's being right now?" C.J.: "At some point you hit your head on the ceiling, don't you?" Sam counters with, "I think there's unexplored potential." Heh. Josh comes in right after Sam and asks what's up. He states: "Five White House staffers in the room right now. I would like say to the 1.6 of you who are stoned right now that it's time to share." Laughs and smiles from everyone except Mandy, who tells him this isn't funny. Josh chides her, "Mandy, if you can't laugh at this then you're just not having enough fun in show business." Mandy starts to protest but Josh says, "He's a featherweight, Mandy! He's a hairdo." Sam declares that if Lillienfield "put his shoulder into it, he could be a slightly bigger gasbag." Toby strides in: "There was no way you saw this coming?" Leo cautions him, "Toby..." Toby, calmly: "Leo, I know I'm in your office, forgive me." Toby, yelling: "But nobody saw this coming?" C.J. snaps: "Yeah, I can't believe my psychic didn't tell me, Toby. Rest assured I'm going to get my twenty bucks back!" Leo wants to talk about strategies for handling it. Josh says for the short term -- just categorically deny it and move on. Both Mandy and C.J. protest that C.J. can't do that. C.J. lays out the scenario for Josh. Since more than thirteen hundred people work for the White House, it's not exactly impossible that some of them use(d) drugs. Mandy plays along and helps C.J. explain why categorically denying the charges is just not a tenable position. Toby, hands in his pockets and head against the door frame, asks, "Are we done with Masterpiece Theatre?" Leo tells C.J. that the official position for now is that they're looking into it. Josh, disturbed, asks, "We're not actually looking into it, are we?" Leo's dead serious: "Yes." Josh thinks it must be a joke but before Leo can reply Margaret calls him away and he leaves the meeting in Toby's hands.
Cut to the hallway: Toby is walking away going over C.J.'s angles for the briefing: President paid courtesy call to Crouch, short list of nominees, Ed Harrison's on the list, the nominee will be introduced on Thursday at 5:00 PM. With regard to the Lillienfield drug use allegations, she's to allow that she's heard about it but wants to look into it before she comments; they like to keep these things off the President's desk until they measure the credibility of the person causing the stink. Toby sends her off with a "Good girl," which mildly annoys me but because it's Toby I'm gonna let it go. Mandy's yapping at his heels about making sure that Harrison doesn't get bumped
as the top story. Josh and Sam appear just as Toby tells her they're not going to postpone anything. Mandy suggests ending things fast, and Josh wants to know how. Toby apparently doesn't want to hear it and he orders her back to work. Josh wants to hear her idea but Toby shuts him up with a firm "Hey!" and again orders Mandy back to work. She's undeterred, naturally; she suggests drug tests. She feels Lillienfield won't go away until they do. Josh is outraged and says they're not taking drug tests. Toby to Josh: "Shut up." He does. Toby to Mandy: "Go." She does. Toby to Sam: "Go back to doing what you're doing." He does. Toby would be a good school principal. Josh comes back at him and Toby hands him a fun job: "What do we know? What do they know?" Josh freaks. "You're not making me...I'm not going to be the internal affairs cop around here!" (Would Toby have this authority? Doesn't Josh report to Leo?) Josh tells Toby if he wants to know who's doing what around there he can ask them himself. Toby's not taking any crap from Josh; he says they're taking water over the side. Josh objects that he's not indifferent to that, but there's a principle involved. Toby snaps, "No, there's not. Not this week. We've been doing this for a year and all we've gotten is a year older. Our job approval's 48% and I think that number's soft and I'm tired of being the field captain for the gang that couldn't shoot straight! We're getting this done!" Josh hangs his head a bit. Toby reiterates: "What do we know, what do they know? Start with me if you want." He turns away into his office as Josh looks at him dejectedly.Tuesday morning. Probably pretty early, since no one's around. Sam's asleep at his desk, presumably having been there all night. He listens to what the caller has to say and finally asks the person's name. They seem reluctant to give it and Sam says, "I'm not a cop. What's your name?" Sam takes off to meet his caller, stumbling on one of the boxes of Harrison's writings on his way out. ["I assumed he was off to meet his call girl pal." -- Wing Chun]
