By Deborah
Previously on The West Wing: oh, it's just all about Ainsley -- good old Republican Ainsley-with-an-N -- as sincere, earnest and dutiful as a golden retriever, but with an even more lovely coat.
C.J.'s fielding questions at a press briefing. She first assures us that a Mr. Konanov will not be meeting with anyone of great importance during his visit to the White House; he will only be speaking with some of the President's advisors in the Balkans. A reporter states that Senator-elect Morgan Mitchell plans to seek a seat on the Foreign Relations Committee and that that he'll block a vote on the Test Ban Treaty and prevent it from coming to the floor. C.J. states that they will have a ratified Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty. Another reporter says Mitchell says that will be over his dead body. Well, any way he wants it, I guess. C.J. replies that she thinks that Mitchell (to whom she refers as a "freshman") will find that his power is considerably more limited than he imagines. "The new Senate will ratify the treaty, and we really don't care what condition his body is in when..." Danny and a bunch of other reporters interrupt. Danny asks whether the President has considered ordering a lame-duck session so the current Senate can ratify the treaty. C.J. says, "Okay, anybody but Danny." Danny persists, and C.J. snaps, "No!" She says that she doesn't know POTUS's every thought, but that there have been no discussions that she's aware of; Danny wants to know for sure and requests that she check it out and get back to them about it. C.J. tersely says, "You bet. Who's ?"
Suddenly we're watching C.J. on the monitor in Josh's office and he tells Donna, "She walked into it. She knows it, too." He explains to Donna that she "can't confirm that the President hasn't considered it unless she asks the President if he's considered it, at which point he'll have considered it." Donna thinks that sounds pretty stupid. Josh claims that "it was a better organized thought when it was in my head." As they pedeconference, Donna asks if POTUS has considered it. Josh says he hasn't, and asks why he should. Donna blathers for a couple of seconds about that and immediately switches tracks to her concern du jour, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. Josh complains about how she changes subjects so quickly and wants to know how she does it. Donna simply says, "Because I'm me." She asks if he knows how many people acquire carpal tunnel syndrome. Neither Josh nor I know exactly, although I bet a significant number of them are recappers of wordy TV shows. I'm just saying. Donna says that it's six hundred thousand Americans a year, and asks if he knows how painful it is. Josh glibly replies, "Donna, in the scheme of things, who really cares..." at which point she grabs his ear and pinches it firmly. She asks her question again and Josh says, "Yes, yes, yes, yes." She lets go and elaborates, "Pain in your forearm. No grip. You lose the ability to pinch. Josh: "People who lose the ability to pinch. I gotta tell you, I don't know from where they summon the will to go on." Donna informs him, "You guys are on the wrong side of this." Josh wonders if Donna isn't one of "you guys." She says, "Not on this."
Donna disappears into a doorway on Josh's left as C.J. appears to Josh's right. He starts to talk to her; she says she knows she walked right into it, and that there was no other direction to walk. "Please, just answer 'no' to this question: has the President considered it?" Josh says he hasn't; C.J.'s happy about that. Josh equivocates: "Not that I know of." C.J.'s irked; Josh says no again. Sam appears and says that POTUS should consider it. C.J. says Mitchell won't get a seat on Foreign Relations, and that there isn't a seat open. There's a lot of roundabout regarding the various musical chairs that could be played out on various committees which would in fact create an open seat on Foreign Relations. C.J. still doesn't think that means Mitchell will get it; Sam says he will because no one else is going to want it. Toby, who recently wandered up, says that's because there's no money in it; the Foreign Relations Committee has no control over any money, so there are no lobbyists and no fundraisers involved. C.J. cites the Constitution on the calling of lame-duck sessions, mentioning that "extraordinary circumstances" have to be involved. Josh asks, "It's a treaty that's vital to national and global security. What kind of extraordinary circumstances do you have in mind?" Sam thinks they have no chance of ratifying it with the new Congress, and adds that while he's never lived through a "massive nuclear explosion of radiation decimating all forms of life within a two hundred mile radius, [he's] seen pictures, and [he] couldn't agree with Josh more in his interpretation of the 'extraordinary circumstances' clause in the Constitution." Toby asks whether Leo's free now; Josh glances at a clock and says he will be in five minutes. C.J. insists that the people are gone, Congress has been adjourned, twelve of them were voted out of office, and that if POTUS calls a lame-duck session it's going to look like politics. Toby says that it is politics. C.J. asks what they're going to tell the twelve people who are out there looking for new jobs. Toby: "They may not be done with their old ones yet." C.J. goes off to her office. Josh looks in Toby's direction; fade to credits.
