Previously, upstart private community Majestic, with their fancy light-up churches and proselytizing day schools, was horning in on Agrestic's action. Doug and Celia managed to work the situation to their favor, though Doug's golf membership paled in the face of Celia's house. Silas turned out to be a decent street-level dealer, but Nancy turned out to be even worse at keeping herself out of trouble than normal, and she ended up with a garage full of heroin as a result.
Andy's in nothing but his tighty-whiteys as he cooks up some huevos rancheros for breakfast. Nancy's grossed out but has more important things on her mind, and she pulls Andy into the laundry room to show him the trunk full of heroin U-Turn left for her. Andy thinks Nancy's turned stone cold, in a good way, and he sees nothing but dollar signs in that trunk. Nancy sees dollar signs too, you can tell, but her mouth maintains that heroin is bad and dangerous. Nancy gets a call from Sullivan, who wants to throw a party for the Agrestic City Council and "whoever the fuck else" is important on Nancy's side of the development. He needs her to stretch the $5,000 budget to look like $10,000, and he needs it ready for tomorrow night. Andy, meanwhile, is licking the bricks of heroin, and between that and the tighty-whiteys, I can't recall a time when he looked like more of a degenerate, and that's certainly saying something. Nancy gets a pretty decent idea, considering every other idea she's ever had. She wants Andy to cater the event and they'll hold it at the house. If Andy can make $1,000 look like $5,000, that's four grand in her pocket. Dishonest? Sure, but it's Sullivan Groff. You're shirking your duty to humanity if you don't fuck him over when you get the chance. Andy does his semi-annual "maybe I don't want to work for you for free" dance until Nancy grabs a handful of waistband and reminds him that he's essentially squatting in her house and he capitulates like a little girl, as usual. She tells him to wash his hands before cooking breakfast, since the last thing she needs is her boys eating heroin eggs. "Right, because then they'd want them every day," says Andy. Okay, I know Andy's all Captain Narcotics about everything, but heroin? It doesn't fit the image.
Elsewhere, I'm assuming in Majestic, Sullivan is giving Celia a tour of her brand new House of Kickbacks. He says it'll have to remain in the company's name in order to keep the bribery hush-hush, but Celia figures it'll keep Dean's "stubby little sausage fingers" away from it too. All of a sudden, something gets shot through one of the living room windows, and we see Doug driving golf balls into the house from his spot on the Majestic golf course. The balls are inscribed with either "whore" or "cunt," which must remind Celia of the good times with Doug. No, Celia's chagrined, actually, while Sullivan is grudgingly impressed by Doug's accuracy.
In a dimly-lit gym in a bad part of town (probably), Nancy's in a boxing ring, sparring with U-Turn. How the fuck...Nancy, seriously, what is the sequence of events that leads you into these situations? "Boxing gloves...uh, sure, U-Turn. Why don't you lace 'em up while I stammer ineffectually about you getting that smack out of my house?" Siiiigh. U-Turn, you will not be shocked to find out, has no intention of removing the heroin. He does, however, seem awfully serious when he tells Nancy that he's grooming her to be his lieutenant (he calls her "Grasshopper"), whether she wants to be or not. Marvin looks particularly alarmed at this revelation. U-Turn tells Nancy he's going to give her an address where she needs to meet him at 7:30 for a surprise. Hey, how can that end badly, Nance? You should totally go! The scene ends without U-Turn actually punching Nancy in the face, despite the fact that it'd be the least violent U-Turn's been towards Nancy in five weeks.
OLSEN TWIN ALERT! Mary-Kate finally shows up, after all the promotional hoo-hah, reading Bingo numbers at an old folks' home. Silas is there, too -- selling weed to some foul-mouthed old coot. While Mary-Kate makes with the standard drag-queen-worthy Bingo jokes ("your tumor is B9!"), Silas catches her giving him A Look.
Botwins'. Andy asks a mopey Shane to try some of the hors d'oeuvres he's cooked up for the party. "Is this dinner?" Shane pouts, like he's suddenly Winona Ryder in Mermaids (don't make out with Jake Ryan in the bell tower, Shane! Christina Ricci could drown!). He takes a bite and says, "This sucks." Andy: "How can it suck? It's wrapped in bacon." Shane says it's his situation that sucks. He hasn't been able to talk to Nancy in forever -- she's off doing drug dealerly things -- and he needs to convince her that sitting home all summer would be more beneficial than sitting in a classroom full of nutso Christian freaks who are "two clicks away from jihad." Perhaps a little something called knowing your enemy, Shane-o? Anyway, I think the point is that Shane is once again feeling neglected and cast aside due to his mom's hectic schedule being U-Turn's lily-white lapdog. Shane sulks off, leaving Andy alone to watch Discovery Channel footage of lions mating. After a quick, shifty-eyed look around the empty room, he unzips his pants. Jesus, Andy. I know it's probably been a while but...Jesus.