Cut to Leo and POTUS walking together; Jed's saying a quick confirmation is going to be good for them. Leo says, "Ritter says we'll get unanimous approval out of committee and ninety votes in the Senate," which POTUS describes as a blow-out. He and Leo are both very happy about it. As they enter POTUS's office, Leo tells him Harrison's getting in late that night. Charlie's in the Oval Office and Jed tells him to find out what kind of cigars Harrison likes, what kind of perfume his wife likes, and to have both sent to his hotel. Charlie says, "Back channels, sir?" Jed confirms this. Leo's worried about the media staking out hotels and looking for gifts coming from the White House. POTUS poo-poos that and says they're using "back channels." He wants to know what the heck is going on with Lillienfield. Leo tells POTUS, "You're staying out of it." POTUS is fine with that. He asks Leo, "We're going to get this done, right?" Leo assures him they will. Mrs. L. comes in pointing to her watch, and Jed's off and racing to another meeting. As Leo heads to his office, the Prez has one more question. "We looked at everybody, right?" Leo's a little confused. "Sir?" "The short list...we looked at Mendoza?" Leo says that they looked at Mendoza, but they fixed on Harrison. Jed relents, "Aw, yeah, you're right. I'll see you later." Still, he decides to pay Toby a little private visit, and requests that Toby put together some information on Roberto Mendoza. Toby's clearly nervous about the direction POTUS is taking, and tells POTUS that it's natural to have second thoughts. POTUS says he just wants to be able to "know something" and to be able to answer the many questions he'll get with something better than "we had a Hispanic on the short list." Toby's not sure what sort of information POTUS wants. Jed wants to know the reason they didn't go with Mendoza. Toby's answer to that is "'cause Harrison said 'yes.'" POTUS says, "Let's do better than that." I should hope so. The Prez also wants to know what's going on with "this drug thing"; Toby warns him with a wave of his hand, "You don't want a piece of that." Jed says he'll trust him on that. He leaves as Sam comes back in. Sam goes to directly to Toby's office where Toby is muttering about having to look at Mendoza. Sam's straight to the point: he's picked up some information and it's not good. And it's not about the drugs, it's about Harrison. Toby, whose day is just getting better by the minute, tells Sam as he tosses his papers down on the desk, "Close the door."
Back in Toby's office, he's reading the document Sam's brought him. Sam explains that it's an "unsigned note," a paper that every member of law review is required to prepare, running forty or so pages, well-researched, footnoted, supervised by faculty and then published without the author's name. Toby's skeptical that this note was actually written by Harrison, though Sam insists. Toby shouts, "What, I'm supposed to just trust 'the guy on the phone'?" Sam points out that he's spent the last three months reading everything Harrison's ever written and he's absolutely sure Harrison's the author. You can tell Toby knows Sam is probably right, and Toby calls his secretary Bonnie in and tells her, "I'm going to need the five minutes the President's got." She's right on it.
Cut to Donna and Josh speeding down another hallway. Donna's asking how Lillienfield gets his information. Turns out he's on the House Government Oversight Committee and has access to background information on staffers. Donna tells her boss he shouldn't feel odd about interviewing her.
Josh: I met you, I talked to you, I hired you. You know anybody around here who uses drugs?
Donna: Yes.
Josh: You want to tell me who they are?
Donna: No.
Josh: Consider yourself interviewed.
You go, Josh! Apparently though, he has seen her records, and reminds her that she needs to learn that "no parking" means "no parking." Donna pleads that sometimes she can't find a space (that makes you special? Take a number, already), and goes back to her desk. In Josh's office Mandy is lying in wait and without so much as a howdy-do, declares, "We have everybody take a drug test and be done with it." Way to uphold personal freedom and the right to privacy, Mandy. Josh wants to know what makes her think everyone there can pass a drug test. Mandy thinks whoever can't, knows it and will quietly resign. Josh laughs and says, "Okay, problem solved." Mandy: "What is wrong in this day and age with demonstrating that the White House is drug-free? What is wrong with giving people that comfort?" Josh blasts her: "I would think that in this day and age people would be more comfortable knowing that they will not now, nor will they ever be forced to turn over evidence against themselves." Damn straight. He also tells Mandy that he knows her position is all about preserving the spotlight for the dog-and-pony show surrounding the nomination. Mandy counters that if the brouhaha regarding Lillienfield's accusations is bungled, they won't have to struggle to find the spotlight. Josh sighs and leans against the table to where Mandy's perched, and asks, "So what do you think's really going on here?" Neither of them know, which, Mandy says, is what's making her nervous. She tells Josh. "It's time to talk to whoever you talk to." Josh agrees, hands her his coffee, and leaves.