It's 10:15 AM. C.J., Toby, Josh, and Sam are all in the Oval Office with Leo and POTUS, bickering about the musical chairs on the various committees and the calling of a lame-duck session, in the guise of informing POTUS about what's going on. Jed listens to them all talking over one another and says, "It's like running the country with Barnum, Bailey, and his sister Sue." He asks Leo if it would be possible for just two of the staffers to speak at once. Toby gets the go-ahead. Toby says, "That was an hour-and-ten-minute meeting with Dick Rush, Ed, Marty Beach, and Henry Rodriguez. I've never seen both political and legislative liaisons so unanimous in a diagnosis." All those guys think he should call the session. Sam starts to jump in but Leo reprimands him. Toby further proposes that C.J. can tell the press that other countries are looking to the U.S. to ratify the treaty first, and the longer they wait to do so, the closer they get to having unstable countries like Pakistan develop a nuclear threat. Leo asks for arguments against the session. Sam says they might lose the vote, which would hang around their necks for two years. Josh adds that the Senate will be pissed off, which might stall confirmations. C.J. thinks that a Senator-elect announcing what committee he'd like to join doesn't fulfill the conditions the founders of the country had in mind for "extraordinary circumstances." Sam says that an extraordinary occasion is whatever POTUS says it is. Josh, Sam and C.J. all bicker vigorously about that while Leo looks uncomfortable and Jed bellows for Charlie, out in his cubicle. Charlie appears. "Could I have a couple of aspirin, or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?" Leo states that trying to get a hundred senators in a line is like "trying to get cats to walk in a parade," which makes me laugh. Leo suggests taking the temperature of the leadership on the lame-duck session, and getting a nose count, presumably on the votes they can count on. Toby tells C.J. to leak it to the press that the President is considering on calling the Senate back, and Leo adds that the source is big enough so that the media goes with it, but small enough that they're not tied to it. They all get up, and Leo asks what else. Josh says the State Department wants permission to change "rogue nations" to "states of concern." Leo: "Not now. What else?" Toby says, "Medicare coverage of clinical trials." Leo: "Not now. What else?" Sam says, "Fraud awareness for small business owners." Leo: "Not now. Anything else?" He tells the four of them to wait in his office. They troop off and Leo stays to speak with Jed, who asks when Konanov is getting there. Leo says that he'll be there in a few minutes, and confirms that he's not having any meetings with high-level officials. Leo says that Jed doesn't want to call this vote and lose; Jed says they could win and they have to see if it's doable. Leo goes into his office but before the Katzenjammer Kids can start babbling at him, he tells them there's going to be an editorial in the Post tomorrow: the President's time isn't being used efficiently, schedules are abandoned before lunch, the West Wing resembles a high school yearbook office, and Leo is compared to a substitute teacher. C.J. is incredulous and complains that that makes four such editorials in two weeks. Sam opines that that's ridiculous. Leo says it's not, based on the display he just saw in the Oval Office. Leo lays down a new law: if they need an answer from the President, they have to provide Leo with a summary not exceeding two pages and they have to have his initials on it before they go into the Oval Office. Holy bureaucracy, Batman. Josh objects that a two-page summary is going to cramp their style. Leo: "Your style could use a little cramping." They reluctantly accept this. I can't imagine that will last long. Leo tells Toby and Sam to take some meetings on the Hill. Toby's to concentrate on votes that can be loosened with Stenson gone, and Sam's to dangle "reservations" in front of them. C.J.'s to start the leak. He tells them if any of them see Vasily Konanov in the halls, to walk in the other direction.
Out in the hall, Sam complains that he can't unleash his full potential in a two-page summary. Toby says that he's going to meet with Fox and Fowler, which sounds like the name of an English pub or a textile company or something, and that Sam's going to the Hill. Toby thinks he can get Fox and Fowler to loosen up some votes, if he can ever get them to order lunch off the damn menu, and complains he's never seen grown men order lunch the way these two do. Toby thinks that it's not out of the realm of possibility that Sam's meeting gets them eight votes. Josh says that if their bosses want to speak to POTUS, he's sitting by the phone. Toby emphasizes to Sam that it's not an unimportant meeting. Sam adds that he also has to take a twenty-two page position memo and summarize it into two pages and it has to be done today. Josh tells him he has staff for that, and to get Ainsley to do it. First of all, Ainsley is not on Sam's staff. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Second, would a lawyer in the White Counsel's office, even a lowly new Republican hire with suspect loyalties, be summarizing position papers for a speechwriter? I think not. Come on. This was a weak way to draw Ainsley into this subplot. Anyway, Sam complains that if he asks her for help, he's going to have to endure nine different jokes. Toby tells him to get over it. Toby tells Sam he's just to drop the word "reservations" on the Hill; he doesn't have to leave the meeting with a win. As each of them split for their offices, Toby adds, "Let's be able to end this day by telling the President that he's in striking distance and he should seriously consider the session. Let's be able to do that." He asks where C.J. is; Josh says she's looking for a reporter to leak the story to. That should be difficul
t.C.J. comes stomping around a corner as Danny Concannon, of all people, comes hustling up to her, asking if she talked to POTUS. She's mad that his paper has launched another editorial attack on the administration. He objects that he's not on the editorial staff. C.J.: "Wow, isn't that convenient?" Danny asks her what's she going to do about it: "Cancel your subscription? Smack me around?" C.J.: "Any reason I can't do both?" None whatsoever. You go, girl. They arrive at C.J.'s office, where Danny greets Carol and she has an awfully warm smile for someone who's such a thorn in her boss's side. C.J. asks Carol to get the spokesperson for the Senate majority leader's office. Danny, the intrepid reporter, says that they are considering a lame-duck session. C.J. pretends she doesn't know what he's talking about and says they do a great deal of business with the Senate majority leader's office. Danny asks if he can say "White House senior aides" in his story. C.J. says no. He asks for "high-level sources inside the White House." Nay. She allows "Certain sources within the White House office of legislative liaisons who declined to be named." Danny protests that it sounds like he got it from somebody's paperboy. C.J.: "Take it or leave it." Danny says, "Ah, I'll take it." C.J. asks if there's anything else; since there isn't, Danny zooms off with his "scoop." Carol hollers, "Ken Richmond on line three." C.J. asks who he is; Carol explains that he's the spokesperson C.J. asked for. C.J. says, "I didn't need him." Carol apologizes. When I was a secretary, I always hated being used like that. I didn't mind lying for my bosses or pulling stuff like this, but I liked to know about it beforehand. Carol, however, has terminal perkiness and doesn't seem to care.