Conrad and Heylia's Once-An-Episode Grow House. Someone's ringing the bell, and while Heylia and Conrad argue over whose responsibility it was to get a security camera out front, Vaneeta answers the door and brings Nancy back. Oh, thank God. This storyline needed some juicing, but good. I'm not even that mad when U-Turn bursts through the door behind her and I realize this was his 7:30 surprise. He tells Conrad that he wants his crop, but Conrad says it's not ready yet. U-Turn tries to intimidate, and when it doesn't seem like it's working (which...it's Heylia, Conrad, and Vaneeta -- good fucking luck), he pulls Nancy aside and says as his second, she needs to start knocking some plants over and throwing her weight around. Such as it is. Nancy, of course, sucks ass as an intimidator, party because she so doesn't feel like intimidating Conrad and Heylia, and partly because she's apparently forgotten how she used to be an actual badass once in a while. U-Turn's dissatisfied with her wrecking skills, but after Heylia gets up in his face, calling him "Lewis," and telling him he'll get their crops and then they're done, he smashes a light fixture down and says he's the one who says who's done. And seriously, once again, I appreciate the humanizing and comedic touches with U-Turn, but since he always has to return to this hardcore thug baseline, it gets more than a little repetitive. I'm not sure what kind of payoff is going to be required after we spend a dozen or so episodes watching U-Turn terrorize all the characters we've come to love on this show. Maybe Nancy can hand him over to Dexter? Anyway, U-Turn drags Nancy away, and after she mouths an apology to her erstwhile friends, he tells her, "Thug means never having to say you're sorry!" He learned that from Ali Motherfucking McGraw, bitch!
Sullivan takes Celia on a tour of the Shit Highway construction site, because that's obviously going to get her all hard for him. He's laying the innuendo on her pretty thick and ends up telling her to get over her issues with Dean already. Celia says they should start with a date. This trip down Celia's own personal Shit Highway is interrupted by Doug, who's wearing a "Save the Dirt Shrew" t-shirt and has a wildlife cop in tow. They're halting construction pending further investigation of the Dirt Shrew's habitat. Doug clarifies that they're talking about the shrew on his t-shirt rather than the one in high heels and a hard hat who's been sucking Sullivan's dick.
OH MY GOD Nancy is holding down U-Turn's legs as he does his crunches. If she starts actually wiping his ass for him, I'm out. Marvin grouses that he does a better leg-holding job, and U-Turn instructs Nancy to tell Marvin to shut the fuck up. Nancy scrunches up her face and yells, "Shut the fuck up, Marvin!" Okay, that was funny. So you know how the rest of this goes: Nancy forgets that U-Turn is a scary drug dealer, she asks him if she can split so she can run some errands for her party tonight, U-Turn grabs her by her throat and threatens her, reminding her yet fucking again that he's a big scary drug dealer who could kill her. We have literally seen this scene six dozen times this season. I checked.
Back at the old folks' home, Silas continues to schmooze the elderly when Mary-Kate approaches and introduces herself as "Tara." Silas makes note of the cross around her neck, and she says she's tight with the Lord, even when she's smoking, hint, hint. She smiles and tells Silas she won't rat him out, at least not if he smokes up with her tomorrow. They'll get high and she'll tell him about her friend Jesus. Lord knows what Tara will behave like when she does smoke up considering she's speaking like she's utterly stoned right now, but I have to say Mary-Kate is growing on me a little.
The Majestic party (where apparently ice sculptures come on the cheap). Sullivan compliments Andy on the food and then tells him he's got a movie shooting in one of his empty houses that needs a caterer. He then finds Nancy and compliments her on the party but also asks how much of the five grand she "stuffed in [her] bra." Nancy admits to taking half. "Can I feel it?" Sullivan grosses. Nancy says no, in which case Sullivan says time rent a hall. He points out some party guests he needs Nancy to help him schmooze, but Celia interrupts to take Nancy by the arm into the laundry room so they can at long last have a talk.
Inside the laundry room, Nancy's too distracted by the sight of the heroin trunk to have much of a conversation with Celia. She ends up telling her everything is fine, since Celia got her a job with Sullivan and all, and I'm not sure how much of this is truth and how much is expediency. Nancy certainly doesn't have that blazing anger towards Celia in her eyes anymore. But poor Celia takes this as a sign that they can be friends again, and you know how seriously Celia takes her friendship with Nancy. She starts to ask if Sullivan ever talks about her, and Nancy lies that he does. Then Sullivan busts into the laundry room, followed by Andy, and Nancy ends up clearing everyone out.
Shane's eating mini-sausages in the kitchen and tells Nancy he needs to talk to her, but she brushes him off, again. The amount of drugs this kid will eventually consume in his lifetime is just staggering to consider.
Sullivan finds Celia at the party and smooths on her, going so far as to sensually buckle her shoe. Hey, I'm just telling you what happened. Celia continues to play hard to get, but Sullivan says he's not backing down. Celia has no problem with that.
Tara finds Silas on a playground jungle gym, and she's still behaving like she's already wasted. She also reveals that she's a totally devout Christian who doesn't drink (except wine), doesn't smoke (except weed), and doesn't have sex (but can fool around just fine). She and Silas share a joint, she notices his boner through his pants, and then she climbs on top of him and they start making out. It nice that Silas has finally found a girl whose complex moral structure and self-deluding compartmentalizing rivals his own mother's.
Back to training with Nancy and U-Turn. They're running up a hill, Nancy looking chipper but U-Turn looking fairly winded. Marvin's trailing not too far behind, swinging his arms and keeping his heart rate up. Nancy prods U-Turn to keep going, but when they start to run again, U-Turn collapses. Marvin says it's his high blood pressure and tells Nancy to run and find someone with a banana: "He needs potassium!" Once she's gone, however, Marvin's face gets steely and he looks into Marvin's immobilized but conscious face. He either tells U-Turn that he's been "tagged" or "tanked" or something similar, but the upshot is that Marvin got the drop on him but good. He starts suffocating him with his meaty forearm and says this is for saying Marvin was too stupid to be second in command, for making fun of him when he went to see Dreamgirls (HA!), and for never letting him count the money. Okay, maybe this doesn't quite make up for all those repetitive scenes of terrorizing bitches, but it's not half bad GO MARVIN! U-Turn's body goes limp just as Nancy's making her way back, banana-less. Once Marvin spots her, he cradles U-Turn's lifeless body and starts wailing that he's dead.
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