In the scene, C.J. is fielding questions from reporters at a briefing. A woman is asking her whether there's any reason to believe White House staffers regularly use illegal drugs. C.J. patiently replies, "For those who didn't understand me the first nine times, we are looking into this." A man asks her whether she uses drugs. She answers that she doesn't, although if I had her job I bet I would be driven to substance use, between the "bitchy media," Danny, negotiating the intricacies of staff politics, and Danny. Did I mention Danny? A snippy little blonde starts to ask C.J. about the whole twenty-four hours that have passed since Lillienfield's allegations surfaced but C.J. cuts her off: "We've got over thirteen hundred people on the payroll, Chris. That's a lot of information to gather, and it's not like we were loaded with free time before. And let me just add, that as no one and nothing here has been subpoenaed, and as Mr. Lillienfield has offered nothing to support his very bizarre claim, we're not feeling a real need to get this done." Take that, Blondie. C.J. escapes any more stupid questions by ending the briefing. As she zooms out of the room, she says to an assistant, "Set fire to the room. Do it now." The staffer smiles and writes on her clipboard. How much does our girlfriend rock?
Naturally, who's right behind her like a desperate lawyer after an ambulance? Danny "If at first you don't succeed" Concannon's come to tell her she made a "bit of a blunder" back there. Is he, perhaps, referring to her failure to ram his press pass down his throat? Nope. He claims she's now challenged Lillienfield to present evidence, and wants to know if she really wanted to be the first one to use the word "subpoena." She starts to talk about the context in which she used the word but he contends it's the only word anybody is going to read in the media reports. C.J.: "I really don't need your tips, Danny." He asserts that she does but that's not why he's there. Why is he there? All together now: to ask her out yet again. This guy is a real glutton for rejection. He mentions there's a Knicks game on the night, to which she sputters, "I don't have time to go to a basketball game!" Danny: "Neither do I. Which is why I thought we could watch it in your office, while I explain it to you in a patronizing manner, 'cause I know it's something women usually like." This gets a little smile out of C.J., but since her back is to Danny, he doesn't see it. She gives him a "thank you anyway," but he continues, "You understand I'll talk slow and explain it in a way a girl would appreciate?" But C.J.'s brushed him off and is leaving the area. Suddenly Josh is standing at the other end of the office and whispers, "Danny. You got a minute?" Danny looks off in the direction C.J. went, decides that's a lost cause, at least for the moment, and suggests that Josh walk him to his car.
Cut to a sidewalk. Josh is trying to find out if Danny has any information. Danny's a little annoyed with this and points out that it's not only not his job to help Josh out, but that he'd lose his job for helping Josh out. Danny then says that Lillienfield's "a jackass, but he's not stupid." Josh's take on it is that Lillienfield's got something, but it must be small, just enough to get the rock rolling down the mountain. Josh wonders what the target is; the nomination? Danny answers that he thought so too, but "Harrison's going to sail by no matter what." Josh tells him that no one's said it's Harrison, which Danny laughs off. Danny's point is that Lillienfield is not going to waste this ammunition on a done deal; he's after something better. Josh thanks him and starts to walk the other way; Danny calls out to him: "This is one of those times, man. Don't screw this up." Josh looks thoughtful and then throws Danny a bone: "C.J. likes goldfish." Danny's puzzled: "What?" "She likes goldfish. Can't get enough of'em." As Josh disappears, Danny yells, "Thanks!" and looks pretty damn happy to have this tidbit. ["I totally saw the C.J.-Danny plot twist coming from this point." -- Wing Chun]
The Oval Office. POTUS is reading a particularly strong statement from the unsigned note, regarding Harrison's belief that the government is entitled to invade the privacy of the individual unless specifically prohibited by a provision of the Constitution. Yikes. Sam and Toby are standing there, too, and POTUS wants to know this hasn't ever been brought up until now. Jed can't believe that after two months of vetting this clown (okay, he doesn't use the word "clown") that the guy doesn't believe in a privacy guarantee, and that it never came up. Toby points out that it was never an issue in any ruling Harrison handed down (seems unlikely, but I'm not an expert, so who knows?). Toby's also still harping that they can't be certain Harrison wrote the note, and moreover, he states that he doesn't think they can hold him responsible for something he wrote twenty-nine years ago. Sam asserts that they're certainly not going to be able to hold him responsible if they put him in the bench, where the privacy issue will almost certainly arise. Jed says he wants Harrison in there first thing in the morning, and tells Toby and Sam that he doesn't care when either of them last slept, to get ready for this. I notice nobody's yelling about who da man is now. Sam and Toby leave and POTUS opens the door connecting his office to Leo's; Leo's in the middle of a meeting but asks the other attendees to give them the room. The President, in a tone of voice Leo obviously will know better than to argue with, tells Leo he wants to meet Mendoza. Leo: "Yes, sir."
