By Jacob
Wow. I wish this episode had a safeword. You know, you don't usually come to Weeds looking for a good cry. It happens -- the sex tape, the punishment light, the butter cookies -- but never like you think it will, and never for the right reasons.
Doug heads back to Agrestic/now Regrestic for his passport, but once he gets a load of ex-wife Dana's new husband (think To Sir, With Love), he decides he doesn't even want to go to Copenhagen, he just wants to sit in the treehouse and be in love with her and, you know, suck the same way Doug always sucks.
Back in Dearborn, meanwhile, Schiff has robbed the post office to pay for Copenhagen tickets, and is now on the run not just for Nancy's sake but also his own. And Andy has engineered a genius callback to Shane's first-season weirdness, videotaping Hooman's fake murder complete with bag-over-head, but then Daud requests Hooman's penis, which sends the boys to hottie coroner Ike Barinholtz to get a fake penis, which does not convince Daud, but then Daud's wife sells him the passports anyway, because since when does an Andy plot need a point.
For cash, Nancy spins out a whole yarn for Klosterman all about how she and Judah were kinky swingers (safeword: "Fran Tarkenton"), but eventually he baits her into a massive fight that is both a pretty nasty Gen X/viewer revenge on Nancy Botwin scenario, and a pretty massive breakthrough for Nancy herself. After he backs her into enough corners and confronts her with enough of her contradictions, she throws a tantrum that is so in character it's out of character, and eventually comes back contrite.
While the boys are going through Schiff's secret room of mail he's stolen over the years for passport money, Silas finally gets his paternity results. And, shockingly, Lars is the father after all. Silas climbs in bed with Nancy, kisses her goodbye, and disappears. It is absolutely the saddest scene I can think of that involves anything other than Nancy driving and crying, which is usually how they get you.
Klosterman's figured out Shane killed Pilar, and knows the other people on the Botwins' tail won't be long figuring it out either. Fast forward to the morning, where of course Klosterman's room's been tossed and he's presumably dead and Nancy's finally caught by Esteban. Guillermo's there too! And that's the score as we head into the finale: Nancy's finally completely exposed, Andy is sad for some reason, Shane is weird, Silas is gone, Schiff is crazy, and Doug is as far away as possible. Not so wonderful, this wonderful.
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