By Jacob
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Hooman, Nancy's charming new bartender friend, directs them to a guy for passports, but Andy somehow ends up being tasked with the murder of the guy's daughter's fiancé. Who happens to be Hooman. So suddenly Andy's in the middle of this Sunni-Shia conflict with a scary business guy on the one hand and this dear young bottle service douchebag on the other, trying to play both sides off each other.
Silas gets about one beer in with Lars before admitting his paternity worries; being told that his high school girlfriend might have hidden a now college-age kid from him sends Lars into a tailspin. Andy tries to explain to Silas how it's probably not true and doesn't matter anyway, but you know Silas. He's going to wig until he's done wigging. Or at least until Andy makes the most rational suggestion of all, which is: Ask Nancy.
Mr. Schiff drinks a bunch of the invented drug drink and goes into a whole delightful meltdown, which Shane enjoys just as much as anybody else watching it would. Doug, on learning sadly that he was not included in the passport plan, rushes off to make his own arrangements. I'm guessing at least this and the Andy-murder plot will be the things that Owen Meany themselves into the finale cliffhanger and getting Nancy off whatever hook she's on. And speaking of, what's Nancy doing?
Well, tracking this Ellis Tate who approached her in the graveyard, since Schiff remembers Ellis Tate being a chubby happy girl and not Chuck Klosterman at all. Over at the library, she's attacked by the wonderful, perfect, sorely missed genius Stephnie Weir, and confirms Schiff's story. Arranging that coffee date, Nancy manages to sneak into his motel room and find all his sneaky spy stuff, including the dossiers and whatnot on their whole family, going back to the tunnel (possibly as far back as Peter?).
This Vaughn Coleman, is he FBI? Working for Esteban? Part of the video camera thing? None of the above: He's a writer for the San Diego County Tribune, as Nancy finds out when she has to mace him halfway through sneaking his sneaky stuff, doing a story on Nancy's whole weird life. Which Nancy's all too willing to describe, if he'll help her get out of the country for good.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Nancy's conversation with Hooman Jaka, the ladykiller bartender guy, starts off in a pretty bad place: Apparently tomorrow night, her delivery, will also be "Wax On Wax Off" night, in which quote "ladies who show me the bald stuff get in free." First of all, "ladies" who show strangers their "stuff" are not ladies. Second of all: Gross in every way. That makes me want to put on a skeleton costume and sweep the leg of the universe.
Of course Nancy asks about the guys and their bald stuff, which he calls "just sick" but actually outside of porn, where it's utilitarian, in real life I think it's a brilliant strategy, not just because of forced-perspective reasons like the Hobbits but mostly because it makes it look vulnerable, like a baby bird, and you want to make it feel better. Like in that Kate Bush song where she finds the scared baby fox. (Not that Kate Bush would be welcome, at least not on WOWO night.)
But there's a sort of feminist twist to this encounter and this season that seems pretty half-baked, as per with this show, that comes around in a sec. So but still, I'm not qualified to talk about waxing because I don't understand it. Like, I think Precious's mom is about the worst thing in the world because when she's not talking about how obesity is this moral victory, she's parading around her unshaven legs like they are also a moral victory. I don't care about lady-legs one way or the other, but I do hate grandstanding.
And I remember that I complained about Precious's Mom in like, the larger sense, how everything about her is horrible because that's her choice, and this girl I know was like, "You'd prefer she had hairless legs like a tween?" And what I think was going on there was base-level Jezebelism ("Calling that person fat is racist and that's homophobic!") where you just get to bitch, about anything, on the imaginary internet, to people who agree with you, and feel like a heroine? But I think also it was just getting legs and vaginas confused, and thinking the outrage would do double-duty.
But so now, implicated, I have to worry about shaven vaginas and unshaven vaginas, when before I thought vaginas were pretty great, when I thought about them at all. Either way, if you're showing me your stuff -- whether it's your actual stuff or your historical stuff -- you are unwelcome at best, because it's unsavory. Shave them or don't, just don't make it my personal problem. And this show, sometimes it's like that too. But I think that the show makes a very valid point about the difference between sexism and misogyny that the internet maybe never understood in the first place, and has no real reason ever to do so, because self-serving stances are what the internet is about.