Wednesday morning. Sam, Mandy and Toby are lurking outside the President's office. Mandy's wearing a turtleneck and pantsuit that look very similar to what C.J. was wearing on Monday, although I must say, I think she looks a lot better in a pantsuit than the skirted suits she mostly seems to wear. Toby wonders if Mendoza knows why he's coming in. Mandy's made up some cock-and-bull story about being interviewed for the President's Commission on Hispanic Opportunity.
Toby: Is there such a thing as the President's...?
Mandy: It's the best could do on short notice, Toby.
Toby: Fine.
Mandy: I had to make a letterhead.
Toby: That must have taxed your considerable creativity.
Inside the Oval Office, Jed's confronting Harrison (who's played by Ken "White Shadow" Howard!) with the unsigned note and asking whether he's the author. He admits writing it. Jed launches into a brief story about a paper he wrote when he was twenty-six that nearly got him thrown out of the London School of Economics. "I was young and stupid and trying to make some noise." Harrison doesn't grasp at this excuse. POTUS then asks Charlie to bring Sam and Toby in to talk about it. Out in the hallway, Josh is confronting Toby about Harrison. He wants to know when Toby was going to tell him. Toby points out that he doesn't report to Josh, and that Harrison wrote the note a long time ago. Josh accuses Toby of not caring whether Harrison's changed his mind about a privacy guarantee, and of "painting a picture for the President." Toby says that the President can paint his own picture, to which Josh retorts, "Yeah, but he listens to you." Josh wonders when they got the idea that Harrison was their guy, since he was never one they used to talk about. There's not really any time for that painful discussion, since Charlie calls Toby into the President's office.
Cut to Leo's office. Margaret sticks her head in and asks if he has a moment for Josh. He does, and when Josh comes in, there's a bit of awkwardness. Leo tries to make it a little easier for Josh: "I guess you're the guy with the worst job in the building this week, hmm?" Josh lets out a half-hearted laugh and shakes his head. He tells Leo that one while interrogating an intern, "she broke down crying while telling me about a bong she had made out of an eggplant." Leo snorts a little: "You can do that?" Josh: "I used to use a potato." Leo: "You've always been industrious." Hee. (This all comes as news to me; but then, what I know about creative drug use wouldn't fill a bong made out of a Bing cherry.) Josh then tries again, mentioning the type of staffers Lillienfield's not after. He then asks, "Leo, you know the worst kept secret in Washington is that...you're a recovering alcoholic, right?" Leo doesn't flinch: "I had a hunch." Josh alludes to Leo's "Boston Irish Catholic" roots, and to a time and place when a "drinking problem wasn't a problem," and says that he doesn't think this is what Lillienfield is after. Josh asks Leo if he was maybe into something that wasn't so acceptable. (I can't imagine having to ask most of my former bosses this question.) Leo's quiet for a bit and then admits: "Pills." He's had treatment for it but maintains that those records are confidential. Josh feels sure that Lillienfield must have them. Leo has a pretty scared look as Josh reassures him; "You're Leo McGarry. You're not going to be taken down by this...small fraction of a man. I won't permit it." He leaves as Leo stares into space, imagining his career going down the tubes, hardly hearing Josh. Poor Leo. You better go, Josh.
