Nancy wakes up in bed with Esteban at Bubbie's house. She remembers to take off her wedding ring, which is always nice the morning after, and just kinda stares at him for a bit until one of his guys shows up and reminds him about a meeting in Spanish. They make out for a little while, but he has to go. Nancy remembers for once that she has kids and they'll wake up soon. He kisses her face a thousand times before leaving, and she smiles with her eyes closed, but the second his back is turned, she's wide awake and not smiling at all, because she can feel it coming.
Isabelle has decided that it's time for an intervention, so Celia wakes up handcuffed to her bed with a strange lady in the room. Also attending: Dean and that dumb girl that follows Celia around. Pam. Celia begs Isabelle to uncuff her, promising a cookie. Pam gives her an amazing speech about how she misses the old Celia, the hypocritical drug war crusader who also used to do such a great job distracting salesgirls so she could shoplift at Forever 21. That is genius. Isabelle starts to wonder if "real life" is something to which Celia even needs to return.
Sanjay and Clinique are now working at Maternity World, so I guess Nancy meant it about firing Celia. Well, this will give her more time to get intervened. Clinique explains that she was nearly a JC Penney's manager until she met Silky the pimp. Excellent dialogue from Clinique -- who's never actually been as funny as the show seems to think -- includes "Gotta go with who you know, so you don't get ass-raped, businesswise." She then tells some lady to step away from Sanjay, whose gigantic baby is testing his strength, and the woman runs off in terror. "People like it when you treat 'em like shit. Watch, she's going to come back and buy a blouse." Nancy is amazed and worried about the choices that have led her here.
Sanjay and Ignacio meet and Ignacio crosses himself, believing that Jimmy Jam -- Sanjay's giant hilarious baby -- is the devil. Sanjay admits it's possible. Then Guillermo comes out of the tunnel to Mexico with a drugged-up girl and a really unlikely cover story. The whole human trafficking/Maria Full Of Grace/slavery component of Nancy's total lie of a life hits, in the form of a migraine and the sights and sounds that go along with it. Very neat moment, with the drugged girl stepping out into the sun just as the migraine hits; you feel like you're Nancy for a second. What a horrible feeling.
Silas is babysitting Rad for some reason, and Rad tells him all about how very into each other Lisa and her ex-husband are. Meanwhile, the goth girls are trying to figure out some kind of scary threesome using diagrams from the internet. Simone and Harmony babble about how they're doing a science project with Shane involving volcanoes and wind. Nancy, confronted by the piercings and lies of the goth girls, drops to a seat on the stairs and then makes no sense whatsoever for a bit. Rad informs Nancy that Lisa thinks she dresses like a prostitute. She asks Silas to make sure Shane and his goth girl "lab assistants" don't destroy the house. "You mean do your job?" he asks, and she grins. "Only better." She goes upstairs and the threesome talks about what their moms are up to: one's doing a self-improvement pyramid scheme, one's taking a sound bath in a biospheric dome, and of course Nancy's fucking the drug kingpin/Mayor of TJ. They're all equal ways of dealing.
Doug's pissing against the Minuteman wall when El Andy calls, putting Mermex on the phone. Yay! Yay for the power of El Andy! Doug and Mermex realize that they have nothing to say to each other, and Doug asks her to hand the phone back; he's touched to learn that she kept his flip-flop.
Silas is cell-stalking Lisa later that night, while upstairs the goths are arranging to film their sexual escapades with Strange Botwin. Shane realizes that he's in over his head and asks Silas what to do. Silas is none too interested until he realizes that Shane is totally Shane-ing out about it, then reminds him he doesn't have to go through with it, but if he does, not to bring shame on the family. Rad -- not actually sleeping on the couch -- bets Silas five bucks Shane "pusses out."
Esteban and Nancy make out. The migraine doesn't hit until he starts to growl, like a lion. She swears she's not trying to get out of sex -- which, he assures her, nobody ever does -- and he tries to take care of her. He tells her Excedrin is not the answer because this is coming from stress. "I'll take care of you every step of the way," he says, offering to take her to see some "unconventional" medical personnel. She swears she trusts him. I miss U-Turn.
