By Jacob
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Nancy pretends to train Andy to take care of the baby while actually using him to keep from dealing with the baby. Later, he takes her out for baroque tiki hut drinks that would impress Dr. Alanis not a whit. After a pump failure in the bathroom, Nancy suffers some kind of psychotic break and calls Andy in for the titular duty.
Or should I say "eponymous"? Either way, it's maybe the most disturbing thing that has ever happened on the TV. And yes, I do include Shane whacking it to photos of his mother when I say that.
Speaking of the little freak, Shane gets a yeast infection from those gross girls he's always hanging out with, leading to a hilarious scene in the free clinic where Andy and Nancy throw some kind of Bad Parenting Bee, in the presence of Mac's Mom.
Silas wears well-tailored clothing, and does little else. Speaking of clothing, Nancy and Andy are now wearing identical clothing, which -- even when they're not sucking on each other's literal nipples, or masturbating in extremely close proximity -- doesn't help that they're now even worse siblings than they are co-parents.
Doug decides that he also wants to sell You're Pretty! cosmetics after Celia shoves her ill-gotten successes in his face, pulling the old reverse-discrimination motif that has been putting teen male sitcom leads in beauty-pageant drag since Mike Seaver was a tiny little Christian nutcase.
Pilar tries to set Esteban up with some society lady, which brush with the concept of "appropriate" leaves him cold. So he's still in love with Nancy, so he asks her to marry him for the eleventh time. This causes Andy to flip out, and he sends Shane to spy on them in the yard, which is why he's out there when a random shows up to gun down Esteban -- or is it Nancy? -- and ends up hitting Shane instead. Which, given how epically twisted things continue to get, is par for the course. Stay tuned for week, when Judah's ghost is seen roaming the Ren Mar Galleria and three witches show up at Starbucks telling Nancy she's the Mayor of Tijuana.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Between the episode title and the opening image -- a woman lactating through her t-shirt -- I had sort of a bad feeling. That bad feeling intensified, and continued to intensify, until I thought I was going to pass out. I got over it. You will too.
Also having a bad feeling is Cesar, who is watching Esteban having a freakout in Nancy's ex-closet and screaming about how Little Stevie Ray is a big old Jew now. He points out the absurdity, considering that Nancy's not even Jewish, but he's no closer to seeing how the web of Nancy's bullshit is pulling tight around him. "Why don't women listen?" he screams, and "What is this?" It's a pashmina, Cesar explains... Leaving out how that reference would be even more apropos like ten years ago.
I don't understand the pop references on this show at all sometimes. It makes Entourage look positively hip sometimes, like with this, and then you got this whole Bernie Madoff thing with Celia that's actually relevant... It's like you took every People magazine published since Kerry/Gore and put them in a blender and you never know what's going to fly at your face. Esteban tries to rip the garment in question -- a sheer, quelle Arquette hoodie/shawl thing -- and runs off. Cesar thinks that probably this is all for the best. He has no way of knowing that this is just Phase II of Nancy's ultimate plan to use her sons' penises to control Esteban Reyes.
Couch-bound Nancy tries to sleep among the scary neon bleeping blooping toys of Andy's last gasp of adolescence, and finally climbs up the stairs with her body pillow and the baby monitor, and tries to climb in bed with Andy. He resists being displaced, and then slightly resists sharing the bed with her. His conditions are that there is no spooning, he needs three pillows at all times (including "a hugger," aww) and that she must be prepared for night farts, now that he's been dieting. Finally she just screams at him, flesh peeling away from her on-fire facial skeleton skull face of rage, that the whole point is less talking and noise and bullshit, not more.
After a bit of talk about how Nancy managed to chase off Esteban with the Jew thing, the baby starts crying, and -- it being Lupita's night off -- Nancy sends him in to deal with it, dangling adulthood in his face enough that he finally gives in. "This is just so you can have the bed!" he whines, and she's like, "Duh."