After the commercials, it's back to the Oval Office, where Sam and Toby and Jed are grilling Harrison. Harrison's position is that judges are bound to interpret the constitution with the strict parameters set out by that text; the right to privacy is not enshrined therein. Sam points out that the right to privacy lives in certain passages of various amendments. Harrison agrees but takes the position that the framers of the constitution deliberately named those rights means that privacy was not intended to be a de facto right. Sam counters that the Bill of Rights was only meant to codify the most crucial rights, not to limit all others. Harrison snottily tells Sam, "I do this for a living, Mr. Seaborn." Sam: "So do I, your Honour." Jed butts in: "Peyton, do I have the right to put on an ugly plaid jacket and a loud polka-dot tie and walk down Main Street?" (Yes, but with all due respect, Mr. President, please don't do that.) Harrison allows that he does, and that such right is protected by the First Amendment. Jed then wants to know whether he would have any objection to, for example, the state of New Hampshire banning the use of cream in coffee, a right not protected by freedom of expression. Harrison admits he'd have a strong objection but would not have any constitutional basis upon which to strike down the law if the case was brought before him.
Cut to C.J.'s office, where she's reading the newspapers. Danny appears in the doorway (apparently, the only place in the White House he does not get to roam freely is the Oval Office) bearing a bowl with a goldfish in it. She admits right off the bat that he was right -- the word "subpoena" appears in the lead of every story about the briefing in every newspaper...except his. Danny says, "That's just 'cause I couldn't spell it." Heh. C.J. asks what he's holding, although it's pretty self-evident. He says it's a goldfish and she asks the better question, "Why?" He tells her it's for her, and her puzzled reaction prompts him to add that Josh told him she liked goldfish. She looks at the fish for a moment, and then snorts and bursts out laughing. (Allison Janney has a great laugh.) C.J. continues laughing and Danny looks confused and crestfallen and I have to admit, I felt a little bad for him. She explains, "The crackers, Danny. The cheese things that you have at a party?" She's still giggling. Danny replies, "Aw...well. I'm not 100% sure I was supposed to know that." She repeats, "The crackers, Danny." He's all, well fine, I got me a goldfish. C.J.'s still laughing her butt off and says, "Give it to me. You'll kill it." Danny asks her if she thinks he can't take of a goldfish. C.J.: "I absolutely do not." She holds the bowl up to look at it and Danny tells her its name is Gail. C.J. seems charmed by this: "You named it Gail?" Danny shrugs: "No, the guy in the store." She sets the bowl on her desk, still laughing. She tells him to come here, and he leans over the desk and she gives him a little smooch on his left cheek. "Thanks for the fish!" Danny is clearly surprised that for once, he hasn't pissed her off. He says, "Keep your head in the game." Hmm? Whatever. Also for once, he has the sense to leave while he's ahead. C.J. sits down, and laughs some more, looking at Gail. I admit, I like Danny a wee bit better now. (I'm a sucker for a romantic gesture.)
Back in the President's office, they're still hashing things out. Sam quotes a particularly juicy bit from 1787, at which time a significant group opposed the bill of rights.
Sam: This is what a member of the Georgia delegation had to say by way of opposition: "If we list a set of rights, some fools in the future are going to claim that people are entitled only to those rights enumerated and no others." The framers knew...
Peyton: Are you calling me a fool, Mr. Seaborn?
Sam: I wasn't calling you a fool, sir. The brand-new state of Georgia was.
Hee! Harrison restates his position that laws must emanate from the Constitution; Toby wants to know who's going to enforce natural laws. Frankly, Peyton Cabot Harrison the Third doesn't give a damn about that; he declares "this sideshow" over, and says he finds this line of questioning "very rude." Sam quips, "Well, then, you're really going to enjoy meeting the U.S. Senate." Harrison laughs that off and starts to blather about how each side here needs the other equally, quoting polls and the way he was courted. He's furious to have been "taken to school by some kid." POTUS tells Harrison that Sam was only doing what he told Sam to do. Harrison looks a bit uncomfortable and mentions how, as such a well-credentialed man, he's unaccustomed to this sort of questioning. POTUS asks Harrison to give them a bit of time; Harrison shakes his hand and vamooses. I'm thinking, Peyton not da man. Sam mutters, "Put him on a bus." Toby complains that they're throwing away a guaranteed confirmation over a thirty-year-old document no one else will ever know about but them. POTUS asks, "You don't think the guy who called Sam would know how to call a senator's office?" Toby starts, "Mr. President, if this is really about abortion..." Sam interrupts and delivers a mini-speech on how it's not about abortion, it's about how privacy will be a key issue for the twenty years, and the will to be free, and so forth. Toby agrees to meet Mendoza.