Josh is going about his day, when Donna swoops down again and starts in about the repetitive stress injuries (RSI), which she describes as covered by the science of ergonomics. Josh protests, "I'm not in charge of the ergonomics." Neither am I, and if I were, it would be preferable to lift with your back instead of your legs, because it's just a whole lot easier to bend over and grab than to squat down and keep your balance, although I'm pretty clumsy so maybe that's my problem, and maybe this recap-the-show every week thing is getting to me, because I'm babbling like Donna or Ainsley and we're only six shows into the season. Anyway, I digress. Josh tells her, "You're going to have to ask somebody else who, you know, cares." Donna wants to know why the White House isn't implementing the new series of standards recently issued by OSHA. Josh says it's because the SPA says the costs to small businesses could exceed eighteen billion dollars the first year, there would be a huge increase in worker's comp premiums, and Republicans find the word "ergonomic" to be silly. Donna says, "If we backed off of everything because of words the Republicans found silly, we'd have a lot of pregnant teenagers and no health care." Josh says they do have lots of pregnant teenagers and no health care. Donna: "So how's your plan working out so far?" They're back at Josh's office when Charlie interrupts. Josh asks him to wait, but Charlie says it can't: Vasily Konanov is there. Josh says he can't see him and to make sure he's not in the bullpen. Charlie says he's not: he's sitting in the driveway in a car and refusing to get out unless he can speak to the President. Charlie says "they" are saying he's drunk. Josh goes off with Charlie, saying, "Okay...okay." Time for some commercials!
It's 12:35 PM. Ainsley knocks on Sam's door, marvelling at his office, which is much more sun-filled and window-enhanced than I remember it being. I vaguely recall Sam having some kind of built-in shelves and cabinets behind his desk, and maybe one window but not two...but maybe I've been asleep at the keyboard. She comments favourably on the sunlight and potential for ventilation. He asks if she wants to work or to decorate his office. He tells her he needs her help; she is, of course, surprised. He says, "Let's not make a big deal out of it." She immediately pulls out her cell phone and pretends to call her father with the news that Sam needs her help. He continues rambling on about how he doesn't need her help, he wants her help and not to make a federal case out of it. I hope she's only pretending to call her father, or if she really did call him, that he said, "That's nice, honey, but I don't give a rat's ass." He says she must have had them rolling in the aisles back in Georgia. She says, "I'm from North Carolina." Shout-out to the forums? I think it might just be. Sam snidely adds, "Wherever it was you studied baton twirling." She says politely, "That'd be Harvard Law School." Geez, what happened to all the Gilbert and Sullivan-scored camaraderie of last week? He tells her to summarize the memo on his position recommendation on an amendment to a Congress bill. She says, "You want me to summarize your recommendation and give it to the President?" Sam: "Yeah, and then I want you to skip to Tijuana in a dirndl skirt." Huh? Perhaps that's another one of his mother's expressions, the woman who taught him "nervous hoolaylya." He tells her to summarize it and give it to him. She says, "Fine...in exchange for...?" Sam says, "No." She hands it back to him and says, "Then my schedule's pretty tight." Okay, he's willing to play. She wants to go with him to his meetings on the Hill. Um, if Sam can't do this summary because of the meetings, and Ainsley goes with him to the meetings, how's she going to get the summary done? Whatever. Sam refuses. She complains, saying she won't say anything or spill anything: "I'm not going to get Republican juice on you." You know, I could, but I'm just not going to go near that one. Insert your own joke. She says she's just going to sit there and learn: "From the master, Sam. I wanna learn from the master." Gak. Sam says, "See, women think that kind of thing works, but it doesn't." She kind of wriggles subtly and says, "It really does, Sam." He walks away, stating, "I let you come to the hill, you'll summarize my memo." Ainsley: "I'll use punctuation and everything. You might even get extra credit." She asks if he's eaten lunch. She brought hers from home, she already ate it, she wants to know if Sam brought his lunch, and wonders if he'll be eating it. Sam says, with justifiable irritation, "You can't have my lunch." He gives her the memo and tells her to meet him in the lobby in an hour. She takes off and Josh appears. Sam tells Josh, who couldn't care less, "I'm helping her out." Josh tells him they've got a problem: Konanov. Sam asks, "Is he here?" Josh: "In a manner of speaking." He knocks on Leo's door, and tells Leo that Konanov's there in the driveway, drunk, and refuses to get out of the car until he can speak to the President. Josh says that Konanov's sitting in the car with a woman that he presumes is either a security attaché or a hooker. Sam looks stricken and says, "Please tell me it's not..." Josh says it's not, but since Josh has met Laurie, wouldn't Josh have told Sam, say, by the way, your call-girl pal is with Konanov "the Barbarian." Anyway, he assures Sam it's not her. Leo asks whether Josh has spoken to him. Leo looks out the window and sees a bunch of security guys milling around a limo. But Josh points out that he's not allowed to speak with him, and that they've got to move him soon because tourists will start asking questions, and "Boris and Natasha" will answer. Leo gives Josh permission to speak to Konanov and tells him to bring him in, dry him out, and explain why he can't talk to POTUS. Leo adds, as Josh leaves, "Try to avoid the Situation Room." Josh calls back, "Good safety tip!" Sam's still there. Leo says, "What?" Sam says he's taking Ainsley to the Hill with him. Leo: "Good." Sam: "She wants me to teach her a couple of things." Leo: "Good." Sam: "She called me 'the master.'" Leo: "Get out." Sam scrams.
