Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Never Let Me Go
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.08.2009
Nancy Botwin, because it is what she does, immediately admits she needs him to do her a favor. His face falls, because of course she's only making up to him so he'll do something to make it easier in the latest grave she's dug for herself, because that's this entire show, and there's no Conrad now to pick up the slack. Favor in question: take Shane to stay with her oft-mentioned/never-seen sister in the Oakland Hills. "Jill Price-Gray-With-A-Hyphen?" he asks. "Bitchface?" She nods: lesser of two evils. He says he'll check his schedule, which means yes, and she maneuvers around him in the kitchen, back on the same team.
"I love you too, you know," she says, voice just doofy enough to convey that she totally gets the whole thing, is sorry about the baby, is even sorrier about the way things happen, will never love him that way, but depends on him more than any man she's ever shared her home or her kids with, and that's something. "Yeah, but not in the good way," he says, voice just pissy enough to convey his thanks.
Shane comes in yelling, demanding confirmation, and Nancy yells at Andy for blowing up her spot: "You've got a big mouth!" He shrugs. "You've got a big baby." Shane is appalled because she's so old, and Silas straight-up asks when the abortion is happening. She tells them she's having the baby, and Andy fills in the blanks: not only are they getting a new sibling, but the baby's also the key to keeping their mom's Mexican boyfriend from murdering all of them. "At least until she pops, and then we flee to Denmark." Silas is really grossed out by all of this, even invoking Judah. Of course, Nancy's way beyond that now, and turns to Shane to inform him about his trip to visit Aunt Jill.
"FUCK," Shane explains, "THAT."
Silas complains that Andy can't take Shane to Berkeley because he's going to the forest, and Nancy refers to Silas's business venture as a "camping trip," which causes him to go ballistic, and Shane's still wigging, so Nancy's like, "Fuck it, take them both to Jill's." Things get complex and Shane and Silas end up on the floor beating the shit out each other about who's a grownup and in charge of himself and who's a kid. Silas offers the theory that "one pube" does not a grownup make, and it's on. "I'm baking here!" Andy yells as Nancy screams at him to break it up, and "I gotta check the bread!" Shane, in the middle of the fray, informs Silas that he is possessed of "an afro down there," and Silas responds, rationally, that said afro must be "surrounding [Shane's] pussy," which is an amazing conversation to hear two people have, all things considered.
Andy puts down the next hot batch of loaves from the oven and Nancy grabs one immediately in order to smash it onto the floor and call attention to herself, but of course it sizzles her flesh and she drops it onto the floor weakly, running to the sink in total pain. Andy gets awesome: "My beautiful loaf! You ruin everything you touch!" Meanwhile, Silas has kicked Shane pretty much across the room and he finally runs away, just as Doug comes moseying into this chaos with his thumb up his ass, all "Nance! You're back!"
Later she's bandaging her fingers on the couch near the front door; Silas stomps in, drops some pot things in Doug's lap and stomps out the door with all manner of camping and growing equipment. "Be careful, okay? Bringing sunscreen?" She knows how gross and lame it sounds coming out, but she's desperate. Doug follows him with a sympathetic shrug, and Shane comes scowling downstairs, with an identical stormcloud over his head. She says some random crap to him too, and is brutally rebuffed. Frankly at this point I don't know why she's even trying. Once you've won the Worst Parent Ever award, I say stick with what works. At worst you'll end up in eight separate coolers on the black market. Even Andy barely looks at her, following up after poor Shane, and then she's alone, suddenly. It's so silent you can hear the seagulls.
Later, tired of the house, Nancy heads out to do some shopping. She sits in an outdoor plaza, reading the label on her prenatals and sucking down another smoothie. She is anonymous, but not alone. A squawk and then a song, on the PA speakers; a man starts to dance, and then there are two, and then there are eight. I'd been talking a lot about flashmobs with my friend Karen, in the weeks leading up to the premiere. There have been good ones lately. I like the "Single Ladies" one in London best; Karen sent me one from Antwerp with a song from Sound Of Music. I don't mind when it's marketing, but Karen's was the best because, as she pointed out, there wasn't any subtext or irony or social commentary. Just people dancing, to remind everybody that joy is possible, in fact imminently possible; that in fact it's happening right now. That it's possible to start over again.
Even if you set the dodgy artschool intentions aside, I can't say I know anybody who's been at ground zero of something like that. You better believe I would access all available technology if I were: twittering and taking pictures and video and texting everybody I ever met. That shit is like seeing a unicorn. That's the opposite of blood on your purse. My favorite part of any musical flashmob video -- and I can't be alone in this because it happens every time -- is when something amazing happens, about two-thirds of the way through usually, and the whole crowd gasps at once. Everybody randomly there for no particular reason, all of a sudden breathing in at the same moment, because they are seeing the very same amazing thing.
Nancy has forced the desertion of all her men, by hook or by crook, and she's all alone, right. Just a lonely body. And then inevitably, especially if you're Nancy Botwin, God reaches down and plinks you on the head and says, "You idiot, look around." And for one second, she's in the middle of a manmade magical moment, and nobody's making demands or calling her a slutty slut or Lazarus, or threatening to kill her, or offering death as her only option, or treating her like a little box. The young guy next to her explains what's going on and she asks why it's happening. "Because it's cool!" She grins.