It's morning in Agrestic, and Nancy is awoken from a dream where her dead husband is kissing her in bed and just generally getting her all hot and bothered. Not ready to entirely surrender the fantasy quite yet, she retrieves her vibrator from the nightstand (this must be the "little one" Lupita was talking about a few episodes back) and starts to go to town. Unfortunately, she twice has to change the batteries in the damned thing, but even when it works it doesn't work, if you get my meaning, and she finally gives up in frustration.
Andy attends his court-appointed Marijuana Anonymous meeting, where comedian Jeffrey Ross is playing a pot addict whose crutch is stand-up comedy. Bad stand-up comedy. Andy snarks on the guy, but the room is unreceptive. A gorgeous brunette stands to recite the serenity prayer, and Andy is smitten with her. She's played by Brooke Langton, of Melrose Place non-fame, and I didn't even have to look that up, so suck on THAT, World Series Of Pop Culture contestants.
Botwins'. Nancy is going over her bakery paperwork with the help of Dean and Doug. Well, Dean's being helpful; Doug is high. He tells Nancy to relax, that it just has to look like a bakery to legitimize her dealing. Nancy tells him to hush up on calling her a "dealer," at least in her own home. "I'm not a dealer," she rationalizes, only half-kidding, "I'm a mother who happens to distribute illegal products through a sham bakery set up by my ethically questionable CPA and his crooked lawyer friend." Nancy, I truly hope the guys who edit the "previously on" footage sent you a fruit basket for that one. Doug says she needs a cool name, maybe "Ice Pick" or "Smokey." Shane bounds into the kitchen whining about needing batteries and saying he's bored. Have I mentioned how incredibly kid-like Shane is? He's annoying, he's weird, he's hyper, he gets incredibly fixated on the strangest things for very short periods of time. It's a great portrayal. Dean and Doug leave Nancy with her paperwork.
After the M.A. meeting, Andy tries to get in Brooke Langton's, a.k.a. Sharon's, good graces, lying that he's having a hard time being off weed and that's why he was late and acting rude. She manages not to see through him at all, though Andy has opted to stare into her eyes and not her chest, which is probably helping his cause. He gets accidentally truthful when he says he's not sure he's strong enough to stay off the pot, but that's just so he can ask her to be his sponsor. She begs off, saying sponsors should be of the same gender, to minimize emotional entanglements. Andy then shows himself to be quite the capable actor, getting all "emotional" while hinting around the "fact" that he was "molested" by his "step-father" and thus cannot trust or confide in other men. Predictably, Sharon's like, "Oh, you poor thing," and gives him her number. And just so we at home are able to rest easy, Andy casts a side-long glance almost directly into the camera. That was...unsubtle.
Conrad meets Nancy at the bakery site -- it's the old Indian place, as Conrad recognizes the smell of vindaloo. He's delivering Nancy's weekly buy, because she's still wary of Heylia's house on Drive-By Avenue. Conrad tells her to get over it quick, because he's no delivery boy. He asks her if she's got a place to store it and she's like, "Yeah. At home." Conrad thinks she's nuts for keeping weed at home when she's got two boys who could find it. Especially when she's got this shiny new store to keep it in. He then makes reference to the fact that Heylia can't get a small business loan for a store front like this -- only white dealers can. Nancy again objects to being called a "dealer," but Conrad notes that a "sexy spade is still a spade."
Botwins'. Lupita is having lunch with one of her housekeeper friends while Shane plays with the girl in this woman's charge. Lupita is complaining about the menopause again, but Housekeeper Friend wants to talk about how her cousin Alejandro tells her that Nancy is messing with his business. His weed-selling business. Lupita doesn't believe that her Mrs. is a drug delaer, but Housekeeper Friend is like, "Then how does she pay for all this?" "She's a skinny white lady in America," says Lupita. Of all the great things Bill Clinton did for this country, setting up a Skinny White Lady trust fund was indeed one of the greatest. Meanwhile, Shane puts a paper bag over his head, holds a plastic sword to his little girl playmate, and prepares to make a terrorist video. Have I mentioned lately: weird little fucker.
Elsewhere, Megan pays Silas a visit, and he saves us all a lot of time by admitting that he's an asshole. Megan smirks, pulls a pipe and a lighter from her back pocket, and types "Ur an asshole" on his computer. Megan sure does like to smirk, I'll give her that. It's what she does with her mouth when she not sucking on pipes or dicks.
Back at the soon-to-be bakery, Conrad is giving Nancy the lowdown on how to keep her weed on the down-low: a cedar-lined locker with a secret lock, for one thing, and turkey bags to store the weed she'll be unloading quickly. He's amazed she doesn't know these things already. Nancy's like, "I live in Agrestic. Do you know how to turn on the automatic sprinklers?" Aren't they...automatic? Isn't that the whole appeal?
Andy walks in on Silas and Megan smoking up (without knocking, Jesus Christ, Botwins -- I feel like Bill Jacks all of a sudden: "Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ!) and proceeds to give them an uncharacteristically harsh lecture on the stupidity of being 16-year-old burnouts. He peppers his talk with lots of 12-step language, but by the time he's finished, he tokes himself and then hands it back to the kids, telling them the pipe's pretty well kicked.