Toby's at lunch with a couple of guys who are ordering lunch with a level of fussiness that you can tell makes Toby want to punch them. These would be Fox and Fowler. No idea which is which. Fussbudget #2 states that he doesn't want his squash soup puréed with cream or butter: "In fact, does it even have to be puréed?" "Fellas," Toby says, "it's puréed squash. If it's not puréed, it's just squash." Fussbudget #2 finally finishes his order. Toby orders a New York steak and ginger ale; when the waiter tries to ask how he'd like his meat done, she doesn't even get the words out before Toby says, "Just cook it." That accomplished, they turn to the business at hand. Fox and Fowler ask whether the rumours they're hearing are true. They mention that their boss and everybody's bosses are all off fishing in the Florida Keys, or skiing in Jackson Hole, or whatever. Toby echoes my sentiments: "It'd really tear the President up inside to bring them back, but I want to talk about if he should." Fussbudget #1 says their boss will vote no. They say that it's because of the voters in their state. Toby says that 82% of voters want the Test Ban Treaty. The Brothers Fussbudget insist that's not true in their state. Toby rants about the 82% of voters who want it, in addition to the 150 nations who want it, which include Russia, China, France, Great Britain ("four countries you don't often see on the same side of the ball"). Fussbudget #1 says, "Fine, I'll get North Korea, India, and Pakistan aboard and we'll have a ball game." They ask if he's checked his backyard. Long story short, they inform him that he doesn't have the votes he thinks he has; they've lost someone. It's news to Toby, but they won't tell him who changed his or her mind, they just tell him to make his calls. The waiter comes back to clarify the Fussbudgets' order, and Toby
leaves the table without saying anything.Back at the White House, Charlie and Leo are pedeconferencing. Charlie says he doesn't understand: "A member of the Ukrainian parliament can just kind of show up?" Leo says it happens. He had an appointment to speak with someone, but not the President. Charlie opines that the guy's crazy. Leo starts to argue this but then says, "Nah, he's just...yeah, he's crazy, but he's our kind of crazy, so..." Charlie mentions that "the girl's not bad-looking." Leo tells him to go to work. Charlie asks, "Think she knows how to kill me?" And that would be a turn-on after being shot at by a bunch of neo-Nazis because...? I'm at a loss. That seemed a really tasteless thing to have Charlie say. What. Ever. Leo says, "Yes," as Charlie disappears and Leo winds his way through the halls. He's a sitting duck for Donna and her OSHA agenda. She comes up and starts to chat him up. "That's a very nice suit." He thanks her. She asks if it's new. Leo: "No, what's on your mind?" Donna launches into her pitch; Leo tells her they can't afford it: "It costs eighteen billion dollars, Donna. Type slower!" He leaves her them dumbfounded as C.J. intercepts him. She wants to talk about the State Department's recommendations for new vocabulary. He wants to know if it's the two-minute pitch or the ten-minute pitch. She says it's the two-minute; he says, "Go!" She hesitates and says, "Okay, now you threw me off my game." He says impatiently, "C.J...." She replies, "No, I'm nervous now...I feel like if I run over, you're going to have the orchestra play me off." He starts walking again, saying, "I'm gettin' older over here, C.J.!" She says the State Department wants them to change "rogue nations" to "states of concern." She thinks it's fine and enumerates a bunch of good reasons for them to do so. Leo asks if there's any downside. C.J.: "I'll feel stupid." Leo: "I can live with that." C.J.: "You certainly have so far." Why should C.J. feel stupid? Stupid for what? Did she come up with "rogue nations?" I have no idea. Leo tells her to talk to POTUS at the end of the day, because Danny Concannon wants access for a three-part feature on Bartlet. C.J. laughs and says, "No!" Leo doesn't understand her reluctance. She reminds him that the editorial staff of his paper jumped up and down on his head yesterday (I thought that was coming out tomorrow? ["She did say tomorrow's would be the fourth in two weeks, so it's possible" -- Wing Chun]) and last Thursday and so on and so forth. She says, "That's why everybody's walking around with a stopwatch. He gets no milk and cookies." He tells her to talk to POTUS at the end of the day. She stomps mildly into her office and tosses her file on the coffee table.
Leo continues his perambulations and runs into Toby, who's almost breathless with the news that they may have lost one of the votes they were counting on. Toby says he'll need some help on the inside and asks whether Tony Marino is in Philadelphia. Leo doesn't know. Toby wants to see whether Marino will get on a train and help him find out who they lost and get him or her back. Leo's mad: "It's not hard enough getting new votes, we gotta corral..." Toby says that Leo has to call Marino and set up a meeting for him so he can find out who jumped the fence and get Marino's help getting them back. Leo doesn't want to call Marino: "Toby, the guy lost a bad race bloody." Toby thinks he'll want to come back for this. Leo thinks he's going to want to sit it out. Toby says that Marino spent four years of his life on the Test Ban Treaty. Leo says he spend a lot longer than that, and it burned him in the end; he lost his seat. Leo asks what Toby's pitch will be if he sets up the meeting. Toby says that it will be that the treaty Marino wanted so bad is within reach, and that he can further stick it to every Pennsylvanian who voted him out of office, and "take Mitchell's knees out before he has time to put his pencils in a jar." Leo says Marino might not know who they lost, because he's been out of D.C. for a month and a half. Toby persists, Leo acquiesces.
Toby makes his way to his office, grabbing some messages from Bonnie on his way in. He wants to know why his office blinds are closed, but before she can explain, he opens the door to find a drunk, angry man sitting in his chair and speaking Russian to him, and a woman sitting impassively in another chair. Josh comes racing up behind him, saying, "Yeah, yeah, that deserves an explanation." I guess we can pretty much imagine what Josh will tell Toby during the commercials.
