By Jacob
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Boyfriend long forgotten, Latrice won't stop banging on the bathroom door. Nancy gets her in a headlock, while outside the room the social services people are still trying to figure out why Andy peed on a baby. Silas shows up and curses the lady out with his mad ASL skillz, so they split. Well, it was a nice cliffhanger nonetheless.
Nancy heads off to make the eponymous exchange, Stevie for Shane, but instead of Stevie -- a baby -- she brings weaponry -- that crossbow they're always treating like a baby -- and shoots Cesar in the thigh. That part was awesome, as was the part where he tried to kill her with a skee-ball. She calls Cesar's wife, thinking that maybe her Lady Curse isn't in effect today, but of course Cesar's wife tells him to kill Nancy and come home for dinner, because women are the enemy.
Also men. Esteban refuses to talk to Nancy altogether, which it turns out bothers her almost as much as the various abductions of her kids, because he didn't even have the courtesy of asking to be released. He just released himself, and sent thugs.
Ignacio takes Shane and Doug to a Hungry Kuntry Buffet, where the latest in a parade of crazy-looking guest stars is also serving Silas, Andy and Stevie on the other side of the restaurant. Ignacio and Shane have a sort of silly competition to see who can eat the grossest things, because Shane's been looking for Ignacio's Pilar-approval the entire time, while Doug just zones out on how hungry he is.
The best part of all this is when Ignacio asks if Shane ever sees Pilar's face and Shane says, "Only when I jerk off." For some reason that was the most amazing part? Also, Nealon does a pretty good job with Doug's epiphany where he decides not to escape, because it would be abandoning Shane or whatever, considering what a fucking cartoon Doug is. Finally, Andy tries to start shit, but of course that pusses out immediately so then they are all hostages together.
Nancy shows up with Cesar's gun and there's a short standoff with Ignacio which only ends once Shane takes the gun from Nancy, impressing Ignacio with his very clear capability of shooting a man in a crowded restaurant without blinking. So apparently Shane's crazy is a resource now, of which I sort of approve. As Silas suggests, perhaps he will become one of those serial killers that only kills serial killers, serially.
Ignacio takes off in Kimmie's car after a heartfelt goodbye to his son-in-psychosis Shane, and Nancy packs up her boys -- plus fucking Doug -- and leaves town in Cesar's towncar, with a sad final voicemail for Esteban that in no way seems like an actual final voicemail for Esteban but is sad nonetheless.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Deaf CPS lady would like to know, naked Randy Newman, whose baby he is holding. And more interestingly, "Why did you pee on it?" Randy assures her their pee only intersected; that the pee did not actually get on the baby. "Most of the pee" he clarifies, "Did not get on the baby." Randy swears to the many people at the door that, despite Nathalie's stray crossbow bolt, still twing-twinging in the closet door, they're totally capable of a nurturing and infant-friendly environment. This last punctuated by -- zip! -- the jeans he's now put on.
Park Mommy Rebekah's confused when Randy says baby Avi is his son's kid, so he corrects himself: "Stepson, he is." As Randy's mouth continues to run, he realizes that he's getting himself into trouble and calls out for Nathalie. Where is she?
Locked in the bathroom door, Latrice bashing the door in, having a nice little deadpan chat with Cesar on Shane's phone. "Bring his son. I bring your son. Then we trade. A shoe for a shoe." Cesar hangs up and, still distraught, Nathalie grabs Latrice in a headlock -- torn earlobe pressed against Nathalie's angled collarbone -- and pulls her into the bathroom. "You're too loud," she explains lightly.
You never know which Nancy you're going to get: Nancy or Lacey or Nathalie; Price or Botwin or Reyes. It's a part of her pathology, is all that really comes down to, it's how she keeps them coming. They fall in love with Daredevil Girl, you have to stay a daredevil. Sometimes behind the door, it's a lady; sometimes it's a tiger. And if that means she'll never really be known, which in turn means she'll never be loved truly, well, she was never expecting that anyway. There's only one man in the world that loved rollercoasters as much as she did.
Out in the parking lot, completely unaware of any of this, Mike and Kimmi are calling each other awesome and that guy is calling him a faggot and then Kimmi's calling him a faggot and then the guy's giving him a lewd gesture. This line made me feel sorry for Mike: "It's a Guy Thing," he explains, as if Kimmi's the one that dropped out society back in high school and hasn't had more than like one conversation with somebody her own age since. He throws out more Youth Culture shibboleths -- "I'm gonna kick his ass in Ultimate!" -- and promises to pick Kimmi up in her car at six. He feels guilty but at this point his guilt is what he's bringing to the table.