Shane's still making his terrorist video while Lupita's housekeeper friend keeps gossiping about Nancy. She asks why Nancy sees "Mr. Doug" so often, and why Mr. Doug always goes and smokes weed after. Um, why are you stalking Mr. Doug, Miss Housekeeper? Lupita offers that maybe Nancy is fucking Mr. Doug. Housekeeper Friend laughs that "nobody fucks Mr. Doug," and she and Lupita crack up at what a loser Doug is. Lupita again says that Alejandro is full of shit, but her face registers quite a bit of newfound doubt. Later, Lupita is rummaging through boxes of old crap, and Shane asks her if she's stealing from them. She holds up a cheap plastic Menorah and says yes, she's stealing that.
Back at the bakery, Conrad's giving Nancy further concealment advice when Celia happens by, not wanting to be cooped up for the three days waiting for surgery. She grabs her breasts with both hands and wistfully says, "The puppies are comin' off, Nance. And I think it's time to take them out for one last walk." Oh, and has Celia met Conrad, Nancy's "carpenter"? Celia looks him up and down like he's a slab of top round and shows him her new tattoo on her left breast. Is says, "Here today, gone tomorrow." Heh. Nancy's like, "Stop showing your boobs to everyone." Celia wants one last night on the town, though, and invites Conrad along. Nancy reminds her she has a husband. "Who's white and Jewish," scoffs Celia. "If we were going out for kreplach, maybe." Damn, Celia put so much Yiddish on that "kreplach," I'm surprised she didn't pull a muscle.
Back home, Silas doesn't want to have to communicate via texting anymore; he wants Megan to talk to him. She's super self-conscious about it, though, and when he begs her to trust him, she shuts him up by making out with him. You won't be surprised to learn that it works.
That night, Andy plays video games while Nancy gets all dolled up and ready to go out. She and Andy bicker about which of them is the more delusional fuckup, Mr. "Chris Saves" or Ms. Suburban Dealer 2005. She doesn't want to get sucked into an argument, and Andy mockingly says she should tap into her higher power, then. "If I could tap into my higher power, my fingers wouldn't be numb," she says. I think she's talking about her bajingo. Shane comes bounding in, wanting Nancy to look at his terrorist video, but she's gotta go. Shane dejectedly mopes off.
And it looks like Conrad's taken the White Lady Brigade to a decidedly urban dance club. It's like The Matrix: Reloaded up in here, but with better clothes. Celia slides up to Conrad and asks if it's true that when a white lady goes carpenter, she doesn't go back. Conrad says, "When I nail something, it stays nailed." Celia leans over to Nancy and announces she's got cancer and jungle fever, "and tonight, one of 'em's gonna get cured." Nancy's left to wingman at the bar while Celia and Conrad dance, and she spots some dude in a pimp uniform being escorted to the VIP area. They make eye contact. Nancy's intrigued.
Back home, Lupita frantically searches the kitchen for weed. Andy must not notice her from his perch on the couch because he's busy calling up Sharon and making a lame "my girlfriend broke up with me, and I'm tempted to smoke" ploy so she'll see him.
VIP area. Nancy's talking to the pimp dude, whose name is Tusk. He's clearly a dealer, and a pretty big deal, at least at this club. He asks if Nancy's selling or buying, and she introduces herself as the "suburban baroness of bud." Nancy is seriously holding her own with this guy, and she looks like a million bucks besides. They end up bonding over their kids -- his family is in Atlanta, where they won't get killed. He asks about her husband, and she says how Judah's dead and nowadays she runs around all day and has no one to talk to. Tusk tells her she's getting by.
Lupita's search for bud continues, unsuccessfully, in the bedroom. Shane's still a ball of energy, and he asks her if she wants to build a pillow fort. Figuring if she hasn't found it by now, it's not there to be found, Lupita goes off to find more pillows. And it's there, inside one of the pillows from the closet, that Lupita finds a big bag o' weed.
Andy's convinced Sharon to come over (or to let him come to her place, it's tough to tell), and he spins a bullshit yarn about his ex (Valerie or Veronica, he can't keep the name straight) and how they had dynamite sex while high. Sharon falls for it (moron) and says she gets it: she can only climax if she's high.
Outside the club, Nancy spots Celia and Conrad doing it in the back of an SUV. This triggers a Sexy Time montage, where we cut from Celia and Conrad in the car to Andy taking Sharon from behind to Silas and Megan having sex by candlelight.
Much later, Andy's laughing his ass off at Shane's terrorist video and tries to show it to Nancy, and she finally, finally takes three seconds to pay attention to the weird-ass shit her kid's been up to. Nancy tallies up the mountain lion thing and the gangsta rap thing and now this and wonders what the hell she's supposed to do with Shane. Andy reassures her that this is just what little boys do, especially when they want attention. Though I'm not sure Nancy should be comforted by the fact that Andy did similarly fucked-up things in his youth. Because...Andy. Look how he turned out. Anyway, as Nancy's heading for the stairs, Lupita passes by, hands her the incriminating pillow, and cheerfully requests a raise. Heh.
Nancy finds Shane buried in pillows up in her bedroom. She tells him she saw his video, and he peeks his head out. "And?" he asks, clearly thinking he's about to get punished. "And the infidels are ready to meet your demands," Nancy smiles. And then Shane smiles. And then I smile. And tell you all to shut up.
Post-coital, Silas and Megan stare at each other for a while, and then Silas signs "I love you to her." "You fucking better," Megan says -- says! -- to him.
Finally, Nancy sits to her bed and watched a video she and Judah had made of them having sex. It is, I am not ashamed to admit, quite hot. Nancy watches, and she smiles, and she cries, and she misses him. And then she turns it off. It's the last we'll see of Judah Botwin on this show.