It's 4:35 PM. Josh is leading Mr. Konanov -- who's still complaining loudly (only now it's in English) -- and his attaché back to his own office. Konanov complains that he's a reformer and he's going to lead the Ukraine, and all they send him to speak to are errand boys. Josh points out that he is the Deputy Chief of Staff. Natasha snorts derisively. Josh starts to explain that it's a very important position but drops that, and tries to explain that there's protocol that has to be observed, and that his country has a leader they have to deal with. Josh says that they do wish to deal with him, but they're in touch with Konanov's embassy and the capital and they're seeking permission for him to speak to Secretary Schaefer. Konanov repeats his desire to speak to the President. Josh says, "That's not gonna happen, and you damn well know it!" Natasha asks mildly, "You speak to him in this tone?" Josh says, "He's drunk, in my office, and I'll speak to him in whatever tone pleases me." He screeches for Donna as he leaves his office, and instructs her to put two uniformed agents at his door and tell Leo he's coming over. As he walks away, he says, "Oh, how I miss the Cold War."
Sam and Ainsley are on the Hill. Sam is telling the guys he's meeting with that it's his fifth meeting in a row and his last meeting on the Hill. He wants to know what it's gonna take to get their boss to loosen his grip. If the Senator moves, it could free up eight to ten votes. The other guys want to know why the Senator should move. Sam suggest that he'll go right past that it's the right thing to do; they counter that it's not a holy thing. Flunky #1 says that if you're against the treaty, it doesn't mean you're bloodthirsty. Flunky #2 says that it's not only Senate Republicans who are against it, and the first flunky and the third flunky reel off a list of others. Sam responds, "Thirty-one Nobel laureates, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, one hundred and fifty countries on this planet, and 82% of the people living in this one say the treaty makes the world a safer place." Flunky #2 says, "It's not a safer place if North Korea and Iran are making significant technological improvements while the President's handing out commemorative pens." Sam thinks that the chance they'd take with their ability to verify is outweighed by the chance they're taking by doing nothing. Flunky #2 wearily indicates he's heard all this before. Sam asks if there's no room for movement. He adds that they'd consider attaching reservations. The Flunkies Three all look vaguely interested, but then Flunky #2 crosses his arms and says, "If you can't trust a man's word, what good is it to put it on paper?" Sam asks whether there's room for movement. Flunky #3 finally gets to talk and tells Sam that he wasted a trip. Is there a limit? Sam says he'll waste more. One of the flunkies asks whether they're done. As everyone packs up their stuff, Flunky #2 tells Ainsley that he's surprised to see her there. She pleasantly chirps, "Why?" He explains, "Before you were on Bartlet's payroll, you were a pretty vocal opponent of the treaty." Ainsley replies, "Well, it's President Bartlet. I'm on the government payroll. And I believe that politics should stop at the water's edge." He seems to accept that. She goes on to add that she actually thinks that it should stop well before that, but it turns out that there's no Santa Claus and Elvis isn't cutting records anymore. Um, what? Flunky Number One is with me: "What is she saying?" She elaborates that she doesn't think that they think the treaty's bad, or that they think it's good; she thinks they just want to beat the White House. Flunky #2 admits that. Ainsley tells #2, whose name is Peter, that he's a schmuck. (Sorkin stuck a Yiddish pun in there for the alert. Hey, maybe I should have named him #1. Don't bring the Yiddish if you don't know what you're doing, eh?) She points out that they'll eventually have this treaty ratified and they'll do it without the reservations Sam just offered. Peter doesn't say anything as he puts on his jacket. Ainsley's got one more thing to chirp: "Can I take this muffin?" Peter says, "Yeah," and she grabs it and her stuff and leaves with Sam to have her tapeworm checked out.
Back at Leo's office, he wants to know if Margaret's got that memo yet. She is sitting there typing with two fingers. My father, who never learned touch typing and only got a computer two years ago, types faster than she's going. She tells him that she'll have it any minute now. He looks at the way she's working and asks what the hell she's doing. She says she's typing. She explains that Donna's organized most of the assistants to take Leo's advice ("type slower") on Donna's legitimate concerns quite literally. You can see the pissedness spreading over him like red wine on a white carpet. Leo says, "Margaret. Look at my face right now." She hesitates, then looks. Yikes. She starts typing normally. Josh wanders in and Leo asks, "Can you keep your people in line?" Josh replies, "Well, there's been no evidence of it so far." Hee! Leo gestures him into his office and asks him what's up. Josh says he's got The Man Who Came To Dinner in his office. "I'm begging the Ukrainian Embassy for some help. If I don't get some soon I'm going to apply for a job at the Ukrainian Embassy." Josh is gesticulating a lot more energetically than usual in this episode. Leo says that all the guy wants is to be able to say he met the President while he was here, so they can arrange for him to meet the President "accidentally." Leo explains that when he was Labour Secretary they did it with the Dalai Lama. You arrange an open-door meeting with a lower-level person, the President wanders by: "Hey, how you doing, Dalai Lama?" Josh pauses and says, "Well, that's the most crazy-assed thing I ever heard." Leo says it works. Josh asks if this is how the world is run; Leo confirms it. Josh says he's sticking to domestic policy. Leo replies, "Yeah, 'cause that has the ring of sanity to it." Josh asks whether Toby's meeting with Marino. Leo says that Toby's on a mission. Josh assures him that it's the right mission, although he knows Leo's not comfortable with it. Leo says that continuing to exert influence after being voted out is an ethically grey area for him. Josh: "They're all ethically grey areas, Leo! Screw it! If we're going to have a fighting chance we gotta invite Marino. Marino's gonna want in because..." Leo finishes for him: "Marino's a street kid and lives for revenge." Josh says he was going to say it's because Marino is devoted to the issue. Donna wanders by and Josh yells, "Hey, Norma Rae! Get in here." She comes in looking kind of sulky. Josh says, "The man's trying to run a country here." Donna says, "This is a law that would prevent thirty-two to ninety-five thousand injuries a year." That's an enormous range, if you ask me. Leo says, "Not here, it wouldn't." Josh explains that the White House and Congress are exempt from the workplace-related laws they pass. This is news to Donna (and me), and she remarks, "Well, that makes things considerably easier for yourselves." As she leaves, she reminds Josh that he's got his "4:00" which, given that we were informed some time ago that it was 4:35 PM, means that his 4:00 has been waiting for a long time, or that people are putting times on the title cards without checking with the writers.