Josh is staring out his office window. Mandy knocks and tells him they're meeting with Mendoza, and she thinks she'll just go kill herself now. (Don't taunt us, Mandy.) He asks her if she really thinks Mendoza would be a bad justice; she responds that she thinks he'd make a great justice, but a lousy nominee. Josh can't see why, but she brings up his liberal rulings around same-sex marriage and free-speech issues. Mandy further claims that Mendoza is just not America's idea of a Supreme Court Justice, and runs down the various backgrounds of each candidate. Harrison, of course, was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth, attending lots of expensive private schools; Mendoza, who went to public schools, became a cop and once he was shot on the job, attended night school to become an attorney, working his way up to Federal District Judge. Josh asserts that Mendoza is "brilliant, decisive, compassionate, and experienced." He thinks Mandy doesn't have enough faith in the American public, but she retorts that it's in the White House senior staff that she has no faith. She's worried about Mendoza's being a hard sell, and that if the Lillienfield stuff flies, she feels it could cripple them for a year or more. Josh feels that sooner or later they've got to win one of their political battles; why not make it a good one? Mandy: "I still hate you." Josh: "Whatever." Word.
Cut to Edward James Olmos/Roberto Mendoza coming down the hallway with a couple of aides. Margaret tells a junior staffer who he is, mainly for the audience's benefit. Cut to Harrison, pacing around in a room while Charlie babysits him. Harrison tells Charlie that his presence is unnecessary; Charlie responds that POTUS asked him to stay with him in case he needs anything. Charlie offers to stay outside if Harrison would prefer, which (no surprise) Harrison would. As Charlie's leaving to get Harrison some coffee, Mr. Silver Spoon says Charlie looks familiar and wonders if they've met before. Turns out that Charlie was a caddy for three summers at a golf course Harrison frequented; at this point, Harrison remembers his name. When Charlie leaves, Harrison stares in a way that gives me the creeps.
Back in the President's office, they're interviewing Mendoza. Sam asks about a note he has that says that Mendoza's rulings have been upheld more than any other district judge in the country; Mendoza replies that he guesses that's what comes of being right most of the time. POTUS laughs. Leo interrupts to ask to speak to POTUS (which I found strange; wouldn't Leo wait until an interview with a Supreme Court Justice candidate was finished?); Jed excuses himself into Leo's office. Leo tells the Prez he expects trouble from Lillienfield. Jed obviously knows all about Leo's past troubles with drugs; but he agrees with Josh about "getting through it."
Jed: Did you have a drink yesterday?
Leo: No, sir.
Jed: Are you going to have a drink today?
Leo: No, sir.
Jed: That's all you ever have to say to me.
Leo's still worried about the trouble it's going to cause; Jed's loyalty to Leo, however, is unshaken.
When POTUS returns to his office, Charlie's also there waiting and Jed asks if Harrison "got off okay." Charlie confirms this, and I say to the TV, "Right on! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya," (tm somebody on Hissyfit). Charlie also advises him that there's a bit of a crowd building outside his office; word seems to have leaked out. Sam has no more questions, and Mendoza remarks, "This is not an easy commission to get appointed to." Toby has a question: "Without knowing details or special circumstances, what would you say of someone refusing to take a drug test at the order of the President?" Mendoza considers this and replies that, without showing cause, it constitutes an illegal search and he would order the employee's reinstatement. Rock on, Your Honour. Toby gives POTUS a sidelong glance and Jed says, "Toby?" Toby: "Sold." Seeing that he's got the support of everyone in the room (Leo, Toby, Sam), POTUS asks Mendoza if it would surprise him to learn that he had been shortlisted for the position of Supreme Court Justice. Mendoza responds that it would. Jed: "Well then, this is gonna knock your socks off!" He tells Mendoza that he's going to name him as his nominee for the position on the bench; and furthermore, having learned his lesson in hiring Toby, tells Mendoza right up front, "You are not the first choice, but you are the last one, and the right one." Mendoza says he will accept the nomination "with honour." They all stand to shake hands; Toby advises him that it will be an "excruciating fight," but one which he has no intention of losing. They all agree they're up for a "good fight" and Jed opens the door to the hallway, announcing, "Mr Justice Mendoza!" He graciously gestures Mendoza to walk ahead of him and the fifty or so staffers lurking around outside the office applaud wildly and shake Mendoza's hand and congratulate him.