After God knows how long Dean's been bitching and moaning about what a bitch and failure and complete destroyer of worlds Celia is, she responds with the only possible reaction worth anything, grabbing him by the necktie and slamming his against the bed. Then comes the gospel.
"How dare any of you judge me? You! [Dean] You, with your low testosterone, hump-shouldered victim shit! You are the reason I started drinking in the first place. And you! [Isabelle] You and your sister sucked me dry! Want! Need! Demand! A constant drain! Who could resist a little capsule-shaped escape? And you! [Pam] I don't even know why you're here. You're my bitch, I use you, and you're too stupid to realize it. So ..." Pam protests that she does realize it, she just doesn't care: will Celia still be fun when she's sober? Honey, Celia's fun under all circumstances, including becoming a jailhouse chola. It's going to be fine.
The interventionist hands the reins to Isabelle, who reminds her of everything she did -- the laxatives, Tae Bo and whatever -- and how it connects to Celia's own horrifically abusive mother, and then takes it even further: even the horrible parenting abuses of the first two seasons were preferable to her total junkie zombie bullshit lifestyle now. But the kicker? "If you don't deal with this, I will call your mother." Celia drops the fork she was using as a makeshift shiv; needless to say it lands in Dean, who's been on the floor since she bashed his head in.
1 2 3 4
The unconventional medicine? Ayahuasca. Esteban explains that peyote is a bicycle and this is a rocketship: ten years of psychotherapy in a single night. Great, so Nancy can just do ayahuasca an infinite number of times, because that's how much therapy she needs: ten times infinity. There's a lot of chanting and this particularly hot shaman guy Kucho is all about giving her the tea, but then the tea doesn't want her to have it, but they figure out that the tea just doesn't want Kucho to give it to her, but Esteban can. Whatever, drugs are dumb and make you have conversations about nothing.
Finally it's time to trip. There's Kucho and some girl elsewhere, while Nancy and Esteban wriggle around and weep and sweat on the floor. Her pupils glow white and she barfs in a bucket. I was kind of hoping it would be more ... Oh, there we go. Subjective. Kucho suddenly starts speaking English, while Nancy thinks about the girl:
"You know. No more hiding. It's out."
Lisa comes back to get Rad super late, Silas gets jealous, and Lisa explains to him once again that they have no future whatsoever... which makes it even more important that they have as much sex as possible. Nice. Nicely done, MILF. Upstairs, the threesome is in a sweet and fully-clothed pile; the girls hold hands as they sleep. I can't tell if they did anything, but since it's this show and this particular episode, which is all about using other people to get your own shit done, I'm assuming they did.
Lee Majors says "strange," my favorite creepy word for female genitalia maybe ever, and El Andy brings Mermex around the corner once he leaves. They have a sweet reconciliation and then one of the other coyote clients hugs him too, freaking Doug out because he's all homophobic. They get in the van and talk about the essential American-ness of air conditioning, and then spot Lee Majors standing in front of them with a gun.
Nancy and Esteban wake up in Kucho's awesome apartment. The headache is gone. "No pain ever again, not if I can help it," he says. "Did I make everything better?" Nancy looks at him, still kind of strained and freaked out.
Lee Majors accuses Doug of "corn-holing" his way into the Minutemen's good graces. Wow. Even Lee Majors feels like a Real Doll this week. Doug says he was just rounding them up, and Lee goes, "Rounding them up? With hugs?" He feels that Doug has shit on his face; El Andy and Doug try to explain that Mermex is Doug's version of his steroidal girlfriend from the other day. Lee Majors asks if he can have one of the immigrants out of the van so he'll have something to do. Doug gives him the hugging guy, who runs out across the landscape; Lee giggles and chases after.
1 2 3 4
Nancy drags Andy out of bed and out to the beach. She explains to him that she is a fucking liar, totally compromised in every way, lies about the destruction she spreads with every moment and every decision, and is now having visions of the drugged girl. And all the girls before and after. No more hiding. It's out.
Put down that bong and vote for the Tubey Awards, ya stoner.
1 2 3 4