Josh follows Donna out into the hall and tells her that he has a job for her. She's still sneering about the exemption. He tells her, "I need Vasily Konanov to meet with someone of absolutely no consequence. You're my girl." Well, when you put it that way, who could refuse? Donna's pretty insulted and wants to know how she's supposed to feel about being used as a dupe: "My value here is that I have no value?" Josh insists that she has enormous value to him, but to Eastern Europe, not so much. Donna decides to see it as an opportunity and wonders whether he'll see things from the point of view of the worker, or the point of view of economics. Josh says, "Well, he's drunk and he doesn't speak a lot of English, so I don't he's going to understand much of anything at all." He instructs her to set up the meeting: "Knock'em dead." She charges off on her mission.
Sam and Ainsley are arriving back at the White House. It was so dark in the room they met in on the Hill that I thought it was night, but now I remember that it's late afternoon, so the sunlight outdoors makes sense. Some, anyway...it must be around 5:00 PM. or later. Is D.C. on Daylight Savings Time? Are they even in Eastern Standard Time? As I've mentioned on a few dozen occasions before, my grasp of geography is weak at best, but I would think that in late fall in Washington at 5 PM or so, it'd be getting pretty dark. Strega would know. I'm beset by these continuity issues. Anyway, Sam's annoyed that Ainsley asked for the muffin, and suggests that the "sharpest of closing remarks" are blunted by asking for a muffin. She insists that the minute they left, those guys called their bosses and said that they were offered reservations. Sam's not appeased, and thought she did fine until she asked for a muffin. She objects that she was hungry. They run into C.J., who asks how it went. Sam thinks that a few of them might vote for the treaty because Marino's going to tell them to. He says that the three he named can't get elected without labour (is that a pun?), and Marino still swings a big bat with the unions. C.J. says that Toby's meeting with Marino right now. She asks Sam whether she should give Danny Concannon access to POTUS for a feature. He says yes, and C.J. forcefully tells him he's wrong. Ainsley pipes up and says she should, because he's cute. Oogh. ["What I want to know is how long Timothy Busfield's been sleeping with Aaron Sorkin, to get him to write lines for Mandy and Ainsley professing Danny's (by the way, non-existent) cuteness." -- Wing Chun] C.J. leaves. Sam asks Ainsley for his two-page summary. She hands it over (when'd she have time to write that? In the hour between when Sam gave it to her and the time he told her to meet him in the lobby? Such a wunderkind, this Ainsley) and waits outside Sam's office while he starts reading it. He wanders into his office reading, and back out very quickly, saying, "You reversed my position." She responds that she shortened it and polished it some, but Sam is not distracted from the fact that she reversed his position. Well, at least she didn't do it behind you back and hand it to the President, Sam. I guess you gotta be grateful for small favours. She tells him that his position was wrong. He asks her to step into his office to talk about it.
In a bar somewhere, Toby waits. Finally, Senator Marino shows up. ["He's played by total Hey! It's That Guy! Mike Starr." -- Wing Chun] Marino already knows about the potential session; he describes it as well-leaked. Toby wryly remarks, "It's nice we found a use for our particular talents." He asks Marino about who they lost and whether it's important. From all the fuss until now, you'd think it was pretty important no matter who it is. Marino says that it was true and that it couldn't be less important. He confesses that he's the one who's changed his vote. Toby's quite confused and Marino says that he hasn't changed his mind, and that he'll do whatever the White House wants in terms of spadework, but that if a session is called now, he can't vote for the treaty. Marino says he's a lame-duck senator, and that the people of Pennsylvania voted him out, and voted Mitchell in. He adds that if Mitchell gets a seat on Foreign Relations, they should all kill themselves. He believes that he was voted out largely because of his support of the treaty. Toby says that's only because "Morgan painted them a picture." Marino says that isn't for him to say, and he chooses not to believe that his constituents feel that way because they were duped. Boy, that's pretty high-minded of ya. Marino says he finds that more and more people expect less and less of each other, and he thinks that should change. He's going to respect the voters and what they want for the ten weeks that he remains a senator. He tells Toby that if they call a session now, he'll abstain from the vote. Toby looks sad, as he does so much of the time.
After the commercials, it's 8:25 PM and Bonnie is leading a tour group around the White House. I guess the assistants have to take turns doing this, or something. Anyway, Toby bursts in and rants to the crowd at large, "Whole damn world's flying apart at the Equator. You know that, Bonnie?" She introduces him to the tourists as her boss. Oblivious, Toby rants on: "Why's the Test Ban Treaty so important? Let me tell ya: in 1974, India set off a peaceful nuclear explosion. Indira Gandhi herself said that they had no intention of building a bomb, they just wanted to know that they could! Twenty years later, India sets off five nuclear explosions. Who gets nervous? Pakistan! When Pakistan gets nervous, everybody gets nervous! You know why? 'Cause we're all gonna die!" All accented with some hysterical laughter and sweeping arm gestures. With that, he wanders out again, leaving the tourists with a good story to tell the folks back home about the crazy guy they saw at the White House. ["Is Toby an alcoholic, maybe? They show him in bars more often than they show anyone else. I hope he's not. That would be so After-School Special." -- Wing Chun]
Sam and Ainsley are still arguing in his office. At some point, Ainsley mentions that they've been arguing for an hour and a half, which means it was at least seven in the evening when they returned earlier. No way would it not have been dark at that time, this late in the year. Maybe Washington has Daylight Spending Time, or something. (I would apologize for nitpicking, but I believe it's actually in my job description here. ["It is." -- Wing Chun]) Anyway, they're arguing about Sam's position paper, which was on employee fraud. She mentions that one third of all small businesses fail due to employee fraud. That sounds extraordinarily high to me, and since many small businesses are sole proprietorships, does that mean people are bilking themselves? Who knows? Anyway, Sam is not really participating in the argument, just restating that Ainsley reversed his position. He adds that he can't believe he's listening to a Republican tell him that the government should run background checks and impede business: "In fact, I can't believe I'm listening to a Republican." Sam then makes what looks to me like a fairly groundless accusation of racism (and I'm no slouch at seeing racism): "Could it possibly be that most of the people you want to fingerprint have darker skin than you do?" Well, Ainsley's pretty pale, so even if the great majority of the world's population were not already non-Caucasians, this would be true. She retorts, "Well, not to let the facts interfere with a good story, but eighty percent of violators are white. Fraudulent employees are three times more likely to be married, they're four times more likely to be men, sixteen times more likely to be managers and executives, and guess what, Professor? They're five times more likely to have postgraduate degrees." Sam stutters and mumbles a bit and tells her to start from the beginning. She wants to know if he's going to eat he doughnut on his desk. He tells her to take it. Tapeworm? Bulimia? Who knows?
C.J. shows up at the Oval Office and tells Charlie that she's supposed to see Jed. POTUS is in a meeting so C.J. decides to wait. Danny shows up and he and Charlie say "hey" to each other. Danny says, "Hey, C.J.," and she doesn't look at him but replies, "Hey, Nimrod." He says wearily that he leaked her damn story for her. She says, "You leaked it for me? I leaked it to you, pal. I used you like...so much whatever." Danny says, "Well put." Danny is apparently supposed to see Jed, too. C.J. informs Charlie that after Danny's paper savaged them four times, he now wants them to give Danny access to POTUS for a three-part feature. Charlie asks, "About what?" C.J.: "About winning a Pulitzer Prize for writing a three-part feature. See, reporters seldom win a Pulitzer -- feature writers do -- and the Post has been getting a little outpaced in the hardware department lately. " Danny asks Charlie, "Do you suspect my motives are anything but journalistic?" Danny, the whole Western world suspects that. Charlie says, "Yeah...I'd definitely like to be a part of this conversation." Dulé Hill is so cool. Danny starts to tell C.J., "Are you telling me this doesn't have anything to do with..." but then POTUS is ready for C.J. and she's called in. He asks her, "What's doing, Claudia Jean?" which is pretty good for a guy who took his whole campaign to learn that her name was C.J. She explains the plight of Danny's request. Jed's into it. She doesn't think it's a good idea and cites the editorials, which Jed casually dismisses as "way off-base," although he admits that the second one wasn't, so much. He felt the other three were silly, and the fourth was mean-spirited. C.J. wants to send them a message. But Jed's all about the love. She thinks they need a wake-up call. He says it's going to look petty and petulant. He asks, "You know why? Because it's petty and petulant." She points out that nobody elected this newspaper, and certainly not the forty-eight million people who put him into office. Jed says that not having to run for office tends to help with honesty and decisiveness. He asks Charlie to send Danny in. She insists that POTUS has to send the Post a message. He firmly says, "I really don't, C.J." He takes off his glasses and asks her, "Is this personal?" She pretends not to know what that's about. Jed says, "I hear things. I don't understand most of it, but I hear it." You and me both, pal. She assures him that it's not personal. Jed says, "He's a great reporter and you're a great press secretary and that's why it wasn't going to work as long as the two of you had those jobs." She quietly tries to respond to this, but Danny's come in. Jed launches in: "Danny, I think you guys have had your heads up your asses for the last few weeks. I hope you don't mind me saying so." Danny says of course he doesn't. Jed continues, "Not only that, but I think you've been trying to bait me, which is a waste of time, paper, and ink. I'm, like, fifty times smarter than any of you will ever hope to be. I've got an election to win in two years, and I'm not about to alienate The Washington Post." Danny sharply says, "Yes, sir." Jed concludes: "I'll tell you what I will do, though: I'm cancelling our subscription." C.J. chimes in, claiming that that's an excellent idea: "The White House buys eleven hundred copies of the Post every day. Cancelling our subscription should send a message loud and clear." Jed clarifies that he meant his and Abby's subscription: "I'll borrow a copy from somebody." He throws on his coat, saying as he leaves that C.J. will give him all the access he wants. C.J. and Danny are left to stare at each other. He starts to walk out, saying that he's gotta tell Circulation that they lost $32.95. Um, that can't be the yearly cost of a subscription and I wouldn't think he'd quote the monthly amount. ["Maybe they get a volume discount since it's one subscription among eleven hundred?" -- Wing Chun] Whatever. C.J. says that she knows about the job offer. Huh? She adds that she's known about it for a couple of days. It turns out he was offered a job as an editor, but he doesn't think he's going to take it. He says he's a White House reporter. C.J. just thought that by taking a job outside the Press Room...Danny interjects that he has no problem with a reporter dating a press secretary. She gently says that she does have a problem with it. He says, kind of coldly, that he'll see her later, and leaves her standing there in the Oval Office, looking lonely. I run right out and order a big flashing neon sign to place over Toby's lovely head. C.J.'s wearing a knee-length skirt with today's suit, whereas she usually wears pants. She doesn't look entirely comfortable in this. She always looks comfortable in pants, and even in formal gowns and longish skirts. But not this. ["I thought so, too. I think it was the flats." -- Wing Chun]
Meanwhile, Donna's meeting with Konanov in what I think is the Mural Room, lecturing him about ulnar deviation and other RSIs. Konanov wonders what the hell she's talking about, when POTUS bursts in, saying, "Vasily? Vasily Konanov? Why, you're the last person I expected to be where they told me to go." He thanks Donna and the agents and dismisses them all. Um, you're going to ask your security guys to leave you alone with this drunk nut? Whatever. Vasily dismisses his attaché. Once they're alone, POTUS asks him what the hell he's doing. Konanov says that he wants to talk about commercial landing rights, the World Trade Organization, and nuclear compatibility. Jed says, "I'm not the Transportation Secretary. You will join the WTO when you reduce the 300% tariff on American cars. And, with a nuclear weapon pointed at my head, I will not talk to you about nuclear compatibility." Jed adds that Konanov is a reformer, who will do good things in Eastern Europe, and he looks forward to the day Konanov is president (really?), but until then, his State Department deals with the government of the Ukraine. Jed shakes his hand and says, "Now you can go home and do what you wanted to do, which is say that you've met with the President of the United States." Konanov "the Barbarian" smiles. POTUS breezes out and as he strolls past Natasha, he says, "How you doin'?" Only he doesn't say it in that lewd, Joey Tribbiani way. That would have been funny, though.
Ainsley and Sam show up in Leo's office. Leo announces that "Dr. Zhivago" is outta there. Sam says that they want to recommend that they back an amendment (endorsed by the Commerce Department) to a bill that would help small businesses with fraud prevention and employee theft. Leo asks whether he's got numbers. Sam hands Leo a file. Sam cites some statistics from an independent study he says he has faith in: "Thirty percent of workers plan to steal from their employers; 30% give in to occasional temptation; 5% will commit fraud regardless of circumstance; 85% will commit fraud given the right circumstances." Sam explains that the "right circumstances" are "need, opportunity, and the ability to rationalize their behaviour." He elaborates that it's called "The Fraud Triangle." He feels that it will help them out when they want to raise the minimum wage, since it's small business owners who are most opposed to hiking it. Leo asks whether Sam wasn't going to go the other way on this; Sam admits he was, but that he got turned around. Leo says, "Okay, good. Thanks." Sam starts to go, Ainsley tries to wedge in a couple of words but Sam hustles her out. She asks, "That was it?" She says she doesn't understand what just happened. Sam says, "Leo said yes. We're in." She insists that she doesn't understand. Sam explains, "Leo said yes. That's the end of the meeting." She protests that she was just talking. Sam says, "Well, we play with live ammo around here. You convince me, I convince Leo, Leo'll convince the President." She seems genuinely distressed. He adds, "It's a short day, Ainsley, and a big country. We've got to move fast." She says that Sam has to tell her when this is going to happen. How naïve are you, girlie? She asks if this is how they decide to go to war. Sam says he doesn't know: "I'm usually not in the room when they do that." She keeps whining. He's losing patience and leaves his office, yelling, "Could somebody get her a cupcake or something?" That must be the one grain-based carbohydrate snack she hasn't scarfed today. ["Scone? Turnover? I feel her." -- Wing Chun] She stands in his doorway, as the camera slowly whirls around three hundred and sixty degrees to show all the people busily working around her, and comes back to rest on her. She almost smiles, and then struts off, feeling her oats, I guess. ["Oats! Hee!" -- Wing Chun]
Back in the Oval Office, Charlie announces Toby's arrival, and Jed thanks him and dismisses him for the night. Jed seems aware that Marino would abstain. He tells Toby that Marino was a great public servant, and a great senator. Toby asks, "Didn't Edmund Burke say that a representative owes not just his industry, but his judgment, and betrays you if he sacrifices his judgment to yours?" Jed says, "Yeah, and then he was voted out of office five years later by the people of Bristol." Toby says that's not the point. Jed says he knows, but the fact is that there are opponents of the treaty on both sides of the aisle: "You gotta respect'em, Toby. They're politicians, and they're flying in the face of overwhelming public opinion." Toby asks mildly, "I have to respect senators for defying 82% of the American people?" Jed replies, "Can I tell you something honestly? This is one of those situations I could give a damn what the people think. The complexities of a global arms treaty, the technological, military, diplomatic nuances...it's staggering, Toby. Eighty-two percent of the people can't possibly be expected to reach an informed opinion. You want to call a session anyway?" Toby says, "No...if we lose, and we will, we'll be cut off..." They both look slightly defeated. Jed adds, "You know what we forget sometimes? In all the talk about democracy, we forget it's not a democracy, it's a republic. People don't make the decisions, they choose the people who make the decisions. Could they do a better job choosing? Yeah. But when you consider the alternatives..." Well, that was an in-depth examination of other political models and possibilities. He says that Abby's in New Hampshire, and invites Toby to come up and have a cigar. Toby looks like a sad little kid who lost a baseball game. Jed says, "The day is over, Toby. We'll live to fight another one. Come on up, I'll beat your ass at chess." Toby asks, "Are you baiting me, Mr. President?" and kind of scuffs the carpet with his foot. He sure is adorable for a guy who smokes cigars. Why do my two favourite characters smoke cigars? Revolting. Jed cheerfully says, "Yes!" Toby reluctantly agrees and they motor off. Some guy comes in and turns off the lights in Jed's office as the Music of Victory Forestalled (tm ragdoll) plays.